Hey people this is just my first fic so yea, I hope its worthy.
I don't own Love Hina and never will.
( I Love My Life)
By Lanky Nathan
Well, life sucks for poor Keitaro. Sure it looks fantastic from any normal guys view but that's just natural. Five dam fine chicks and a sixth that often visits. Who could ask for more? Not to many other people. But this is just face value. Underneath this, most of the girls are insane. And rather violent towards our male friend. Our tale starts about six in the morning with the awakening of Keitaro.
"DAMIT URASHIMA YOU FOUL PERVERT! GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS THE HELL AWAY FROM MUTSUMI!"
The first thought that crossed our doomed friends mind was, "What have I done now?"
Seconds later a bone breaking kick pounded into his side sending him flying into the sky at Mach 20. Just before the apartments disappeared from view he noticed a dopy looking Mutsumi staring up at Naru.
Soaring along, Keitaro finally gave up. "Screw this I'm now officially pissed off." At this, his trajectory ploughed him into the ground. Looking up he found himself in another bath filled with a whole lot of other girls looking at him in a very familiar way. "FILTH, DIE!" They all screamed.
Seconds later the was at the door steps of the Hinata apartments looking like he'd just been dragged through mud. Which oddly enough wasn't that far from the truth. Limping up the stairs he opened the door with a bang, not bothering to wipe his feet. "Heh heh heh…being bad feels kool." (bad boy even spelt cool incorrectly)
Walking up to his room a long track of mud blobbed off him as he climbed the stairs on the outside of the rail. Reaching the top, the jumped the banister and shook himself in the manner of a dog. Just then Shinobu walked round the corner. "…Sempai?" was all she managed before Keitaro caught her in a whopping kiss.
"There's more of that if you're a good girl."
Shinobu just stood there gob smacked before her eyes clouded up and she toppled over backwards.
Entering his room, Keitaro noticed it had been trashed by a certain perpetually sugar high individual. Taking that as a challenge, the new and improved Keitaro ran to Sues room. Looking round he noticed a neat pile of leaves. And a puddle. And for some odd reason chicken feathers. Probably out of some mutilated pillow. As he took it all in a glint entered his eye as he made his move.
About an hour later Keitaro walked out of Kaollas room looking very pleased indeed. He took a seat behind a massive pot plant. Just as he got comfortable the inevitable happened. "DAMIT GOTTA PISS!" Five minutes later a more relieved Keitaro emerged. Taking his seat behind the pot plant, he got ready for the show.
"SUE! FOOD COME 'N' GET IT!"…But nothing. "KAOLLA! DAMIT GET UP HERE!" Nothing again. "DAMIT SUE! GET YOUR BLONDE ASS UP HERE NOW YOU CRAZY BITCH!"
Seconds later a massive crashing and other sounds of destruction emanated from the stair well. "KEITARO! What were those words you just used? They sound like fun! "ASS CRAZY BITCH HERE!" She screamed as she ran into her room. Moments later a quick squawk was heard before a big PHWA-WHOOMP! and many other unpleasant sounds pounded out of the room. After the dust settled Kaolla Sue was standing in the doorway completely covered in feathers. Like everywhere. Yes even there, through how they got there is a mystery best left unsolved.
"Lookie I'm a chicken I can fly now!" and promptly launched herself out the nearest window. A dull thud was heard, then some insane shouting and then the quick footsteps of someone sprinting away.
All the while Keitaro had been sitting up behind his pot plant his body wracked in fits of laughter when that dam feeling came back. "ARRG gotta piss!"
Charging for the toilets again he unfortunately bumped into Kitsune. "So where are we off to in such a hurry today Keitaro?"
Keitaro was jumping from one side of the hallway to the other trying to get past the imposing woman.
"If you don't want the reason sprayed all over you I suggest you move."
At this point, Keitaro was fuller than Kitsune at a party.
"Not till you tell me what's happenin' love."
"Please I really can't talk right now!"
