Forgotten Angel


Psycho-Nuerotically Disturbed

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
-Abraham Lincoln

He never understood why his mother allowed it. The act was vulgar and unbefitting of the youkai they were. He supposed she had her reasons, but allowing a human woman to commit such an infidelity was unforgivable. Humans were not to clash with demons, even on the most dire of situations. He couldn't forgive his mother for not confronting the problem. Maybe it was her pride, maybe it was her quiet way of handling unwanted problems. She ignored them. Simple as that. She showed weakness in his eyes. That was why he had to leave the shelter she provided for him. Erase her from his life. He couldn't allow her to influence his own actions.
He spoke to her in the spring, shortly before the birth of his hanyou half-brother. His father was still alive then, which made things easier on him and harder. Their last exchange was still fresh in his mind and he dwelled on it constantly. A small portion of his conscience knew he'd miss her. She had been there for him more than his own father had been. She knew something was bothering him and allowed him to confront her.
"Mother," He hated saying it. It made him sound weak.
"Sesshoumaru? What is it?" Her voice was silky and cool; his inheritance from her. He could feel her large honey brown eyes on his back. He turned slightly, catching sight of her out of the corner of his eye.
"I am ashamed," he said simply. His voice didn't show the emotion he felt.
"Of what are you ashamed, Sesshoumaru?"
"Of you, Mother. I am ashamed that you would allow the honor of our family to be tarnished."
"Sesshoumaru, your father's impurity is no matter of mine. If I failed him, that is my own fault and you are correct in your shame." She ran her fingers through her silver locks, another manner he had picked up from her. "You must realize, Sesshoumaru, that not all things can be handled; by force or otherwise. This is one thing I must not confront your father about. We both know he has done wrong."
"Does our honor mean nothing to you, Mother? You will allow him to commit such a dishonor and with a human nonetheless."
"I allow no such thing, Sesshoumaru. You are mistaken."
He was taken aback by her accusation. He lifted his head slightly, turning to take in her complete form. It only took his a second to study her mannerism. By the looks of it, she held no resentment toward his father. "Mother," he spoke finally, his tone no longer controlled. "In spite of your foolishness, you seem not to mind my father's adultry apon you."
"I have no more to offer him. He took another mate."
"Filth," he nearly sneered. "Mother, you should not allow him to lower you to such a position. I do not wish to see you in this way anymore."
"Sesshoumaru, you do not wish to stay?"
"As long as you continue to degrade your name, I, Sesshoumaru, will be gone."
"Sesshoumaru, as your birth mother, I will allow you your choices in life. I cannot stop you. I do not wish to."
"I will leave immediately."
"Sesshoumaru, my son," she outstretched her hand to him.
"Yes, Mother?" he gently wrapped his fingers around hers.
"When are you to return?"
"I will return to you when you clear your honor and the name of our family."
"Of course," she gave him a slight nod. "Will you leave without telling me goodbye?"
"No, I will not." Sesshoumaru bowed to touch his forehead to the back of her hand. "I hope I shall not have to wait long."
"I give you no promise, my son. What's done is done." She placed a hand on the back of his head for a moment and lifted it. He gracefully moved back into a standing position and let go of her hand. "Sesshoumaru," she reached up, touching the triangular marks of his heritage on his jaw with both of her hands. He lowered his head again to allow her to kiss his forehead. "Do not hate the humans or that woman. They know not how they affect us."
"I can not give you my word, Mother." he turned from her. "My hatred has already surfaced. Do not make me contain it."
"Only evil will come of it, Sesshoumaru. I wish no such fate apon you."
"My fate is my own, Mother." He allowed his voice to become hard again. "I will be the one to control it. No other being is stronger than my own. Fairwell, Mother." He turned to walk away from his home. For the first time, he had no intent to return.
Years passed and his bastard half-brother was born. His father left this world for another. His mother had not confronted the problem. He felt weighed down by the burden of her shame. This only made him stronger. By the time he reached the Western lands of his father, he had learned of the death of his mother. He gave no indication of his feelings. He took the job inherited to him and ruled the lands.
"Master Jaken?" The sweet voice of a child called to the impish demon. "Why has Lord Sesshoumaru never spoken of his mother?"
"Silly girl, do not ask foolish questions!" Jaken frowned at her curiousity. He did not know the answer either, but would not inform the child of his ignorance.
"Sorry, Master Jaken," Rin nodded, looking at the far off figure of Sesshoumaru. Someday he would speak of his mother, but now he could not. In the back of his mind, he could hear her words. They had been more wise than he had given her credit for. Now, in his charge was a human girl. He felt for her what his father had felt for Izayoi and shame had surfaced. Now, looking at the child he had saved, he felt an almost unwelcome surge of thankfullness towards his mother. "Mother." He let the rusty word slip out of his mouth. She had unwittingly molded him into what he was. All that he had become, he learned from her. He looked up at the sky and let the sun warm his skin. He hadn't forgiven her, but he felt he owed her something and one day he would make sure she was never forgotten.