Title: Anything For Love

Author: Janine

Pairing: Lucy/Amy

Rating: R (just to be safe)

Summary: Amy misses her friends so Lucy arranges for them to visit leading to hijinks, shenanigans and ... mystery!

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never have, never will.


Barcelona – Sometime in the Near Future

Lucy swore under her breath lightly as she struggled with the key trying the keep the bags she had haphazardly shoved under her arms in place as she attempted to unlock the door. Finally succeeding she exclaimed in success, but unfortunately for her the brown paper bag that was clutched between her teeth muffled the victorious cry. Shouldering the door open, Lucy began to call out her favorite greeting of 'honey I'm home', but the rough taste of paper was her reward for that and she grumbled under her breath again before kicking the door shut with her foot.

Dropping the shopping bags to the floor, Lucy poked her head into the main room hoping to scare Amy and was disappointed not to find her on the couch curled up with her sketchpad. Lucy supposed she could have been out on the terrace; it was a nice day out and with the sun going down cool enough to sit outside comfortably. Then again, she could have also been in one of the houses other gazillion rooms.

Lucy sighed and not for the first time wondered if she should have bribed and threatened her way into a smaller house. The XIII century Masia House that she had bought from an old Reynolds family acquaintance for an absurdly low price - due to some compromising pictures she happened to be in possession of - was rather charming and beautiful. Located in a small Catalan village just outside of Barcelona and surrounded by Red Cliffs of Riells del Fai, it provided Amy with a rather scenic scooter drive to class every morning, and them with a hell of a view from the backyard. Still, despite its beauty and convenience she sometimes became disgruntled with the house when it hid her girlfriend from her.

Grudgingly picking up the bags she had dropped earlier Lucy moved into the kitchen quickly putting away the items before moving to the back of the house towards the terrace, a huge smile spreading across her face when she stepped out. She was right, Amy was out there and she did have her sketchpad, but much to Lucy's delight she was also laying poolside in an itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy, blue polka dot bikini.

It might have seemed strange coming from a woman who had previously devoted herself to a life of crime, but at that moment Lucy Diamond was convinced that the best things in life actually were free.

"You look hot," Lucy commented walking towards Amy, returning the smile the blonde sent her when she looked over. "Also, it's pretty warm out," she went on smirking, "so I brought refreshments," she continued as Amy rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless at her joke, her gaze turning to the wine coolers in her hand.

"What are you working on?" Lucy asked as she seated herself beside Amy holding out one of the bottles to the former super spy.

"Nothing for school," Amy replied glancing over at the pad before concentrating on twisting the top off of her bottle. "Just …"

"Free-lance," Lucy supplied looking down at the black and white image on the page. It looked like Amy was only about half way done with it, but she could make out the image already. Delicate cheekbones, eyes with a bright, intense, slightly psychotic look in them, and dark wavy hair … it was Max, the D.E.B. that liked to shoot at her with that effing hand-canon she called a sidearm.

Amy chuckled at Lucy's response. Only her girlfriend would have thought to call doodling free-lance work. "Basically," she replied studying Lucy as she studied the picture. "I guess I'm feeling a little home sick," she continued knowing that Lucy had recognized Max from the shifty look on her face as she gazed at the sketch. Lucy had refused to refer to Max as anything but "Big Guns" after they had fled from End Game, saying things like, 'This sweater is too small for you, is it Big Guns?' or 'That child over there looks unbalanced, she reminds me of Big Guns' or 'Are you writing a letter to Big Guns? She'd probably like it if you signed it in my blood.' Therefore, Amy was fairly certain that Lucy was currently thinking about one of the times that Max had tried to shoot her.

"You miss Big Guns," Lucy said finally tearing her eyes away from the disturbing picture to face Amy.

"I miss all of them, even Dominique and her charming French honesty," Amy said not quite believing that she was actually reminiscing about Dominique calling her boring to her face and sighing dramatically before lighting a cigarette and flouncing away from her. "I just … I mean after all of the times you broke into the compound, I didn't expect it to be so hard to contact them."

Lucy nodded her head and decided not to mention that it was probably because of her numerous break-ins that they tightened security.

"We've only been gone a few months, the Organization will get bored with the controls they've placed on them pretty soon and it'll be like we're practically neighbours," Lucy said finally. She'd managed to get Amy updates about her friends through Scud, whom it was still easy for her to keep in touch with. Janet would send him letters they had written and he would send them to Lucy who handed them over to Amy, and then they would do the same in reverse, but she knew it wasn't the same as actually getting to talk to her friends or seeing them face to face.

She'd had a unique and incredible childhood, she had traveled all over the world, had met some of the most famous and influential people on the planet, but her parents were always moving around to avoid capture and she'd never really gotten to set down roots and make friends. Other than Amy, Scud was the only person that she really cared about and had any desire to keep in contact with. But that was enough for her to know how Amy felt. She knew that she would have been really blue if she couldn't talk to Scud, and had missed him so much when she went to Reykjavik that she'd started sending messenger owls to him.

"I know," Amy agreed sighing softly, it just felt like an eternity. She had spent four years of her life with Max, three with Janet, and two with Dominique, living with them day in and day out. She loved them and had gotten used to having them around. She had gotten used to just walking down the hallway if she wanted to talk to Max, of going shopping with Janet on the weekends and breaking up Janet and Dominique's fights about smoking and whether or not Janet was a 'bourgeois pig' while trying not to laugh.

Lucy reached over drawing her arm around Amy's shoulders bringing her into a hug as they stared out at the rolling hills in front of them slightly. As Amy laid her head on her shoulder, Lucy's mind began to spin. Amy was upset and she wouldn't stand for that. There was a solution to the problem at hand and she was determined to find it. Lucy Diamond had never failed at anything she had put her mind to (except for sinking Australia, but that was totally different and not even relevant, so why did you even bring it up?) and she had now put her mind to finding a way for Amy to talk to Big Guns, Preppy Sweater and The French One. It would be done.

Part 2

Two Days Later

"Are you sure?" Scud asked slowly in a voice much like one an adult would use when talking to a child who had declared they wanted to eat nothing but ice-cubes for dinner.

"Yes, I'm sure," Lucy replied irritably removing the phone from her ear to glare at it hard as if it were actually Scud. "I thought you'd be happy? What's the deal?"

"As your best friend, and former #1 henchman, I'm just making sure that you're fully aware of the consequences of your actions," Scud replied reasonably. "Remember, remember when you wanted to sink Australia and I said, 'Lu, what about the children?' and you were like 'oh, yeah' and then we made a plan to aerial drop crates of blow-up rafts so that people could paddle to safety. This is just like that, only without the rafts … or Australia," he finished pumping his fist up into the air as he won at on-line bingo. 'I am the God of Bingo,' he mouthed shaking his fist.

"Yeah, but that was a legitimate problem. What's wrong with this?" Lucy asked a little glumly. She didn't like being reminded of Australia it made her sad and grouchy, even though on the very same day she had planned on sinking Australia she had saved a ton of money on her car insurance by switching to Geico.

"You gave up a life of crime, remember?" Scud asked. "People on the straight and narrow don't do things like this. I know that not committing crime is harder than crime, but it gets you laid. Yeah," Scud finished sagely.

"But it's not really crime," Lucy protested, "I'm doing a good deed. It's like nice. Isn't there a loophole for that sort of thing? You know, stealing a loaf of bread to feed your starving family, necessary evil, extenuating circumstances or something like that? There's got to be a suitable platitude," she continued certain that her idea, even though it did involve a teensy, weensy, minuscule amount of crime, couldn't really, technically be considered to be a crime … by anyone with a beating heart! (she thought dramatically!).

"Yeah … this is retarded," Scud declared tired of debating whether the crime Lucy was planning was actually a crime. "Let's just do it, it'll be easy since I just finished programming all of the guys numbers into my PSP. Which, by the way, is cool."

"Do you have 'Coded Arms'?"

"It was out of stock."

"That sucks."


"What about 'Hot Shots Golf: Open Tee'?"

"On order."



"Say, do you think Dwayne will still give us a discount on tranquilizer darts?" Lucy asked getting back to business. He'd been pretty upset with her when Scud informed him that she had given up her whirlwind criminal existence and wouldn't be trying to destroy anymore land masses. He'd spent quite a bit of time building her giant lasers and wasn't pleased that they'd be going to waste. "I mean he's not still mad is he, 'cause I said he could have the laser back."

"He's softened somewhat, but I think we'll have to put in a decent sized order. He's still a bit tetchy about it. Apparently he missed the championship game of his kids soccer league getting it ready for you last time," Scud informed her.

"Hey, I offered to make them play the game again at gunpoint for him! His kids team might have even won that time," Lucy responded feeling she was getting a bit of a bad rap for that. She had been upset and needed a rush order.

"Yeah, that was sweet," Scud agreed. "I'll talk to Dwayne."

"Okay, get back to me. And remember we're on an advanced time-table here," Lucy responded just as she heard the front door open. "Also don't forget to water my plant," she whispered quickly before hanging up the phone and leaning casually against the doorframe leading into the kitchen as Amy walked into the house.

Part 3

Los Angeles - Two Weeks Later

Max vaulted over the Beatles door and into the drivers seat landing smoothly before turning around to look behind her.

"Show off," Janet muttered as their eyes met causing Max to smirk before she turned her attention to the side catching Dominique's eyes who merely quirked an eyebrow at her as if to ask who else she expected to see and then lit a cigarette.

Finally Max turned her attention to the seat beside her, barely suppressing a sigh as she looked at the redhead, Madison, Amy's replacement. Offering a weak smile at the new girl, Max started up the car peeling back out of the parking spot and tearing out of the lot.

Amy or no Amy there was still crime to fight.

Still, as Max dodged in and out of the Los Angeles traffic, she had to admit that fighting crime had been more fun with her best friend beside her. Though she was loathe to admit it, Madison was a good spy, she knew procedure, always showed up on time, followed orders, and was always on her best behavior. But she wasn't Amy, and Max knew that she had been harder on the girl than she should have been.

Max had never really considered herself to be particularly sentimental, but she had just always thought that Amy's place would remain open, even if it was just a symbolic gesture - since even though it pained her to lose her sister she was certain that Amy was in love with Lucy Diamond no matter how illogical and treason-icious it was. She had always envisioned there being a place for Amy with them, and when they had been assigned a new team member it had been like a punch in the gut for her.

However, Max didn't have time for such thoughts as they reached the warehouse. An anonymous tipster had told them a major drug deal was going down there and it was there job to make sure that didn't happen.

"Alright, D.E.B.S., formation Two-Delta. Move," Max declared popping out of the car her hand already on her gun. "Let's teach 'em they should've just said 'no'."


