Title: Father and Son

Author: Recto-Bella

Disclaimer: wow, I was reading fanfiction the other day (every day…) and saw all varieties of disclaimers. Well, in general, they like me try to express, 'I don't own, therefore you don't sue'.

It was nobody's fault that every ridiculous turn of events seemed to heap upon Harry Potter. Spontaneous things just happen, and for most part it does not stand for reason. Of course, the involvement of magic only worsened the degree of ridiculousness and rationality.

Currently, Harry Potter slouched on a kitchen chair on Number Four Privet Drive, waiting for his uncle's tantrum to subside. But tides of emotions and memories inside Harry's own head could never be calmed. According to Vernon, Harry had been 'talking' to his aunt and uncle and cousin in the staircase when he suddenly chose to disappear.

"Such freakish behaviour is not tolerated under this roof!" shouted Uncle Vernon.

What is more, Vernon continued, Harry had chosen to reappear a few minutes later in the garden lawns, in front of all the neighbours, no less. Vernon had dragged Harry inside the house, and began shouting at him ever since. Harry never bothered to explain just where the 'few minutes' lapse between his disappearance and reappearance had gone off to, and Uncle Vernon never conceived it of any importance.

Yet in the present time of just a few minutes, Harry had spent two years in the past. And it had changed two people's lives.

Oh, Harry certainly knew just what had caused his power to flung out of control and sent him into the past. It was that 'talk' with his relatives that awakened his angry powers.

The scotching sun and stuffy air of the summer's afternoon passed a stream of laziness and stupor around the Muggle world. The ordinary people sat at their shady backyard, desperately trying to avoid the strong rays of UV light; or else lay flat on the sofa, searching listlessly for an interesting TV channel.

Deep in the sea of Muggles, Harry Potter was doing neither to dissipate the heat. Instead, he was ever so indulged in keeping up a heated "conversation" with his Muggle family.

Harry sat himself squarely at the second floor landing of Number Four Privet Drive with his Muggle family squeezed in front of him. The conversation began, unwisely as usual, with his uncle, like this:

"You do not sit at the stairs blocking everyone's entry, boy!" roared Uncle Vernon.

"Yes, boy, you have no right whatsoever of wondering around under this roof," piped up Aunt Petunia, standing just behind Vernon.

Harry clutched his fist and grinded his teeth noisily.

"Don't you make that awful sound that me, boy!" bellowed Uncle Vernon again. "Go weed the garden! Everyone in this house should make himself useful. Dudley here was just cleaning out the foods in the refrigerator, aren't you, Ickle Diddykins!"

Sure enough, as Harry turned to look at Dudley, he was indeed chewing busily (and as Uncle Vernon rightly said, cleaning out the refrigerator). He grinned at Harry bravely as he swallowed the food, and said in a sing-song voice, "I love Harry-Hunting… I love Harry-Hunting…"

Harry snorted.

"Why are you snorting at my Diddykins?" shrieked Aunt Petunia shrilly.

"Yes, and what's wrong with Harry-Hunting?" asked Uncle Vernon. "At least it will make you more… more hard-working than your father who was lazy and sloppy."

"Uh-huh," agreed Dudley.

The three looked at him, expecting the bomb to explode. Sure enough, Harry stood up very suddenly, face red with anger.

"You know nothing about my father! Nothing at all!" said Harry whose whole body was shaking and radiating off angry energy. (And he had yet to know how right he was.)

Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and Dudley backed off in alarm, but it did not refrain Uncle Vernon from saying, "Oh yeah? Then let me tell you-"

Nobody, especially Harry, had ever found out what he was going to say. With a loud crack, Harry disappeared from Number Four Privet Drive.

It was funny how magic tended to jump in at most convenient circumstances. When Harry was angry, there lit a fire inside his very core that activated this supernatural power. Harry supposed that this time, the magic had just overexerted itself. His relatives had taunted him about his father. Well, they did that before, but Harry supposed this was just one time too many. The magic did not change Harry's present condition, but instead take him forty years back in time.

And there, he met a girl, called Eileen Prince. Hmm… ring a bell?

