Chapter 11

Monica never knew how long she walked along the vast meadow. There was a turmoil of thoughts and emotions taking over her very soul and she never paid attention to the wild flowers or to the green hills that had always enchanted her. The beauty of that scenario and all its peace could not ease the conflict of emotions going on deep inside her angelic heart. She felt sorrow, anguish and confusion, and there were countless questions that needed to be answered.

But her little heart ached with pain as the one angel who would always listen to her observations and answer to her questions with usual patience and love was not there. Tess' words were clear: Andrew had been sent away from her, back to Earth, and she knew the reason for that. Their feelings for each other could be stronger than angelic love; they could be deeper than any human being could ever experience too – love in its plenitude had settled in their hearts, but, due to their angelic nature, this love was forbidden.

Images of her telling Andrew about her feelings for him came back to her mind and the memory of his hurtful words saying it was wrong, even though he was felling the same, caused tears to appear in her sad brown eyes. A sob escaped her when she also remembered that six lonely months later, Andrew had met her again and confessed his love for her. And this time, with her eyes shining with anger, she had been the one to turn down his love.

When she walked away from him Monica thought she would never be able to forgive Andrew for betraying her confidence. But the blond angel didn't give up on her so easily; he loved her way too much to do it. Andrew was there when she most needed him, and his love, devotion and permanent care finally managed to make her anger finish and her love for him grow even stronger than before. Overwhelmed with emotion, she imagined how painful it had been for him to watch her perish in his arms and, later, to bring her Home. Maybe that's why her own heart ached so much – their connection was so strong that their hearts were like one, sharing the same feelings, experiencing the same emotions, beating in the same rhythm.

But now she didn't know where he was or whether he would come back Home. All she knew was that Andrew's absence had left a painful void in her existence. The Irish angel knelt at the bank of a stream of crystalline water and cried openly for a long painful time.

"Oh, Andrew... I miss you so much... So terribly much! I wish I could see you just once again and tell you that my love for you hasn't changed... that I loved you all those months we've been apart and even after that..." she whispered, sobbing violently. Then, the little angel turned her eyes to the blue sky, feeling a mix of guilt, shame and deep sorrow, "Father, please, forgive me... I know why You sent him away... I know that what Andrew and I feel is wrong but... But I cannot send him away from my heart. Without him, my best part is missing..."

A familiar voice interrupted her prayers. "Angel girl..."

Tess was standing behind her and had a motherish expression on her face and the fact that Monica was suffering so much filled her own heart with sadness. The Irish angel didn't reply, she couldn't even look at her friend and supervisor, fearing the disapproval that would certainly be written all over her face. That would be too much to bear.

As Monica didn't make any movement, Tess gave a few steps and knelt right next to her. "I believe we need to talk, baby..."

She blinked a few tears, "Tess... please... it hurts so much..."

"I know baby, I know."

Monica's gaze finally met with hers, in a fearful look, with tears blurring her vision "I love him, Tess... I love him with all my heart! When... when I first realized it I panicked! Angels are not supposed to feel this way, we were created to accomplish God's will, and I know how wrong I was to be feeling like this. But then... then he told me he felt the same, Tess! Andrew told me he loves me and don't know what to do because... each and every minute of my existence I seem to love him even more!"

She started to sob again and Tess gathered her in her arms, trying to soothe her soul, "Shh... Calm down, angel girl. Calm down... I can see you're suffering..."

"I'm such a terrible angel, Tess! Such a terrible creature for wanting something that doesn't belong to me!"

"Of course you aren't. You're an angel of God, baby!"

"I let Him down!"

Tess pulled away and looked straight into her eyes, "Baby, can you hear what you're saying?"

"How am I supposed to forget him if... if every time I look at him I... I fall in love again?"

The older angel sighed deeply. "Baby, I know you've been through a lot and I can't possibly imagine how painful these last days have been for you but somehow I guess you've been away from your loving Father..." The tone of her voice was gentle but firm.

With confusion and an extra dose of shame clouded Monica's face, "I... I know and I'm so terribly sorry, Tess..."

"Shh... Give me a minute, angel girl, cause I didn't say everything I wanted to say. You've been so away from God that all these six months you've been suffering because of your feelings for Andrew you never turned to the Father and asked for His guidance."