Max crouched down quickly taking a peek around one of the large cardboard cylinders they were hiding behind. She could see four men dressed in black standing around a large crate. She frowned to herself at the lack of security and reached into her boot pulling out a small electronic device. There had to be more people in there, according to the tipster this was supposed to be a major deal.

"Is that my sweater?" Janet whispered looking at the navy sweater Dominique was pulling her arms through. "Because if it is, I don't want you smoking. It gets into the fibers."

"Eeet is not your sweataar," Dominique replied taking out a cigarette as she spoke.

"Because I know you borrowed it, and that's fine. It's just if that's my sweater I'd rather it not smell like an ashtray when I get it back," Janet continued staring at the sweater in question. It looked exactly like the one Dominique had borrowed for her last date.

"I return dat," Dominique replied unconcerned puffing out some smoke in the air, only to be whacked on the arm by Max, who was afraid one of the guards would notice the smoke.

"Will you two please shut up," Max growled not in the mood for one of their fights. Once again she wished Amy was with them, she had always managed to handle those two freeing Max up to organize and kick ass.

"It's just that my mother gave me that for my birthday, and …" Janet began.

"Zip it!" Max interjected in a clipped tone. "Madison, put that bag there. We're moving out."


"Shit!" Max declared as smoke suddenly appeared all around them.

As soon as they had shown themselves one of the guards had put his hand to his ear apparently listening to someone on the other end as Madison read them their rights. Then before any of them had time to react the same guard had thrown a small device in their direction.

"Everyone stay sharp!" Max called out as the smoke thickened. "Don't …"

"What? Breathe?" Janet yelled looking around her for one of her teammates and finding nothing but smoke.

"I ehm not peeing on anyting," they could hear Dominique cry out in reference to the gas around them, however it was impossible to make out anymore than a general direction from the statement.

"Um, what do we do?" Madison asked speaking up for the first time.

"Don't die!" Max cried out reaching out in front of her with one hand, while keeping her gun at the ready. "And don't shoot anything D.E.B. shaped!"

However, before any of them could do anything proactive about not dying, they each felt a tiny pin prick somewhere on there body.

"The fu--!" Max exclaimed grabbing her neck.

"Ce n'est pas bon!" Dominique cried out clutching at her thigh.

"Ouch! Something bit me you guys," Janet complained rubbing her arm before waving her hand around in front of her face.

"Oh no," Madison gasped, but by then the other were staggering to the ground as they tried to hold onto their last tendrils of consciousness.


Just before Max descended into darkness she heard the echoing footsteps of someone entering the main area of the warehouse. And then it all went black.

"Alright, alright, time is money … or, a waste of time. Whatever. Let's get them packed up," Scud declared clapping his hands together. "And let's be gentle boys, they are honored guests, not sacks of very attractive potatoes … I don't want to see any bruises when we unpack them. Ah, ah, I'll take care of this one," he said looking down at Janet. He sighed and shook his head. The things he did for Lucy, Janet was going to be so pissed at him he didn't even want to think about it.

"Wait, wait, wait," Scud said looking over to the side and noticing someone on the floor beside Big Guns. "I don't know this one," he continued staring down at Madison. "Hmm, isn't this interesting," he began dramatically as he contemplated her. "What is your story little one, how did you come to be here? I wonder … eh, I don't care … leave her here," he said pointing down at Madison's prone body. "Now, chop, chop, gentlemen, we've got a flight to catch."

Part 4

Barcelona – Later That Day

Lucy bit her lip, chewing on it as her head tilted back slightly, a soft sound emerging from her throat as she looked at Amy who was grinning at her, teasing, a predator playing with her prey.

"Are you sure you won't tell me," Amy said wiggling her hand a little moving it further down inside of Lucy's pants, her lips moving from Lucy's ear to her chin where she let her tongue dart out to lick Lucy's chin.

"It's a surprise," Lucy gasped as Amy's fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her panties and began to slowly rub up and down.

"You're really not going to tell me?" Amy asked pulling back pouting, the movement of the hand she had inside of Lucy's pants stilling as she stared at the brunette beseechingly.

Lucy shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. There was every possibility in the world that Amy would stop touching her if she refused to tell her secret, but she had spent so long planning it that there was no way she was going to ruin the surprise now that the time was so close. Then again, she really, really, really wanted Amy to continue touching her. Finally understanding how Nancy Kerrigan felt as she clutched at her knee that sad January day in '94, Lucy wondered 'why her?' But she knew that she had to remain strong.

"You'll be surprised if it kills me," Lucy stated as steadily as she could meeting Amy's gaze. "Which it just might," she added under her breath despondently as her eyes flickered to Amy's stationary arm.

"We can't have that," Amy responded having caught every one of Lucy's mumbled words and she suspected brunette knew she would. "I've become kind of attached to you."

"Have you?" Lucy asked smirking as Amy grinned at her.

"Hmm, you've infiltrated my heart," Amy confirmed seriously biting her bottom lip as she nodded her head, before she smiled and leaned forward brushing her lips against Lucy's. The first contact of their mouths was light, but as Amy's hand came up to rest at the base of Lucy's neck, her fingers tangling in the former criminal's thick, dark hair, their lips crashed against each other with increasing urgency.

"So, I'm like what? Bacteria?" Lucy asked pulling back just long enough to speak before moving back in to nip at Amy's lips playfully.

"I've always thought of you more like a tapeworm," Amy replied, catching a glimpse of Lucy's pretend offended face before she leaned forward and attached her lips to the crooks neck, sucking hard on the olive skin she found there, smiling against Lucy as she heard her moan.

"I bet you say that to all the girls," Lucy finally managed to choke out, her arms automatically lifting as Amy grabbed the bottom of her tank top and began to pull it off, tossing it carelessly to the side a few moments later.

"Only the one's named Lucy," came Amy's reply as she began to fiddle with Lucy's belt buckle.

"Diamond," Lucy added helpfully as Amy pulled the leather belt out of the tabs with a flick of her wrist.

"Or Johnson, or Ramirez, or Lawless…" Amy took a quick step back as she spoke quite correctly anticipating that Lucy would try to retaliate for that one. Laughing Amy hopped back, her body twisting and her arms coming up in front of her protectively, giggling as Lucy tickled her. "Okay, okay, my parasite references are only for you," Amy relented.

"Aw, you promise?" Lucy asked tiring of tickling Amy and deciding to pull her into her body so that they could make with the kissing again.

"Cross my heart," Amy breathed out, surrendering to Lucy as the brunette leaned forward and captured her lips, her arms wrapping around Amy's waist possessively as her lips moved passionately against Amy's.

"I'd like to have my way with you now," Lucy breathed out, her hands resting on Amy's hips, her thumbs dipping under the blonde's shirt to stroke longingly at the smooth skin just above her hips.

"My booty is your booty," Amy replied softly smiling at Lucy. She was sure the pirate references would never not be funny.

And then Lucy's lips were on hers once more and in-jokes were nothing but a distant memory to her.


Amy rubbed at her eyes sleepily, her eyebrows coming together in confusion as she heard Lucy's voice. Blearily she wondered why Lucy had just randomly started to talk to her in the middle of the night, and was preparing to tell the brunette she didn't know what she was saying when she realized Lucy wasn't talking to her at all. She was on the phone, whispering.

"Who was that?" Amy asked when Lucy hung up the phone.

"Wrong number," Lucy replied keeping her head facing away from Amy as she stood up and began to move towards the closet.

"I didn't hear the phone ring," Amy pointed out as Lucy pulled out a red Juicy tracksuit and began to pull it on. "Where are you going? It's …" she leaned over looking at the bedside clock, "two in the morning."

"Yeah, I got it on the first ring," Lucy replied finally turning around to face Amy. "I just have to … run an errand. Yeah," she continued smiling over at the bed where she could just make out an Amy shaped bump.

"At two in the morning?" Amy asked sitting up on the bed staring in Lucy's direction. "What kind of errand could you possibly have to run at two in the morning?"

"Um … midnight snack," Lucy said sounding rather pleased with herself after the 'um'. "Yeah, I'm hungry. I want pie. I'm going to get delicious pie. And ice-cream," she continued confidently. "And a hat," she finished mumbling the last part under her breath.

"What was that?" Amy asked not quite able to make out the last thing Lucy said.


"You said something after ice-cream."

"No I didn't," Lucy replied looking everywhere but at the bed.

"Yeah, you did. You said something that ended in 'at' like," Amy trailed off thinking, trying to piece together what Lucy could have mumbled. "Oh my god, you're going to steal a cat!"

"Am not!" Lucy responded indignantly. "I didn't say anything about cats. Cats freak me out," she continued shuddering a little.

Amy was quiet for a moment as she remembered that Lucy had told her that cats creeped her out a few months ago. She had confessed it after crossing the street one afternoon to avoid a stray that was walking around. As Lucy had pulled a mini-squirt bottle out of her purse, Amy had looked at her funny and the truth had come out. No, Amy didn't think it was likely that Lucy would be stealing any cats, but she was up to something.

"Come back to bed," Amy said reclining into a more comfortable and seductive position on the bed, carefully arranging herself so that the sheets slipped exposing the length of one of her legs. "I'm sure we can find something for you to nibble on here," she continued biting her lip and looking at Lucy through her eyelashes, her entire posture projecting seductive innocence. Her eyes however, were glued on Lucy intensely despite her 'come hither' tone.

"Ah," was all Lucy was able to get out of her mouth however, because she really did want to go back to bed and couldn't think of a single errand that could be more important than kissing every inch of Amy's body - starting with that long, lean, tanned, smooth, delicious - cough. Well, any errand besides the one she was going on, which she couldn't tell Amy about because it was a surprise. This meant that 'ah' was just about all there was to say.

"Okay," Amy declared immediately standing up, wrapping the bed sheet around her as she stalked towards Lucy. "What's going on?"

"Er…rand," Lucy responded weakly, knowing that Amy knew she was up to something. She never turned down an offer to come to bed, never. Even if she had to vault over cows, dodge traffic, encourage small children to eat their green vegetable, or touch a cat, she would do whatever it took to get her in that bed in the shortest amount of time possible. She had once divested herself of three layers of clothes, boots, a hat and a scrunchie in five seconds flat.

"Lucy," Amy said with some trepidation in her voice.

"It's a surprise," Lucy responded nonetheless refusing to meet Amy's gaze. "You'll like it, I promise."

"Lucy, you haven't done anything … illegal have you?" Amy asked recognizing the shifty look in her lover's eyes. It was the cagey gaze of crime!

"As sure as my name is Lucinda de la Pica Morales Smith, I swear to you that I have committed no crime," Lucy replied sticking two fingers up in the air, swearing scouts honor.

"Your name ISN'T, Lucinda de la Pica Morales Smith!" Amy countered. "And you're not a boy scout!"

"My driver's license says I am. And the pledge was symbolic," Lucy replied straightening her back indignantly, as if to say, 'How dare you question my obvious lies!'

