Taking It Off

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing, nudity, insanity, yaoi/slash. The usual Sohma thing.

Pairings: ShigureKazumaAyame, one-sided YukiKyo

Genre: Humor, Parody

Word Count: 368

Disclaimer: Please see my profile for details.

A/N: Because I'm too poor to afford REAL crack.

NOTE: Takes place somewhere between episode 20-26 in the anime, and book six, chapter thirty-two in the manga.

xXxXxXx

"Tonight … I'm going to take it off."

Rain drops made soft pitter-patters as they hit the ground, as they dripped off the faces of Kyo and Kazuma Sohma.

With one swift move, Kazuma grabbed Kyo's wrist with one hand-

-And with the other threw his robe off. He was now standing in the rain in his boxers.

Kyo looked at his "father" in unveiled shock. Kagura's eyes bugged out and she wondered why Shihan … stripping … would make Kyo hate him. Wasn't he going to take Kyo's bracelet off?

"WOO!" Shigure screamed from his hiding place. "TAKE IT ALL OFF!"

"OH MY GOD!" Kyo yelled, just now noticing a confused and traumatized Tohru standing stock-still behind him. "SHISHOU-"

"She will open her heart to you," he said somberly.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"I FEEL PRETTY, OKAY?" Kazuma shrieked. "PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAY! IS THAT SO HARD FOR YOU TO ACCEPT?"

"IF THIS IS HOW YOU'RE GOING TO ACT, THEN YES!"

"It's alright, Kazuma-dono!" Shigure cried dramatically, leaping from his hiding place and sweeping Kazuma into his arms. "I ACCEPT YOU!"

"MY LOVE!"

They raced from the house, away from prying teenage eyes and their convictions, to live happily ever after!

Ayame appeared suddenly, tears running down his face as he raced after them. "HOW COULD YOU SHIGURE! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"

"But Aya! We could have the perfect threesome!"

Ayame's tears turned into a joyful smile, "Oh, Gure-san!"

"Aya!"

They both turned to a shivering Kazuma.

"Kaz-kun!"

Kagura sighed and managed to get both Tohru and Kyo into the house before they had a heart attack from shock or got hypothermia.

Yuki was seething as he dialed Hatori's phone number viciously. Not only did he have to make sure the three idiots didn't catch pneumonia, he also had to make sure Kazuma was safely returned to his special room with padded walls.

Not only THAT, but now Kyo would be scarred for life! No amount of therapy would EVER make this okay for him! Yuki would never have him now!

Kagura shook her head as she thought over this whole mess.

Definitely NOT how she expected the night to turn out.

END

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