Title: 50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION
Summary: Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction.
Dedicated to: HarvestMoonRacoon and everyone who reviewed!
Special thanks to: Iloveinuyasha44, Lyemi, lone-wolf987, Mistical Kat, Sonar, xpakux, shloop, LaZyEnErGeTiC, NoCareChakara, AnimexFreakx4xEva, HarvestMoonRacoon, Haku's Girlfriend, libaka, demon-ice-mirror, 2stupid, k4gOme, and SKI-13.
A/N: Ah, here we are. The last chapter of my most popular and most fun to write story. I hope you all enjoyed it, and look out for Iruka, coming soon!
The Sound Ninja looked at the computer screen in sadness.
"Only four more left?" Kimimaro observed sadly.
Kidoumaru sighed. Then he had an idea.
"Hey guys," he said as pictures of Kabuto being choked with bran muffins flashed on the screen. "Why don't we finish this in glory?"
"Let's," Tayuya said, grinning.
And so, it was then that Kabuto;s screams caught the attention of the Sound Ninja.
Kabuto fought off the bran muffin-crazed fangirl.
"BRAN MUFFINS ARE EVIL!" Kabuto yelled.
"NO, THEY ARE HEAVEN ON EARTH! THEY'RE HEALTHY! HEALTHY-NESS!" the fangirl shrieked, shoving the plate into his face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kabuto droned, falling onto the floor.
The fangirl stared at the twitching mass upon the floor.
She shook her head in disgust and walked to the computer, turning it on.
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: You said he loved bran muffins. Liar.
Six-armed-freak: He does! He will eat any bran muffins you give him!
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: Then why is he a quivering mass of jello on my floor, repeating, "The bran muffins won't eat me, I'm a special ninja." over and over again?
Six-armed-freak: ...did you put nuts into it?
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: I want a refund!
Six-armed-freak: No way. Did you read my policy? No refunds, EVER! ESPECIALLY to bran muffin fanatics.
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: Then I will be forced to dump him onto your doorstep.
Six-armed-freak: No! He will be so mad! The whole point was to get him AWAY from us!
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: I'll erase his memory of you selling him if...you give me Sasuke.
Six-armed-freak: No can do. Sasuke was bought by Orochimaru, why do you think he left Konoha?
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: Fine. I've shipped Kabuto to you, have fun when he gets home.
Six-armed-freak: NO! YOU ARE NOT GETTING YOUR MONEY BACK!
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: Ok. I've already bought a Gai person. Any idea what he looks like?
Six-armed-freak: You didn't get a picture of him?
Kabuto-Lover-Forever: Nope, his description sounded good though. Something about 'youthfulness...'
Six-armed-freak: Have fun with that.
Kidoumaru sighed and turned off the computer.
"What's got you down, Kidoumaru?" said a shadow in the first episode Iruka-was-REALLY-mad-at-Naruto-but-was-remaining-strangely-calm-with-the-insanely-infuriated- look-on-his-face-voice from the doorway.
Kidoumaru's insides froze as he slowly looked around to find Kabuto, looking strangely like Iruka.
47. Play with his hair when he's trying to work.
"Hey Kabuto," Tayuya said slyly from behind the four-eyes.
Kabuto sighed but didn't look up from his paperwork. "What is it Tayuya?"
Tayuya giggled and ran her fingers through his ponytail.
Kabuto froze and looked at Tayuya in confusion.
Tayuya only laughed and batted his ponytail even more.
Quite a couple hours later.
"TAYUYA IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING, LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" Kabuto yelled at the top of his lungs.
"but, Kabuto, I'm almost done you're prettyful braid!" Tayuya whined.
"In the immortal words of Dane Cook, FINISH UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT!" Kabuto shrieked.
"Well," Tayuya said in that really offended voice, threw down the nearly-completed braid, and stalked away.
Kabuto sighed and flopped onto his pillows. Finally, he thought.
One half hour later, his light flipped on to reveal a grinning Tayuya.
"I was guilty that I didn't finish," she explained, jumping onto his bed and crawling over to where he lay.
Kabuto groaned and turned on his side, exposing is hair. "Tayuya, go away," he said sleepily.
Tayuya laughed and resumed doing his braid, all the while chatting and gossiping about Jiroubou.
48. Tell Kimimaro all of Kabuto's secrets.
"And he leaves the hair in the brush and he love Tayuya and he likes to watch chick flicks and a lot of people think that he's a bi, seeing as he watches Orochimaru shower and he was seducing Tayuya the other day and he LOVES bran muffins," Kidoumaru gossiped, grinning as he saw Kabuto drop his chocolate-chip muffin in surprise.
Kimimaro gasped and dropped his spoon. "Really?" he whispered.
Kidoumaru nodded and laughed openly at the sight of Kabuto being held back by Sakon, Ukon, and Jiroubou.
"NOT TRUE! Kimimaro-kun, don't believe him! That's not true you-..." Kabuto shrieked but was cut off by Tayuya.
"HEY! It's MY job to swear around here, you little fucker!" Tayuya shrieked into Kabuto's face.
Kabuto was taken aback and the Sound Ninja took this chance to gag him while Kabuto blabbed his secrets.
49. Cut off Kabuto's ponytail when he's not looking.
"Hey Kabuto, guess what?" Dosu asked, appearing next to the pony-tailed man.
"What, Dosu?" Kabuto said while narrowing his eyes and backing away slowly.
