How to Feel Real
By: Vampire Toy
Rating: M for lemonade
Summary: Kairi finds herself in Twighlight Town while looking for Sora and struggles to find her way out only to find that the place she was in… did not really exist. She won't ever believe this though, not after what happened.
Warnings: Shoujo-a, Yuri, hence, girl X girl love since there isn't enough of it. Especially not of OletteKairi. Damn I love this pairing.
"Am I really not real?"
The red head looked up at the brunette; her eyes glazed and her face empty of emotion.
The brunette gave a small frown at the other girl for not listening; "Am I really not real?"
The red head perked at hearing the sentence a second time and lowered her eyes to the town below.
"I don't know."
With that both girls fell back into silence and instead, watched the imaginary town below them as people…. 'fake' people… roamed around. The red head noted that sitting on the tower didn't help dispel the 'fake' theory very much, if anything, it supported it. Sitting up so high made everything seem unreal and mystical. Of course, she had not ever been up so high, so she assumed it might be her own inexperience that made her think this way.
"Kairi." The brunette broke the silence again.
"Hmm?" she turned slowly, almost not wanting to look at the orange-clad girl next to her. It was painful.
"How…how is it I can see you and…and understand that you're here…..and know that…." The girl lifted a hand shakily to her companion's face and cupped Kairi's cheek gently. She smiled gently when Kairi closed her eyes and leaned into her touch.
"Olette, you most definitely feel real to me." She murmured, bringing up her own hand to cover Olette's to make sure that she was feeling her touch. Kairi still found it hard to believe she was here….in the non-existing town. It didn't feel fake. It didn't feel non-existent. It felt alive, full of vibrant people and flourishing nature. How could it not be real? She was in it wasn't she?
"Kairi!" Olette's voice rang into Kairi's ears suddenly and her blue eyes opened to stare at her friend, who, by the looks of it, seemed to have been calling her name for a good bit of time.
"Sorry." She smiled sheepishly, "Just thinking."
Olette just smiled, "I know, you always become so distant when your deep in thought." She reached behind her and pulled out two blue popsicles, "But you're not too deep in thought for a popsicle right?" she grinned and thrust one hand out to Kairi so she'd take the icy confectionery. Kairi giggled lightly and took it gladly. She looked it over for a moment, watching the sun melt the frozen structure. She watched the melted ice cream run down the stick, slowly and drop by drop onto her hand from where it promptly fell to the ground far below.
"It's melting." Olette pointed out quietly. Kairi looked over but saw that the brunette wasn't eating her popsicle either, but staring down at it almost sadly.
"Yes…I can feel it." Kairi said slowly. Olette smiled sweetly as she continued to watch her own ice-cream drip. Kairi's heart broke; she hated to see her so sad, as far as she was concerned, Olette was real. The only thing that put any doubt in her mind, and the mind of Olette, was Naminé. She hated what Naminé had told her, she hated that the blonde had to say it in front of Olette and have her purposely hear. It wasn't Naminé's fault, she knew that the blonde herself wasn't completely real. She'd told Kairi on more than one occasion, giving her longing looks as if asking her to make her whole.
But Kairi couldn't do that for Naminé, and she most definitely couldn't do it for Olette. She didn't know how. She wished for once she wasn't so useless; it always happened that a crisis was too much for her so she would stay on the sidelines and encourage her friends. Now not even encouragement would bring condolence to these people she'd come to care for so much. Heyner, Pence, and especially Olette, had all become so special to her in the past few months she'd been in Twighlight Town. Now it all seemed like a waste; these people her heart ached for were not really there…..or were they?
Kairi knew enough to know that her feelings would never lie to her. Not when they were so strong, especially now, here with Olette, wanting so badly to make her happy…to make her real. This sadness she saw in her green eyes was not fake in the least. It was true sadness…..real sadness.
"Don't think about it." Kairi said forcing a smile. Olette looked up slightly, a small pout on her lips and restrained tears enameling her eyes.
She was tragically adorable. Like a doll. A doll with feelings.
Something unreal and fake….but something that can feel just as if it were real. An oxymoron if there ever was one.
"I'm not." Her voice was small and unsure. She had been holding back these tears, Kairi was sure, since she'd heard Naminé a few days ago. It quite possibly could have just now registered to Olette as truth.
Kairi still didn't believe it, though, and she didn't want Olette to believe it. If she began to believe it, Kairi would too. She knew she would because she had been believing Olette the entire time; everything she said Kairi believed. Even when Olette was teasing her or joking with Kairi, she would still believe her, making her come off as somewhat naïve when she most certainly was not. She just liked believing her.
