When I was a boy, I went into the forest and climbed to the top of the highest tree. When I was near the top I slipped but had just managed to grab hold of a branch. I looked down and saw how far the drop was. Terrified in the silence, I could hear the blood pounding in my ears.
I waited there, all day, for someone to save me but no one came, no one. The blood had rushed out of my fingers, leaving my hands pale and cold and I was left with two options: hold on or let go.
As I released the branch I felt as I were flying, floating through those branches. I was caressed by them again and again as I fell through my euphoria and when I hit the ground it wasn't the pine floor that I landed on but my bed. Yes you heard right, I landed on my bed, this time anyway.
I have come to the conclusion that I must make that decision once more. I have to decide between the terrifying notions of holding onto the woman I love and saving her yet dying myself or the wonderful feeling of letting her go. The problem with letting go being that it could either mean finding some other victim to love me and sustain me or letting go of my feelings for her and taking her life to save mine.
She lay there next to me smelling of smoke and fire, a true vision of perfection and I wonder to myself again if I could kill her. Thou are all fair my love and there is no fault in you.
Oh stop it Grlscz! You're a predator, you need to live and you can't worry yourself about petty things like . . .
Oh but what if she is the one? What if you have found the woman that has loved you so perfectly that this will all end? No . . . no! She may not be the one, you're still dying and she still lives.
Everything is prepared, nothing must change, this must be like the others.
Oh! She wakes, and those phantom eyes come to meet mine again. She is like air. How she smiles, an act I cannot bear but reflect.
"Are you alright?" she asks. No I'm not, not until I kill you. Not until I have your crystal.
"Yes I'm alright darling; I was just watching you sleep," and wondering what to do with myself and with you.
Ah goddess, she closes her eyes again. I cannot bear to think on how it is that you must sustain me. I cannot bear to think on what must come tomorrow. Ah tomorrow, tomorrow. It will be then that her anger, disappointment, sorrow, and love will produce a crystal out of me.