Hearing that, Monica lowered her head, allowing tears to fall freely from her eyes. "I was so ashamed... so afraid..."

"I know that, baby. And He knows that too. God can see everything inside this little heart of yours. Your fears, your questionings, your feelings..." she made a brief pause, watching how devastated the little angel was. "And He can see how much you love Andrew."

"That's why He sent him away, isn't it? We can't possibly go on working together if we have this feeling in our hearts. Our love is impossible..."

"And who told you that?"

"We're angels... That should be enough..."

"Monica, look at me..." she cupped Monica's chin up and stared deep inside those sad brown eyes, "The Father sent me here with a message for you..." a beautiful glow involved the supervisor's form and a slight smile appeared on her face. She reached out to take Monica's hand and went on talking, "God would never put you and Andrew apart in the first place, as He knows that it would certainly break your hearts. And He sent me here to tell you that there's no reason to cry or feel ashamed. The love between God's children, either they're human or angels, is holy too. You and Andrew have a great capacity to love! That's why you've established a connection since you first met. And that's why the Father Himself made your paths cross."

"I... I don't understand..."

"What I mean is that the Father is giving you two His blessing, baby. What you and Andrew share is strong; it's beautiful and it's a present from Him."

Monica felt her heart pounding loudly in her chest at hearing those words: never in her whole existence would she imagine they'd be granted God's permission to love each other – all her fears, her shame, the confusion in her mind prevented her from listening to His loving words, blessing them both. But now she could finally feel those words being whispered inside her very soul and a wave of joy washed over her.

"Oh, Father... I'm so sorry... Please, forgive me... I was so confused... so afraid to let You down..." she prayed, hearing a loving reply, confirming what Tess had told her. The old supervisor squeezed her hands and gave her an encouraging smile, "And I want you to know that I too give you both my blessing, angel girl. I love you both so much and knowing that you'll now be like one fills my heart with happiness!"

"Tess... Oh, Tess, thank you!" she held the supervisor tightly, with a grateful expression on her crying face. "I love you so much! You're the closest thing to a mother to me..."

"Well, you're the closest thing to a daughter to me too, baby! But now don't you think there's someone else who would love to see you again?"

Monica felt that old sensation of butterflies in the pitch of her stomach at the thought that she would meet her beloved Andrew again – and this time there would be no fear nor shame, but just the most beautiful feeling she'd ever experienced.

Time on earth was much different from time in heaven, so for Andrew, the days passed slowly and with somewhat of a numbing agony. His tortured mind kept going over every little detail of all that had transpired since Monica had first confessed her feelings for him. He tried to imagine how horrible the six months following that time must have been for her, but he didn't have to imagine very hard; the depths of her pain had been in those beautiful brown eyes when he had found her on the beach.

On the rare occasion when assignments took them in different directions, they were never separated for long, even if it was only little visits they managed to pay to each other. But for six terrible months they had been apart and it grieved him to know that he was the cause. He had allowed Monica to feel terribly insecure and alone for far too long, trying to make herself not feel something that she felt with her whole heart.

When she had been dying in his arms, he had lost her all over again and then again once he got her Home and was told he had to come back down to earth. But though losing her was incredibly painful, knowing he would never see her again was emotionally crippling him.

Glancing at his pocket watch, Andrew got word of another assignment and with a heavy heart, he appeared at a rest stop for truckers. Knowledge filled his heart that this assignment was not for an Angel of Death, but that he was to fulfill a Caseworkers task. Looking around him, Andrew had to force back anger at seeing who his assignments were.

"It's all for the best, Jim," Mike tried to reassure his friend, "She was an angel for cryin' out loud. What business did we have trying to turn her over to a bunch of scientists? God wasn't about to let that happen and that's why she disappeared."

Jim scowled as he shoved his hands angrily into his pockets, "We'd of had her if someone hadn't of helped her get away! C'mon! She was trapped in the truck! If God had wanted her to get away, then why not beam her up right then and there? We'd be rich by now, had we just not left her alone!"

"Do you hear yourself? You can't beat God, Jim! We had no business tryin' to sell an angel!" He shook his head sadly, "I just hope she's okay as she wasn't looking too good."

"There can be angels without God, Mike."

"I don't think so."