"Lucy," Amy said again beginning to get a very bad feeling about whatever her girlfriend was up to.

"It's not so bad. Really," Lucy promised looking at Amy beseechingly. "Nobody was injured."

"Injured? Injured! Oh my god!" Amy exclaimed. "Why would someone have been injured? What have you done?"

"I did it for you!" Lucy exclaimed desperation and panic beginning to set it. Maybe Scud was right. Maybe this wasn't such a brilliant idea. Maybe Amy and Big Guns and the others really would be mad with her and not think that it was romantically impulsive at all.


"I …mighthavedruggedandkidnappedthedebsandflownthemtobarcelonainacargo

hold," Lucy mumbled under her breath looking down at her feet. She hadn't felt this ashamed of herself since that time she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"What?" Amy squeaked her eyes widening. "Did you just say that you drugged and kidnapped the D.E.B.S. and flew them to Barcelona in a cargo hold?" she continued already knowing the answer to her question but hoping and praying that she had heard wrong. After all, Lucy had been rather mumble-y.

"No one was injured," Lucy mumbled again realizing that she might have under-estimated how much of a deal kidnapping people was, even if it was as a surprise for the woman you loved. "And we gave them sleeping bags."

"You didn't," Amy practically moaned biting her lip. She knew Lucy did.

"You said you missed them," Lucy muttered playing with her ponytail nervously. "I thought you could all hang out for a couple of days," she continued chancing a glance at Amy. "I've got ransom demands and doctored photographs ready and everything. No one will know they're really snorkeling and not in mortal danger. Plus, the music festival is on the weekend and I think that'd be a nice day out."

"Oh Lucy," Amy sighed stepping towards her, brushing her fingers across the brunette's cheek before leaning in and kissing her. "That's so sweet," she continued pulling away from her girlfriend's lips. "And so wrong," she continued sighing. "So very, very, very wrong. Just … insanely not good," she went on shaking her head. "But so sweet," she sighed looking at Lucy. "They are going to be SO pissed."

"But you're not mad?" Lucy asked hopefully beginning to smile.

"No," Amy admitted. It was impossible to be mad at someone who had just done something so sweet and considerate … even if it was highly illegal. "Big Gu … Max is gonna try and shoot you again."

Lucy smirked at that. Big Guns could try, but Lucy had anticipated the woman trying to riddle her with bullet holes and had taken certain precautions. No, she was confident she wouldn't be shot. She'd look out for fists and combat boots though. It wasn't that she bruised easily or anything, she just found being hit to be extremely unpleasant and tried to avoid it.

"So, shall we?" Lucy asked offering her arm to Amy. She'd hoped to surprise Amy with the D.E.B.S. over breakfast, but now that the surprise was ruined she figured that a nice leisurely drive would be a good way to spend some time alone together before their guests arrived.

"Yeah," Amy said looping her arm through Lucy's. "Oh wait, I'm just gonna put on some clothes first."


Approximately Ten Minutes Later

"It'd be quicker if you took the …" Amy began.

"Who's the driver?" Lucy asked pointing at herself with her free hand.

"You are. I'm just saying, at this time of night the …"

"Nooo," Lucy interrupted sarcastically. "You're not a backseat driver at all. You're a front seat nagger, which is different … only not."

"I'm not a backseat driver! Or a front seat nagger! Is that even a saying? Never mind," Amy replied glaring over at her lover. "It's just, in my position of navigator," she continued pointing to the navigator button Lucy had bought her a few weeks ago for the boat, "it's my duty to …"

"Do you want to drive?" Lucy interrupted again.

"No, I'm just …"

"Because you can drive if you want," Lucy said quickly. "I'll just take a nap … or something."

"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?" Amy asked knowingly.

"What?" Lucy asked innocently. She actually would have liked that quite a bit, she hadn't gotten much sleep because of the hot sexing and then worrying about Amy's surprise.

"Did you turn this way specifically so I'd complain and you could get me to drive?" Amy asked not buying the brunette's innocent look for a moment. Lucy was cute as hell, but she wasn't THAT innocent.

"If I did, would you think it was cute and spontaneous?" Lucy asked quirking an eyebrow.


"Then I truly believe in my heart this is the road God wants us to take."

"You're unbelievable," Amy commented shaking her head, though as usual she was charmed by Lucy's idiocy.

"Why thank you. I think you're pretty effing fantastic as well," Lucy replied grinning over at Amy as the blonde pouted slightly and turned to look out of the window.

Lucy sighed nostalgically, it reminded her of their first date.

Part 5

Barcelona – Airport Hanger

Amy followed Lucy into a spacious hanger. There was a large crate in the middle of the room and five men standing around it. She recognized one of them immediately as Scud, and as Lucy stepped forward and engaged in a series of complicated hand shakes and arms slaps with the others, Amy focused her attention on the crate, a sinking feeling coming to her stomach.

However, just as Amy was about to open her mouth and call out to Lucy, a loud noise rang out inside of the hanger, and that noise was an extremely pissed off, indignant yell. It was followed by a series of equally loud curses and then some angry banging sounds as the crate shook faintly.

"You put them in a crate?" Amy asked approaching Lucy who was standing in front of the crate in question staring at it, occasionally tilting her head from side to side looking fascinated by the sounds emerging from within.

"Well, we couldn't exactly fly them coach," Lucy responded sharing a brief look and laugh with Scud and the others before looking back over at Amy's very serious face. Upon seeing the blonde's look she brought a hand up to her mouth giving a brief cough before she wiped the smile off of her face and made the 'cut it off' motion by her neck to the rest of them. "Ah, they also had pillows," Lucy added a moment later. Amy however still looked unimpressed. "Open it up," Lucy then sighed figuring it was best to just get this over and done with.

Amy watched as two of the men moved towards the crate with crowbars, then looked back over at Lucy who was making urgent motions with her hands to the other two. They were holding taser-guns that were quickly hidden behind their backs as Lucy shook her head and looked at Scud peevishly. Amy just managed to make out Lucy whispering, "so not helping" but her attention turned to the crate soon after that as the front side of it fell to the floor.

"Oh that's right, you best open it up!" A loud voice rang out from inside. "When I get outta here I'm gonna &($&$ your &#$! and after that I'm gonna #&$$# right in your before #$#! your momma!"

Amy looked to side and caught Lucy's gaze. Lucy stared back at her wide-eyed for a moment, and then jabbed her finger at Amy and then at the crate. Amy looked towards the crate once more where she could still hear Max threatening to shove her foot up some very uncomfortable sounding places and looked back over at Lucy shaking her head empathically. "It's my surprise, you do it," she mouthed to the brunette.

Lucy stared at her for a second and then her shoulders slumped. "Remember me as I am," she mumbled taking a moment to cross herself before stepping forward, her hands raised in front of her as she moved slowly and carefully as if she were approaching a skittish animal.

Amy moved forward a few steps as well getting her first good view into the crate. Her eyes closed and she sighed once she saw what was inside. 'Yeah', she thought to herself, 'they're definitely not going to be happy'. Inside the crate lay three bodies tucked into navy blue sleeping bags. The whites of three pillows could just barely be made out under their heads near the back of the crate, and three large bungee cords lay over the bodies holding them down.

Amy looked back towards her girlfriend as she stepped into the mouth of the crate. She was suddenly very, very concerned for her lover's life.


"… plus, the music festival is on the weekend, which I thought would be a nice day out, you know?" Lucy finished smiling weakly in the direction of the handcuffed D.E.B.S. as she clutched a large ice pack to her cheek. "It's ah, it's called a détente, it's a proud tradition among many na…tions of … the … okay, I get it, you don't care," she finished nodding as the three plaid skirted women simply glared at her viciously.

Lucy took the ice pack away from her face and shook it a couple of time before replacing it as Scud approached her and whispered something to her. "I don't know, what does it say on the bottle?" Lucy asked leaning towards him as they both looked at the label of the Advil bottle in question. "My face really hurts," Lucy declared clutching the icepack more tightly. "What's that?" they could hear her asking Scud. "Are there any tranquilizers left over? I dunno, maybe if we mixed it with water?" she continued turning her palms up towards the ceiling. "Nah, nah, I better not. I need to stay alert. I think they want to kill me."

"We do," Max confirmed smiling at Lucy.

Lucy shook her head, her eyes tracking down to Max's combat boots. Big guns, big boots, the girl didn't do anything half way. "I should've just gotten her an erotic cake," Lucy muttered to herself as she looked over at Amy who was hovering awkwardly near the D.E.B.S. but still off to the side.

"Well," Lucy declared tossing the ice pack aside. "I mean, you know, what's done is done right. I can't un-kidnap you, so what do you say we just try to make the most of this … impromptu vacation. Yeah, that's a nice way to think about it," she continued taking a few steps towards the D.E.B.S., pausing momentarily as Max began to tap her foot impatiently. "There's plenty of room at the house, and … and I heard a rumor earlier that there may be pie," she finished clapping her hands together.

After that Lucy quickly angled away from the D.E.B.S. and crooked her finger calling one of the guards over to her. She whispered something to him, making a few urgent hand motions, and shooed him towards the door.

"I CANNOT believe you let her kidnap us!" Max declared glaring over at Amy as Lucy whispered with her henchman, tugging her arm up so that she could cross them across her chest peevishly yanking Janet who was handcuffed to her to the side slightly.

"I didn't know," Amy protested looking over at Max.

"Right, she somehow managed to organize the capture of four government agents without 'the perfect score' having the slightest idea anything was up," Max responded sarcastically.

"Well, she was a master criminal," Amy replied somewhat defensively. "Wait? Four?" she asked turning to face Lucy who immediately turned to look at Scud.

"Uh, we didn't think you wanted the other one, so we left her there," Scud explained glancing over at Lucy. "With a pillow," Scud continued before waving to Janet who bared her teeth at him.

He quickly dropped his hand. There was going to be some fence-mending to do, that was for sure.

"Your replacement," Max explained to Amy who was looking at her questioningly. "She only scored a 1390, but she's managed not to get us kidnapped by her crazy girlfriend so far."

"Madison has a girlfriend?" Janet asked scrunching her brows up in confusion. "Does everyone have a girlfriend? Why doesn't anybody tell me these things?"

"That's not fair, I was D.E.B. for a very long time before anybody got kidnapped," Amy responded at the same time as Janet.

"That's hurtful," Lucy muttered scowling as she spoke simultaneously with Janet and Amy.

"ENOUGH!" Scud yelled effectively shutting everyone up. Lucy looked over at him sharply. "I just always wanted to …" and with that he trailed off holding up his hands. Women were scary sometimes.

"He's right," Amy said breaking the momentary silence that had descended. "I think we need a few minutes alone," she continued looking over towards her friends before turning her eyes towards Lucy.