Harry stood up from the kitchen chair. Ignoring his relatives' angry protests, he Disapparated again, to Hogsmeade. He needed to tell the Headmaster about his past adventures. Something had to be done.

The long walk from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts gave Harry time to relish his past time memories.

"If you had a son, what would you name him?" asked Eileen.

Harry did not question the questionable nature of the question. He thought, hard.

"Severus," he said in a hoarse voice that resulted from two years of disuse. He knew he had heard the name in his past life, but couldn't recall where.

"Ok, then," whispered Eileen. "Your son will be known to the world as Severus Snape."

Harry forced himself to swallow back the shock. To be here, and knowing that your most hated Professor is your son, was not the way to get back at Snape at all.

The Hogwarts castle was cool in contrast to the burning Muggle world. Harry made his way deftly towards the Headmaster's office. At the gargoyle, he stopped and prepared to shout out all the sweets names he knew. But the gargoyle was opened miraculously from inside. Out stepped two men. At the front, was Hogwarts' Potions Master, Severus Snape, and behind him, the Headmaster himself. They seemed to be arguing about something.

"I refuse to tell the boy anything, Headmaster," said Snape.

"Harry should know the truth, Severus," replied Dumbledore gravely.

"To hell with truth then," snarled Snape. "Potter is not my-"

He suddenly stopped, upon seeing Harry standing just in front of him.

"What the hell are you doing here, Potter?" spat Snape.

Harry stared into the face of his… son. What enchantment had Eileen used to make Severus look like Tobias Snape?

"Harry!" said Dumbledore. "This is a very early surprise! I won't ask how you got here."

"Er…" began Harry. In Dumbledore's eyes, there was no accusation, only kindness.

"I daresay you have chosen the right moment to come, however" continued Dumbledore. "As Professor Snape and I were just discussing matters related to you."

Oh no. Harry's inside froze. So Dumbledore knew, and so had Snape. Well, that explained the more-than-just-murderous look on Snape's face.

"It is of no great importance to Potter!" snarled Snape. "Headmaster, I must insist-"

"On the other hand, Harry, it relates to you greatly," interrupted Dumbledore firmly. "Now, I must ask you two to follow me to my office again. Things must be sorted out."

Snape looked he was ready to swallow Harry alive.

"Harry, life is not always predictable," began Dumbledore gently as they all settled down in the Headmaster's office. "What I am about to tell you will come as a bit of a shock."

Snape made a sudden movement beside Harry and had every intention of interrupting.

"It's ok, Professor Dumbledore," said Harry wearily. "I already know."

Silence met this assertion.

"Er…" began Harry. Did they expect him to be ignorant of his own son?

"You knew?" exclaimed Snape incredulously.

"Yes, I've known ever since I came back from there," said Harry quietly.

"Well then, don't expect anything," said Snape. "The knowledge changes nothing between you and me, do I made myself clear?"

"Of course," said Harry with a slight smile. "I never expected anything either. For all I know, it was a mistake."

"Harry, what do you mean by coming back from there? Where exactly?" asked Dumbledore.

"The past," said Harry. "That was what I am here for, Professor, but obviously you've all known it. I didn't. I didn't have my memories with me then. Like I said, it was a mistake. "

"I made the mistake that makes you a mistake," said Harry and Snape together, to each other.

"What are you talking about?" asked Harry and Snape together again. Snape glared at Harry, who for his part looked both confused and sympathetic.

"Wait," said Dumbledore. "Wait. I have a funny feeling that even though we are discussing this surprising relationship, you two are not talking about the same thing. Harry had said something about past, did you not?"

Harry nodded.

"I think, Severus, that things are more complicated than they had ever been," continued Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "So, who'd like to tell their story first? Severus, how about you? At least your story is of a linear timeline."

"Fine," snapped Snape. "When Lily Evans married James Potter, she was already pregnant. Later evidence suggested that the child was the union of Lily Evans and Severus Snape."

Someone in the room fell from his seat. Both Dumbledore and Snape ignored that someone.

