The young academy sensei stood at the door way – every fiber of his being clenched - positively radiating ire.
'Uh oh,' smirked Genma from his position behind Kakashi, reading Icha Icha over the silver haired jounin's shoulder. He glanced at Iruka's twitching eyebrow and decided that the best course of action would be to step away - to step far away from one Hatake Kakashi.
'Kakashi-sensei could I have a word with you?'
Polite. A polite Iruka-sensei was never a good sign. Kakashi straightened from his slumped position on the couch.
'Now? But Genma and I are-'
Genma wasn't the only jounin in the room that jumped. Asuma's cigarette burnt a hole in his pants but in spite of that, the chain-smoking sensei barely uttered a sound in protest.
'Oh fine,' muttered the copy-nin as he reluctantly dragged his feet out the jounin lounge.
The protective chakra level dropped immediately once Iruka was no longer visible.
Outside the jounin lounge…..
'I happened to run into Yamato-sensei in the mission room this morning.'
'Oh did you? How's he doing? Not to tired after his mission I hope?
'He's doing just fine. Even managed to fill in the Recommendations section of his mission report.'
'Oh did he? Wonderful. That's just gree-aat''
'Can you guess what I heard from him?'
'Really? Not even a little?'
'Really. So you don't recall threatening Yamato-sensei, saying that you would staple his eyeballs to his nose?'
'Well….I didn't use those exact words per say…I simply pointed out the fact that I have never been proficient in the use of a stapler and...slippage…happens. It wouldn't be my fault if his eyeballs just happened to be in the way.'
'And you never told him that you would stab him in the groin with a pencil?'
'I definitely did not say that. I merely alluded to the fact that the risk of becoming a one-balled wonder would increase significantly if he continued to insinuate himself with you even after I made it clear that-'
'And did you tell him that – I quote- "Umino's pert little ass is mine to use and mine alone" – unquote?'
'I – Well, isn't it?'
'I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you dead!'
'It's not my fault! It's all his fault!'
'What the hell?'
'With his…."Oh here's my mission report Iruka-sensei-"'
'What? I'm in charge of collecting mission reports! What the hell did you want him to say?'
'And did he have to type it out so neatly?'
'As opposed to your illegible, smudged scrawl?'
'I could kill him in 69 different ways using a typewriter.'
'And…and what about the way he aligns his sheets of paper in that disgustingly neat manner-'
'You mean before he staples them together?'
'Yes! Staples them! What the hell? That's the oldest trick in the book! If he isn't blatantly trying to seduce you with that act then my name isn't-'
'For the love of god!'
'And how about how he rushes to submit them immediately after he completes his mission!'
'That's fucking REGULATION!'
'After I've killed you dead I'll resurrect you and kill you dead again. Just for the hell of it.'
'Are you leaving me?'
'You heard. Are you leaving me?'
'For that neat, on time, mission report submitting, soon to be a one-balled wonder suck up!'
'Are you kidding me!'
'He staples his reports! I know how you like stapled paper! You can't deny it!'
'I must have been a really mean person in my previous life-'
'And…and….how he erases his mistakes with correction tape-'
'What do you want me to say? How I find it adorable, if filthy, how you lick your finger and try to rub away your mistakes with saliva?'
'You don't think that's endearing?'
'First he takes away my team and now he's taking you away too!'
'What's next? My naked poker night parties with Genma? My Icha Icha Paradise?'
'No one's taking anything away from you.'
'But…but he writes in straight lines.'
'Well, sometimes crooked writing is more interesting. Makes me read underneath the underneath and all that. Trains me to be a better ninja.'
'And…and….how he makes extra copies of all his paperwork.'
'He's a tree killer he is.'
'So you don't like him better than me?'
'Of course not. He's eyes match. That's boring.'
'And you're not leaving me for him?'
'No Kakashi, I'm not.'
Smooch smooch snuggle snuggle
'I forgot to tell you….Pakkun ate my latest mission report.'