Lucy stared at Amy for a long moment looking as if she were going to protest, but then sighed and nodded before cocking her head towards the door and leading her henchmen outside of the hanger.

"I don't know what you possibly think we have to talk about," Max said as soon as the others were gone. "Nothing you say is going to make this okay. If you …"

"I know that," Amy interjected tiredly. "I didn't know that she was going to do this, and I know that it's wrong, but Lucy was right, we can't turn back time and make this all go away," she went on pacing in front of the other three anxiously. "I know you don't get 'us', that … she didn't do this to be evil or annoying Max, she did it because I told her I missed you guys."

"Ever hear of a phone?" Max shot back.

"Ever hear of international warrants?" Amy tossed right back out. "God, I know, okay, I know how this sounds … but she just wanted us to be able to spend sometime together. If you'd just give her a chance you'd see that Lucy's heart was in the right place, she just hasn't quite … acclimated to civilian life yet. It's really very sweet …"

"Sweet? Building you deck on your anniversary is sweet. Leaving rose petals on the floor leading to a large cupcake is sweet. Buying you a puppy and putting it a giant box with a big red bow on top is sweet. Drugging people, shoving them in sleeping bags and flying them across an ocean in a giant, drafty box, Is Not Sweet."

"Eet is kind of sahweet," Dominique said shrugging as she struggled to reach into the pouch at the side of her belt and took out a cigarette. "She ahd to ahf gone to a lot of trahbal," she continued as Max looked over at her peevishly. "Eet must be for love."

"It must be for love? It must be for love! What's in those cigarettes?" Max responded glaring at Dominique.

"Um, I kind of agree with Dominique," Janet piped up shoving her hand into the air. "I mean, I would've rather flown on the plane and everything – even though we did get orthopedic pillows. But it is kind of sweet. I mean this had to have taken a lot of planning, and to go to all of that trouble just because Amy said she missed us. Well, it is a little dreamy."

"I don't believe this!" Max exclaimed. "Sweet or not, we're all now AWOL. Now I know that you think Lucy is the bees knees," Max continued turning to Amy, "but I'm not in love with her, and I'll paint those two into a corner and say that they're not either. I'm happy for you, but I don't want to be disgraced and sent to Siberia so that Cruella DeVille can earn some brownie points and a shiny new coat."

"Theese is also true," Dominique agreed looking over at Amy. "The cold weather does notheeng for my skeen."

"Yeah, I have to ix-nay the Siberia thing, too," Janet responded, her eyes skittering away from Amy's. "I like diet coke."

"Okay. Okay," Amy said finally getting a good feel for the mood of the room. "If there was no threat of disgrace, Siberia, chapped lips or lack of brand name dietary products would you stay … for a while?" Amy asked remembering what Lucy had told her before about having made preparations to make it look as if the D.E.B.S. really had been abducted.

Dominique shrugged and fluffed up her breasts. Janet nodded enthusiastically. Max simply stared off into the distance.

"Max," Amy started.

"How would you get them off of the table?" Max interjected still not looking at Amy but loosening her stance somewhat. Fighting the urge to shake her head, Max wondered if the crazy was catching because she was actually considering the proposal. Amy had once hugged her and declared, as she smiled happily, that she was really just a big Care Bear in combat boots. She had thought that Amy was on crack at the time, but she was beginning to wonder if there was some truth to statement. It was either that or the tranquilizers hadn't completely worked their way out of her system.

"Lucy has a plan," Amy responded slowly knowing that that was not what Max wanted to hear.

"Great," Max replied rolling her eyes, "'cause I love those," she continued sighing as she looked over at Amy. "Okay, here's the deal. We'll listen to the plan and then decide. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Amy responded happily.

"Yeah, fantastic. Think you could do something about these now?" Max asked jiggling their handcuffs.

"Oh, right. Sorry," Amy said bringing her hand up to her mouth in embarrassment before reaching for the cuffs.

Part 6

Barcelona – The de la Pica Morales Smith Residence

Lucy blinked sleepily as she made her way to the banister poking at her sore cheek tentatively. Amy had told her that the bruise made her look very tough and roguishly sexy before they had headed back to bed after getting the D.E.B.S. settled in, but mostly she thought it made her look kind of purple and asymmetrical.

Sighing softly, Lucy headed towards the kitchen when she realized that the terrace door was slightly open and letting in the early morning breeze. Glancing at her watch she saw that it was just past 6:30 in the morning and wondered which one of their guests was up so early. Making her way over to the open door she glanced outside and had to control the urge to let a completely un-badass sob. She should have figured that it would've been Big Guns.

Lucy remained still for a moment and then took a deep, fortifying breath. She was going to have to make an effort to get along with Big Guns if the next week wasn't going to be a complete fiasco. Preppy Sweater was easy enough to please, and The French One didn't seem to really care one way or another (and seemed quite impressed by her wine collection), which meant that the key to success was keeping Big Guns happy.

"Morning," Lucy greeted stepping out onto the terrace to join Max. "Do you, ah, want some coffee or something?" she continued as the other woman simply cut her eyes over towards her before looking off into the distance again. "Okay, maybe later," Lucy muttered softly to herself before simply standing silently beside Max.

"Nice view," Max said breaking the silence long moments later. Lucy looked over at her, surprise clearly showing on her face before she put her mask of 'cool' back on and nodded.

"Yeah, I thought Amy would like it. I read somewhere that artists could draw from nature for inspiration. The romantic tradition or something," Lucy replied staring out at the rolling hills before them before glancing over at Max.

"Does she?" Max asked meeting Lucy's gaze for the first time in something other than contempt.

"Yeah, she spends a lot of time out here," Lucy replied allowing Max to study her. She was getting the distinct impression that she wasn't the only one trying to make an effort. "So do I. I like to barbeque."

"Really?" Max asked almost but not quite smiling.

"Mm, Amy got me an apron and everything," Lucy confirmed pointing over to the barbeque where an apron reading "Hot Tamale" was draped on a nearby hook. "Also I …" she paused for a moment sighing, looking somewhat abashed. "Like fire."

Max stared at her for a moment after that and then smiled shaking her head. "That's … not really surprising," she related a few seconds later, her eyes scanning the terrace once more thoughtfully.

"You actually love her, don't you?" Max asked suddenly, her tone indecipherable. She had watched them earlier at the warehouse and as they had all made their way to house after agreeing to go along with Lucy's plan for the time being. She had watched as Lucy beamed over at Amy and took her hand after they had agreed to stay, holding onto Amy's appendage for the walk to the car. And as Janet's head rested on Max's shoulder, and Dominique slept practically on top of her in the backseat of the car during the ride to the house, Max had watched as Lucy looked over at Amy and saw her head falling forward sleepily. And continued watching as Lucy gently reached out for her, carefully laying the blonde's head on her shoulder where she stroked her hair tenderly as she drove.

"I do," Lucy stated simply watching as Max's eyebrows drew together in consternation.

Max made a small sound in her throat and shook her slightly. She didn't have any concrete ideas about what she had thought their lives would be like after they took of at End Game, only that this wasn't it. She hadn't really expected that Amy would've been able to change Lucy, she had thought – deep down – that Lucy was much more likely to change Amy. She was sure that after a few months they'd be smuggling diamonds in Sierra Leone, trying to buy Papa New Guinea, or hiding out in a series of bunkers in Tunisia or something. She hadn't anticipated finding them in a quaint house, surrounded by rolling hills, Lucy bringing home the bacon while Amy attended art school, with barbeques on the weekend and cuddling on long drives.

"So what do you do now that you've semi-retired from a life of crime?" Max asked still not completely willing to forgive Lucy for orchestrating their kidnapping, even though she had to admit that she wasn't a creature of pure evil.

"I run a business," Lucy responded noting Max's use of the word semi-retired but deciding not to comment on it, since kidnapping them was technically a crime.

"Yeah, you ran a business before too," Max retorted narrowing her eyes as she looked over at her.

"I rent sails, boats, sailboats, and sailboat accessories at the Port Vell," Lucy clarified smiling. "I also run boat tours of the bay and nature hikes three times a week," she continued with enthusiasm. "Right now, I have three activity packages, but I'm hoping to branch out and add snorkeling, cliff diving, and something with jeeps."

"Activity packages?" Max asked staring at her incredulously. "Seriously?"

Lucy simply nodded. "I wanna sell hats too. But I'll need more staff."

"And you like this?" Max asked staring at Lucy dubiously. All throughout her training they had all heard about the dangerous and beautiful Lucy Diamond. They had been taught to view her with fear and awe, almost like she was some kind of criminal goddess, as ruthless and cruel as she was lovely. This meant that she was having a hell of a time replacing that image with one of a woman who sent balloon hearts to people, barbequed in front of romantic hills, and rented sailboats to tourists.

"Yeah," Lucy replied smiling at Max, having a very good idea what was going on her head. Truth be told she found it kind of weird to her herself talking like that as well. Her entire life had been about crime, schemes and dastardly plans had been all she had known for so long that she had seriously wondered if she would've been able to go straight – so to speak. She had promised Amy, and she knew that if she could do it for anyone in the world it was the former D.E.B, but she had been scared as hell those first few months. She could never have anticipated that she actually could've liked civilian life. "I like being around people," she continued honestly. "I like Barcelona."

"But mostly you like being with Amy," Max added for her. She was willingly to believe that Lucy was in the midst of turning over a new leaf, but she wasn't convinced that it had much to do with a change in the former criminals personality. Max was certain that it wasn't so much a matter of Lucy Diamond no longer loving a life of crime as much as it was a matter of her loving Amy Bradshaw more.

"Yeah, she's my favorite," Lucy replied grinning at Max, who smiled back briefly. From the way the D.E.B had been looking at her and the questions she had been asking, Lucy was fairly certain that Max had a pretty accurate read on her. She knew that the other woman wasn't about to trust her with her deepest, darkest, secrets, but she was fairly certain that they'd be able to get on civilly from this point out.

"I'm still pissed at you for kidnapping us," Max told Lucy once she had stopped smiling back at her. The woman was charming she had to admit that. As much as it pained her, now that she had spent some time with Lucy, Max could see how it was possible for Amy to fall her.

"I figured as much," Lucy replied her hand unconsciously moving to poke at her bruise.

"Sorry," Max muttered. She really wasn't that sorry.

"No you're not," Lucy responded smiling as she looked back over at her. "So, coffee?" she asked figuring that they'd both reached their 'emotional conversation' limit for the morning.

"Yeah, alright," Max agreed starting towards the door.

"Let me guess, you take it …"

"As midnight," Max interrupted.

"Ooh, you are tough," Lucy said stepping into the house with a smile.

