Title: J'veux du soleil

Author: Shanee

Pairing/Characters: LoVe (not yet, but later), Veronica, Logan, Keith

Rating: PG-13 (maybe R later)

Spoiler: through 1.21 and eventually through 2.22 but AU since the night of Shelly Pomroy's party.

Disclaimer: VM's characters and universe belong to Rob Thomas. The title is from a song of a French band named "Au petit bonheur". It signifies "I want some sun".

Summary: AU. If Shelly Pomroy's party had ended differently, its consequences would had compelled Veronica to mature into a strong and disillusioned Veronica, but before she had to deal with some unexpected events.

A/N: it's my second VM fanfic here. I know I should update the first, but I had this idea today and I could't help but write it. I'm French, so please excuse my mistakes, thank you. Oh I'm looking for a beta reader, by the way - Edited in January 2017, found and corrected some typos.

I'm hoping for some reviews, tell me if you loved it or hated it. If you have any comment, please feel free.

Prologue: Unseen bluff

She knew when she woke up that this day would not be a good one. Her father wasn't here when she went to breakfast. A note on the fridge taught her he was on a case, running after a bail jumper in Nevada and shouldn't be home for at least a couple of days and nights. The tone of the note was cold; their last fight still pissed her father off. Recently each day saw a new argument. Veronica had been losing her temper for no reason since It had happened and Keith was fed up with her execrable mood. He was seeing that something was changing her, but he hadn't succeed in finding what it was. He thought it was related to their new way of life, her mom leaving, his new job and the lost of their status. Of course, she didn't explain, she couldn't explain. She knew what had happened to her this night should be hidden to him. If he discovered it, things would become a lot worse.


She walked through the hall, all eyes on her. She knew she had to be strong. She couldn't let them see how much they were hurting her. Three girls were giggling when she passed in front of them. A picture montage showing her head on a naked pin-up body was stuck to her locker.

"Hey, Mars, where do you stash these boobs?" Dick asked her, laughing with his friends.

"In the exact place where you conceal your brain, in an alternate universe, Little Dick," she replied, fake leering.

Some guys laughed and she felt pleased for a very short moment.

"Hey, Ronnie, if someday you wake up in this body, you can come to my house. I had this fantasy with you cleaning my toilet in a french maid uniform." Of course, Logan had to rescue his birdbrained buddy.

"You know, there are places where you can be treated for those mental issues, Logan. Dreaming of me, what's wrong with you?" She closed her locker and went to her class, looking as dignified she could.


In her third period, she felt an urge to run to the bathroom. She rose quickly and the teacher, noticing her livid face, allowed her to go without any comment. She ran to the toilet and spewed up. It wasn't the first time she did it this week. It had already happened the last day. She could thank the shellfish she had eaten yesterday. All the day long, toilets had been assault by sick student. Of course, none of the 09ers had been ill, thanks to their Pirate's Points.

When she left the bathroom, she had to rush to her class before the bell rang. She still fell nauseous, but she couldn't got to the infirmary right now. She had a test in the next period she couldn't miss.

During computer class, she began to surf, like everybody here. She wrote a name in the research blank and checked the new added pages. She knew there was hardly hope, but she couldn't help but tried.

"You are such a freak," said a bitchy female voice behind her.

Veronica smirked to Madison Sinclair and went back to her research on Lilly Kane. She combed through tabloid's new deponents. She found always the same stories. This middle-age woman said she saw Lilly last week, sunning on a L.A beach. That octogenarian pervert affirmed he had had an affair with Lilly two summers ago. And there were dozens of taken freaks who explained they had saw Lilly in alien spaceships, or they had made love with her in these same spaceships, or that she wasn't dead, it was an alien clone the police had founded and buried. The first time she had read it, Veronica had been shocked, the second time, she had preferred to laugh, and now, she just didn't care. She was about to give up when something caught her eye. A boy from Portland said he had met Lilly the weekend before her death at the Santa Marta clinic. It was the first time Veronica read something that reminded her. She knew nothing about Lilly going to this clinic, but she perfectly remembered when she had asked Lilly where she had been this weekend.

! Flash-back !

"So Lilly, where were you? I tried to call you but it seemed that your cell was off."

"It sadly was. The battery died, " replied Lilly with her usual smile.

"So?" continued Veronica, looking a little upset. "I hoped we could go the mall."

"I'm sorry, V. It was a last minute trip. Celeste sent me to my saint aunt Marta. But if it can comfort you, it was pretty boring. There was nothing to do."

"What? You found nothing, not even a boy?" Veronica teased.

"Of course, I found a boy. I'm Lilly Kane, remember? He was cute. He thought we could date." Lilly laughed more.

! - !

Veronica read the article again. Santa Marta clinic. She googled it. The official site said nothing; it was just conventional and elegant. She thought it was probably a clinic for rich people, who wanted some discreet surgery operation.

She memorized the boy's name, Davin Usher, and as soon as the bell rang, she called the tabloid.

