A/N: I don't own the show or the characters. Sucky title. But allow me to explain: It doesn't mean 'what is wrong' as in asking someone 'what's wrong? are you ok?'. The title is 'what is wrong' as in define the standards of 'wrong' and 'right' and who gets to decide that? OOCness. Kaoru POV.
What Is 'Wrong'?
I bring my arms up to wrap around my knees, which are brought to my chest. I dare to stare at him, though it's dark in the dead of night. Even through a sea of darkness and frighteningly thick silence, the unique color of his vibrant hair gleams from across the room. And though his lids are closed with slumber, the image of his deep green and yellow orbs can be seen perfectly clear in my mind's eye. His pale, flaxen skin glows with its own luster along with the slivers of moonlight, escaping the curtained windows, that receive the honor of caressing such flawless flesh.
Since when did I notice such things that seem to be plainly written upon his lithe figure? Since when did I come to notice such desirable traits that only he has?
Since when did the fooler become the fooled?
And when... oh when, did I start believing my own lies?
He shifts in his bed and suddenly two brilliant yellow yet emeralds blink open and flutter a bit before finding their way to me. I stiffen under his gaze, and avert mine away. I can't stand to stare into his eyes that have that slight glint of worry within them.
"Kaoru?" His sweet voice cuts sharply yet carefully through the silence that separates us. I focus on something imaginary on the ground and try not to suppress the emotion in my eyes.
"What's wrong? You've been acting... strange as of late. Is something the matter?"
I shift my gaze down further and remain silent.
"Kaoru," His tone is softer, a little above a whisper, "Please... don't hide anything from me. Tell me."
The raw concern in his voice causes me to falter.
"I-It's nothing." I reply quietly, wrapping my arms around my shoulders. My eyes stay positioned where they are and I hear him get up and move across the room, advancing to me. I try to ignore it, and close my orbs tight, but they snap back open when I feel his arms around me and I'm being pulled to his warm chest.
He has no idea what he's doing to me. He could never understand... I love him... but should I feel this dirty to? Yes, I suppose I should. He could never feel the same. Is the shame punishment for loving a mirror image of my physical self? Or is it foreshadowing my rejection? I believe it is both.
The scent of his embrace is intoxicating I've become addicted. And I realize, I could only be satisfied with just Hikaru's hands, no one else's, running through my hair as his are now. I don't deserve him. His embraces, company, and I don't deserve to share and almost identical body.
"Kaoru, why don't we sleep together tonight. Like we used to.."
Ah, yes I remember. When I was a child, I would often get scared at night or have a nightmare, and Hikaru would always be there; fighting away my fears, sleeping by my side. He's always been there for me, always has been, but he can never truly be mine.
Just as we lay our heads down together, Hikaru's arms still holding me, I begin to sob softly. He pulls me in tighter and I burry my face in his shirt, fisting my hands in it as well. One hand goes to stroke my hair, the other to wrap around my waist (here I blush a bit through my own tears, but it goes unseen, as my head is firmly pressed to his chest), as he begins to mumble soothing words, coaxing my tears to dry.
Am I taking advantage of his kindness, using this to my own twisted pleasure? Am I enjoying his comfort way too much?
...Would he be disgusted if he knew of my true feeling? Would he push me away, hate me?
He would. I sob harder, as aching thoughts continue to run through my troubled mind. Slumber again finds us both, content just as we are.
A/N: Ok, OOC and just terrible (and short), I know. However, for now it is just a oneshot, but I have intentions of continuing this fic to go on for a while. If you want me to, review. I probably will anyway, but it's a matter if I type the chapters up and put it on here or not... (If I do though, the title WILL change... I hate it the current title)