Part 7

Barcelona – de la Pica Morales Smith Residence (later that morning)

Amy moved into the kitchen as the others settled themselves at the table, sneaking up behind Lucy and wrapping her arms around her waist before pressing a kiss to her cheek. "The quadrupling of groceries for this week is suddenly making sense," she whispered into Lucy's ear not needing to look at her to know she was smiling. "I thought you were going into training for a marathon or something."

"Oh, I am. I figured we could send them off to forage for berries in the hills at meal times," Lucy replied smirking as she turned around in Amy's arms, leaning forward to kiss her on the lips.

Amy leaned into the kiss, melting into Lucy's arms as the brunette pulled her into her body holding her more tightly. Moaning softly, Amy opened her mouth to Lucy allowing the wannabe pirate to plunder her mouth as her own hands slipped underneath Lucy's tank top, sliding up, one hand moving to cup one of Lucy's breasts as the other rubbed up and down her bare back. As always, Lucy's lips, her skin, her scent were intoxicating to Amy, leaving her wanting more, so much more.

"Oh god," Amy groaned pulling away from Lucy's lips reluctantly. Lucy simply leaned forward capturing her again. "There are," Amy began between kisses, "people," she went on breathlessly, "out there," she finished stepping back just as Lucy was about to lean back in.

Lucy sighed and pouted slightly. "Whose bright idea was that?" she asked smiling ruefully.

"My sweet, smart, beautiful, very sexy girlfriends," Amy responded momentarily forgetting that she wasn't supposed to be touching Lucy as she reached out for her placing her hands on Lucy's hips.

"She sounds great. You should hold onto her," Lucy replied playfully, leaning forward to quickly kiss Amy.

"Eh, she's alright," Amy teased as Lucy reached to load a pitcher of orange juice on to one of the tray's she had prepared. Taking a good look around the kitchen for the first time since entering Amy raised an impressed eyebrow at the array of food prepared. "You did this all by yourself?" she asked clearly impressed.

"Actually, I had some help," Lucy related sounding very pleased with herself as she grinned at Amy. "Guess who?"

"Scud?" Amy replied automatically though a second later she realized it couldn't have been Scud because when she was on her way down Janet had been banging on the door to his room trying to get him to wake up.

"No. Big Guns," Lucy exclaimed quickly before Amy could guess again and possibly steal her thunder.

"Max? Helped you? You and Max? Alone? Cooking?" Amy asked her voice almost cracking as she stared at Lucy with a shocked and awed expression on her face.

"Yep," Lucy confirmed smiling rather pleased that she'd managed to surprise Amy by making friends with Max (especially since her last surprise didn't exactly go as planned). "We bonded."

"Max Brewer?" Amy asked still not quite able to compute what Lucy was saying.

"What am I speaking Spanglish?" Lucy asked scowling a bit. "I can make friends."

"I know you can," Amy said realizing that she had insulted Lucy. "You're very charming," she continued conciliatorily moving towards Lucy. "I like you a whole lot," she finished leaning forward to brush her lips against Lucy's.

"Mmmm," Lucy groaned giving herself a full body shake as she stepped away from Amy. She wanted to ask her girlfriend just how much she liked her and then spend the rest of the morning getting a demonstration, but they had guests and she totally didn't want to get walked in on again. "Guests, food," Lucy said picking up one of the trays on the counter. "Me, you. Later."

Amy smirked as she picked up the other tray and followed Lucy out into the dining room.


"I used to be scary, right?" Lucy asked Amy a little peevishly as Max and Janet exchanged looks before laughing and pointing at her.

"Terrifying," Amy confirmed trying not to smile herself as she looked down at the neatly typed piece of paper in front of her. "In fact, if we'd known about your crazy chart making skills I don't think any government agency would've gone near you," Amy continued losing her inner-battle and letting out a small laugh.

"Did you use Microsoft excel?" Janet asked smirking feeling confident tucked in between Max and Amy. "Because this looks really professional," she continued setting Max off again.

"Okay," Amy said holding up her hands seeing Lucy frown deeply. "That's almost enough," she went on smirking her smile fading a little when Lucy slumped back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest pouting. Amy looked back at the pieces of paper in front of her and suddenly felt really bad. Lucy had obviously gone to a lot of trouble making up the itinerary for them and she shouldn't have gone along with Max and Janet's bad influence.

Amy leaned over and kissed Lucy on the cheek, trying not to smile as the brunette militantly turned her head to the side and refused to look at her. "I'm sorry baby," Amy started. "This looks like a very nice plan for the next three days. Big Gu … Max and Janet think so too, don't you?" Amy asked looking over at other two sternly.

Janet had the good grace to look slightly ashamed and nodded her head as she said, "yeah, it looks great. I can't wait to get started," out loud. Max however looked like she was still having trouble controlling the urge to break out laughing, and merely grunted something that sounded vaguely like an affirmative.

"I used to run a criminal empire!" Lucy declared still slumped over in her chair.

"I know you did, honey," Amy responded reaching over to squeeze Lucy's hand.

"I owned Fiji for three months!" Lucy muttered her eyes darting around the table to make sure that everyone had heard her and was looking suitably impressed.

"It's a nice island. Scenic," Amy offered up glad to see that Lucy was letting her hold her hand.

"I drive a Dodge Stratus," Lucy grumbled straightening up in her chair finally loosening her arms so that they were no longer crossed at her chest. "Gypsies fear and worship me. They call me The Dark Diamond."

"That ees true," Dominique piped up reaching for her glass of wine. "I do not know about thees Dodge Stratus theeng, but the Gypsy theeng is for real. They are scared of her."

Lucy smiled smugly at the rest of them at that and then ate a piece of bacon. "I worked hard on this," she added a moment later around crispy goodness as she pointed to one of the itinerary's with what was left of her bacon.

"Actually," Janet said looking around nervously as Lucy narrowed her eyes at her. "I'm not sure that you did," she continued glancing over at Scud who was shaking his head and making a 'cutting' motion with his hand. "This looks a lot like something I found on the Tourisme de Barcelona site on the Internet."

"Internet?" Lucy asked suddenly fascinated by her pancakes. "Internet? Never heard of it," she continued quickly. "Look, the important thing is that nobody got crushed by a giant garbage scow," she went on looking at Janet pointedly. "So what do you say we all hurry up with breakfast, cause we've got a full day ahead of us. I know, because I planned it. Without the help of any intranet contraption."

Part 8

Barcelona – The Obligatory Montage Scene

Music: Jem, "Just a Ride"

Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out
then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course

Lucy walked behind the girls with Scud peering over at his PSP, pointing at the screen occasionally and slapping him on the arm as Amy lead the D.E.B.S. through the Gran Teatre del Liceu opera house. Lucy had started up in front with Amy, however every time they passed by a particularly impressive chandelier or piece of drapery Amy would squeeze her hand so hard in excitement that she was seriously worried about bruising.

Meanwhile, as Lucy pulled a crumpled up piece of paper out of her pants pocket and made a note to take Amy to the opera soon, Max looked down at her arm which Amy had just punched happily as they passed by some large stain-glass windows. Rubbing her arm with a slightly disgruntled look on her face, Max considered checking out the PSP too.

And while this was going on Dominique was off to the side gesturing wildly as she argued with a security guard about not being able to smoke, while Janet pulled on her arm trying to get her to walk away.

/It's just a ride, it's just a ride
no need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared
don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
but don't forget it's just a ride/

Lucy wrapped her arms around Amy's waist laughing and pointing to the side as they made their way through the Boqueria market. Max was arguing with a fruit vendor alternating between making obscene gestures with a banana and reaching down touching her hip looking for the gun Amy had forbid from bringing on their excursion.

Dominique was almost indecently happy as she took a drag on her smoke while leaning up against a flower stand talking to a handsome Spaniard with piercing blue eyes and dark curls.

And as Dominique was busied herself making a new friend Lucy and Amy pointed and giggled as they looked over towards Scud and Janet who were ensconced between a basket stand and a shoe shine stand surreptitiously holding hands while glancing around nervously as their bodies leaned into and brushed up against each other.

Slowly, oh so very slowly
except that
there's no getting off
So live it, just gotta go with it
coz this ride's, never gonna stop

Lucy moved to the front of the pack as they entered the old harbour, the Port Vell, where her boats were kept.

Standing in front of the others like a tour guide, walking backwards most of the time so that she could look at them as she spoke, Lucy gave them a brief history of the port, introduced them to some of the other residents and finally brought them to the spot where 'The Perfect Score' was docked.

Then as Lucy climbed onto the boat to prepare to give that tour, Max moved her head back and forth looking between the painted name of the boat and Amy silent laughing so hard that tears were streaming from her eyes, causing Amy to blush. More colour rushing to Amy's lovely face as Janet exacerbated the situation by making 'aww' noises and placing her hand over her heart.

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared now
dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside
but don't forget enjoy the ride

Amy leaned back in her chair on the patio of one of the Barceloneta districts wonderful restaurants a huge smile on her face as she looked over at Janet who was speaking excitedly and moving her hands at an almost dizzying speed.

Lucy was poking at Scud with her fork while this was going on because he kept trying to steal some of her lobster tail, leading Lucy to almost rhythmically make jabbing motions in his direction even after he had withdrawn his hand.

Max meanwhile had dedicated herself to her meal, occasionally smirking and shaking her head at what Janet was saying, while Dominique earned them a free bottle of wine by flirting with the restaurants owner.


Barcelona – The Bedroom of Cute Former Criminal/Spy Love (Later that Night)

Amy climbed up the bed with feline grace, snuggling up beside Lucy who had collapsed on the mattress a few moments earlier. Wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist Amy pressed a kiss to Lucy's exposed collarbone, lingering there for a moment before slowly kissing her way up Lucy's neck, leisurely exploring her skin as she made her way up to Lucy's lips which she then dusted butterfly kisses over.

"You," Amy said kissing Lucy's lips softly. "Are," she continued brushing her lips across the brunette's cheek. "The," she went on moving down to nip at Lucy's neck. "Best," she said as she licked the former criminals throat. "Girlfriend," she went on back at Lucy's lips. "Ever."

"So, it wasn't a complete disaster?" Lucy asked laughing, capturing Amy's head with her hands and holding her steady for a moment so that she could look into her lover's eyes.

"Far from it," Amy responded smiling widely. "I … well, I had my doubts at the warehouse and this morning, but things went … it was practically a fairytale," Amy finished still smiling as she shook her head, still somewhat unable to believe how well the day had actually gone. "And you weren't joking about Max."

"Me make jokes?" Lucy asked playfully making Amy swat at her side.

"I don't know what you said to Max this morning," Amy began seriously resting her head on Lucy's shoulder as she settled down beside her, "but I've never seen her, I don't know, change her mind about someone so quickly. She's not a clone is she? Cause your file said you were close to perfecting that."

