Daniel looked up from his translation, turning the pages face down when he didn't recognize the man standing at his lab door. He could see the man's visitor's badge on his lapel, but he frowned when the man offered no introduction and proceeded to walk several feet into the room without waiting for a reply.
"Um..." He stalled as he turned off his monitor and shifted his papers around to make sure nothing potentially classified was in view. "What can I do for you?" He wasn't pleased with being interrupted and he let his voice show his impatience a little.
"Daniel, I'm Colonel Mitchell and I'm here on a routine security check. Do you have time to answer a few questions?"
"Questions? About what?"
"Do you realize that you hold the highest civilian security rating possible? That even at that you are authorized to know certain information and procedures that no civilian would normally be privy to?" The colonel obviously either hadn't noticed, or didn't care that Daniel hadn't agreed to having time.
"Uh - oo-kay. Who did you say you worked for?" Daniel sighed, taking off his glasses to rub at his eyes and face. Clearly his translation would have to be scrubbed for now.
"Yeah, I noticed," Daniel definitely let his irritation show this time. "That was my subtle way of suggesting you introduce yourself properly."
"Homeland security." Mitchell announced finally, his voice indicating that this explained everything as far as he was concerned.
"Well, I didn't receive any message to expect you..."
"That, Daniel, is the point. We are not in the custom of warning people before we investigate them," Colonel Mitchell stated imperiously as he strode forward and placed his briefcase on the lab table.
"Investigate?" Daniel demanded, his eyebrows instantly reaching for his hairline.
"Daniel Nicholas Jackson. Born July 8, 1965 to Claire Marika Jackson, nee Ballard, and Melbourne Daniel Jackson. Is this information correct?" Mitchell demanded, reading from a file he'd retrieved from his case.
"Is General Hammond aware that you're here?"
"General Hammond is far too busy to be involved in a routine investigation such as this." the colonel replied, not looking Daniel in the eyes. "Now, tell me Daniel, where were you born?"
It was at this point that Daniel lost his temper a bit. For one, the man kept calling him "Daniel" and though he usually preferred to be called by his first name, he had rather earned the right around the SGC to have the opportunity to invite strangers to use his first name before they did. It was also not standard military protocol to address persons in his position so familiarly without being invited. Then there was the fact that it was clear by the way the man had answered the question that he'd either bypassed Hammond, or been bypassed himself by the general. And finally damnit, he'd more than proved himself and didn't feel the need to just roll over for this jerk.
He picked up his phone and entered the extension he knew from memory.
"Who are you calling?" Mitchell demanded, looking up from his file.
"Hi Sergeant, is he in?" Daniel spoke into the phone when Hammond's assistant answered. "It's important."
"Daniel, I don't know what you think you're doing, but there's no way General..."
"Hi sir, there's a Colonel Mitchell here who says he's with homeland security ... Uh, so far, just read me my name, birthday and parents' names and asked me where I was born ... No, when he said he hadn't cleared it with you ... yes sir." He handed the receiver over. "He wants to talk to you."
Mitchell nervously took the receiver. "General Hammond? ... Sir... Yes, sir, but... Sir, I have orders... No, sir, I just thought ... no, uh... Sir? But. ... Yes, sir." Wordlessly, he handed the receiver back to Daniel, his colour considerably paler than when he arrived.
"Sir?" Daniel spoke once again into the phone.
"Son, I'm sorry about this. I tried putting them off, but it seems I wasn't able to put it off forever. Since 9/11 they're getting pretty insistent about these checks."
"It's alright sir, it just threw me off with him just barging in here with the attitude and all."
Mitchell's indignant spluttering at overhearing what Daniel'd said was abruptly cut off with the arrival of two SFs.
"Uh, General...?" Daniel asked into the phone.
"Have the SFs arrived?"
"Dr., they're there to escort Colonel Mitchell down to the briefing room. I'd like you to come as well son, but the SF's are there only for the Colonel."
"Thank you sir, I'll be right down... Uh, sir?" he added, swallowing nervously after the colonel had left with the SFs. "Am I...? I mean, is this going to be a problem?"
"Don't worry son, we'll make sure it isn't."
"Daniel? Daniel?" It took a moment for Daniel to notice Sam was already in the car as he walked onto the elevator.
"Huh? Oh, hi Sam," he muttered as he pushed the button for level 28.
