Sensei from Hell

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Thank D. Weird for giving me these ideas.

"Naruto-kun," sighed the silent Hyuuga heiress, as she once again stared at the apartment her eternal love interest had once lived in.

She still remembered the day he had left the village, going on a three year training journey with the Legendary Frog Hermit Jiraiya.

And in the end, before he left, when she had the perfect opportunity to wish him well ... she had chickened out, wishing him well from the shadows of an alley, much like she was doing now.

Currently on a rooftop across the street, she peered into the empty apartment, as she had done since he had left, and whenever a mission hadn't taken her away.

I have to be stronger, I have to get stronger, just like ... Naruto-kun...

She fell into the same blush she always fell into when thoughts of said blond-haired ninja reared their heads in her mind.

"You know, this was kind of fun to watch at first," said a familiar voice, "but now it is beyond sad, we're into Pathetic Country here."

Hinata squealed in surprise, shocked that someone had snuck up on her, before turning around quickly, spotting the speaker sitting on the roof next to her, eating some dango.

"So, are you always going to pine for the brat like this?" said Anko, finishing her last dango. "If so, then you better go find yourself someone else. He's too dense to see such a sad display."

"N-N-Naruto-kun isn't dense," Hinata stuttered in reply.

"But you aren't brave," smirked Anko. "Tell you what, kid. I'm feeling generous today."

She wasn't feeling generous, more like bored out of her skull. There hadn't been any exciting missions for her in months, and Tsunade was very close to putting her as a ... gulp ... teacher at the Academy. This was very bad, because teachers never went on missions. At this point, she'd settle for three of the little runts to train.

This meant that if she didn't start making herself some fun soon, she'd better be prepared to start being ... normal and average.

And if she was going for fun, Anko preferred a 'long term' investment, something that kept giving ... and giving ... and giving.

"So from today onward, I'll help you get stronger in the ways of a woman, so you can get your interest into that ramen-head's thick skull."

Hinata was about to get upset that the Special Jounin had once again insulted her forever-love, but the promise... "R-R-Really?" she asked, hopeful that this was not a trick.

Anko nodded. "Come with me, and let Mistress Anko teach you how to hunt the slow-witted male."

"You want to what?" asked Kurenai in shock.

"I want to borrow your student for a while in the future," said Anko, as she tossed back a shot of liquor. "I mean, the girl has no idea how to seduce a man, let alone get him to notice her. She needs some help, and you're obviously too hung up on Asuma to help."

"I-I-I don't know to what you are implying," stuttered the Genjutsu mistress.

"Please," snorted Anko. "If you two were any louder when you went at it, I'm sure the Kazekage would be telling you to keep it down, all the way from Suna," she smirked.

The kunoichi was back to blushing ... deeply. "We're not that loud," she muttered.

"Keep telling yourself that," smirked Anko. "Just be glad that the pervert Sannin isn't here. You really should start shutting the curtains..."

"Fine, take her," growled Kurenai, making a mental note to spray paint the windows in her apartment ... and get the place sound-proofed. "But if she comes back with a scratch..."

"I promise."

"And she better not be horribly mentally scared for life."

"Please, I would never dream of taking that job away from the Hyuuga Elders," Anko smirked, as she quickly left.

Kurenai sighed. Somehow, she just knew this was going to come back and bite her in the ass.

"Miss," said the bartender, handing her a bill.

"What's this?"

"Ms. Anko said you were paying her tab," he replied.

"That bitch," muttered Kurenai. "She'll pay for this..."

Anko smirked as she returned to the practice field where she had left Hinata passed out. "She's still out? Really, all I did was Henge into the brat and flirt with her. I've seen five year olds with more endurance."

The Jounin sighed. "Well, I got some time before the brat gets back. Looks like I'll need it. This is one seriously repressed woman. You'd think the kunoichi teachers would have done a better job than this."

Looking at Hinata, Anko began to shift her plans. "Maybe I need to start with smaller steps … and maybe some medication for anxiety as well."

Anko looked one with a bit of worry as Hinata fretted over the training dummy. It wasn't that expensive of a training dummy, just a patchwork pillow filled with straw and shaped as male. It was dressed in a familiar bright orange jumpsuit, a blond wig, and drawn-on blue eyes. She had even added a small piece of a branch to simulate the male equipment.

She had decided to go a bit slower after the failed first attempt to desensitize the girl first, working on other issues and hoping the working with things similar to the boy.

That had worked for a bit, so Anko decided to push it a bit.

"Don't worry Naruto-kun, we'll get it fix!" cried the frantic girl.

Anko sighed. It had been a simple technique of how to strip a target quickly. Afterwards, they would move up to more realistic fakes of the blond brat and hope that by making it more about ninjutsu rather than romance, the Hyuuga girl might even be able to stand being around the kid without fainting.

