A/N: Been a while since I posted anything- hopefully I'm back on the horse, so to speak. The usually disclaimers still apply and on another note- I hope I don't piss to many people off with this. Also thankyou to anyone who has review my other Shane/Seth stories.
Severed Silver Knots
There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It is caused by the absence of you.
It's a thick circlet of knotted silver vines; he'd worn it for 7 months before one of Zoë's friends had asked who his sweetheart was- explaining that the band was folded into Celtic love knots.
It had been right then that he realized- after blushing like an idiot- that for all Zoë's pompom waving, she's not a idiot. She'd looked at the ring and known that it was Shane's, then had looked at her brother and drawn the same conclusion- he'd seen it in her expression, had expected some nasty insult to topple from her mouth within seconds. It hadn't gone that way though, second's of silent staring had strung together into a full minute, then two and finally she'd simply looked away, had never ever mentioned it again.
Her finger brushes the tied silver now, her fingers sliding through his own, her skin hot and dry. Her umbrella bobs over his head for a moment as she shifts it to cover the both of them, which is really quite useless since his suits already soaked through. Jacket, shirt, and pants, all sopping and clinging, water trickling down over his face from rain-slicked hair, over his cold numbed fingers, pooling in his shoes.
"Seth- he wouldn't want you to get sick."
He already knows as much- his mother tried to get him to leave with her using the exact same reasoning, though he'd known it before that too. If Shane were there he'd have received a sharp slap across the back of his head by now, would've been tossed into the back of a car… He's had dreams like that, where Shane catches him being a brat and puts him over his knee, which is so cliché it usually makes him blush. He's not much in the blushing mood right now though, standing over Shane's freshly-filled grave and maybe, just maybe it's also a little disrespectful to be thinking about his hormone driven wet dreams right now; he just can't bring himself to care about that either.
He wants to cry, or scream, maybe even kick the headstone just once… His mother had cried through the whole thing, Lulu with her, clutching her side, sobbing almost uncontrollably against her jacket. Which was actually the calmest she'd been since the night they'd gotten the news. Seth supposes it has something to do with being out in public, since in the privacy of their mothers home Lulu had torn her room apart; one of her walls now had her CD player embedded in it. Seth's remembers looking at the damage and thinking that under entirely different circumstances, it would probably be a little funny.
It's not though, Seth actually feels sorriest for Lulu since for her, this is like loosing their father all over again. Peter too, though he doesn't really remember Shane that well Seth suspects.
Tyler clings and cries because everyone else is… Seth doesn't even know if he's old enough to understand the concept of a funeral yet.
"Seth." Her hands on his shoulder now, offering comfort, or maybe trying to move him, he doesn't really care which it is.
"She was here."
"I know I saw her Seth." The idiot principal, who'd dabbed at her eyes very respectfully whilst at the same time clutching her husband's hand. He's so angry with her for that, for marrying someone other than Shane and sometimes he hates Shane for ever loving her in the first place… go figure.
Lightening flashes somewhere in the distance and the vague ramble of thunder follows it.
"What's wrong?" Zoë asks when he laughs and there's real worry in her voice now.
"Funeral under a pitch black sky- how fucking cliché." He snorts.
"Seth come home with me- don't go to the wake." Even with them both in their 20's it's still typically against her principals to ask him to do anything and that she does now, scares him just a little. Shows how worried she really is about him. Means he's obviously in worse shape than he thinks he is.
"I'm sorry." He mumbles listlessly, finally looks at Zoë rather than staring blankly at the wet ground. Finds her giving him that look.
"He was your friend." He says with a sigh.
"Yeah… a good one." He doesn't quite get the purpose of the statement- hell maybe she's just humoring him.
"He was yours too." Her hand tightens on his, shifts the ring slightly. It rests where a wedding band would… his hands are big enough now…
No he never was.
It doesn't hurt, because it's not really any kind of realization. Rather it's a fact he's always been painfully aware of… Shane had never really been his anything.
Realizes he has a hide to sulk out in the rain, when no one else is, when it must be worse for them all. Zoë's and their mother have lost a best friend. Lulu, Peter and Tyler have lost yet another father. Even the principal lost an ex-lover.
He doesn't have the right to grieve. He'd lost something he'd never even had- shouldn't hurt at all and it pisses him off that it does.
Good thing he never knew… he'd laugh at you, you fucking child.
"Yeah- let's go." Any other time and it might bother him to be holding his sisters hand, mostly because people usually mistake them for a couple, which is disturbing really. It's not any other time though and he holds on for dear life, feeling the cold metal on his hand grow warm between their fingers and realizes that the dull ache he usually feels whenever he notices the silver on his finger is oddly absent.
Probably best not to consider that too closely for the moment.