"MOVE BITCH!" And by some unknown power, Keitaro whipped out a Kamehameha and knocked the surprised sheila into the next all girls dorm. And they all happened to be girl lovers. If you don't wanna see what happens next look away now. If you do, I'm sorry. This is a story, not a movie.
Anywho, after that little event we find our friend relieving himself. "Dam that's goooooood."
The next moment Naru walked in. As any teenage girl would, she looked down. "HAHAHAHA SO SMALL!"
Keitaro, now disliking Naru considerably, whips around. "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING! PERVERT!"
Naru snapping to her senses realises what she's doing. Eyes wide she quickly holds her hands up defensively and starts blathering incoherently about how sorry she is, it was a mistake and vegemite on toast. Still seething about his pride and joy being called small, Keitaro charges Naru and jumps high in the air.
"TURKY SLAP HA!"
Realising what just touched her face, Naru starts screaming and screaming. Running round in circles, she eventually hit something random like a spade or a rake lying on the ground. Knocked cold and with big swirly eyes, Keitaro sees a great opportunity. Carefully straddling her he unzips his fly. Lowers himself down…and teabags her. Laughing he takes a photo of this precious moment and sticks it to the inside of Narus door.
An exhausted Naru climbs into her bed. Lying there she thought of the odd experience that happened in the bathroom. Sighing, she rolled onto her side still captured in thought at being called a pervert. Closing her eyes at the brink of sleep she saw a glint on the door. Normally she would of just left the dam thing there but it was shining straight into her eyes. Sighing again she got up and stomped over to it. Ripping it off the door she almost chucked it away when she noticed her face. Looking down at it closer, her eyes widened as the picture came into focus. Sitting over her was Keitaro in all his glory smiling and giving a peace sign. And in her mouth… The photo drifted to the floor. Walking slowly to the window, Naru stood on the edge and jumped. Luckily for everyone but not quite so for Naru, her room was right above the baths, though in her petrified stupor she completely forgot. Falling down she closed her eyes waiting for the impact.
The resulting bellyflop shook the very foundations of the house. The giant plume of water and bloodcurdling scream that followed instantly had everyone in the Hinata apartments in a state of chaos. Things were dropped, bladders were relaxed and everything went wrong. Eventually Motoko deduced that the source of the scream came from the baths. Calling to everyone she rushed out to find a very, VERY red Naru. Stiffly teetering over to Motoko, Naru turned around.
"Is it bad when you can see the red from the back too?"
(Back where we were)
Walking out of the bathroom, we find Keitaro looking like he's scored with a supermodel. By some peoples standards that's not too far from the truth. As he trots down the hall way whistling 'Original Prankster', a small blue haired girl can be seen in the shadows of her room looking out after Keitaro. "What's happened to him? I…I like it."
A couple of blocks down, a tallish brown haired girl is drifting from shop to shop looking for who knows what. She probably doesn't have a clue either.
"Excuse me miss? Uh, miss? Oh, yes, um what is this? A what? A condom? How does it work? Is it edible?"
Strutting into the shop Keitaro sees Mutsumi. Looking 'round to see if any of the dorm girls were there, he casually walks over to the dopy broad.
"Oh, hey Mutsumi how's it goin'?"
"Keitaro! Hey I'm great! I'm just finding out what these things are. Supposably they are able to 'get pounded, prodded, chomped and chewed' and still be good. But between you and me they taste really bad and I chewed a hole in one after 3 minutes. I'm here to see if I can get a refund."
A sweat drop and eyebrow twitch later, another devious plan begins to form in Keitaro mind. "Um, do you have twelve bucks I can borrow?"
Reaching into her endless pockets, Mutsumi pulls out twelve. "Thanks ay."
For some unknown reason them old dudes appeared outa nowhere and just stood around looking wise. Seeing them, Keitaro quickly added them into his plan.
Buying a 24 pack, Keitaro quickly runs outside. Grabbing one, he quickly inflates it and ties it up. Due to the fact that Keitaro is not normal, the dom floated. Grabbing another three, he repeated the process and then tied them all together with string.
"Now Mutsumi. Do you wish to accept this dangerous mission?"
