Hauntings of the Crack Kind

disclaimer: if Naruto were mine do you think I'd be sharing it with all of you? Didn't think so.

"Blah Blah Blah" : Sakura

'Blah Blah Blah' : Inner Sakura

Chapter Three: Mondays

Normal P.O.V.

"That was it?" asked Tsunade "That was all that happened to you?" she looked, no stared disbelieving at Naruto.

"Uh...yeah? Why not? It sounds believable to me! BELIEVE IT!"

'Jeez, now the saying makes sense.' she thought "Yeah whatever kid. Sakura, since Naruto's sounded like it didn't cause much damage, why do you look like this?" she turned to her student.

Sakura blushed as everyone in the room turned to look at her and tried to cover herself more with the newspaper she had stole from Sai. If it weren't for the hair, all boys in the room would be suffering from nosebleeds. "Well.. mine really isn't too different from Naruto's." Tsunade gave her an incredulous look.

"You mean you were up that late watching scary movies and eating 'possessed' ramen?"

"No! I mean, I had a-well strange kind of... thing happen to me." she looked down at herself and blushed harder. "It's not like I'd go around in public wearing this all the time!"

"I think you should Sakura-chan! I think you're HOT!" exclaimed the ever-so youthful Naruto. He may not know it, but he had just said the thoughts of every boy... and man in the room.

"PERVERT NARUTO!" she screamed while punching him over the head to make a point. Suddenly causing two black birds to fly out of her fro. "DAMN IT! I thought I got rid of 'em all!"

"Sakura, why the hell did birds just fly out of your hair?" questioned a Kakashi before he suddenly lost interest and started thinking of naughty things he could do with Sakura and animals. 'Jeez, I am a pervert... Oh well.' he continued with his thoughts.

"Well if you'd let me I could just tell you what happened.."

"Please, Sakura. Do."


Normal P.O.V. still...

-FLASHBACK-

---2:43 a.m.

"I'm glad that everyone agreed to watch this movie. It really spoke to me when Ino and I watched it.."

'Cha! Those bastards better enjoy it! I didn't waste all my money on them for nothing!'

"Yeah, bastards.." 'Whatever, I think I'm gonna go on a walk.. so bored... yet so untired..' she thought to herself while stepping out into the cold dark night. 'Jeez, it seems kinda chilly tonight. What is it, the middle of July? Shouldn't be this cold.'

The streets of Konoha were empty and bare. The only light shone from the full-moon. All of the street lights seemed to be off except for one that was outside of Naruto's apartment. Sakura walked aimlessly, thoughts traveling to the movie she had just watched. Her thoughts were taking her down roads she shouldn't have gone. Time was passing her bye and before she knew it, it was past 3 o'clock. Looking down at her watch, she pressed the backlight button to light up the time.

---3:33 a.m.

"Wow, that kinda reminds me of the movie.. 3 a.m. eh?" Sakura glanced around nervously, as a cold gust of air started down the street. It was moving towards Sakura, she could see the dust being picked up by the wind and she panicked. 'OMG I'm gonna die!' she thought. She then noticed Naruto's streetlight was behind her and she started running. 'MUST. GET. TO. THE. LIGHT!'

'RUN FASTER FOREHEAD THE WIND IS GETTING CLOSER!' Even her inner self was panicking! 'THIS IS NOT GOOD!'

Sakura was only a few yards away from the light outside of his apartment before it started flickering and went out all together. Sakura stood frozen underneath the lamp. Looking behind her expecting to get a cold waft of air and a certain death, she instead saw...

A little black bird. On the ground. Looking up at her.

'Eh...' her eyebrow twitched.

'FUCKING BIRD! HOW THE HELL DID IT SCARE US LIKE THAT! WHERE THE HELL DID THAT WIND GO ANYWAYS?'

"Shoo, ya dumb bird shoo!" she said while waving her arms in a 'shooing' manner. The bird looked slightly taken back. 'Wait, huh? How does a bird look slightly taken back?' The bird then collected itself before flying into a tree. Sakura followed it with her eyes. 'Uh-oh.'