Something is real to you, when you believe in it.
"Kairi, if I'm not real, how long will I be here? How long will this town and my friends be here? Before we…..disappear?"
Kairi scowled at Olette's words; "You are real, just because you see someone come through a black void doesn't mean they have the power of God! Naminé is just a messenger of sorts." Kairi waved her hand as if it was an obvious statement, but her voice was filled with determination.
"I…I dunno, just…if she's right…..I wanted to…"
"She's not right!" Kairi grabbed Olette's hands suddenly, causing the brown-haired girl to accidentally drop her popsicle on an unsuspecting pedestrian below.
"You're real Olette! You're as real as I am! And if you're not, then I'm not! I can feel your hands in mine! Can't you feel my hands?"
"Y-yes." It was all she could say before Kairi spoke again.
"Reality is feeling; emotions and touch! That's what this is Olette! This is touch! And what I feel for you…for all of you, Heyner and Pence and especially you, Olette, it's emotion! Emotion you can only have for something that's real!"
Kairi wanted Olette to believe her, she wanted to believe herself, because if all of this wasn't real…then she was feeling strongly for nothing….for no one…..and confusion like that was not something she needed right now.
"I have very strong emotions for you too Kairi." She mumbled softly.
"See? See! No 'fake person' has feelings! No illusion or computer-generated human has genuine feelings! You're real! You and I, we're real." Kairi's voice slowly lost its vigor when Olette didn't reply, simply looking down at their intertwined hands.
"We should…go…the others are probably worried." Olette said finally.
Kairi was tempted to point out that only real people would be worried, hence her friends were real too, but she knew this had all been too much already.
Who would ever want to find out they are not real? That they don't really exist? It seemed almost the pinnacle of teen angst; not being noticed, not being acknowledged…but not to exist all together….when you've believed for so long that you did exist….Kairi couldn't imagine.
The others didn't know and Kairi never wanted them to. Olette had also thought it best not to tell Heyner and Pence about this predicament. It had already ruined Olette; it would only tear the entire group apart should the other two know. Olette put on such a magnificent act when they returned to the two waiting boys. Kairi was amazed that someone so fragile could put on such a face for her friends.
Though, Kairi knew she'd do the same for her friends back home…for Riku, for Sora, for Selphie, for everyone. She wouldn't know what to do with her life….or lack there of….but she would never want them to have to wonder about it like she would.
The meeting was rather short and soon Kairi was walking back with Olette to her house. Olette had been the first to offer Kairi a place to stay when she told them she was lost. For the last few months she'd been cozily living with Olette and her family.
Now she felt she had overstayed her welcome.
If she hadn't been here, Naminé wouldn't have had a chance to tell Olette she wasn't real.
She wished Olette would stop frowning.
She had her own room in Olette's house, but that night she wished she could share it with Olette. Kairi knew Olette would probably cry tonight. Cry until she ran out of tears or just fell asleep. Kairi wanted to go into her room and comfort her but she stayed put; perhaps it would be better to let Olette cry out her emotions for a little while. Crying was always good for you, not if you did it too much, but good nonetheless.
Kairi laid in silence, straining to hear Olette through the thick walls.
She heard nothing.
Absolute silence and darkness.
The red head sighed and stared at the ceiling woefully; now she didn't know if she herself would be able to get to sleep without crying. She hated the silence and here it was so unnatural, in the city of all places.
She didn't notice when light footsteps padded outside her door, pausing for a minute or two before slowly opening the door. Kairi perked at the creak of her door's squeaky hinge and turned to find a solemn looking Olette, staring shyly into her room through the darkness. Kairi paused, lying still and watching to see what the brunette planned to do next. She stood there for what seemed forever but finally decided to come in, shutting the door softly behind her. Olette had only a flimsy nightgown of sorts draped over her body, frilling up just a tad above her thighs, enough to see her white panties.
"Olette…." Kairi sat up at the sight of tears running suddenly down the face of her companion. The moon shined through the window, eerily illuminating Olette's features and glistening off her tears.
She looked so hallucinatory.
"Kai-" Her voice was raw, proving to Kairi she had indeed been crying. Olette coughed softly and tried again; "Kairi."
"Olette! Olette, why are you-" Kairi was thrown back by the sudden force of Olette's embrace as the brown haired girl erupted into a fit of sobs.
"Oh, Olette, please, don't cry, Olette…" Kairi tried her best to console her beloved friend but the girl continued to wail ruefully.