Lucy looked down at her sharply at that before she saw the smile playing on Amy's lips and realized she was joking. "No, no cloning," she confirmed nonetheless. "And I'm not sure that she's really pro-me yet. It's just that détente thing in action," she continued seriously. "Big Guns and I are probably never gonna go play a round of darts and billiards at a local pub, but apparently we can 'just get along'."

Amy looked down at Lucy intently for a moment, her lips twitching as if she were going to say something, but instead she ran her fingers along Lucy's cheek before leaning up and kissing her lovingly.

"What is it?" Lucy asked as Amy stared at her once again after pulling back.

"Nothing," Amy said shaking her head abashed. "It's just after Max's relative turn around, I was thinking that maybe you could kidnap my mother next."

"In transit to her Friday night book club would probably be the best time," Lucy replied right away, her eyes drifting off in thought. "The girls usually get into the Cherry by 7, and probably wouldn't be too concerned with her absence. Then, of course, we'd have the weekend to set up the scenario for her absence from work."

"I…" Amy started somewhat startled to realize that Lucy had given some previous thought into kidnapping her mother, though she supposed she shouldn't have been. In fact, if it wouldn't have been an organizational nightmare, Lucy probably would've nabbed her mom at the same time as the D.E.B.S. "No kidnapping my mother," she continued shaking her head. "At least I've been able to call her."

While there was security on her mother it wasn't as tight as it had been on the D.E.B.S. and through disposable cell phones, call routers, and a few careful phrases dispensing instructions only her mother could understand about stores and payphones where they could talk freely, they had been able to speak to each other once or twice every month.

"Are you sure?" Lucy asked dubiously. "Cause, I've actually already got a plan, and you said she hasn't had a vacation in years."

"I don't want to push my luck," Amy said shaking her head. "She handled the news that I had run off to Barcelona with my crime-lady lesbian lover rather well. I just don't think she'd take nearly as well to being drugged, dumped in trunk and shipped halfway across the world when she was looking forward to a night of talking about the 'Da Vinci Code' and getting tipsy with the girls."

"I see your point," Lucy acknowledged staring up at the ceiling. "It's just, you know it's how my parents met, so I don't get why people are so against it."

"What? Kidnapping?" Amy asked smiling looking over at Lucy as a whimsical smile came to her face.

"Yeah. They were from feuding households, but during a gun battle my father caught sight of my mother through the spray of bullets and mist of blood. He said that it was love at first sight and stalked her for nearly a month before the perfect opportunity presented itself and he stole her away to Canada," Lucy related shifting slightly so that she was looking at Amy as she spoke. "When she came to she managed to get out of the ropes tying her to a Lazy-Boy and proceeded to beat him with a moose head that had been mounted on the wall. Then, just as she was about to stab him with a fire poker, he told her that he had done it all for love. She thought that was sweet, but still stabbed him a little with the fire poker so he wouldn't get any more bright ideas and they ended up having their first date in a hospital emergency room."

"My parents met at a pot luck," Amy responded shaking her head. Lucy told the most unique stories. "But I guess I could see how that'd give you a somewhat … ah, biased view," she continued choosing her words carefully. After the childhood she'd had Amy was surprised her girlfriend had turned out as relatively normal as she had.

"That's a polite way of saying, 'no wonder you turned out the way you did', isn't it?" Lucy asked smiling playfully since she knew that Amy liked the way she had turned out just fine.

"Basically, umhmm," Amy replied grinning before leaning forward to kiss Lucy lightly.

"Should I fear fire poker's?" Lucy asked before Amy returned her lips to hers kissing her more thoroughly, though still teasing her lips.

"Lucy," Amy said allowing her hands to drop to Lucy's waist where they crept under her t-shirt, playing along the smooth, tanned skin there. "You talk too much."

"I thought, 'me, you, later' was quite succinct actually," the former criminal replied, her mind returning to their conversation in the kitchen earlier that day as Amy's hands continued to climb under shirt.

"Less word play," Amy said firmly before capturing Lucy's lips once more and arching into the brunette's touch. "More playing with me."

Part 9

Barcelona - Port Vell (Three Days Later)

They spent the next two days touring around the rest of Barcelona's premiere tourist spots. They ate ice cream at the zoo and drove around on the little monorail while Amy sketched wild, exotic beasts. Janet nearly had a conniption as they spent one afternoon in the El Bom district, one of the city's most fashionable areas. They marveled at the sight of the Gothic Quarter at night, and told scary stores as they wandered through the streets, and prowled the hallways of the former royal palace, Palau Reial as they surreptitiously looked for hidden passageways and snuck past ropes and guards into restricted areas of the palace.

And the night before, they had returned to Casa de la Pica Morales Smith just as the sun was setting and Lucy had rather loftily donned her 'hot tamale' apron before firing up the barbeque with Scud by her side acting as Sous Chef. They spent the rest of the night eating obscenely good barbeque and lounging pool side, drinking wine coolers, floating on inner-tubes and hopping the fence to run in the wilds of the hills (where, I might note, they WERE actually able to find an abundance of berries though sadly there were no nuts to speak of).

Currently they were aboard "The Perfect Score", moored out in an isolated part of the bay. Lucy and Dominique were down below conscientiously picking through the selection of wines Lucy had stocked the boat with, while Max, Amy, Janet and Scud lounged on the top deck, cool beers and Bacardi helping to cool them down in the warm Spanish sun.

"It figures that you would take his side," Max grumbled staring at Amy as Scud's head lolled to the side in sleep and he began a slow slide to the side.

"What's that supposed to mean? I was merely pointing out that his behavior was irrational. It wasn't …" Amy began actually looking rather offended as Janet busied herself righting Scud so that at least he was securely resting against the boat seat.

"That's my point. You don't understand his position because you've never been in it. You're the person good things happen to even if you didn't mean for them to happen, which gives you a totally biased opinion of the situation," Max interjected interrupting Amy's response.

"Okay, first of all I don't think that's true," Amy replied looking at Max pointedly. "And second of all, even if it was, how can you hold it against someone for having good luck? How can you call someone a glory hog if they were just walking through the woods one-day and happened to trip over a root that exposed a secret bunker full of weapons of mass destruction? I mean, that's an accident, a helpful one, but the person didn't intend …"

"I'll give you that you didn't intend for that to happen. But you still got a 'Wine and Cheese' thrown in your honor, and got to keep one of the bazookas as a souvenir!" Max interrupted again.

"Yeah, but I didn't want the 'Wine and Cheese'," Amy shot back. "The bazooka was cool, but it wasn't like I had deduced days before where the weapons were and purposefully sabotaged everyone else's efforts to find them so that everybody at school could eat cheese cubes!"

Scud began to blink, the mention of cheese cubes cutting through his unconsciousness and bringing him into the waking world once more. He loved cheese cubes.

"And thank you for proving my point," Max declared. "This is exactly why you can't see Ron's side of things. It's because you're Harry. Sure, Harry didn't want his name entered into the Goblet of Fire, but he still got attention and even more fame for it."

"And nearly died," Amy added but Max continued heedlessly.

"Just like you got cheese and bazookas, while Ron got drugged and kidnapped."

"I'm detecting a slight subtext to this conversation," Scud whispered to Janet who smiled as he rubbed at his eyes before squinting in Amy and Max's direction wondering why he had a hankering for bite sized cheese morsels.

"Yes, of course," Amy responded. "But let's not forget Ms. Newly Promoted Division Commander and Marks Person of the Year, that Ron has a loving family, which is something Harry has always dreamed of. And that in 'Order of the Phoenix' Ron was made Prefect and not Harry, giving both characters an insight into each other. Ron got an understanding of the burden of responsibility, and Harry into being on the sidelines."

"Good point," Max grudgingly acknowledged sounding and looking like a real curmudgeon before her frown turned upside down as she shot Amy a small grin. She'd missed arguing with Amy, the blonde was the only one that didn't back down from their point in the face of her displeasure. If Amy believed in something, she fought for it. It was one of the things that had made Max take note of her. Amy kept her honest, and she called Amy on her shit. It was a thing of beauty, and she was glad to have it back, if only for a little while. "But …" she began. She could never make it too easy on the other woman.

"Everyone knows Hermione is way cooler, hotter and smarter than either than either of those losers, so why waste your time talking about them," Lucy interrupted emerging from below decks, Dominique just behind her.

"Yeah, but …" Amy started to say as Lucy and Dominique moved towards them, setting down the glasses and bottle on a small table.

"No 'but'. Eet is embarrassing for you all to be talkeeng about 'deese. We are spy's not literary criteecs," Dominique piped up, her eyes turning from Max to Amy and then back again.

"You know, if we're talking it leaves more wine for you," Max pointed out as Dominique settled herself on the deck and pulled out a cigarette.

"Et is true," Dominique said thoughtfully. "Continue your asinine deescushion."

"Actually don't," Lucy piped up as Amy began to fill everyone's wine glasses. "I've got a surprise."

"Oh god," Max groaned her shoulders slumping slightly.

"Don't worry Big Guns, this is tons of fun," Lucy said smiling over at Max even as the other women narrowed her eyes at her at the use of her nickname.

"No. Lucy, no," Amy said putting down the wine bottle to look at the brunette pleadingly. If it was what she was thinking it was – and she was sure that it was – it was never tons of fun. Never.

"Monopoly!" Lucy declared opening up one of the bench seats and pulling out a rectangular box.

Amy's head dropped down for a moment, and then she reached for her wine glass taking a large sip. Monopoly brought out the worst in Lucy. It was like it tapped into some primordial part of her psyche, kicking all of her animal instincts into overdrive. It brought an entirely new meaning to the word 'competitive'. I mean, sure she enjoyed helping Lucy work off the adrenaline rush the game had given her on the living room floor, in the pool, beside the pool, in the pool again, against the stair banister and the door to their bedroom, but she didn't think they'd get an opportunity to that today, and really it was the only thing that made the torture of playing the game bearable.

"Drink up," Amy said as Lucy began to unpack the game board. "Seriously," she added staring at them. "You're gonna need it."

However, just as everyone had picked out their game pieces – Max, much to Lucy's dismay picking the boot – a loud noise rang out on the boat.

Lucy hopped to her feet immediately as music suddenly began to blare from below deck. A sinking feeling in her stomach Lucy looked over at Scud as the words "sex bomb, sex bomb" could just be made out amid a series of siren sounds. Amy and the D.E.B.S. looked over at Lucy as she was sharing her look with Scud, but before any of them could utter a sound, Lucy and Scud darted towards the cabin door and raced down the stairs.

"That was suspicious," Max commented looking over at Amy to see if the blonde had any idea what was going on with her girlfriend and Scud. However, Amy looked just as perplexed as everyone else. "We should," Max began cocking her head in the direction Lucy and Scud had taken off in.

"I'm sure it's noth … yeah, okay," Amy replied as the sound of clanging dishes and loud thumping could be heard from below decks.


