The way she says my name…she's the only one…who says my name that way. I like the way she says my name.
"Yeah?" I look over at her.
Her violet eyes catch mine, her violet eyes entrance and overwhelm mine. Her Violet eyes are amazing; so sure but so sad. She's so surly sad.
"Could you turn that down? I'm trying to read."
What is she reading about? She's always reading…but about what? Horror? Suspense? Sci-fi?...Romance? Why was that on the bottom of my list? She is a girl, why wouldn't she read romance novels? She's a person…a human being…why wouldn't she read romance? She can love…right?
"Sure." I reach for the remote and turn the volume down by ten…I guess it was pretty loud. I look back over to her. "Ok?"
"Fine." She turns back to the book that she's always reading.
I said she was human, but that's not really true. She's not really human, I know that now, it's very clear ever since her last birthday that was almost her last birthday. But, I guess I'm not really human either…not ever since I was little.
I divert my attention from the television to my gloved hand.
But, I guess I can't really stop being human, born a human always a human. It's just that it seems that truth gets increasingly blurred as time goes by. This green skin of mine, these claws of mine…this fang of mine, these ears of mine…these definitely aren't human.
I stare harder at my glove.
But even so.
I reach to pull it off, slowly…slowly I expose my hand. I know I'm still human, because of these feelings of mine…love…despair…affection and happiness, sadness and disappointment, these don't belong to an animal, these belong to me…Beast Boy…Garfield.
The glove comes off.
Even with this claw of mine, I'm still Garfield, a human with claws, a fang, pointy ears and green skin. I'm still me…so that means…
I look over to Raven. Her eyes aren't on the pages of her book anymore, but dead set on my naked hand, eyes wide with both wonder and concern, and confusion.
"Does it surprise you that much?" I say to her seriously, this is not a time for joking,
"No, it doesn't…but…why did you take it off just now? Now of all times?"
Why did I take it off just now? Now of all times…in front of her?
I look into her eyes, and she searches mine.
Then the answer came to me.
"Because, Raven, I wanted you to see me for me."
Her eyes bulge a little at this.
I wanted to let her know…
"I wanted to let you know…that…"
Despite what we do or what happens to us, despite whatever may happen…
"Despite what we do or what happens to you, despite whatever may happen…"
She will always be the Raven that I really don't know much about, but will always care about…
"You will always be the Raven that I really don't know much about, but will always care about…"
I reach over with my ungloved hand to pull her hood down to uncover her beautiful face, she doesn't fight against it.
"I wanted you to see me for me…to let you know that no matter what, I will always see you for you…you will always be Rae, and no one else."
Her eyes tear up. I expected something to break because of this, but only silence greeted me. Her tears begin to flow freely now, dripping off of her chin and onto the pages of her book that she is always reading.
"Beast Boy…" She begins as she reached up to grab my uncovered hand. She grabs hold and gives it a squeeze. "Thank you….so much…" I give her a smile, different than my usual goofy ones. Her tears are now streaming, the drops off her chin falling at a faster rate, the ink on the pages beginning to run.
"Rae…" I begin…only to be cut off by her unsteady voice.
"I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop." She says, turning her face away from mine out of shame.
Her hand still on mine, I reach up and wipe away a sheet of her tears. Surprised by the tender action she snaps her head back to mine.
"It's okay, let it out, just leave the mess to me."
Her mouth drops and wordlessly she latches on to me, deriving all that she could out of the embrace. At first stunned but quickly realizing, I gladly returned the gesture. Her relief and gratefulness leaked onto my back, seeping through onto my skin.
And we stayed like that for a while. I was happy.
I wonder how we ended up like this. Did I look at her and see the right thing? Or was it that she was holding it in for so long, she finally burst. But, still, why did I come out and say what I said to her? Was it her eyes? Was I so mesmerized? No .It was because deep down, without even knowing I saw her torment and uncertainty, through her eyes. A thin layer of cloudiness. In the end I guess it doesn't matter. In the end I'm just thankful that she opened up to me like this, that I was able to help her, and that I'm able to hold her. Yeah, I'm definitely thankful for this.