"Uhh..." Dosu stuttered while Zaku snuck up behind Kabuto.
Zaku reached up and got Kabuto's Tayuya-done braid and snipped it off quietly.
Feeling the tug of the scissors, Kabuto whipped around to find a crouched Zaku holding his braid.
Kabuto stared and opened his mouth.
Miles and miles away in Konoha, Naruto heard a cry of, "ZAKU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" and turned to Sakura.
"Wasn't Zaku a guy we fought in the Forest of Death in the Chuunin exams?" he asked.
Sakura nodded and Naruto shrugged.
Meanwhile, back at Otogakure, Zaku tore down the hall, screaming, sneezing, and crying about the mad-man chasing him down the hall like a rhino on crack.
"Zaku, come in. How goes it, over?" Kin asked over the radio.
"Mission accomplished, but he's chasing me, over!" Zaku cried into his radio.
"Roger that, deploying the E.S.K.W.H.I.M.E.T.K.S. stat, over," Kin replied.
As Kabuto had almost reached Zaku, intending to completely kill him, when a cloud of smoke enveloped the entire hallway.
"THE EMERGENCY STOP KABUTO WHEN HE IS MAD ENOUGH TO KILL SAQUAD HAS ARRIVED!" shouted what sounded like Jiroubou.
The smoke cleared to reveal Jiroubou as leader, and Sakon, Ukon, and Kimimaro as back-up.
"AHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!" Kabuto yelled when he spotted the costumes. Think of Gai and Rock Lee, only with orange spandex instead of green and the rest of them in Elvis.
"Thank you, thank you very much!" Jiroubou impersonated.
Suddenly another smoke bomb went off.
"Excuse me," said a man's voice.
The smoke cleared to reveal a lawyer, the author, and the King himself.
"Excuse me, but impersonation of the King is strictly prohibited and you will be put into jail if you do it again. This young lady," he shook the author's arm, "is already being sent to jail for a week for a taste tester. Would you care to join her?"
Kabuto picked up Zaku, who hadn't run away and placed him in front of the lawyer. "He wants to go," Kabuto whispered hoarsely.
"Ok then," the lawyer took him along with the author.
"This has got to be a record, eh, Zuko?" Zaku grinned at the author.
"Yup! Fourteenth time already!" the author smiled.
Kabuto and the rest sweat dropped while the lawyer led them away, the King following behind, looking kind of confused.
"Uhh...," Jiroubou stared.
Kabuto faced them and they scampered like cockroaches.
Suddenly Orochimaru burst from the room and named Kabuto King of Otogakure.
Tayuya and Kin both appeared in skimpy dancing outfits and started to sing about Kabuto, the King of the world!
Then Kabuto woke up.
He raised his head up from the desk and grunted, annoyed at the fact that his papers had been drooled on.
He stood up and walked to the bathroom, scratching the back of his head. He took off his glasses and took a shower.
50. Put greasepaint on the rims of his glasses.
Kabuto got out of the shower and peered, squinting, into the foggy mirror. What he saw baffled him.
He quickly snatched up his glasses and pressed them to his eyes and cleared the fog from the mirror.
His ponytail had been cut off.
Kabuto sat down at the dinner table and glared at the offending Sound Ninja.
They all stared back at him with innocent looks on their faces.
Kabuto pured a bowl of cereal and started to eat it along with a raspberry muffin. The Sound Ninja looked confused. No explosion?
"When I take over the world," Kabuto said casually, biting into his muffin, "You all will be first to die."
The Sound Ninja were all on the floor, deadpanned.
Later that afternoon, Kabuto took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, annoyed. Something was bothering them.
He pulled his hand away and glanced at it. Then he looked at it again, confused. Greasepaint?
He rushed to a bathroom and tore off his glasses He had rings around his eyes and he looked sort of like Gaara.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kabuto cried, dropping to his knees.
"Yes!" All the Sound Nin cried, appearing in front of Kabuto.
"Unfortunately, our chapter ends here," Tayuya said sadly.
Kabuto looked up.
Jiroubou nodded and said, "That was the last prank on the list."
Kabuto's eye twitched. A list?
"Yup, so we're done now. You can continue with your normal life," Sakon said, while Ukon muttered something about "Screwing Orochimaru."
Kabuto looked to the Sound Ninja. "Are you telling the truth?" he whispered. They all nodded.
"MY EYES! MY EYES! MY EYES!" came the anguished cries of the Sound Ninja. Jiroubou was beating his head against a wall, Sakon and Ukon were beating each other's heads, Kin was twitching madly, Dosu had fainted, Kimimaro was trying to claw his eyes out, Tayuya was simply staring in disbelief, and Kidoumaru was on the floor twitching all over. Zaku was still in jail.
Kabuto had started to dance.
A/N: Alright everyone, that's a wrap! Thank you for all the amazing reviews and encouragement.
HarvestMoonRacoon- For letting me use your list. Thank you so much!
The Sound Ninja, Sasuke, and Orochimaru- For torturing Kabuto.
Kabuto- For being tortured.
This is the last chapter of 50 Ways to freak Out Yakushi Kabuto:THE FANFICTION. Thank you all and look out for the next story in this series, 30 Ways To Make Umino Iruka Mad: THE FANFICTION!
Please excuse the suckness of this chapter and please ignore any grammar mistakes, it's 11:00.
Thank you all again for reviewing, this is perhaps my most popular and most fun to write story ever!
As always and for the last time on this fic,