'Oh, my God, that's a lot of birds..' Looking up at said tree, Sakura saw a mass of black birds, if Sakura didn't know better were Ravens. Said birds were now staring intently upon Sakura's form. Her nerves were soon deteriorating as was her composure. Another cold gust of wind swept down the street, sending shivers up her spine. Except now the shivers weren't stopping, the birds eyes were glowing, and coherent thoughts were leaving her. Sakura was afraid to move, she was afraid to speak, hell, she was afraid to even breathe..

'WE'RE FREAKING NINJA! WHO CARES ABOUT SOME STUPID BIRDS! THROW SOME FREAKING KUNAI! CHA!'

'Yeah! You're right. Okay then,' she thought taking out a kunai. 'We don't even have to kill any birds, we just have to scare them away.' Aiming towards the center of the tree she threw her kunai, piercing the trunk of the tree with precision. Looking up, expecting to see a flock of birds scattering into the sky, she instead saw the same birds, in the same tree, with the same glowing eyes, except this time, she felt an evil aura. An aura that felt like death.

As if to confirm her fears, the birds seemed to fly slowly from the tree and into the sky. They started swirling above Sakura's head, a funnel cloud of birds.

'Wha-What is this? A-a jutsu?'

Taking her eyes slowly off of the birds, she glanced around and didn't see any ninja. She felt a presence, but it wasn't distinguishable in the surrounding area. The aura surrounded her, Sakura was scared. Hell! She was terrified!

Quickly the birds descended upon Sakura, faster and faster! Intending to strike!

'MOVE BAKA MOVE!'

Too late..

The birds attacked!


All too soon, Sakura was covered head-to-toe by a mass of feathers, beaks, and talons. Sakura tried to scream, protect herself, ANYTHING, but she could do nothing. The birds pecked at her clothing, tearing and ripping it apart, somehow managing to completely miss her skin, leaving it unblemished.

"S-stop!" she cried out. She couldn't reach her kunai pouch and she couldn't perform a jutsu. The birds were weighing her down and soon she was laying on the ground.

'CHA! DAMN BIRDS! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BEFORE I DO!'

'I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! THESE BIRDS ARE TOO FAT! GOD WHAT HAVE THE VILLAGERS BEEN FEEDING THEM? CHEESEBURGERS? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!'

'THAT'S IT! IT'S MY TURN NOW!' Sakura felt a pulse run through her head before she was overcome with an intense vertigo and blacked out. Her inner self was now completely in control.

"CHA! DAMN BIRDS GET THE HELL OF!" she screamed, throwing the birds off and getting into a crouching position. Before the birds could return to attack, she was off. Running back to her apartment. The birds quickly followed and were soon gaining on her. In the dark she was having trouble determining where she currently was. Heading into an alleyway, hoping to get them off her trail with a Bunshin in the other direction, she stopped to regain her breathe and to pinpoint her location. The moon shone through to the alleyway. Graffiti upon the walls told her she was heading in the right direction. Sakura only had to go a few more buildings down to reach her apartment complex. Jumping on to the top of the building, Sakura looked around quickly to see if the birds had followed her clone.

They hadn't.

Within moments she was again being attacked by birds. While some still shredded her clothing, others made their merry little way to her hair.

'NOOOOO! NOT MY HAIR!' cried her usually outer self.

Alas, yonder ravens did not answer to her plea. Several ravens came from nowhere and started putting sticks and twigs into her hair, they pulled it and twisted it, making it larger and larger. Until it looked like a large bird's nest. Several flew into her hair, making Sakura scream.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!" angered beyond belief "FUCKING BIRDS! SAKURA-SHUNSHIN NO JUTSU! (1)she screamed while making the appropriate hand sign before disappearing in a poof of cherry blossoms.

'Don't kill them! They're only birds!'

'LOOK AT US BAKA! CHA! LOOK WHAT THEY DID! THEY DESERVE TO DIE! WE BOTH KNOW IT!' Looking down at herself she saw what was left of her small red shirt were a few ribbons, her black skirt had been torn to an even shorter length than before and had rips revealing her red-lace underwear that matched her bra. Her hair that was once perfect now was as large as a fro, had twigs and sticks in it, more than a few Ravens, and it looked as though there was bird spit to make it stay.

