Sailor Moon Tryouts
Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.
Thank D. Weird for giving me these ideas.
"This just keeps getting worse and worse," growled Rei, as they sent another group of anime candidates back to their own universe after they all failed to produce viable candidates to replace Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen as the duo went on a honeymoon.
"Okay," said Minako, scratching of the cast from 3x3 Eyes from the list of possibles. "Whose next?"
"Um ... the cast of Naruto," said Hotaru, looking at a clipboard.
"Well, we'll know they can fight," said Haruka.
"WAH!" cried Usagi. "At this rate I'll never get to go on my honeymoon!"
"Don't worry, Usako," Mamoru said, trying to comfort his girlfriend. "I mean, we can celebrate here instead of Hawaii, or Canada, or any of those other expensive places you want to go."
"But it has to be perfect!" she cried. "The movies always say that the couple get married, go somewhere really, really romantic, and share a spectacular kiss!"
The others could only blink at her.
"Um..." said Ami, scratching the back of her head, "you do know what else comes after that, right?"
The others paled slightly as Usagi looked at them with confusion. "Something else? You mean like room service?"
Though he wasn't showing it, Mamoru felt like he was going to have to cry very soon.
Setsuna sighed, as she went over to the future queen, and whispered what happened on honeymoons, into her ear.
Usagi could only blink, before stating her eloquent reply.
"Get the Naruto crew here," grumbled Makoto, rubbing her forehead.
"YOSH!" cried Gai. "Together with Lee-kun, we shall protect this fair city from the forces that seek to create an unyouthful land where the fires of youth never burn!"
"Gai-sensei!" cried Lee, tears going down his face. "I shall forever stand by you against the forces of evil that would rob the youth of this land of their fire!"
"Stop it!" yelled Rei, covering her eyes. The flashes from their teeth were about to give her a seizure. "We are Sailor Senshi! Why are you dressed as Batman and Robin?"
"I'll get Dumpling Head for this," Rei muttered as she turned around.
Test Case #1: Naruto and Hinata:
Sailor Moon flashed between the attacking youma, dispatching them quickly thanks to her harsh training in the Hyuuga style of the Gentle Fist.
"Way to go, Sailor Moon!" cheered Tuxedo Kamen from a nearby rooftop, eating yet another bowl of ramen that Sailor Jupiter had prepared.
"N-N-Naruto-kun is watching!" squeaked Sailor Moon, before she passed out.
"Hey! You guys hurt her!" yelled Tuxedo Kamen, hopping down. "Sure, she's a little weird, but why'd ya do that? I'll have to teach you all a lesson! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
"You think we could learn to do that?" asked Venus, as the dozens of Tuxedo Kamens began to tear into the invading horde.
"I could get so much studying done with that technique," muttered Mercury.
"Don't even think about it," muttered Neptune, poking Uranus in the ribs.
"Sure, take away my dream," muttered the short-haired Senshi.
"Rendan!" cried one shadow clone, as he delivered a strong heel to the back of the youma's head, driving it into the pavement.
Test Case #2: Kakashi and Shizune:
"Where the Hell is he?" yelled Sailor Moon, as she struggled against the youma.
"He knew what time we started, right?" asked Sailor Jupiter.
Test Case #3: Naruto and Sakura:
"Sailor Moon!" cried out one Dark General. "You may have defeated my forces—though I can honestly say I didn't expect you to literally punch them into pieces—but you will find that your strength is no match for mine!"
"Oh, I love a challenge," smirked Sailor Moon, cracking her knuckles.
"Allow me," grinned Tuxedo Kamen, as he preformed the handseals. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
The Dark General looked around at the shadow clones. "You think this weak move will get me? I have already discovered a weakness.
Tuxedo Kamen smirked, before he changed his hand seals once more. "Hāremu no Jutsu!"
The shadow clones instantly changed into nude female versions of Naruto, small clouds hiding whatever naughty bits might be exposed, before jumping the Dark General.
"There's no way that much blood could have come from him," muttered Mercury, trying to figure out how one Dark General could pump out that much blood from his nose.
"The Outers are down," muttered Minako, staring at the two Senshi currently in a puddle of their own nasal blood.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE YOUR PERVERTED TECHNIQUES AGAIN! GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN, NARUTOOOOOOO!"