Dense as always, she quickly nodded.
"Ok. What I need you to do is get up behind one of the old respectable farts and tie this to his shirt."
Puzzled, Mutsumi asked why.
"Do you like flying high up above the trees?" More ecstatic nodding. "Ok. Now these poor elders never do any activity. I mean, what do they do for exercise? They appear outa nowhere and then just disappear again. They probably just sit at home watching the national anthem replayed over and over. So what I'm planning to do is to get them up and out over the city for some sight seeing. Think about it as a day out. So really we're doing this for their own good!"
Finally understanding this load of crap dished out to her, Mutsumi quickly grabs the 'balloons' and starts making her way out to them. Pausing, she turned back.
"But won't they be to heavy for the balloons to lift? They certainly aren't making me fly"
Looking her over, he could certainly see why she wasn't. (Thinking) "Heh heh I get to hit that. BOO YEA!" (Not thinking) "Well, think about it like this. If they can appear and disappear in a puff of smoke, they must be light enough to drift with the smoke ok? But be quiet because it's a surprise."
"Oh. Yea how could I be so stupid!"
Quickly trotting over behind the oldies, she tied the inflated man protection onto one of the old dudes shirts. Letting go, the string pulled taught and slowly an amazed old dude started drifting up into the air.
"What the Fuck?"
All the other old dudes sweat dropped. All they ever said were single words that meant nothing like 'dreams' and 'turkey' and 'love' and other sappy stuff that never made any sense. Before any of them could react, they each found themselves starting to levitate up above the ground. A couple of struggling figures and "What the fucks" later, all that could be seen of the council was now drifting over the horizon as little black dots.
After the initial shock of the old dude actually knowing words like that, Keitaro was lying helplessly on the ground desperately trying to catch his breath but failing miserably. As he lay there, a toe nudged him in the side. He just rolled over and continued laughing till a more powerful nudge sent him rolling across the street.
Getting up, he let his little gift quickly repair all the scratches he obtained after being kicked. Looking over to where he was kicked, he could see a seriously pissed off Motoko.
"How DARE you treat the elder council with such disrespect! You know they'll probably fast for a month now and kill off the remaining lot of them! Their not young you know!"
Noting the drawn sword, Keitaro magicted one out of nowhere like his current enemy does. "I'm sick of you and Naru kicking, punching, slicing and smashing me into orbit! Do you know how long it takes me to get home from where ever I land?"
Steely as ever, Motoko held her ground. "You sicko. You sideways excuse for a human. How could you even bring this into the battle. You know well that every hit you get is deserved. Now prepare to face judgment day early!"
Charging at the boy, Motoko raised her sword to deliver the usual rock breaking sword technique or what ever it is. Unbeknownst to Motoko, Keitaro had been doing some crash course training with her older sister in case anyone tried to mug the weed. Until now though, he had never used his new found skills on the girls. The crazy samurai lady charged in and came in with a sword uppercut, hoping to send the scum flying into orbit. Watching closely, Keitaro stepped off to one side as the huge gust of wind screamed past him. As Motoko followed through, Keitaro stepped around behind her and blocked Motokos sword from the top. Standing there wide eyed, Motoko tried to pull her sword back over her head but found an unknown source pushing it down behind her. Concentrating, Motoko focused all her energy into her legs and flipped high over Keitaro head. Her sword free, she swung several times at the boys head. Dropping backwards Keitaro dodged most of the attacks. Two of them still clipped his cheeks leaving one scratch on each. Righting himself, he looked over at Motoko, whose eyes opened a little as she saw his accelerated healing kick in. Though she new he had it, she had never seen it at work. The slight trickle of blood slowly developed a skin tension not unlike water and it slowly drained back into the cut before it knitted itself back from each ends. Refocusing on her adversary, Motoko widened her stance. Jumping forward, she slashed at Keitaro again. And again he side stepped it. Catching the blade with his he pulled the blade to the ground where he stood on the tip of it. Pulling hard on the handle, Motoko tried vainly to remove the blade.
"Get off it dam you!"