"MEDIC!" cried Hinata, as she cuddled the chopped piece of branch to her side, looking sadly at the nude training dummy, complete with freshly cut 'male equipment'.

"Maybe getting those mood medications to help wasn't a good idea," Anko mused.

"Don't worry, Naruto-kun!" cried the frantic girl once again. "You're still a man to me!"

Sighing, Anko began to wonder if the girl was out of it enough for the Special Jounin to simply knock her out until the meds left her system.

Anko hopped back, dropping the henge and wiping her mouth, glaring at the girl across from her.

Hinata just smirked at her, before she blinked her eyes. Slowly, the girl's face turned red from embarrassment, before she promptly passed out on the ground.

Standing up a bit straighter, Anko let out of breath of repressed tension. The girl was good, very good. But the results were not looking good at the moment for a long-term solution. Sure, the Hyuuga girl could now actively pursue Naruto—or anyone henged into Naruto—but it wasn't her. It was like a side-personality, a mentality some ninja acquired, allowing them to slip into a battle-mode of sorts.

In other words, Hinata would switch into a Naruto-mode and actively seek out and seduce the Naruto before her. That mode would only end once she was either satiated or Naruto was removed from her presence.

"Apparently she also remembers what she did," murmured Anko, wiping her mouth once again. "And that girl uses way too much tongue," the snake kunoichi said. "I'll have to get her some notes on that as well."

Not that Anko minded the yuri-kiss, but she preferred her partners to be of legal age, for either gender.

"Now I just got to merge her two mindsets," she mused, as she picked up her unconscious charge. The girl was scheduled for a mission today, and the last thing Anko needed was Kurenai upset with her … well, more so than usual.

"Hey, Ero-Sennin," said Naruto, looking around the camp fire, as they prepared for some new training technique.

"Stop calling me that!" yelled Jiraiya, quickly checking the area himself to see if the kid could have perhaps spotted something he missed. "Now what is it?" he asked, finding nothing.

"You ever get the feeling like Death is looking over your shoulder?" asked Naruto, as he shivered once more.

Jiraiya could only blink. "What did you do?"

"Hey!" screamed Naruto. "Why are you blaming me? You probably cheated someone and used me as payment!"

"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" yelled Jiraiya, bopping Naruto on his head before he could respond with a wise-ass comment.

"The guy who did that in the last village we visited," the Kyuubi container grumbled.

"I was drunk at the time," Jiraiya said.

"You tried to use me as a bargain for some hentai stuff!"

"That was vintage reading material!"

"Reading?" asked Naruto. "But it was mostly pictures."

Many months later...

As Naruto entered the village, Jiraiya by his side, neither of them noticed two women watching them from high above the street.

"He is finally here, my faithful student," said Anko.

"Yes, he is," said Hinata, her voice a little more sultry than most would assume to ever come from her.

"Are you ready in your mind?" Anko asked, wanting to ensure that the fusion of the personalities had succeeded. It wouldn't do for Hinata to slip into her seductress mindset every time Naruto was near.

"Of course, Sensei. This is the moment I have trained for."

"Then go, and may you succeed."

Hinata nodded, as she vanished from sight.

Smirking, Anko pulled out a small bag filled with dango. "Well, time to see what I have created," she smirked, imaging all the fun this would create. "Nothing like a gift that keeps on giving, especially when it gives to me."

"Okay," said Anko, looking at her upset student, "what happened?"

"Apparently," said Kurenai, glaring still at her friend, "there was a request for aid from Suna about the kidnapping of their Kazekage. He had to leave immediately."

"So he had to go help the other brat," said Anko. "I guess you can hold off a few days more. After all, you did say you loved the brat's heart."

"But Anko-sensei," said Hinata, sniffling a bit, "we've got missions for about the next two weeks. How can I properly seduce him?"

"What did you train her to do, Anko?" asked Kurenai with a glare.

Anko just waved her off as she focused on her student. She had been hoping for some fireworks earlier than this. But it appeared Fate was going to keep the blond-haired genin busy for a while longer. "What did I teach you to do?"

"But surely Naruto-kun will notice chains on his bed if he returns before I get the free time to have my way with him."

"WHAT?" yelled Kurenai. "Is this why Shino and Kiba can't look me in the eye?" she asked, glaring at Anko and her hand holding a kunai. "Do they know what you taught Hinata?"

ANko scratched her chin. "No, I think it's because you still can't keep a secret about you and Asuma," smirked the snake jounin. "Can't you two be quieter or at least shut the curtains?"

"Oh, can I borrow the peacock feathers, Sensei?" asked an excited Hinata. "I can practice my routine for when Naruto and I aren't called for a mission!"

Blinking, Anko snapped her fingers before her friend's face. "Damn, we broke her.