Test Case #4: Sakura and—
"Hello," said Tuxedo Kamen, holding a small orange booklet labeled 'Icha Icha Dating Tactics'. "Sorry I'm late, I got lost on a train of thought."
"LIAR!" yelled many of the ninjas.
"Oh," said Kamen. "Did I miss anything?"
"Let me show you what you missed!" yelled a slightly injured Sailor Moon (Shizune), holding a large broadsword.
"Oh, um ... sorry?"
"Well, he has Kamen's timing about right?" said Saturn, trying to be helpful.
Test Case #4: Sakura and Lee:
"Do not worry, Sailor Moon!" cried Tuxedo Mask ... in a green tuxedo. "I shall protect you now and always with my flaming power of youth! Accept these gifts of my affection!" he yelled, before launching his wink-hearts at her.
"Not again!" cried Sailor Moon, as she began to toss and use youma as a shield against the attack/sign of affection, reducing them quickly to dust.
"I thought it was supposed to be Sailor Moon who used attacks shaped like hearts?" asked Neptune.
"THAT IS THE POWER OF ONE FILLED WITH FLAMING YOUTH!" cried Gai.
"AHHHH!" yelled Mercury, jumping into the air in fright, since Gai had said that right behind her.
"Oh, something's flaming, alright," muttered Uranus.
"Are those his real eyebrows?" wondered Saturn.
"Ah, Sailor Uranus, you too can feel Lee's flaming youth!"
Mars merely rubbed her forehead. "I just had to survive, didn't I?"
Test Case #5: Neji and Tenten:
"Now this I like," smiled Sailor Moon, as more kunai, daggers, and assorted blades seemed to shoot out of the Ginzuishou. "This is a hell of a lot easier than using scrolls!"
The amount of dead youma and damaged neighborhood could attest to her new joy.
"How..." muttered the Dark General. "How could we be beaten so easily?"
"Destiny," said Tuxedo Kamen, observing his rose. "Fate decided this fight before it even began. And a natural loser like you was never able to defeat a genius like us. Destiny will always be against you, and you cannot change your destiny."
"Oh my god," muttered Jupiter, "he's another Pluto."
"Finally, a love interest for her," smirked Uranus. "Time for him to boldly go where I doubt any man has gone before."
Test Case #6: Ibiki and Anko:
"Okay," said Tuxedo Kamen, looking at his notes, while running his free hand through his hair, enjoying the fact that the test had restored his appearance to pre-tortured existence. "From our interrogations, we now have the names of the other Dark Generals, locations of bases in this realm and others, names of their leaders, favorite foods of said leaders, and points of entry for their bases. Anything else?"
"Damn," muttered Venus. "He's good."
"WHO SAID YOU COULD CHANGE THE SAILOR MOON OUTFIT?" yelled Mars to Sailor Moon, who was currently dressed in a black leather version of the fuku.
"You're just jealous of my Moon Whip," smirked Sailor Moon, cracking said whip.
"What can we do for you, oh Dark Mistress," said several broken youma.
"Can you teach me how to do that?" asked Neptune, earning an eep from Uranus.
Test Case #7: Hanabi and Naruto:
"Where's Sailor Moon?" asked Saturn, as Tuxedo Kamen proceeded to tear into the youma ranks with blue balls of swirling energy.
"Fūton: Rasenshuriken!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled, as the youma were suddenly encased in a swirling dome.
"Um ... she got sick," said Hinata, leaning against a closet door she had just come out of.
"You better go heal him," said Mercury. "He's arm just suffered severe cellular damage."
"Why? Isn't he healing himself?" asked Venus.
"Hey, I'm still in High School, give me a break!" yelled Mercury.
"Someone needs a boyfriend," muttered the Senshi of Love.
Test Case #8: Ebisu and Tayuya:
"What the (beep)!" yelled Sailor Moon, as Tuxedo Kamen collapsed in a pool of his own blood. "These (beep) youma only used that (beep) Naruto's (beep) perverted jutsu and this little (beep) (beep) (beep) is out like a (beep) virgin!"
""What's she saying?" asked Saturn, as she had three sets of hands over her ears.
"And what's up with all the (beep) (beep) youma on this (beep) (beep) plane of existence? Where the (beep) do you (beep) Senshi get these (beep) (beep) youma for this (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) test?"
"Mercury, what's a (beep) (beep)?" asked Saturn, displaying how well she could read lips.