Lifting his foot on one of the tugs, the swords woman toppled backwards arms flailing everywhere. As she almost regained her balance, Keitaro leaned forward and poked her in the stomach. She doubled up at the nerves shock but quickly stood up straight again.
"What was that for Urashima?"
"Open target. Very sensitive." Poking her again to prove his point.
Again she doubled up and again she stood up.
"Stop it that's low!"
But where her command was directed was nothing but air. Looking around she herd a movement behind her. Whipping 'round to face her opponent, she got another jab in the side.
"How is he so fast? Till now he trips over his own shadow but now I can't even register his moves!"
Hiding behind a tree, a surprised Keitaro was looking at Shinobu.
"What are you doing? I thought you were back at the house?"
The little teenager shook her head.
"When you left I followed you, sorry sempai, and saw what you did and everything. What you did to the elders was so funny! I wish Motoko had a sense of humour. I'm sick of her being so serious. I've never even seen her laugh. So, well, I thought I'd help you. I've been practicing to."
Winking, she vanished.
A challenge cry cut through their quiet little talk at that moment.
"URASHIMA! I new you were a pervert but a coward as well? You can't sink lower!"
Hearing the cry, Keitaro took off. Quickly he appeared in front of Motoko. Slicing at it, the sword went right through the image. Half a second later Motoko yelped and whipped around.
"I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT BUT FACE ME LIKE A MAN!"
Again she got a jab in the side. Squeaking, she jumped back. She bumped into a solid object and whirled around chopping with her sword. More air. Moving up to Keitaro speed, we find he's moving around behind the pissed samurai every time she turns. Laughing at how slowly she moves, he continuously jabs her sides. Appearing beside him, Shinobu looks up and smiles before jabbing Motoko and disappearing again.
Eyes wide, Keitaro looks at the spot where the little girl was standing. "How did she get so fast?"
At that two very keen ears picked up the comment and charged at the sound. Caught off guard, Keitaro was rooted to the spot. Seeing her pray Motoko ran even faster. Focusing everything into the tip of her weapon, she lashed out, crying with the effort of it. Keitaros eyes widened as he saw the approaching Ki torrent. A nano-second before it hit, Shinobu jumped in front of the wave.
Bracing herself, she muttered "For you Keitaro."
The wave hit her small body and instantly started to propel her through the air. Just as she was about to take one of Keitaros scenic flight tours, a hand grabbed her ankle and pulled her back down. As she landed she looked around and saw Keitaro grinning.
The words and wink accompanying it made the girl woozy and she started swaying, all her bones temporally gone. Motoko was still standing there looking blankly at the two. Eventually she realised her blade of death had not knocked the corrupted ronin into next week. And then back again by another blade of death for suddenly appearing in next weeks bath time. Screaming a battle cry, the insane samurai charged again, death imminent. Nearing them, she pushed Shinobu out of the way ignoring her cry of protest. Slicing down with everything she had, Motoko failed to realise that Keitaro had moved over to see Shinobu, leaving nothing for the swordswoman to transfer her energy into. Cleaving the air in half she kept following herself through, eyes wide. As Keitaro watched the crazed girl attack the air, the only way he could think of the resulting flip was that she had hip chucked herself over her own shoulder. She hit the ground with a thud.
Motoko passed out.
Shinobu looked up at Keitaro with questioning eyes. "Did I miss something?"
Keitaro wasn't listening. Instead he had another idea brewing. Grabbing Shinobu, he pulled her over to Motoko. Hefting the girl up onto his shoulder he looked down at Shinobu.
"Ok. Now you run home and grab me Narus' fairy dress and some sturdy rope. Quickly, before she wakes up!"
Nodding once, Shinobu took off. When she disappeared around a corner, Keitaro started to make his way to the bushland. Seeing two trees not to far apart from each other, he pulled Motoko up and stretched her arms to see if they could touch both trees. Satisfied with the distance, he sat down and waited for Shinobu. Five or so minutes later, Shinobu appeared with the dress and rope, panting heavily.
