TITLE: The Choices That We Make
AUTHOR: Lady Sirius
FEEDBACK: Contains spoilers for HBP
DISCLAIMER: Of course all rights to Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling
- I just like to play with Severus and Lucius when I can!
DEDICATION: To my glorious, talented, wondrous and everlastingly sexy
inspiration - Gary Oldman - and of course to Alan Rickman and Jason Isaacs! And to my two Severuses - Amber and Ann - who both love my Luciuses!
The Choices That We Make
Chapter One - Hearts Torn Asunder
Did he know no other words? Those words repeated ad infinitum did not mollify the situation in the slightest, nor make it more palatable to the dark haired boy whose heart was being thoroughly torn into small bits and squeezed into meaningless pulp. Choices? There were always choices, his oh so logical mind protested. Always other avenues. There was never just one solution, one answer, not if you worked at it hard enough - not if you fucking tried! his weary mind protested.
But what use was it? Why was he wasting his time? This...this...abomination...was actually occurring - in just a few hours, in fact...and there was nothing... absolutely nothing...Severus Snape could do to change it, although dear Salazar how he'd tried. Pled and argued, with the last anxious breath he possessed. But all to no avail. It was written - it was inexorable - and it was happening.
Severus turned away from the platinum blonde in despair, hiding the tears which threatened to well from his eyes, reveal the depth of his perturbation. As if Lucius didn't already know. He'd made no secret of it, after all, and they'd done little else but discuss it ever since the future occurrence had become the now and present thing. Discussions, recriminations, arguments, protestations - hour after hour, day after day - and each followed by the inevitable lovemaking - the surrender to the passion which existed between them - the only thing which stopped the impotent words which made not the slightest difference in the scheme of things and served only to slice into Severus' soul. Mouths meshing, lips demanding - making mere words obsolete when hands, fingers, and cocks could say it so much better instead.
But not now - now Severus was beyond touches and caresses - these were no balm to be applied to his aching soul, no reparation to be made for the loss of something which he considered to be his and his alone. Not hers...never hers...not...Narcissa's...and he spat out the name as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth, which it did.
"Severus, please, be reasonable, try to understand ... for my sake...for our sake..."
Danger, danger, honey silken voice wrapping itself around him, attempting to assuage his pain. No, no, no use, it isn't going to work. Not this time, Lucius Malfoy...not this time... But he groaned at those tones, attempted to hide his ache, even as the frosty blonde put his arms about him, slender aristocratic hands gliding over Severus' chest, breath warm against his bare neck, lips soft against his tender flesh...oh merlin, give him strength to withstand, to tighten his resolution not to concede, not to fall over and play dead before the god that was his lover...again...
"I am not even going to spend the night with her, and she knows it, my love...I've verified with her that tonight is not conducive to procreation, so why bother? No, she shall stay alone, in the hotel suite I've reserved for the purpose, while I shall be far away from her...with you...in our bed... here at the Manor..."
The Manor. Severus felt a whimper rise within the back of his throat. Their Manor no longer, soon to be invaded by the alien presence that was Narcissa Black. No, make that Narcissa Malfoy, for that is what she would be then. Mrs. Lucius Malfoy. His wife. His legal spouse. Even if Lucius assured him that nothing would change, her being there alone would do that. How could it not help but change things? Even if Lucius had given her her own wing of the Manor to do with as she liked, and warded theirs against her intrusion. Even if they would continue to share a bedroom, as they had always done. He still had no rights, no legal standing. And if, Merlin forbid, something should happen to Lucius, he'd be out on his ear and he knew it.
"Severus, please... you know I love you, and only you..." Lips that sucked at his sensitive earlobe even as the throaty voice continued to plead, teeth gently grazing over the cartilege, tongue which probed into the inner chamber, diving into it and sending shivers throughout the long lean frame of the raven haired youth in his arms. Youth, maybe, but innocent? Not for a long time. Not at the hands of this masterful Slytherin, this domineering blonde who'd seduced him so very long ago, when they were both but boys. Severus more so than Lucius, for the latter had two years on him, two very important years in the scheme of things. And by the time he had begun to teach Severus - oh, the things that he knew...the things he passed on to his willing neophyte...
"Please be fair, you've no reason to be mad at me." Lips enclosing, containing the sensitive flesh at the nape of his neck, pushing aside the dark hair which resided there, sucking, kissing, licking...
"It wasn't my choice..."
Again with those words. Spoken now once too often. Severus steeled his spine, whirled about within his lover's grasp, dark eyes blazing, the stoic mask which perpetually graced his mien having fallen now, naked emotions laid bare for viewing, chest rising and falling in emotional upheaval. "Not your choice? Not your choice? Apparently it is, Lucius . . . unlike me..." he hissed. He began to back away from Lucius, slowly but steadily, hands upheld as if to ward him away. "You've made your choice, and it isn't me...it isn't me, Lucius. Now you must live with it." And before Lucius could react, could reach out to him, could touch him in any way, could respond even, Severus had fled the scene. Quickly apparated away, lest his heart betray him into staying, for if he stayed he knew he would forgive, and he would allow himself to be enticed back into the warmth of those arms once more, allow himself to be kissed and licked and sucked - and then they would inevitably fall into their bed together to make love. One more time before the wedding. For old times' sake?
He wasn't ready for any of these things - not now - maybe not ever. But even as he thought these things, he saw in his mind's eye the stricken look on Lucius' face just before he'd gone, the eyes - those beautiful pale grey eyes which held the secrets to Severus' soul - dear Merlin, was he weeping? Not his Lucius, not his cold hard warrior, the granite politician who charmed everyone he met and who brooked no opposition when it came to getting what he wanted - at least until now, at least not where Severus Snape was concerned?
Severus reached the Leaky Cauldron with little ado, taking a room for himself, snapping at the fellow who merely offered to give him directions, to simply tell him which room he was in. He would find it, he almost bit the man's head off as he spun about and flew up the stairs, dark robes billowing about him. And when he was locked securely in the privacy of that room, which he securely warded and hexed against all instrusion, he fell to his knees and a strangled cry escaped his lips.
Merlin help him, what had he done, and could he really live with it?