"Daniel, earth to Daniel. What's wrong?"
Daniel looked at her over his glasses for a moment before answering. "I'm not sure. Some guy from homeland security just waltzed into my lab asking questions about my security clearance."
"What?" Sam demanded.
"Hammond seems to think it won't be a problem, but I mean, he came here - managed to get all the way through security and knew where my lab was... all to ask where I was born..."
"What's wrong?" Sam asked as they exited the elevator on level 28 seeing the expression on her friend's face.
"I should have expected it I guess, considering where I was born. It's not the same for non-military." He shook his head as if to shrug off unwanted thoughts. "Oh, sorry Sam, we were going to go over the translation for that gizmo from 871. Uh, the general asked me to meet with this guy in the briefing room, can we meet up again later instead?" By this time they'd reached the steps into the control room and Daniel stopped, looking down to meet her eyes.
"Yeah, sure Daniel. Whenever you can," Sam answered quickly looking worriedly after after him as he headed up the stairs.
Entering the briefing room, the first thing Daniel saw was a considerably less arrogant looking Colonel Mitchell standing at attention while General Hammond handed the file Mitchell had been reading from in Daniel's lab to his assistant with a quiet word of instruction to make copies. The SFs were still present, though were now standing back against the wall.
"Dr. Jackson, thank you for coming. Please, have a seat." He motioned to the chair on his left. "Colonel Mitchell, you may sit there." He motioned to a chair on the other side of the table.
With only a slight tightening of his jaw, the colonel obeyed. "Now..." he began, but was cut off by the arrival of Colonel O'Neill.
"What's up doc.?" Jack joked, moving straight to Daniel's side.
"You know, that never gets old." Daniel joked back
"Colonel O'Neill, what are you doing here!" Hammond demanded.
"Oh, you know how word spreads around here... so when I heard something about some guy here to interrogate Daniel, I thought - that could be fun to watch, so, here I am."
"Dr. Jackson?" he asked with a sigh at O'Neill's behaviour. "It's up to you son, if you want him here..."
If Hammond noticed the scowl on Mitchell's face he ignored it, but if Daniel'd been inclined to not want Jack to sit in on whatever this was, seeing the look the other colonel was shooting him made him agree to having Jack stay. "It's fine sir," he said, his eyes never leaving Mitchell's face. "I'd like Jack to stay."
"Sweet!" Jack clapped him on the shoulder and took the seat next to him while staring across the table at the other man. "So, you are...?"
"Colonel O'Neill, this is Lt. Colonel William Mitchell, here on behalf of homeland security. Colonel Mitchell, this is Colonel O'Neill, Dr. Jackson's teamate and my second in command."
"Sir," Mitchell acknowledged Jack reluctantly.
"So, what's this about you ambushing Daniel with questions in a secure lab without going through the proper channels?"
"Word does seem to travel quickly. Exactly the type of security issues we're concerned about. No doubt Daniel has spoken indiscriminently to who knows who on his way up here about this..."
"Or, you spoke too loudly when asking Dr. Jackson stupid questions with the lab door open and someone out in the hallway heard you." He emphasized Daniel's title, sounding a little urked.
"Let's get back to the matter at hand gentlemen," Hammond interrupted. "Colonel Mitchell, you may ask your questions, but if I think at any time that you are straying out of line, I will reign you in. And you will remember that you are on a military installation, which means that you will employ proper decorum and protocol. Colonel O'Neill, has worked closely with Dr. Jackson for several years and has been invited by him to address him by his first name. You have not."
"Yes, sir." he answered, teeth clenched. "Uh, my file, sir?" he asked, looking toward the door the sergeant had exited with the file a few minutes earlier.
"Egypt," Daniel said causing Mitchell to look at him in confusion. "Egypt. You asked where I was born. My parents were working in Egypt when I was born. I was born in a camp about 30 miles outside of Cairo. They registered me at the American Consulate as soon as my mother and I were able to travel after my birth. I was a few weeks early, they'd intended on having me in Cairo, at the American Hospital."
"Uh, right..." Mitchell replied distractedly as he accepted his file back from the sergeant who handed copies to both Hammond and Daniel as well. He looked to Hammond for instruction when he saw that Colonel O'Neill had joined them but the general shook his head and sent him out of the room. Jack, for his part was shamelessly looking over Daniel's shoulder. Obligingly, Daniel slid the folder closer for Jack to see.