'Ewwwww...'

"CHA! So can I kill them now?" she said while glaring from the rooftop of her apartment which was where she had teleported. The birds looked confused as to where she had gone, but with her bright pink fro, she was sure it wouldn't be that hard to pinpoint her.

'No! That's it your bugging me! AWAY WITH YEE PESTILENCE OF MY INNER TURMOIL!' she said drawing back her personality into the workings of her mind.

"DAMN YOU! YOU SUCK!" she screamed to the world, alerting the ravens as to where she had gone."Fuck." cursing, Sakura again started making hand-signs. She was going to get through this, without harming anyone. "MEISAI GAKURE NO JUTSU! (2)" was all anyone would hear before Haruno Sakura disappeared completely. No hint of Sakura's presence was around or that she had ever been.The birds left without a current targetwere majorly bored. They went off in search of someone else.Vanishing within the dark of the night as though they were never there.

Sakura sighed to herself and released the jutsu. She was still on the rooftop and had not dared moved until they were completly out of sight. 'Although I think there are still a few birds left in my hair..' she grumbled to herself, eye twitching. 'I hate Mondays.'

The rest of the what little night was left and into the early morning, Sakura sat in her bathroom picking out the sticks and twigs in her hair, also shooing the occasional Raven out of her home. By the time it was time to go to Ichiraku, Sakura had yet to get rid of all the twigs. To tired to even think of what she was doing, Sakura left her home in her state of undress and her chia pet fro. Had she realized she had a clock still attached to her wrist she would have read the time that seemed to be stuck on the little piece of technology.

---6:66


A/N: Well folks whatcha think? This is the third chapter of my wondrous story and I've got nothing but good news about it! I found this chapter really hard to write. I blame the birds. DAMN YOU BIRDS! And for Sakura's Jutsu's I used wikipedia for some ones that I thought would be good. Here I shall explain:

(1)Sakura-Shunshin no Jutsu: Sakura Body Flicker Technique. Usually it's just Shunshin no Jutsu: Body Flicker Technique. A D-ranked technique that most if not all ninja know. The Ninjutsu makes it seem as though the user is teleporting when really they use chakra to reach extreme speeds and gofrom one place to another. Figuring in most fanfictions Sakura disappears in a 'puff' or 'poof' of Cherry Blossoms I'd look into to see if it were possible, which it so happens can be. There are also other forms of the jutsu that told me it were. There is the Suna-Shunshin (Sand Body Flicker) which Gaara uses. Kiri-Shunshin (Mist Body Flicker), Mizu-Shunshin (Water Body Flicker), and the ever popular for us leaf-shinobi: Konoha-Shunshin the Leaf Body Flicker. So I figured my fanfiction, I figure it, It stays. I know I know I'm a genius.

(2)Meisai Gakure no Jutsu: Hiding Camouflage Technique. This one I just picked out because it seemed really good for escaping something like this, once one is at a distance. This technique was originally used by the Iwagakure Shinobi, Taiseki. He was the one who slashed Kakashi's eye, and was later killed by Obito after he awakened his Sharingan. Since there was a hint that Kabuto had used this Jutsu in the Forest of Death, even thought it is an A-ranked Jutsu, I thought 'Hey, if Kabuto can do it, so can Sakura! CHA!' yep. My thoughts exactly. Of course I only researched Ninjutsu's so there could have been other escape tecniques I could have used but hey.. I'm a lazy genius. hehe guess who I sound like.

Just to let some of you know. I lied about the pairings. I haven't exactly figured out a way to go back and fix the first chapter, soI'm letting you all know now. The pairings will happen if I want them to happen and I will not tell you who's with who because right now the pairings are irrelevent and unnecessary. So tell me what you think of the story/chaptery thingy!

Yours Truly,

read-n-review v.

((IT'S WHAT YOU BETTER DO IF YOU WANT ANOTHER CHAPTER! SHANNARO!))