"Kairi! Kairi! I want to feel! I want to feel like you do! I want to be real!" Olette choked through her weeping.
"You ARE real! Olette don't ever say your not! You ARE real! You ARE!" Kairi held the girl tightly to her own body, feeling her soft frame against her own. Olette's body quivered and shook with her tears but Kairi held on until she finally calmed to a soft sniffling.
"Olette, Olette, Olette," Kairi murmured into her brown hair, stroking her head gently, "You're real, you're real, Olette, you're so beautiful, you have to be real, you have to be…"
Olette by now had her cheek resting on Kairi's shoulder as the red head lay back onto the pillows. The green-eyed girl lifted her head slightly to look over her friend with love and adoration; she had never had many people to comfort her. She had always been the one to comfort her friends, to comfort the always angst-filled Roxas, the constantly deviant Heyner, and the ever sensitive Pence, but she never gained their comfort. She always believed she had to be strong so they could have somewhere to run to, not the other way around. What would she ever need to run from anyway, right? She knew if she cried, they would try comfort her, they would do what she had done for them for years, but she never could bring herself to cry in front of them.
With Kairi it was different, real or not, she could cry in front of her and not feel weak or ashamed. If anything, Kairi's presence empowered her and enthralled her, kicking her into a strange high so she could never be down.
Maybe it was because she loved Kairi….
Or maybe it was because Kairi was real.
Olette wanted to be real.
"Kairi….I want to feel real."
"How can I make you feel real?" the other girl asked lovingly.
Olette looked up into Kairi's eyes for a moment, contemplating her answer and pondering how Kairi might react to it.
"Would you do anything to make me feel real?" Olette asked softly.
Olette was surprised by her quick and confident response, but she then smiled happily at her friend.
"I want you to make me feel real, more than anyone else, I want you." she whispered.
Kairi blinked curiously at Olette's words and tilted her head with a soft smile; "Yeah? Tell me how to and I will."
Olette took this as permission and slowly crawled up Kairi's body until her head loomed above the red heads'. She leaned down lightly, planting a soft kiss on her lips and pulling away quickly, with suddenly wide eyes, as if afraid of the reaction she would produce.
Kairi stared, her own blue eyes broadened with surprise and she became flustered and stuttered inaudibly, pushing herself into a sitting position with the fearful Olette still on her lap.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Olette's eyes began to water again and she stumbled back, turning to fling herself off the bed and bolt for the door but Kairi swiftly grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back. Olette was spun by shaky arms and sat facing the red-haired girl she'd come to care so deeply for.
"I-I think I….I mean, I don't understand I…..you want me to…" Kairi blubbered on and on, her face turning redder the more she talked, until finally Olette just put a finger to her lips and smiled at her timidly; "Please, I made a mistake….I must have scared you, I didn't mean to, really." She replied in an airy voice.
Kairi paused, then surprised Olette by giving her a smile; "I know you might not believe me," she whispered, leaning forward until her forehead touched Olette's, "but sometimes, I feel unreal too."
Kairi's confession and closeness stunned Olette, who was only able to sit silently and stare into the redhead's sad eyes.
"I'll make you feel real if you make me feel real." she said finally to the brunette. Olette felt a sob catch in her throat again; a happy sob.
"I think that's only fair." Olette smiled, sniffling slightly to keep her tears at bay.
Without another word, Kairi leaned forward, instigating another tender kiss from Olette's soft lips. Olette eagerly gave in and pushed into the kiss with such force that Kairi fell back, surprised, onto her pillow.
Olette pulled back with a sheepish blush, "Sorry."
"Don't worry about it." Kairi giggled, pulling Olette back down into a kiss, wrapping her arms lovingly around her neck. Olette's tongue probed at Kairi's lips until she opened her mouth to accept it. Olette greedily enjoyed exploring Kairi's mouth with her own and rubbed her hands down the sides of the red head's body, resting them on her hips. The brunette began shortening her kisses and moving them all over Kairi's face, then trailing down to her delicate neck. She pecked gently at first but soon started sucking and nibbling on the soft flesh as Kairi gave a moan of contentment.
"AH!" Kairi's voice cracked in surprise as Olette bit down hard on the skin just above her collarbone. Olette's lips murmured something of an apology against Kairi's skin but continued to nip at the wound, sucking the blood as it drizzled lightly from the bite. Kairi's arms wrapped protectively around Olette's shoulders, one hand holding her head gently in place as she finished her nursing kisses on the small wound she'd created.