Got to love the Japanese Educational System.
"Get your (beep) (beep) up you worthless (beep) (beep) man! Can't you see I'm in (beep) (beep) trouble here, or are you so (beep) (beep) (beep) that your (beep) (beep) (beep) can't (beep) (beep), you (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep)!"
"There goes our fan-base," muttered Jupiter.
Test Case #9: Jiraiya and—
"Sorry," said Naruto, "but Ero-sennin saw that youma are mainly female, and said he had to go to their home dimension for research on his new book, 'Icha Icha Negaverse'."
The others could only stare.
"Why am I not shocked," said Mars.
"We need to drag his (beep) (beep) back here so he can (beep) take the (beep) (beep) test."
Test Case #9b: Naruto and Tsunade:
"Why am I paired with Granny?" asked Tuxedo Kamen, earning him a vicious punch from Sailor Moon, which drove him into the concrete.
"So she's an old hag?" asked one very slow youma.
Sailor Moon slowly, turned towards them, her aura resembling more of the fires of Hell than a pure warrior of Love and Justice.
"Oh (beep)," muttered a youma, as they began to quickly die.
"She altered her costume more than Misato," grumbled Venus.
"Stop taking pictures, Uranus," glared Neptune.
"But it has everything I love, sexy women and gory violence!" she cried.
As the Senshi argued amongst themselves, and Sailor Moon showed the youma why she was not to be insulted, Hinata appeared on the field, and dragged off the unconscious form of Tuxedo Kamen.
Test Case #10: Sasuke and—
"More bad news," muttered Kakashi, poofing into the test area. "Sasuke isn't coming."
"WHAT!" cried Ino, preparing to change into Sailor Moon. "Doesn't he know we need him?" she yelled. "I need saving, damn it!" she yelled, stomping the ground, and creating a rather large crack.
"He said doing this was silly, and not going to help him kill his brother."
"Man, that guy needs some therapy," muttered Jupiter.
"Well what about using Oro—"
"AHHHH!" cried a youma, as it ran.
"Give me your body," said Orochimaru, chasing after its immortal form.
Kabuto was seen chasing after him. "Orochimaru-sama, don't forget your medication!"
"Are you on crack?" yelled Ino.
"What about Kiba?" asked Mercury.
"He ran off after Akamaru after he started to chase the Moon Cats," said Venus.
"I thought it was kind of quiet," muttered Mars.
"Shino?" Mercury asked.
"Got picked up by National Security because of how he was dressed," said Jupiter. "They thought he was a terrorist."
"I warned him not to wear that stupid coat," muttered Ino.
"Just disappeared," said Saturn.
"Currently trying to out-eat Usagi."
"Pluto ran off with him," mumbled Venus, shaking her head. "Seeing her making out with a guy is ... creepy."
"We're running out of male leads," said Mercury.
"Well find me someone!" yelled Ino. "I'm a dainty Warrior of Love and Justice, and if you don't find me someone to take the test with..." she growled, crushing a stone in her hand.
Test Case #10h: Naruto and Ino:
"Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ōgi: Sennen Goroshi!" cried Tuxedo Kamen, as he poked the Dark General in a very vulnerable area, and sent him flying in pain.
"HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY TEST WITH THAT PERVERTED TECHNIQUE?" yelled Sailor Moon, as she started to chase after Tuxedo Kamen, accidentally crushing the fallen Dark General in her pursuit.
"I give up!" yelled Mars. "No more tests!"
"Can I learn that technique?" asked Uranus.
"FAIL!" yelled Mars, as the ninjas assembled.
A tired looking Naruto raised his hand, despite the fact Hinata was hanging off of it. "But I never got a chance to show my Senshi no Jutsu."
"We do not want to see you in a fuku, Naruto," glared Sakura.
"Still worth it," smiled Ibiki, as he combed his luscious locks.
"Agreed," said Anko, looking over at her new minions.
"You're not supposed to take youma on as henchmen!" yelled Rei.
"You do things your way, I do things my way," said Anko. "You don't mind, do you?"
"No Mistress," said the youma.
"Just go home," cried Mars, as she broke down.
"Wait," said Kiba. "Aren't we missing someone?"
I will get you for this, Sister.
Hanabi continued to try and work herself free of the ropes Hinata had tied her up with.