"Not like you can prove it!" Jim growled, giving his friend an angry shove.

Andrew felt the light of God surround him as he stepped out of the shadows, "No, Mike can't prove it, Jim, but I can."

Mike's eyes widened as he saw his second angel in a matter of days and even Jim's mouth hung open in disbelief, "Holy Sh-."

"Yes, Jim," Andrew interrupted, "God is holy and just and unfortunately, He was not all that appreciative of the way you chose to treat one of his angels…and neither was I."

"You're the one who helped her, weren't you?" Mike whispered, suddenly feeling rather frightened of the part he had played in all of this. The angel standing here now didn't look at all fragile like the little female had, and Mike had a feeling that if this angel got angry the wrath of God would rain down upon them.

Andrew nodded his head, "Her name is Monica and she is a very dear friend of mine. God sent me to help her when you, Jim, refused to do the right thing."

"I was just trying to watch out for my family, angel!" Jim snapped angrily, "If there is a God then he can create as many angels as he wants! What's the big deal if he loses one in order to help a man provide for his family?"

Andrew felt anger enter into his soul as he struggled to control his tone of voice. He was supposed to deliver a compassionate message to this man, but Jim's indifference to someone so precious to him was intolerable, "Yes, Jim, God has many angels, but no matter how many of His angels I meet, I have never met one as loving, and caring as Monica. She would risk her very existence for someone like you! Someone who didn't even care enough to help her when her human form became sick! God has never created a soul as sweet as hers and for you to stand there and speak of her as if she is a commodity is almost more than I can listen to!" He had Jim's attention now and though Andrew knew he could stop and deliver the message of God's forgiveness, there was still more in his heart he needed to say, "I can't even begin to understand how you could look at her and want to cause her pain. I caused her mental anguish and I know I'll never forgive myself for it. But to want to make money from her suffering? To use a messenger of God for your own personal gain? It's despicable," He lowered his eyes for a moment, and gave into the truth that Monica usually delivered, "But the amazing thing is that Monica would forgive you for it and so will God, if you only ask him. If you would spend more time talking to Him than to yourself, I think you'll find that God will supply you some answers on how to provide for your family honestly, without having to hurt anyone else."

Understanding finally flooded Jim's eyes before he looked away, shame filling up his soul. There had been a time when he'd been in church every Sunday and had talked to God every night before he went to sleep and he had to admit that his life had been better. Somehow he had gotten away from all of that, and since that time, things had been falling apart, "Monica…is she okay?"

The familiar pain caused the angel's heart to clench, "Yes, she will be. God will heal her."

"Tell her I'm sorry," Mike pleaded, "I wanted to help her, I did-."

"She knows that, Mike and so do I. You showed her some kindness when she was sick and afraid and she knew she could trust you."

"Tell God I'll do better," Jim added, his eyes full of tears, "I swear I will."

"I could tell him, but I think it would be better if you'd tell him yourself." Andrew felt the glow around him fade and he knew that he was no longer visible to the two men. He watched as they stood in stunned silence for a moment before they walked over to their truck quietly.

Turning his emerald eyes to the night sky, Andrew found himself needing to tell his Father a few things, "Father, I'm so sorry about everything; about how I feel about Monica, about not talking to you honestly about it, about not being honest with Monica about it. I hurt her so badly, Father and I love her so much. I understand why you've separated us, I do. I know what we feel is wrong and disappointing to you, so if this is the only way that Monica and I can be all you intended us to be, then so be it. But please, take care of her for me. Let her know how sorry I am and how much I love her…how much I'll miss her. I can't imagine my existence without her…" His voice trailed off as he fought back the emotions that were trying to make their way to the surface, "She's the other part of my soul, my little angel girl, the only other angel who can bring so much joy to my heart. Please, Father, don't ever let her forget how much I love her, how much I will always love her. Tell her how proud I am of her for being so brave and so strong; so much stronger than I could ever be, as I couldn't even tell her the truth when it mattered the most."

The angel lowered his eyes and blinked back a few tears, before he heard his name spoken. The sound was coming from behind him and there was no mistaking who it was. No one else said his name the way that she did.

Turning around, his tear filled eyes met with hers as he saw the tears streaking her cheeks, "Angel."

To be continued