"Give us the room please," Hammond ordered the desk sergeant and SFs. "Grove, Jones, secure the room for us until further notice."
"So, you weren't born in this country?" Mitchell continued as the soldiers turned to leave, seeming to get back on his game now that he had his file in front of him.
"Uh, no. I was born outside of the Cairo in the Egypt in the north of Africa, not Cairo, Colorado." Daniel replied immediately then seeing the slight frown on Hammond's face he added, "Sorry, no, I wasn't born in this country."
"So, you claimed citizenship based on...?"
"Uh," Jack interrupted, shooting a mock look of confusion across the table. "Do you have the same file in front of you that we have? 'Cause, it says in this one..." He motioned to the file on the table between him and Daniel "that he was registered at the consulate as a foreign born citizen of American parents who were working abroad at the time of his birth."
"Let's move on gentlemen," Hammond interceded. "Surely Dr. Jackson's citizenship isn't being called into question."
"No, but Dr. Jackson has spent quite a bit of time back in Egypt."
"I'm an Egyptologist," Daniel stated before Jack spoke up again. "It's pretty much a requirement to have spent time in Egypt in order to be and Egyptologist. Why Egyptology?" he added before Mitchell could ask. "Because my parents were Egyptologists and I found it fascinating and I wanted to honour my parents' memories. I'm also a linguist and I speak two dialects of Arabic before you ask."
"Oh," Jack spoke out again. "I see where this is going. Just so you know, I speak a little Arabic myself. And Daniel? Aside from Arabic, he speaks about 25 other languages."
"Sir," Mitchell turned to Hammond. "If Colonel O'Neill insists on interrupting..."
"Colonel," Hammond said warningly, looking at Jack who shrugged. "Colonel Mitchell, unless you have some questions that don't concern Dr. Jackson's studies in Egypt..."
"I'll move on, sir. I have other questions." He turned back to Daniel after receiving a nod from the general. "You have never served in the armed forces of this country, correct?"
"Why do you keep asking questions you already have the answers to?" Jack interrupted again as he shamelessly flipped through the file that had somehow found its way fully in front of him now. "Hey, cool, your registration card! Nicholas! So that's your middle name..." He smiled then returned to rifling through the file.
"Yes," Mitchell went on, trying not to glare at O'Neill. "Though you did register here, you never served."
"No. I was pursuing a different path."
Jack snorted aloud at that before turning back to the file after a glare from the general.
"However you did see fit to serve in a foreign army..." Mitchell demanded. "So it was only the services of this country you chose to disdain." He turned a gloating look to Jack who merely smirked back.
"Actually..." Jack began but Daniel spoke up himself.
"Jack and General Hammond already know all about that Colonel. What did you want to know?"
"Tell me why you chose to serve in the Egyptian army, but not any of your own country's armed forces."
"Actually, legally, as far as Egypt is concerned, I'm as much Egyptian as I am American." Daniel replied. "And Egypt has mandatory service requirements. I was required to register here, so I did. I was required to serve there, so I did."
"You honestly expect me to believe that?" After no reply from Daniel beyond a glare, Mitchell went on. "It's easy to say, but I know for a fact that you didn't really have to serve, even if you were really an Egyptian citizen."
"I am really an Egyptian citizen."
"The United States does not recognise dual citizenship"
"Do you have a passport?" Daniel demanded, glaring daggers. "Take a minute to read the information pages. There's an entire paragraph dedicated to 'Instructions for dual nationals'"
"Did you have any kind of point Mitchell?" Jack demanded, unsuccessfully hiding his smirk.
"Dr. Jackson, why did you choose to serve in the Egyptian armed forces? Is it not true that even full, regular resident citizens may get out of the service requirement by simply paying a fee?"
"Actually, it's a fine. If you don't do your service by a certain age you are tried and found guilty and dishonourably discharged and assessed a fine. In studying Egyptology I knew I would need to spend a good deal of time in Egypt. As a citizen in the eyes of the Egyptian authorities I knew it would hang over me when it came to getting permits and papers when I wanted to do work there. Educated men may negotiate their time and duties." Daniel crossed his arms, leaning back and glaring over his glasses across the table. "I actually was still working on my PhD in Ancient Egyptian Societies while doing my service. I did mostly translation work for a little over eighteen months. That's it, and it smoothed my way for the rest of my research. Also, it helped us get through some checkpoints easier when we had to go there recently on an SGC related mission."