Just as soon, Olette moved on, tugging at Kairi's white T-shirt with slight annoyance when it wouldn't budge. Kairi sat up slightly, grabbing hold of Olette's waist to steady herself as Olette all but tore off her shirt, tugging her hands away form her waist to completely throw off the shirt. Kairi blushed a deep red when Olette paused to look over her far-from-matured breasts. The blue eyed girl desperately wanted to throw her arms over her exposed bosom the longer that Olette stared, but the brunette wouldn't give her a chance. Olette promptly grabbed Kairi by the waist and pulled her closer, giving her lips a quick kiss before bending to peck at Kairi's breasts. The red head shivered at Olette's tender kisses and stifled a moan as the other girl ran her tongue around her nipple.
Olette continued to tease her lover by tracing aimless patterns around each of her breasts, avoiding Kairi's now erect nipples to make her groan and murmur carnally. The brunette pushed Kairi down onto the bed once again and straddled her hips, pushing their lower halves together tightly as she continued to prod at the red head's breasts, finally taking a hard nipple into her mouth and running her tongue along it sensually. Kairi whimpered and began to pant as Olette sucked hard, moving one of her hands to her other breast and messaging it softly. Kairi cried out when Olette gave her other nipple a playful squeeze; she was already very wet and by Olette's closeness, she could tell the brunette was too. Olette turned her attention to Kairi's other breast, providing the same provocative teasing with her tongue until Kairi began crying out for Olette to continue. As Olette continued her sucking, Kairi's hands wandered down her body, pulling up her almost translucent nightgown. Kairi felt for Olette's breasts and gave theme a squeeze, causing Olette to groan and abandon Kairi's breasts, allowing the anxious red head to yank off her gown. Olette fought back by hooking the sides of Kairi's underwear under her fingers and pulling it down roughly. Kairi let out a squeak as Olette ran her fingers hard against her opening. She brought her sticky fingers up to her lips and gave Kairi a flustered smile, placing her fingers in her mouth and licking off the fluids. Kairi blushed heavily, her entire body feeling as though it were on fire; could this be anything but real?
Olette's fingers wandered back down but Kairi grabbed her hand and instead pulled down her underwear as well.
"Let's stay on even ground." Kairi murmured into Olette's ear, running her hands up the inside of Olette's legs, receiving a shiver from her counterpart. Olette's lips found Kairi's again and she gave her a fiercely passionate kiss. Kairi was surprised by the emotion behind it, but smiled through the kiss, plunging one finger into Olette, making her scream out in surprise and ecstasy. Kairi kissed the side of Olette's head on her temple and stuck in another finger before slowly pumping them in and out of the groaning girl. Kairi was soon back on the pillows, her third finger entering Olette and her pumping becoming more rapid as Olette cried out and grabbed Kairi's breasts, squeezing them as she arched her back in arousal. Kairi breathed heavily as she stuck the rest of her fingers into Olette, wriggling them as she felt the sticky fluid dripping along her hand. Olette gave a small gasp and her face turned almost as red as Kairi's hair and she came in a rush of fluid.
Olette pushed Kairi further down then, resuming her control and forcing Kairi to remove her hand. Olette kissed Kairi's lips and cheeks and chin almost frantically and quickly kissed her way down the blue-eyed girl's body. Her lips reached between Kairi's thighs and the red head squirmed eagerly. Olette replied by running her tongue lightly over the sticky opening, receiving a high pitched murmur from Kairi. Olette's tongue finally found its destination and toyed with Kairi's womanhood before completely entering her tongue inside her partner's opening. Kairi panted and groaned, murmuring random things and lovingly crying out Olette's name every time the brunette hit her pleasure point. Kairi's climax neared and she arched her back as she came into Olette's eagerly open mouth.
The red head panted heavily as she recovered from the high and smiled at Olette when she rose from between her legs to crawl next to her and lie down. Kairi curled next to the beautiful green-eyed girl and her breathing slowly became normal as her sweat cooled on her drying skin.
"Thank you." Olette murmured with a tired smile.
"Thank you." Kairi whispered, kissing the girl's forehead, "Thank you for existing."
Olette chuckled at Kairi's words and cuddled lovingly, closing her eyes without a word.
Soon they were both sleeping peacefully, forgetting about reality for just one night.
Just one night because the next morning the subject returned.
Just one night because Olette was the one who wasn't real and she would never forget it.
Breakfast was eaten in silence. It was Saturday morning and things were calm, regular….just like the day before and the day before that.
Nothing really changed.
At least it seemed that way to Kairi.
Olette rushed off before Kairi had finished her own breakfast but the red head wouldn't be lost and followed defiantly after the girl who obviously wanted to be alone.
