Title: Words that have to be said
Summary: Aelita dies, Jeremy becomes depressed and starts cutting himself. What happens when Odd finds out? SLASH OddJeremy. Odd POV.
I walk through the hallways outside the dorms, reflecting on what had happened just a month ago. Some kids had found the factory and used it as a hangout. One wandered away from the group and accidentally stumbled upon the main frame of the super computer. They shut down LYOKO, their logic telling them that the power that was being drained to fuel a super computer was a waist of natural resources, considering that there was no one around to use it (or so they thought). Jeremy had tried to contact LYOKO later that day and, when everyone went to the factory to see what happened, he had a breakdown. Everyone had been affected: none of us could pull themselves together enough to go to classes the next two days, but Ulrich and I recovered enough by the third day, telling ourselves that she was happier now and at least she hadn't felt any pain. Yumi recovered in a week but Jeremy was by far the worst case. He hadn't been able to get out of his bed, or even speak to anyone yet. We had made a regular schedule; Yumi brought Jeremy breakfast and woke him up, Ulrich brought and had lunch with him, while I was in charge of bringing him dinner after helping him with his homework.
I sigh; the math and physics teachers had been unrelenting in the amount of homework they assigned today day. They happened to be the only two subjects that I'm not scraping by with a C in, so I'm very much dreading trying to teach it to Jeremy, who undoubtedly should be teaching the subjects to me, instead of the other way around. I was also dreading it because I knew that I was falling behind in all of my classes for the past month because I had been worrying about Jeremy so much. It was virtually impossible for me to pay attention in class anymore. I'm also still grieving for Aelita a little; I loved her like a sister. In short, my parents were going to kill me when they saw my report card.
Something I had decided recently, after I started getting so worried about Jeremy, was that I loved the world's next Einstein. I'd known for a while that I was gay but the fact that I had fallen for one of my best friends was still shocking. I'm pretty sure Ulrich's realized that I like Jeremy in a little more than a friendly way; he's all that I can talk about and I worry about him more than Ulrich and Yumi, for they are sure that if they just give him a little space, he'll get better on his own. When Ulrich told me that I should back off on Jeremy a little bit, I told him that people commit suicide because they think that their friends can't be there for them. We didn't talk anymore that night.
These thoughts are in my head, all of them swirling and mixing together to make the beginning of headache, as I open the door to Jeremy's room. I hear a loud clatter and quiet sounds of small liquid drops hitting the floor. I open the door fully and my whole world freezes.
Jeremy's looking up at me with a look of complete horror, halfway through getting a pack of bandages that lay on his desk. His left shirt sleeve is rolled up to his elbow and I can see that his entire forearm is littered with cuts, one of which is bleeding. On the floor is a small puddle of blood and a bloody switchblade, which would have made the clattering sound that I heard. I stand stunned, absolutely numb to everything around me, for what seams like hours as the shock slowly begins to wear off to fear, sadness, horror and heartbreak. A single word is all I can manage to get past my lips.
Jeremy sobs and throws his body into a pillow on his bed. I drop the homework and run to him, forgetting about the open door, the people who are coming back to their dorms, any teachers, and anything else except the other blond boy.
I choke out "Jeremy…" again as I wrap my arms around him. He clings to my, sobbing into my chest, as I rub his back, bury my face in his hair and begin to rock him back and forth, all the while saying his name like a chant. As his sobs quiet to eventually stop, I pull him away slightly and look into his eyes.
"…Why?" I ask, barely managing to keep my own tears in check. He looks at me, opens his mouth to answer and begins mouthing words, his voice still not accessible. I close my eyes and put a finger on his lips, opening my eyes to see him ashamed that he hadn't realized that I hadn't been able to understand him. "Shh… it's okay." I say as he begins to sniffle. I easily find the notepad that Jeremy has been using to communicate with us.
'She's gone and it's all my fault. If I'd kept a better eye on the factory then those kids wouldn't have been able to get in.' He wrote.
I shake my head. "It's not you're fault. It's nobody's fault, and you're the last person who anyone could blame, anyway."
He thinks for a second before resting his head on my shoulder and began to write again.
'She was the only reason I was here. All I ever did was try to figure out ways to save her. Now, she's gone and what am I supposed to do? I'm useless. I have no purpose.'
I feel my heart clench painfully as I read his words. I pull him closer, holding him protectively. My entire body tenses as I see what was further down the page in small, light print but definitely written by Jeremy.
'I'm better off dead.'
I sob and bury my face in his shoulder, whispering a choked "No…!" against his skin. My arms tighten around him, even more protective than before. "Please! Don't think that!" I could tell that he was shocked by his expression. "Please… don't die…" I sniffle and now he's holding me. Without thinking, more words brush past my lips. "I love you, Jeremy." I feel him tense and realize exactly what I had said. "Oh, god. Jeremy, I'm so sorry. It just kind of… slipped out. Please, please don't hate me. I know that you loved Aelita and she just died. Oh, god, I'm so sorry." I ramble on for a few more seconds before I'm silenced by a pair of soft lips on my own. My eyes widen before they flutter closed. When the kiss ends, I look into Jeremy's eyes and read what is presented to me there.
Nothing's definite, he needs time to sort out all his feelings, but none of that means that we can't give it a try.
I sit on Jeremy's bed, holding him as he starts to fall asleep. I bite my lip before finally asking what's been bugging me since he kissed me. "Am I enough?"
He looks at me strangely.
I reach down and brush his left arm. "So that you don't have to…" I allow myself to trail off. At once, I see the need for sleep suddenly rush back into his eyes, full force. "You can answer me tomorrow, if you want. But I want an answer, please. I just…" I'm fighting back tears. "I don't want you to get hurt…"
He smiles softly and kisses me on the forehead in a silent goodnight.
When I wake up in the morning, I find Ulrich already gone and a note on the table beside me.
'Of course you are.'
Three months later
Ulrich, Yumi, and I sit on one of the benches outside the school, waiting for Jeremy to come out of his last class of the day. Yumi and Ulrich are arguing about something, I hadn't caught what.
"I'm telling you, its baloney."
Once again, I have no idea what they're arguing about when, all of a sudden, my vision is cut off by a pair of very familiar hands. I smile.
It was a small thing that Jeremy had started to do, kind of like "Guess who?", but Jeremy couldn't speak. I blink as I feel his lips next to my ear. "I love you."
I stand up and turn to face him. "Y-You-"
"I had to recover." Yumi and Ulrich shut up and their jaws drop. "Those words couldn't be written; they needed to be said."
I squeal loudly and hug him, ignoring the people who are staring. I smile as Jim merely looks the other way and ignores us. He isn't all bad, of course. I happen to see Sissy. She looks shocked and I think I can see her brain turning rusty gears as she tries to work out what's happening.. Or maybe it's just my imagination. All I know is that Jeremy is now kissing me senseless.
S.A.: Whoop! Slash! Sorry if I got the characters OOC, but it's been a long time since I've written a Code LYOKO fanfic (approximately a year and a half). If you recognize me from before, hello again and please tell me if my writing is better now than it was then (I do believe it is; I reread my old story and realize that it seamed like it was written by a second-grader) and if not, don't go looking for my old fic, because FF.N was evil and I had to delete it due to song lyrics.
Update: This was written six months ago, pre "I'm up for suggestions", and I'm just now getting around to posting it. I don't have a beta reader, but I did read over it myself and try to edit. Unfortunately, I'm not very good.
Reviewplease! Flames are laughed at and generally enjoyed.