"Yeah, so you know since you don't seem to have actually read anything in here," Jack added, jabbing at the file. "That was after he'd already finished his first PhD in languages."
"Linguistics," Daniel corrected automatically, his eyes never leaving Mitchell.
"Linguistics," Jack mimicked a heartbeat later.
"His 'translation' job for the Egyptian government carried the equivalence of the rank of Captain." Mitchell challenged.
"Really!" Jack raised his eyebrows, turning to Daniel. "Well, Captain-Doctor... " He chuckled.
"The equivalent, sort of." Daniel corrected. "Not actually. I wasn't commissioned or anything. It's not the same thing. I was a translator. Nothing more."
"You completed basic weapons training?"
"Yeah, the basics in something like a week-long course. I don't like to shoot at people, but that doesn't mean I don't know how to use a weapon if I have to. I retrained and learned new weapons for the SGC."
"For crying out loud!" Jack interrupted yet again. "I'm glad he did have some training before, I mean the first time on Abydos, might not have gone as well for us if he didn't know how, or was too afraid to fire a weapon."
"Gentlemen," Hammond stopped the increasingly heated exchange. "I think Dr. Jackson has answered the question. He was not a commissioned officer in the Egyptian armed forces and he isn't one here. Civilians serve vital functions in the SGC, Dr. Jackson included. He has been completely forthcoming as it relates to his work in Egypt. All of his work and both I and the President are satisfied. Let's move on."
"But sir," Mitchell demanded. "I think it could be vital to know just what kinds of information Dr. Jackson was translating for the Egyptians. How do we know he wasn't translating stolen secret documents..."
"Oh, for crying out loud!"
"It's a valid concern Colonel!" Mitchell practically yelled. "What did you translate Doctor!"
"It's alright," Daniel replied, calming both Jack and the General. "I translated a variety of things in a variety of languages. From tourist information signs and flyers, to forms and documents like visitor's and research visas and proposals. I also did some classified translations for the government. Nothing that I ever felt was a conflict of interest. I think they were careful of that themselves, knowing that I was also American."
"What kinds of translations for the government?" Mitchell demanded.
"Did I say they were classified?" Daniel asked, turning a look of mock confusion to Jack. "I thought I said they were classified"
"You know, I thought that's what you said as well." Jack replied, playing along. "General? Did you hear Daniel say they were classified?"
"That'll do gentlemen," Hammond said sternly. "Colonel," he said, turning to Mitchell. "I would no more expect Dr. Jackson to betray his oath of confidentiality to the Egyptian authorities than I would he'd betray his oath to us. Please move one if you have any other questions. Dr. Jackson has a great many translations to do for us and doesn't need to be bothered by these kinds of interrogations."
"Yes sir." Mitchell looked anything but happy about leaving his line of questioning, but reluctantly obeyed, turning back to his file for his next question.
"Dr. Jackson, in your file, your marital status is listed as widow."
"Yeah...?" Daniel's voice cracked slightly at this, his eyes looking nervously between Hammond and Jack.
"Yes, however, there is no record on file anywhere that you have ever been married..."
"Uh..." He looked to General Hammond, unsure what he could say to this man in explanation. Receiving a nod, he turned back to Mitchell. "My wife was from Abydos..." his voice croaked.
"The planet Abydos, colonel," Hammond explained.
"We met during the first mission..."
"Actually he was married half a day before he even knew it."
"Yes, another planet," Mitchell went on officiously. "Which means that you were never legally married on this planet or in this country."
"I was legally married by the customs of Abydos. I was under the impression that the same laws that mean marriages in one country were considered legal in this country applied here as well. You know," he added with a frown and a slight glare in Mitchell's direction. "I'm not really following how my marital status is relevant to my security clearance."
"You don't see how being involved with with an alien could open you up to potential vulnerabilities? How those vulnerabilities could be exploited to gain access to the information you are privy to with your unusually high security clearance?"
"The people of Abydos were human." Jack glared menacingly across at the colonel.
"The woman played host to one of our enemies - was consort to Apophis, who I might remind you is is one of our greatest enemies..."
"Jack." Daniel interrupted his friend's furious reply, gripping his forearm to get his attention. "Sir, if I may?" he turned instead to Hammond.