"Hi, my name is Laureen Graham, I'm working for the Neptune Inquirer. We are doing a Special Lilly Kane and I was hoping you could gave me a way to contact Davin Usher."

"A moment, please," replied the journalist. "Kingdave at yahoo dot com."

"Thank you very much."

Veronica closed her cell and wrote a mail to the boy.

She didn't expect a reply immediately, so when she checked her box-mail after her sixth period, she was pretty surprised to find Davin's mail. He agreed to meet her in Portland tomorrow.

Veronica was glad her father was away for the next two days. If she left right after her last period, she could sleep on her car on the road, meet Davin in the morning and be back at home before her father's return.


On the road, somewhere near the border, she felt suddenly sick again and she just had time to stop her car on the side and open the door before she puked. Again. She had nothing in her stomach. Her last meal was gone after her last class. She was tired of this indigestion. Since when could stale shellfish made someone sick several days. She thought she heard it was an immediate illness. Sudden doubt crossed her mind. If wasn't it the crustacean? As fast as she could she drove to the first drugstore she found and bought a pregnancy test. Oh, please, don't let this happen. She rushed to the toilet and after a minute, she began to cry. It couldn't be true. She couldn't be so unlucky. It was not fair. Why did this happen to her? What had she done? Why?

She cried and sobbed until she couldn't breathe. When all her tears were gone, she rose on her feet and washed her reddish face. Why didn't she think it could happen? Why had she been so stupid to neglect the morning after pill? Why was she so witless? Now she had no choice. She could count. She had no extra time to think about. She couldn't keep that thing.

Perhaps it was good she wasn't in Neptune. There she couldn't do what she intended to do. She was sure it wasn't the kind of secret that remained hidden in Neptune, especially from her father. However she would be able to find a clinic in Portland and go back at home free of that thing. Ok, it would take more time than the trip she hoped for, but she still was able to call Keith and tell him she had some researches to do there during a week. He would disapprove but, before she would be back at home, she would have time to find a plausible excuse. She hated lying to him, but she had no other choice and, besides, it had become a habit between them since that night.

She sent Keith a SMS, telling him to not worry; she would call him when she came back.

She found a telephone directory and took the pages concerning Portland's medical centers. Tomorrow she would call for an appointment.


She was shivering in her sleep; her cover had fallen on her knees. While it was dawn, the windows were covered with ice. February in Oregon was colder than she had expected. She had left the Highway when she had been too sick to fight against tiredness and had taken a secondary road where she had been able to find a place to stop and sleep.

She sneezed and awoke with a start. Her neck and back were harmful; she had to move. She climbed down her car and secured it.

It was a desert road, lost in the middle of nature. The sky was beautiful, colored with some pink, orange and blue strips. Veronica walked a bit, along the road. For the first time since this trip had began, she felt at peace. Her mind was cleared of all her unpleasant thoughts. For a very short moment, she forgot everything. Duncan's behavior. Lilly's murder. 09er's hell. That night. Her rape. That thing growing in her belly. She was only gazing at the panorama.

Without warning, everything blurred and her legs abandoned her. She didn't notice the precipice in front of her or the car coming behind her. She felt she was falling and rolling down. She heard the swift brake, then her head hurt a rock and she blacked out.


As soon as the old limo had stopped, a chauffeur and a venerable white-haired woman jumped down and rushed to the edge of the cliff.

"Oh my god!" shrieked the old woman with a strong Italian accent. "She's blocked by a tree. Neil, we have to do something."

"I will, Contessa. Go back to the car and call 911. I'll take care of her."

The driver riffled through the trunk and came back with a cord he fastened to the car. When the lady ended her call, she found him climbing down the precipice with a perfect aplomb.

"Be careful Neil."

The driver was already eight meter lower and was tying Veronica carefully.

"Bravo, Neil. And now?"

"We wait for their arrival."

"Is she ok?"

"She's unconscious and her head bleeds. I hope they will arrive quickly."

"I hope so too."


When Veronica opened her eyes, one week later, she was in a hospital white chamber and a nurse was checking the monitor.

"Hi Mary, it's good to see you awake. I'll call the doctor."

"Mary? Who is Mary?" asked Veronica.

"You are, aren't you? It's the name on the ID we found on your pocket. Mary Donovan, 18 years old. Is that not your identity?"

"I don't know. I don't remember. Why am I here? Why do I remember nothing?" asked Veronica, on the verge of tears.

"Don't worry, Mary. You suffered from a cranial trauma. Your fully memory will come back soon."

A doctor entered and smiled at Veronica.

"Hello Mary, how are you feeling today?"


"It's absolutely normal. You are a lucky girl, you know? You fell from a cliff and you have only two ribs and a leg broken. Everything else is perfectly well. Do you have someone we could call? We failed to reach your family."

"I don't know", repeated desperate Veronica. "I don't remember."

"I see. But you don't need to worry. The Contessa had paid for everything and you'll recollect soon."


A/N: So? Review?