"A succinct summary, Severus.," nodded Dumbledore, and with a mischievous grin, he turned to Harry. "Your turn, Harry."

"I… I… but…" stuttered Harry. "There aren't anyone else in the room. You can't be son can you, Professor Dumbledore. I mean, you are too old to call Snape Daddy aren't you?"

Dumbledore chuckled.

"Oh no, to the world, Lily and Severus' son is known as Harry Potter. And I believe Lily had used enchantments to make Harry an exact copy of James Potter," stated Dumbledore. "A father and son reunion. You should start by calling him Father, Harry."

Both Harry and Snape made angry protests.

"Don't you dare call me father, Potter!" hissed Snape even more angrily.

"Professor! It's impossible! It just can't be!" said Harry angrily.

"Sometimes, Harry, you need to look beneath the surface of things for the truth," said Dumbledore wisely.

"But Professor! Listen to my story first!" said Harry desperately. "I went back in time, and met a girl called Eileen Prince."

Someone fell out of the chair again. It was neither Dumbledore nor Harry.

"Well, I stayed in the past, and I… sort of followed her for two years," said Harry hesitantly. "We… uh… slept together and all that."

"You've slept with my mother? YOU?" shouted Snape, jumping to his feet and looking ready for the kill.

"And uh… After two years, something in the future called to me, so I had to come back," continued Harry, ducking under the Headmaster's table to prevent a violent death. "And just before I went, Eileen told me to name my son. We agreed on the name Severus, and to the world, he'd be known as Severus Snape, Eileen said. She was engaged to another man called Tobias Snape."

"So in another word," concluded Dumbledore helpfully (when nobody wanted a conclusion until the end of the world). "In this case, Harry is Severus' father. It doesn't escape the range of a father and son reunion, though the order is, ah, reversed. Severus, would you call Harry Father?"

"This is ridiculous," said Snape through gritted teeth.

"Please do dare to call me father, Severus," said Harry suddenly feeling cheerfully. He decided in a split seconds time that it was better to be called father than to call father. After all, the father would always exert some authority over the son.

"Don't-" Snape's face was red with anger; a vein in his temples threatened to break. "-call me Severus."

"Why, I never knew, son. After all, it was I who gave you that name."

"I am your father, Potter," hissed Snape. "After all, if you hadn't been born, you wouldn't have been able to go back to the past."

"And you wouldn't have been produced at all," said Harry in the same cheerfulness. He was going to be a Daddy, not just anyone else's but Snape's. "Which means that you wouldn't have met my mother-"

"-And therefore you would not even exist," said Snape. "And if you don't exist, you wouldn't have been able to go back to the past."

"And you wouldn't have been-"

"That's enough," said Dumblefore finally. "If you choose to be childish and play this game of circle, you can continue all night and more without anyone being the wiser. It is Time's trick. Time gives, and time takes. Time heals all, and yet sometimes, it plays tricks on those very few it chooses to be worthy."

"I'd rather not be worthy, thanks," said Harry and Snape together.

"You are truly your fathers' sons, Harry, Severus," chuckled Dumbledore. "Now, now, stop looking so gloomy." he said upon seeing Harry and Snape's murderous glares. "It is a stated fact that if either of you had not done what you did, neither of you would have existed. You live on mutual dependence. Let us make a decision now. Who is the father and who is the son?"

"I am the father!" shouted Harry and Snape together. "And he is the son!"

"Not much progress, is there?" Dumbledore shook his head and sighed.

A/N: My apologies for this coarsely written story. The idea had nagged at me for quite some time now. I've read quite a few stories in which Snape is Harry's father and Harry looks after Snape. I just choose to combine them together to form (to my mind) a hilariously ridiculous puzzle.

It's true that I've spent more time with this than any other story of this length. Somehow it just doesn't come out right. Some things just don't do smoothly as it should be. This story is intended to be a Humour, however, after writing it, I must admit that Humour just isn't my area of expertise.

A companion story will be written which features Harry's time in the past... If anyone's interested, I will post it...

Any constructive criticism would be very welcome indeed. In any case, I do hope to re-edit this story some time in the future. (Definitely... especially the ending...)