The general, who had also opened his mouth to speak, instead nodded to allow Daniel to respond though he turned his own glare onto the visiting colonel.
"First, the woman was my wife. A beloved daughter, mother and sister as well. She was abducted, enslaved and assaulted. I will ask you to keep these facts in mind and speak of her with respect." He was glaring at the man now, and didn't even try to hide the anger in his voice. "Oh, and as long as we're clearing up our facts, Both Apophis, and the alien creature who stole my wife's body are dead. Dead beings - even Go'uld are no longer enemies. They're just dead."
"And colonel," Hammond added, his glare intensifying. "I will add to Dr. Jackson's reminder to speak of his deceased wife with respect by making it an order."
"Yes, sir," Mitchell nodded, turning back to his notes and avoiding Daniel's eyes. "You mentioned she - your wife was a mother. However, the child was not yours was it? Even though, as you say, it was against her personal will, she did bear another man's child, and never your own."
"Colonel..." Hammond began warningly.
"Respectfully sir," Mitchell went on. "The child is still alive and as I understand it, aside from having spent time here on this base alone with Dr. Jackson who told him who knows what, he was born with all the knowledge of all the Go'uld. And the circumstances of his conception and birth - to the deceased wife of a civilian with the kind of knowledge and clearance of Dr. Jackson does constitute a legitimate security concern."
"That's not entirely true..." Daniel muttered.
"Dan--" Mitchell snorted derisively. "Dr. Jackson, I assure you the existence of this child and his relation to you is a legitimate concern..."
"Oh, yeah, ok. It isn't a problem because he's not human anymore and has had his memories of the Go'uld blocked... but that's not what... Nevermind." Daniel shook his head, his eyes lowering to stare at his hands folded on the table top.
"Then what isn't entirely true, Doctor?" Mitchell pressed.
"Uh, it really isn't relevant... But it isn't true that Sha're never had my child - though if it were possible I would take Shifu in as my own."
"Dr. Jackson!" Hammond couldn't hide the shock in his voice. "You have a child?"
"No." Daniel shook his head, answering quickly and sending an apologetic look in Jack's direction. "Had. A daughter. She died before she was two months old. It happened a couple of months before Jack and Sam and them came..."
"You see?" Mitchell demanded. "Sir, this is just the kind of thing we're concerned about. Daniel -- Jackson tells us only what he deems necessary. How do we know he hasn't given away secrets to the Go'uld and just didn't think it was worth mentioning..."
"What is it with you people!" Daniel demanded. "Why is the fact that my wife and a couple of close friends have been abducted by the Go'uld - my wife and a good friend being killed due to the actions of those Go'uld -- Why does this make you think I'd be in any way sympathetic to those creatures!"
"Ah, yes." Mitchell replied. "The former lover - now Osiris."
"General?" Daniel turned to Hammond furiously. "I can't be court-martialed for hitting this man right?" he demanded without a hint of humour in his voice.
"Stand down please doctor." Hammond replied seriously, his eyes on Mitchell. "Colonel, Dr. Gardner is a victim. As far as the public knows, she went missing while on a dig in Egypt. We know that she is a civilian who has been abducted and is being held against her will by the enemy. Now, though I'm as surprised as you are that Dr. Jackson had a child during the time he was on Abydos, I was there for his debriefing and I'm sorry to say none of us asked any questions pertaining to any personal matters that would have covered that. We were more concerned about the fact that there were other destinations for the gate and some of them might lead other enemies to earth. I personally helped Dr. Jackson with the paperwork for his clearance and as his direct supervisor, and as the commanding officer of this programme and base I have and continue to believe that his security clearance level is adequate. Anything not normally covered by a civilian clearance but necessary for him to know in order to help secure any mission undertaken by SG1 is covered by his special need to know status. He is not military but he is an active and armed member of a field unit. As such there are occasionally military clearance items he's needed."
"May I ask 'such as' sir?" Mitchell asked, still not willing to give up in spite of the General's statement.