"What is going on here?" Max asked as they burst into the kitchen area of the boat. A large portion of the floor under the table had been lifted revealing a chamber with a complex and powerful looking computer beneath, and Lucy was standing in front of it with a serving plate hoisted above her head, her feet surrounded by little flowered ceramic chunks.

"Ah," Lucy hedged suddenly regretting her urge to smash things as she looked over at Scud who turned his head away from her and began to peruse the ceiling. "My cousin just got married. Oppa!" she continued smashing the plate she had in her hands on the ground.

Scud stared at her for a moment and then caught on. Reaching for a plate himself he then smashed it on the floor yelling, "Oppa!" before offering one to Janet and Dominique.

"Oppa!" Lucy yelled again dropping another plate and then grabbing two others for Amy and Big Guns. "So, who's up for a shot of ouzo?"

"Put the plates down Diamond," Max said crossly, her arms folded across her chest.

"I'm half Greek," Lucy declared still holding onto the plates though she was no longer extending them in Max and Amy's direction.

"No you're not," Amy sighed stepping forward and holding out her hand. Lucy dutifully placed the plates she had been holding in her girlfriends outstretched hand, and then rubbed the back of her neck as Amy carefully placed them on the kitchen table. "Lucy, what's going on here?"

"Would you believe, nothing?" Lucy asked avoiding Amy's eyes. The D.E.B.S. simply stared at her, Big Guns rather coldly, and Amy sighed before placing one hand on her shoulder and the other under her chin, forcing her to look at her.

"What was that song-larm about?" Amy asked softly but firmly.

Lucy sighed in resignation and decided to get it over and done with since she knew Amy would get it out of her sooner or later. "A large quartz diamond was stolen from my facility in Kuala Lumpur."

"Facility?" Amy asked tensing, unconsciously drawing away from Lucy as she studied the brunette's face. "Why do you have a facility in Kuala Lumpur?"

"Do you mean, why did I choose Kuala Lumpur? Or do you mean, why is it still open?" Lucy asked regretting the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Amy narrowed her eyes at the evasion.

"Why is it open," Amy clarified.

"I had a pretty big operation, you know," Lucy began pulling away from Amy and beginning to pace. "You can't just shut down a machine like that over night. There were details to take care of. Severance pay had to be given out, building's put up for lease, parking validated, 'giant machines that were used for no good' dismantled. Stuff like that," she continued glancing around at the women surrounding her every once in a while. "It takes time. The Kuala Lumpur facility is the last one operational. Most of the big gadgets were brought there to be taken apart, and then melted in acid or shot into space. Mostly there's just scrap metal there now."

"And the diamond," Amy added.

"Yes, and the diamond," Lucy muttered a little peevishly.

"What's the big deal about the diamond? Why did your song-larm go off?" Max asked, getting a very bad feeling about where this was going.

"It was the major of component of my 'Suck On This!' Ray," Lucy replied shifting cagily.

"The one you were going to use to sink Australia?" Amy asked getting a very bad feeling. She had laughed the first time she had heard what Lucy had named the Ray because Australia was okay, and it was ludicrous in a funny way. But she didn't feel like laughing now.

Lucy nodded reluctantly before glancing back over at Scud.

"But it's just a diamond, right?" Amy asked noticing the look Lucy had shared with Scud. "I mean without the Giant Laser of Destruction, it's harmless isn't it?"

"Yeah," Lucy replied chewing on her bottom lip.

"So what's the problem?" Max asked. Watching Lucy and Scud exchange shifty looks was making her anxious. Something was definitely up, and she didn't feel like waiting for them to drop the bomb anymore.

"Well," Lucy began to say, speaking exceptionally slowly. "Ah, whoever stole it, might, you know, have," she continued in the same maddeningly halting speech. "A Giant Laser of Destruction. Possibly."

"WHAT!" everyone in the room who wasn't Lucy or Scud yelled.

"Yeah, uh, the Ray was kind of dismantled at the facility as well. We were gonna move it when the diamond ended up there too, but we had to hire some new people to do the moving and the box got mislabeled. Long story short the tractor beam parts got the moon launch while the 'Suck On This!' Ray got moved under the staircase and had a blanket thrown over it. So …" Lucy said beginning to trail off as the implications of what she had said became clear.

"So, basically you left a complete weapon of mass destruction in a shed with nothing but a tattered rag as protection and someone's stolen it," Max finished for her (though perhaps not the way Lucy would've chosen).

"It wasn't tattered!" Lucy responded impulsively feeling the need to defend her Astro-Boy blankie before realizing that it was highly inappropriate. "And it was an accident. I mean, my father always said, 'the first rule to being a crime-lord or lady, Lucinda, is to delegate.' So I did, and there was a tiny mix up. Temps, you know?"

"Tiny?" Max asked incredulously starring at Lucy with a homicidal rage that the former criminal hadn't seen on her face in a good three days. Lucy's eyes immediately drifted down to Max's combat boots and her hand flew to her face.

"Listen, there's no need to panic yet. We're still taking inventory of the facility. I'm sure the Ray hasn't been … what? No, just a minute," Lucy said to the D.E.B.S. as Scud sidled up beside her and whispered something to her briefly. They conversed in whispers for a moment longer, then Lucy looked down at Scud's PSP, staring at it for a second before looking back over at the assembled women. "Okay, well it turns out the Ray HAS been stolen. But there's still no need to panic. We've got plenty of towels and …"

"I'm gonna kill you!" Max exclaimed enraged beyond belief, not caring for a moment that Lucy was a 'frood who really knew where her towel was'. After all, it wasn't like they were in some hilarious work of science fiction written by some English dude, starring that guy from 'Love, Acually'. (No, not Hugh Grant. The slightly red-headed one. You know. He played Tim, on 'The Office'. Yeah, the male nude model! I'm glad we got that cleared up.)

"Let's not be rash," Lucy stated calmly though she took a step back nonetheless. "Everything's okay. Really. Because there's only one person in the world that can put that thing back together. The man who created it."

"And how do we know that he isn't the one who stole it?" Amy asked thinking that it would be just their luck that he was the guy who did it.

"He's a tech guy, they don't do that," Lucy replied simply.

Amy and the rest of the D.E.B.S. nodded. That was true.

"So, where do we start?" Max asked beginning to feel a little bit excited despite herself. Maybe she wouldn't have to feel so guilty about the vacation if she was able to end it off by solving some crime.

"I don't understand," Lucy replied looking over at Max with a confused expression on her face.

"How do we go about finding the laser?" Max clarified.

"You wanna find the laser?" Lucy asked her eyebrows coming together in befuddlement. She looked over at Scud to see if he was following this anymore than she was, but he simply shrugged.

"Yes!" Max yelled seeing the exchanged look. She wasn't sure whether Lucy was playing with her or not.

"Whoa!" Lucy exclaimed shaking her head. "Snappish."

"Listen, are you gonna help us find this thing or not?" Max asked glaring at Lucy like she wished she had a 'Suck On This!' Ray at her disposable that very moment.

"Yeah, alright. Jesus," Lucy responded turning around to look at Scud. "Activate the homing beacon."

"There's a homing beacon?" Janet asked watching as Scud moved back over to the secret compartment and started pushing some shiny buttons.

"Of course," Lucy replied sounding offended as she looked over at Janet. "I mean, dammit Janet, you don't build a giant laser without having a way to keep track of it. My father always said, 'Lucinda, you don't build a giant laser without having a way to keep track of it.' I think that's turned out to be a very good piece of advice, don't you?"

Max stared at Lucy for a moment after that. "You're crazy," she muttered. "The bitch is crazy!" she continued advancing on Lucy, stopping only when Amy laid a hand on her shoulder. "She is crazy," Max said pointing at Lucy as she turned to face Amy. "She wasn't even going to try and find …"

"She's helping now," Amy interjected cutting off Max, although she didn't sound too pleased herself. The truth was that she wasn't much more impressed with Lucy's lackadaisical attitude towards the missing laser than Max was. "Listen, I think we should head above deck, toss around some ideas about what to do, while Lucy and Scud try and track the laser," she continued trying to diffuse the situation nonetheless. Max and Lucy fighting with each other wasn't going to help the situation.

"Whatever," Max muttered viciously heading towards the door knowing that it was a good idea. If she had to spend much more time with Lucy she wasn't sure that she could stop herself from strangling the other woman. Janet and Dominique followed after her, Janet's eyes lingering on Scud as he moved a tiny joy-stick around.

"Big Guns took that rather …" Lucy began turning to look at Amy who had remained behind.

"Don't," Amy said holding up her hand looking over at Lucy before shaking her head. "Just find it," and with that she too started up the stairs.

Lucy sighed as Amy disappeared from sight and moved over by Scud slouching down beside him. "Whoever stole this thing is making me suck on it, and I don't like it," Lucy muttered darkly.

"Maybe if it was cherry flavored," Scud began looking over at Lucy, however her scowl informed him that joke time it most certainly was not.

"What kind of grid pattern are you using?" Lucy asked as she moved onto her hands and knees and crawled beside Scud so that she could see the computer display as well. It was time to get down to business, even if she would have rather minded her own.

"Scratch that," Lucy stated after Scud called up the grid he had been using. "Let's do a sandwich sweep. Start on the outsides and work our way in."

Part 10

Barcelona – "The Perfect Score" (early evening)

Max paced the length of the deck back and forth, back and forth silently as she struggled to calm her breathing. She was becoming as frustrated with the conversation they were having as she was with the entire situation, and it was wearing on her self-control.

"I'm not saying that she isn't trying," Max began loudly, forcing her voice back to a reasonable level as she stared at Amy. "I'm sure she is, but that scene down there should've been enough for you to realize she has a hell of a lot more work to do."

"I'm not saying she's perfect," Amy countered sighing. "And, I was down there okay, I heard what you did. But this isn't the part in the script where we argue over whether or not she's beyond redemption," she continued looking at Max steadily. "Lucy gave us her word that she would help, and she's never broken her word to me. Never," Amy stated emphasizing the last word. "We can trust her."

"And I'm not saying that we should disregard everything that comes out of her mouth, although I'm not entirely certain that would be a bad idea," Max replied, ignoring the look Amy sent her at the last part of her statement. "I'm just saying that we … keep an open mind," Max went on. "Lucy has worked angles before, and our very presence here," she said gesturing to Janet, Dominique and herself, "is proof enough that she is still very capable of subterfuge and trickery."

"You can't compare the two situations," Amy began.

"Yes, I can. However, sweet tranqing us was, she was able to organize the whole thing under your roof without your knowledge," Max shot back. "That means, that if we're working with her it is very possible that if she felt it necessary she could sabotage our effort. I won't speculate as to why she would do this, because I can't even begin to fathom how her mind works. But it is a possibility and should be acknowledged as such," Max went on looking at each of them as she spoke. "We'll listen to what Lucy has to say, but also watch her with due diligence."