"Kaolla was really curious and chased me everywhere! I eventually lost her in the tunnels of the Hinata after Sarah jumped her screaming something about bananas and how she woke up this morning."
Coming back to himself, he realised Motoko was stirring.
"Quick Shinobu! I'll leave and you get her into this."
The little girl watched as her crush walked away. "Even now he still respects their privacy. How can they call him a pervert?"
Getting back top her job, Shinobu quickly changes Motokos' clothes. Calling out, Keitaro reappeared. Quickly, tearing some small strips from his shirt, he tied them around Motokos' wrists and then tied the ropes around that. Pulling her up into a sitting position, he tied the ends of the ropes to the trees leaving enough slack for her arms to move, but not reach the knots holding her. Standing back, he took a look at his work. Pulling out his trusty camera, he took a snap.
"Ok. I tied the knots so they'll come loose after a couple of hard tugs. Now lets leg it!"
They took off leaving a dazed Motoko in their wake still wondering where she was and why the hell her legs were so dam cold.
As she came to a little turtle floated down in front of the girl.
The following scream rocked the trees.
Back at the in Shinobu and Keitaro entered laughing hard. Looking up over the couch, Kitsune threw them a casual look. Noticing Keitaro, she jumped up.
"Alright! You owe me! That Kamehameha thing was not cool! Do you even know where I ended up?"
A thought bubble appeared with Kitsune running for her dear chastity's life being followed by a number of wide eyed girls all calling out for her to stop. Shivering vigorously, she popped the bubble with a finger.
Seconds later. Naru appeared, still red, to see what all the noise was about. She also had three toothbrushes hanging out her mouth and a half empty bottle of heavy duty mouth wash. Her eyes widened when she saw the offending male.
"VOYEUR! … barf … Why did you do such an act to me? … hurp … You are going to… huck… PAY!"
Shinobu looked up at the defendant. "What are they all talking about? I've been with you most of the time!"
"Look at what he did to me!" screeched Naru.
Looking at the picture Shinobus' eyes widened . "Wow. Sempai…your…HUNG!"
The whole world face faulted at the comment.
"What? He is! Look!" Passing the picture back, Keitaro took this as a perfect opportunity to vacate the premises. Sliding out the door, he backed away wondering what might possibly happen and if his pain threshold was as well developed as he hoped. Turning around, he walked straight into a flying turtle and the incredible Ki blast following it. It hit him square in the face and flipped him off skywards. Looking down he saw Motoko charging after the turtle in the pretty pink dress, wings and all, completely deranged and intent on killing that hot springs tama.
"Hahahahahahaha!" The current I.D.O. (identified flying object) couldn't help but wet himself at the comic reactions the samurai had towards turtles. After a good laugh he relaxed and waited for impact.
"Wow. Guess I won't have to expect being obliterated just yet. Lucky it was just a mild hit though."
Famous last words.
A huge bellow sounded from the Hinata apartments and out of the roof popped Naru like a cricket in a popcorn bag. The incredible hulk sped her way towards Keitaro positively glowing in a red aura. Reaching back she wound up the biggest hit of her life. With nothing he could do, Keitaro just crossed his arms in a doomed attempt to block. The hit smacked Keitaro clean into one huge tree, his image appearing on the other side of its bark. And considering that this was on the far side of the city we are talking one serious bitch slap.
Landing, Naru tried to catch her breath. Sitting down she hung her head from the effort. About thirty seconds later Keitaro walked past her like nothing had happened. He smiled down at her and gave her the peace sign and continued on his general way back to the Hinata dorm. Looking after him with eyes seriously twice their normal size, she just choked.
"Its not fair! Why won't he stay down!"
Tearing in distress, she dragged her way back to the apartments completely defeated.
Walking along whistling, Keitaro happily thought to himself, "I really needed this. SIGH I love my life!"
Well people, I hope you liked it. If there's anything you see that needs fixing please tell me and not just leave creative comments like it sucks.
If I did anything that's like something someone has already written, sorry cause I don't think I've come across one like this.
Hope to hear from you soon :D