"The asteroid that nearly destroyed earth, Mitchell." Jack answered for him. "On that mission, while folks at home here like you were either wetting your pants or bugging out to the alpha-site, SG1 was saving the world - literally. We had planned to take an Al-kesh and land on the rock, leave a nuke, take off and stop the thing from blowing the planet to smithereens. On that mission, we had to abort that plan when it became evident that the asteroid was actually a giant bomb meant to destroy the planet no matter what. Daniel and Carter nearly suffocated when the cargo ship was hit by meteors while Teal'c and I were in the cave planting the bomb in the first place. It was Daniel who thought of a way for us to stop the impact."
"Sam figured out how to actually do it. I just..."
"He just gave her the idea. On that mission, the General and I insisted, in order to have the highest potential for success that all members of the team, Daniel and Teal'c included have the arm/disarm codes for the bomb."
"He was given nuclear codes!"
"Don't worry, I didn't let it go to my head."
"How often are Dr. Jackson and the Jaffa, Teal'c given such information sir?"
"Exactly as often as I deem it necessary to the success of a mission, Colonel." Hammond replied with finality.
"I have heard nothing to suggest any real issues with Daniel's clearance Colonel..." Jack prodded trying to bring this to an end.
"I still don't understand why his is higher than even the military scientists on the base. Colonel, in some respects, the good Doctor's clearance is higher than yours - do you realize that?"
"Really?" Jack and Daniel asked at once, grinning slightly at each other as a result.
"As our most senior linguist," Hammond answered. "With the most knowledge of the various languages favoured by the Go'uld and our allies, and having been with the programme for so long, Dr. Jackson is responsible for performing a preliminary translation of all texts and technology with writing or symbols as they arrive on the base. He is the most qualified, military or otherwise to recognize who on base has the appropriate knowledge and clearance levels to continue work on whatever we bring through the gate. He is our Chief Science Officer and works in close concert with a large variety of personnel on the base. He is the primary liaison between the military and civilian staff. He does all of this in constant communication with me. And, he has my full confidence."
"Sir, with all due respect..." Martin began, but Hammond wasn't having any of it.
"I've heard enough Colonel." He glared menacingly, effectively shutting down any further protest. "If you have any further questions about Dr. Jackson you may ask me. You will not waste any more of my senior man's time. Dr. Jackson, Colonel O'Neill," he said, his voice losing it's flinty edge when he turned to them. "You are both dismissed. If I need either of you for any further details, I will contact you myself."
When both of them merely sat there, too surprised by the sudden turn of events to move, Hammond levelled a more friendly glare on them. "Dr. Jackson, I'm sure you have work to be getting back to - your staff budget reports for one. And Colonel," he added pointedly when Jack smirked. "I know for a fact that you have a great many reports to catch up on." Jack winced at that. "Dismissed gentlemen. You can release the guards on your way out." Hammond nodded again at Daniel and Jack and turned back to Colonel Martin. "Colonel, you and I are going to have a discussion in my office."
"Ouch!" mumbled Jack as he and Daniel made their way to the elevator. "I'm glad I'm not in that schmuck's shoes right now."
"Yeah," Daniel said with a sigh as he swiped his card to call the elevator. "But that's what happens when you bypass chain of command."
Jack goggled at Daniel, only rousing when the elevator doors opened. "You just talked military!"
"I speak many languages," he answered airily. "Besides, I don't feel sorry for him." Daniel frowned, examining the floor for a moment before looking back up. "To be honest, he kinda pissed me off. Right up until he talked about Sha're like that... Then I got angry. Whatever trouble he's in with Hammond, he's earned it as far as I'm concerned."
It was Jack's turn to frown as the elevator doors opened on level 19. "That and more Danny. You ok?"
"Yeah." Daniel paused just outside the doors and Jack reached quickly to hold them open. "I didn't go too far with him did I? I mean yelling at him like that?"
"No Danny!" Jack reached out and swiped Daniel's head - not quite 'ruffling his hair', but more of a half-hearted swat then gripped his shoulder just at the base of his neck. "You showed remarkable restraint if you ask me."
"Thanks Jack." He stood a little straighter, feeling some of the tension leave his muscles. "See you later." Turning and allowing Jack's grip to fall off, he started heading toward his lab to get the translations he'd promised for Sam to use to start working on her latest techno-gizmo.
"My house Daniel," Jack called before the doors closed. "Don't forget! Team night tonight."
"Right," Daniel called in Arabic just to see Jack's reaction. "7:00. I'll bring Falafel" He wasn't disappointed, the surprised and confused look on Jack's face had dissolved into laughter by the time the doors closed.