She saw Olette go up the tower and followed, hoping that the others were waiting for them up there. Perhaps seeing her friends would cheer the gloomy girl that had woken so silently that morning.
When Kairi finally reached the top, Olette was standing at the very edge of the ledge, staring out at the city as the wind played with her hair.
"I'm sorry." Kairi said softly. Olette didn't turn to look at her but simply smiled.
"No, thank you." Olette turned to her finally and her eyes sparkled with a new emotion that Kairi couldn't place; "Thank you for existing."
And with that she fell.
Further and further down.
So far that Kairi couldn't hear herself screaming.
So far that Kairi couldn't feel herself falling.
Further and further.
Until there was nothing.
Nothing but reality.
"OLETTE!" Kairi awoke with a startle, her eyes wide, her breathing in gasps. She looked around frantically, continually yelling out the all too familiar name. Her voice soon cracked and her yelling died into slowed panting. She was woozy and confused.
Olette….Olette, where is she? Where is she….
Kairi suddenly jumped up, wide eyed, and ran into the hall; she had been in her own room, now she was in her own hall, and as she ran outside she saw she had been in her own house.
It was still all too real to be a dream.
It was all too horrible to be real.
If it was real then how did she get back home?
She stumbled down her front porch's steps and looked around from the bottom stair; the beach. She ran back inside and stumbled all over her house yelling the green-eyed girl's name over and over and over again.
There was no pretty brunette to answer her call.
No orange-clad girl running her way.
"No way…no way…" Kairi mumbled as she put a hand to her forehead.That couldn't have been a dream, it was too real, it was too real…
After three hours of wandering around and calling out names, Kairi grudgingly looked at the option that it might all have been a crazy and sick dream. A depressing, crazy, and sick dream. Some weird metaphor for something that her subconscious created to further stress her out.
She sighed and shook her head as she sat on her living room couch.
I'm going insane.
She decided a shower would wake her and plodded to the bathroom with a frown. She looked at herself in the mirror with a wearied sigh and turned on the faucet, splashing her face a few times before looking up again.
This time something caught her eye; a red blotch on her neck. She squinted and leaned forward.
It was a hickey.
A love bite from Olette.
Kairi stared at her flabbergasted reflection for what seemed forever, before she finally blinked in realization.
"Kairi." A light voice cooed. Kairi was slightly surprised and spun around before staring into the mirror again. It was Naminé, her true reflection…of sorts.
"Olette is fine. Her risky jump made you fall….it was enough to break the barrier between these realities to bring you back."
Kairi blinked, clearly not understanding her blonde counterpart. Naminé smiled lovingly; "I mean …because she isn't real and you are, suicide, or death of any sort self-provoked, is impossible. Olette is not real so she cannot die and she woke up in her room much like you did, only for her it was more of a 'reboot', like restarting a game. You on the other hand, being real, couldn't die in an unreal world. It twists the boundaries of physics a little….don't you think?"
Kairi nodded lightly and watched her reflections smile fade in the silence.
"She is fine, you are fine, and Olette remembers nothing of what I said."
"Really?" Kairi finally spoke up with a smile.
"Yes….but she wont remember you either."
Kairi frowned then.
"I could…" Naminé paused and brought two hands out of the mirror to cup Kairi's face, "I could make you forget too…if it's easier for you."
Kairi chuckled lightly and shook her head.
"That wouldn't be nice. Isn't the only way to be real, to have others know you are? That's why she's real…and your real, because someone else acknowledges your existence."
Naminé's eyes went wide with a startle.
"I think that's how 'reality' works….but….thanks anyway Naminé." Kairi took the blonde's hands and squeezed them before letting go.
"I'm going to bed now….thank you for bringing me home." Kairi said, though, she wanted to stay with Olette…just a little longer... she was glad that she had the memories.
That was all any person really was.
A memory, like Sora who hadn't been back for years….like Riku who had been gone on and off…like Olette who she would probably never see again.
A/N: OMFG my first lemon…a yuri lemon of all things. Whelp, not enough of these around anyway. Er…yeah, so weird coupling, weird plot, weird….lemon? I dunno, it was semi-AU if you couldn't tell, as in, Olette and co. are nobodies….though I'm not entirely sure if they are or are not in the game, so I'm just labeling it semi-AU for safety. Er…yeah. So….R & R and lemme know what you thought, flames welcome, constructive criticism always appreciated. Should anyone suddenly like this pairing, I would love to see some more stories of these two :D of course, that might just be me. Fanart love too….(cough) ok I'm done XD