"Anyway," she said, dismissing her worry over Kurenai's frozen form and taking her student to her side, walking away, "let's talk about planning. Have you prepared to set things up so that the blond doesn't know what you have planned for him, contingencies in case someone else gets in the way? Will you surprise him with the new you before you jump him or when he's cornered?"

Two weeks later…

Naruto just smiled as he walked away. Aside from that very disturbing image of Sasuke and Sai together, Konohamaru was really making progress. It made the blond puff out his chest in pride that his student had gone so far.

Oh sure, he could do without that creepy guy-on-guy stuff. But that was just a mistake the young Sarutobi would have to learn from. If not, then Naruto would just have to hurt him for forever scaring his mind with that image.

"Welcome back, Naruto-kun."

Blinking, he spotted Hinata leaning against the wall, her new outfit drawing his attention in ways he just knew Ero-Sennin would approve of. "Hey Hinata!" he said with a smile, closing his eyes and trying to banish the naughty thoughts away.

Hinata just smiled. He didn't have any major missions to drag him away from her tender mercies now, no Kazekage to rescue or spy to capture. He was without missions and without a chance to be dragged away before she completed her plan. "Naruto-kun, can I give you your present now?" she said slightly nervous, not wanting him to know just in how much danger he truly was in. She just acted a lot less like she had no confidence and more like she was focused on her path.

He blinked at that. Before the spy mission, she had told him she had something to give to him. But when he got dragged away, he told her he'd have to grab it from her when he returned. "Sure! But I don't know why you got me anything."

"Oh, it's a welcome back gift," Hinata added as she took his arm and began leading him towards his apartment. Somehow, she doubted she could get what she wanted at her home. "But I can only give it to you at your place."

"What do you mean, Hinata?" asked the confused blond genin.

Hinata just put on an innocent smile, giving no notice to her less-than-innocent motives. "Trust me, Naruto-kun; you'll love this gift. But I don't want anyone else to see it. That's why I want to save it until we get back to your place."

"Oh, okay," he said, wondering why he felt like he was in danger. Ah well, its not like Hinata'll hurt me.

Sakura knocked once more on the door of her teammate, wondering where the hell he was. It was already past noon, and she had expected him to be up and about by now, not sleeping in late.

Hearing an angry stomping sound quickly approach the door, Sakura steadied herself, a bit worried about what may have made her teammate not only sleep so late, but be angry to be having to open the door at the moment.


Sakura leaned back; shocked both at the sheer volume of the response, but also who was giving said response. It certainly wasn't Naruto; that much was certain. Even he wouldn't have pulled off such a henge.

That was unless Naruto could do a perfect henge of a topless Hinata Hyuuga only wearing a g-string who was now glaring at her.

"Um…" she started, trying to shake herself out of her stupor. "Is … Naruto … here?" she asked, trying not to focus on the shockingly angry and semi-nude Hyuuga.

"Sakura-chan, help!" came the cry from the bedroom. "Hinata's gone crazy!"

Hinata just sighed as her hand darted out, striking the shocked kunoichi in the needed points to drop her. "Oh well, I'll break her second."

As she shut the door, she was a bit thankful it had been a girl. She really didn't want to get so bloody before she finally completed the SSS-ranked mission Anko-sensei had helped design for her. Only Little Naruto was going to get near her, any others would be cut off on site.

Anko sniffed a bit as she wiped a tear from her eyes. "Students grow up so fast," she said, happiness flowing through her. She had been a bit worried when the pink-haired girl had shown up, but Hinata took it in stride.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to her side, making certain the cameras she had set up would get the full act going on now inside Naruto's bedroom. You never knew when you might need a gift for either your student or her father—Hiashi really pissed her off a few times, and nothing said 'payback' like watching a video of your daughter sleeping with the former village pariah and another girl.

Let's see those Elder bastards take that!

Saluting her apprentice once more, she leapt away. After all, she had to inform Kurenai of her success.

Jiraiya would have done something for his apprentice. He had been a bit worried when he had felt one of his seals trigger, letting him know that Naruto had entered a high-stress situation that might trigger the Kyuubi-chakra.

"Ah, I see," he said, fading back into sight as the apprentice of his former teammate took off with a smile. He was definitely pleasantly surprised to find this however, instead of the battle he had expected. Bet Naruto never thought he'd be in this sort of battle.

Turning back to the scene of the young Hyuuga heiress not only showing once again that it wasn't just the eyes that might be considered the Hyuuga Bloodline Gift, but that she had been prepared for such an interruption, he took out a pen and pad. Minato, you would be so proud of your son; losing his virginity in a threesome, just like you wanted.

And thus a new Icha-Icha series was born.

The moral of the story is: always close the damned curtains. You might not like who ends up watching if you don't.