"She's my girlfriend," Amy said her eyes drifting away from Max. "I can't, I won't spy on her. I understand the point you're making, but I cannot go behind her back checking up on her without her knowledge."

"You don't have to," Max replied. "You just have to let us."


"Amy," Max said cutting her off. "There is a giant laser capable of destroying land masses somewhere out there. Millions if not billions of lives are at stake. I'm asking you to consider that, to prioritize that above whether or not you'll be in the doghouse with your girlfriend. Can you do that Amy? Can you put millions of innocent lives above your potential domestic drama?"

"Of course!" Amy replied indignantly. "And I deeply, deeply resent the implication that wouldn't," she went on. "That's too far, Max. That's too far."

Max bowed her head at that but said nothing. She knew it was a low blow when she said it, but she couldn't help herself. She was just so frustrated. The truth was she knew that Amy would help, she knew that Amy would never endanger the mission, and that despite her 'thing' with Lucy, Amy was still a D.E.B. at heart and always would be. Which is why hearing her defend Diamond and her thieving, lying, conniving, mad scientist ways made her want to scream.

"Well," Max said walking over to their discarded game of monopoly. "We came up here to brainstorm, so let's brainstorm," she went on picking up her discarded glass of wine and taking a sip. She most definitely needed to take a little bit of her edge off.

"How can we? We don't have any information," Janet stated moving over towards the benches Max was standing beside.

"We do have information," Max stated looking over at Janet.

"What was stolen," Amy breathed out catching on to where Max was going. "We know that the person we're looking for is someone who has a use for a laser powerful enough to destroy a country."

"Right. But, we also have to consider whether or not the Ray has other applications," Max pointed out. "Lucy intended to use it at full power to sink Australia, but theoretically the Ray could also be used at a lower setting for …"

"Almost anything," Amy supplied sighing. "But, it's too big to brought on location, and to be very mobile. So, wherever they set it up, that's where it's most likely to stay."

"So, they probably have one specific target in mind," Janet piped up, smiling as Max looked over at her and nodded.

"De question, is what could dat be?" Dominique said asking the question all of them were thinking.


The D.E.B.S. all turned around to see Lucy Diamond emerging from below decks, Scud just behind her.

"Excuse me?" Max asked crossing her arms.

"Florida. The target is most likely Florida," Lucy responded coming to a stop just in front of the D.E.B.S.

"And how do you know that?"

"Because there are very few applications for that laser. I had it built for a very specific purpose. It's a scalpel, a big ass, energized scalpel and you only use a scalpel for one thing," Lucy replied meeting Max's gaze. "To cut."

"So, what?" Max asked cocking her head to the side impatiently. "Your theory is that whoever stole this laser plans on using it to, what? Shank Florida?"

"Pretty much," Lucy replied, before sighing and dropping her head.

"Why?" Amy asked watching as Lucy rather wearily made her way to one of the benches and sat down.

"Too many bad drivers, musophobia maybe, but I don't think so," Lucy replied looking over at her lover, watching as Amy moved to sit beside her.

"What do you think?" Amy asked softly.

"The homing beacon tracked the Ray to Puerto Rico. I think that with that positioning, whoever stole it is planning to use the laser to separate Florida from the rest of the United States," Lucy replied her eyes on Amy as she spoke, watching her carefully for any signs of her earlier disappointment. "So that they can make it their own personal pleasure island."

"That's crazy!" Janet exclaimed.

"So crazy it just might be true," Amy added surreptitiously taking Lucy's hand. She had seen the look the brunette gave her a few seconds ago and knew that Lucy was worried about what she was thinking. She wasn't okay with everything that was happening, but she loved Lucy and had accepted her past, and she wasn't going to cut her out or off now, and she wanted Lucy to know that.

"But what about the people?" Janet asked starting slightly as she felt a hand on her shoulder, but relaxing as she turned her head to find Scud standing slightly behind her holding out one of her sweaters. She hadn't even realized that she had drawn her arms around herself to ward off the cool of the night breeze.

"They'd most likely be shipped back to the mainland in cargo liners. A few of them would probably be kept on as domestics and entertainment staff," Lucy replied relaxing somewhat as Amy squeezed her hand. "Theoretically, trained monkey's could do that job so it's possible that they may get rid of everyone. But it's unlikely, since servant chimps are really way more trouble than they're worth. Believe me, I know."

"Who would try and occupy an entire state? I mean who does something like that?" Janet asked shaking her head as she buttoned up her sweater.

Max huffed derisively and looked pointedly at Lucy. "Fiji."

"Don't look at me like that. I gave Fiji back," Lucy grumbled glaring at Max, sticking her tongue out at her for a brief moment.

Max made another sound in her throat, a crafty look coming to her face. "Why?"

Lucy stared at her for a moment, and then glanced over at Amy. Sighing deeply she looked down at her lap. "They kept burning effigy's of me."

Max laughed outright at that, actually doubling over and grabbing her side, wheezing a bit before throwing her head back and resting a hand on her stomach.

"It's not funny," Lucy complained. "It hurt my feelings." But this only made Max laugh harder.

Part 11

En Route to Puerto Rico

Lucy stared out of the small circular window of the plane, gazing out into the darkness beyond. It was quiet in the cabin of the plane, most of the other passengers having drifted off soon after the plane had taken off, as tended to happen with late flights. Big Guns, Preppy Sweater, and The French One were seated in the isle across from Amy, Scud and herself. Max was aggressively playing Scud's PSP, while Dominique slept and Janet and Scud shared the headphones for his iPod across the isle. Amy was dosing lightly beside her, her head resting on a pillow that was resting on Lucy's shoulder.

Lucy closed her eyes sighing softly, glad for once that nobody was paying attention to her. There was a tight coil of tension in her stomach that she wasn't used to experiencing, and it had her on edge. There was also another weird feeling that made her want to slump over and pout, and made her heart feel quivery. She suspected that it was shame and didn't really like it anymore than her stomach tension.


Lucy looked down and to her side at the softly spoken word, actually smiling as she felt Amy's fingers on her cheek trailing down gently as she turned her head.

"Shouldn't that be more like 'futon,' 'hot water bottle,'or 'inflatable air mattress'?" Lucy asked playfully, her heart feeling lighter than it had for the past hour as Amy blinked up at her sleepily before smirking and leaning up to kiss her on the cheek.

"Are you, okay?" Amy asked straightening up again, the dose of concentrated Diamond humor waking her up fully. She had been drowsy when she had first spoken, but even in that state had been able to feel the tension in Lucy's body. The tight look on Lucy's face when she glanced up at her only confirming to her that something was wrong.

"Yeah," Lucy sighed looking away, some of that stress that had melted away coming back. "I don't know, I just … was thinking. I …" she continued shaking her head in frustration as she searched for words to explain what she was feeling. "I hope this works."

"You didn't know this was going to happen," Amy said softly sitting up fully in her seat.

When they had first run away together Lucy had expressed to her that she knew that her life of crime was wrong, but Amy had gotten the sense at the time that Lucy didn't really get it and was only saying it was wrong because people kept telling her that it was. Lucy was actually befuddled when Amy had mentioned freeing the hostages from the bank, just as she had been genuinely confused when Max had proposed finding the laser on 'The Perfect Score' earlier that evening. Brilliant as she was, Lucy had no real sense of the consequences of her actions. She was almost like a child that way, concerned with instant gratification with no thought as to how her actions could impact others. And if, on a whim, she did stop to think about it, Amy was certain she would've gotten bored with that fairly quickly and probably would've gone off and played some fuse-ball or something.

If she had told Max that, Big Guns would've called the kettle black and accused Lucy of being a sociopathic, all-id-no-superego-having, fire loving, laser crazy freak. But Amy didn't think it was that simple. It wasn't that Lucy was incapable of caring about others, or rationally considering the moral and ethical results of her actions, so much as that she had never had to do so before. She'd heard enough stories from Lucy about her childhood to know that she had never sat down with her mother over milk and cookies and had the 'taking things that don't belong to you is bad' conversation, or the 'Jimmy steals other kids lunch money because he has low self-esteem' chat. No, Lucy had grown up being dispensed wisdom along the lines of, 'Bonds and certified checks are as good as cash, and banks are insured so everybody wins' or 'If the Schaffers didn't want us to try and demolecularize their country home they shouldn't have been such loud talking, bib wearing, zebra stealing assholes. They're getting exactly what's coming to them!'

Living in Barcelona around normal people had been good for Lucy, and she had occasionally displayed bursts of insight into the problems of her former criminal life, but Amy was sure that it was going to take more than a few months for Lucy to not merely understand but truly comprehend cause and effect. However, as Lucy responded to her statement, Amy realized that she had underestimated her girlfriend's capacity for rapid personal growth.

"No," Lucy admitted sighing deeply. "But I mean, nothing really good would've happened if I'd managed to Wyle E. Coyote, Australia. I shouldn't even have had it commissioned. I just …"

"Really hate Australia?" Amy filled in.

"Yeah," Lucy muttered her tone darkening for a second as she continued on to mumble something along the lines of, 'oh I'll put shrimp on your barb-y … in the form of my foot being kicked so far up your ass you'll be sucking on my toes until retirement,' before she pulled herself together again. "If whoever took this uses it wrong, they could cause some serious damage, Amy," Lucy continued looking over at her lover for the first time in a few minutes. "It could go really, really wrong and it'd be my fault."

"We've all done things we wish we hadn't," Amy began, not quite able to keep her mind from drifting to her Grade 11 High School homecoming and an incident involving a hotdog. "But you can't change the past," she soldiered on, shoving that from her memory and concentrating on Lucy. "What you can do, what we can all do is determine how we act, what we do in the present. You're helping now, that's what matters. We're going to stop anything bad from happening because that's what we're able to do."

"I'm a crook," Lucy said holding on to her newfound guilt and shame with an iron fist for reasons she didn't understand.

"Not anymore," Lucy stated firmly. "Now you're an honorary DEB. You are a doer of good, a carrier of old ladies grocery bags and a baby saver."

"I'm not," Lucy maintained sadly. Doing good still sounded mind numbingly boring to her, she still thought the elderly smelled funny, and actually, she pretty much felt the exact same way about babies as she did the elderly.

"But you could be," Amy insisted, knowing and truly believing that it was true. If she didn't believe that she wouldn't have been with Lucy in the first place. It was just going to take a little time and convincing for Lucy to believe the idea as much as she did.

"This is one thing that I really, really wouldn't mind being wrong about," Lucy admitted looking over at Amy longingly. "Anyway, I guess we'll see soon enough, if I'm as good at coming up with plans to save people as I am with scheming to decimate continents."


To be continued …