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Island Survival Guide. PAY ATTENTION!
Both Athrun Zala and Shinn Asuka have spent time on a deserted island with a crazy blonde chick. Both ended out, if not severly, embarssingly, injured. They, though they do not get on, have decided to pull together to write this guide so you do not have to suffer the way they did. They would like to thank you for choosing to read this, and hope all you young soldiers will not suffer through one of these nights.
A note from the writers: To all who have chosen to read this, we thank you. But, as glad as we are that you have read the footnotes, we beg of you to read the whole thing. It has taken us many painstakingly long nights to conjure this guide, and we believe it will come to be invaluably important. We, therefore, make it a direct order (we can do that, we're in FAITH!) that you read this book. Thank you.
(If you are tall, dark haired and have 'sad' eyes, this may be more important.)
1) Firstly, and perhapes most importantly, you will get injured. Remember to pack a full first aid kit.
2) The crazy blonde chick will make an attempt to drown herself and/or you. Remember to avoid the beach and ocean/lake. If you don't it leads to problems way above just getting wet. (See below)
3) Once the crazy blonde chick has attempted to drown herself and/or you, she will realise that she is soaked. This, as you can gather, leads to a very awkward situation that will lead to severe blushing on both your parts. The situation is lessen somewhat if you have a blanket. Pack one with your first aid kit.
4) Now that you are both dry and reasonably comfortable, you will talk. If the talking is nervous and shy, then you should be fine. Just as long as you don't look at each other, because nervous talk means you've no blanket. But, if you are both able to look each other in the eye, prepare a deep philosophical arguement on why you are fighting the war. She will shoot down your beliefs like you've never seen them shot down, so always have a retort.
5) DO NOT FALL ASLEEP!
6) Well, now it's time for some bandaging. You may be injured again, or she could be injured. So, as you can guess, this can go one of two ways. One: You will be injured. When this happens, she will insist on treating you, just in case you'll hunt her down later and demand repayment for whatever you've saved her from. When you get back to your ship, you will try to hide exactly what happened. Two: She will be injured, and you will treat her because you've aquired affection for her somehow. She will thank you and when she returns to her ship she will shout and scream to hang onto the bandage/hanky. Then she will forget about it anyway. Avoid either circumstance!
7) Bring food. Simple, but effective rule. Always have some food. And Coffee.
8) When you are rescued, if indeed you've survived, be prepared for the crazy blonde chick to show you some affection. Having spent some time together, she has realised that you are not as screwed up as you started out to be. And you will realise the same holds true for you. You will part on good terms.
9) You will meet this girl again, and it will be on the wrong end of a gun. This will end up with both of you crying.
10) You will fall in love with her. But, the relationship will be thrown out the window. Either she dies or unforeseen circumstances will tear you apart. It's better to avoid the whole damn thing.
Notes: We thank you for reading. Please take everything we have said. And remember: DO NOT CRASH!