The Grim ED-ventures of Ed, Edd, Eddy n Edna:

Chapter 97: Battle of the Cardians


the truth about "the donkey incident"

Note: I DEFINATELY do not own Ed, Edd, n Eddy, "Kids Next Door", "Courage the Cowardly Dog" nor "that Grim show" and "Underfist"… but the original characters are mine... Especially "The Fourth Ed"! However Nice Eris and Naughty Eris was based on a concept from "Underfist" that never made it.

I have seen "Ed, Edd, N Eddy's big picture show" so expect some stuff to happen!

recently my family cat just gave birth to four new kittens.

Rackburner7, if you get this message then get a e-mail account... The reason why I have Eddy hurt all the time in the chapters is because he causes the bad stuff to happen to himself when he does stupid things, that is how Karma works! like in the flashback in the chapter, he brought it on himself! At one one in my stories, Edna refused to save Eddy after telling him "If I help you, you won't learn!" Thank you and please get a account here!

As Double D, Ed, Dracula and Grim end up falling through a trap floor, they find themselves in a dungeon filled with cages and chains. Ed then places his head on the floor in order to "know his environment". Grim then looks around and says to Dracula and Double D, "It seems like we're in Eris' dungeon and where there's Dungeons there's goning to be..."

Ed then shouts, "PRISONERS! Fred? Ryoko? May?"

Then the four sure enough see May Kanker, Ryoko Kimono, and Fred Fredburger in cages. Ryoko then says, "Grim, is that you? Is Eddy behaving himself?"

Ed then says, "Hey... how can I tell it's really you three and not some shapeshifters Dora created to fool us." May Kanker then says, "I can prove it's really us... I remember what that scam was Eddy tried to do involving a donkey!"

Double D then says, "You know I tried to forget that incident due to how gruesome it was, please tell us..."

(May then explains what Eddys scam involving a donkey was, this isn't for the faint hearted and it happened a few weeks before the incidents of chapter 1)

Eddy then goes to a farm and then he gets a idea and says to himself, "I know what the boys want and there is no way they can say no to it!"

Double D and Ed go to Eddy's house and they see a tent posted up and a sign that reads:

"Kiss Nazz"

on the cheek-50 cents

on the lips-a dollar

tounge-a dollar and 50 cents

Double D then asks, "Eddy... did you actually get Nazz to agree to this scam... how did you do it?

Eddy then says, "Why don't you ask "Nazz" yourself?"

Double D then enters the tent and sees what appears to be a donkey dressed like Nazz, complete with a wig and lipstick. And Ed is handing her flowers and saying to her, "Nazz you look marvelous, did you get a new haircut?" The donkey just brays.

Double D then says, "Ok It's official, greed does make you less smarter than Ed... do you think anyone would fall for it?" Eddy then says meekly, "Umm Kevin would!" Double D just rolls his eyes.


Eddy then puts on a record that plays "Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)" by Samantha Fox and he shouts, "HEY BOYS! NAZZ IS SELLING KISSES! she gives french kisses if you pay her more! HURRY HURRY! Oh and we give out blindfolds to the first few customers!"

Soon Johnny 2x4 and Plank are covered in lipstick marks, then Kevin pulls out 5 dollars and says, "I don't know how you did it but man! This is awesome!" Ed then says to Eddy, "Wow Eddy, you made Kevin so happy with that scam, he didn't call you a dork this time!"

Double D then says, "But Eddy this is wrong, now you might not care about the feelings for Johnny and Kevin but what about the poor donkey who is going through all this?" Eddy then replies, "Oh boo hoo hoo! What are ya gonna do about it, call the ASPCA? HAHAHA!"

Ed then says, "Umm Eddy, did you notice Jimmy didn't kiss "Nazz"?" Eddy then replies, "May it's because he's..."

But then Nazz shows up and then she says to Eddy, "Hey dude, I got to admit I have feelings for you now, so let's like go to my backyard and like kiss eachother and stuff."

Eddy then skips a heartbeat and then he asks, "You mean for real real and not for play play?" Nazz then nods and then Eddy follows her to her backyard. Nazz then pulls out a quarter and throws it in the garden shed and she says, "Oops, can you get that for me please?" Eddy then goes in the shed and Nazz goes in there as well.

Nazz then says, "Ok Eddy, pucker up! And soon Eddy kisses Nazz in the lips and Eddy then says, "Wow, that tastes like a vanilla wafer being dipped in milk and then dipped in vanilla ice cream... yummy!" Nazz then suddenly breaks her voice and says, "Awww gee thanks, you're much sweeter than "Big Ed"." At the sound of a glass breaking, Eddy then asks "Nazz", "What did you just say? And are those freckles on your face... Oh no...oh no... oh no...OH NO!"

" Nazz" then takes off her wig and exposes her buckteeth, revealing herself to be May Kanker dressed like her. Eddy then says, "Hey doesn't Lee have the hots for me... WHAT IS GOING ON?"

May then replies, "Lee has no idea about this, that girl Nazz told me what you were doing with a donkey so she paid me two dollars and a fried chicken dinner at her house if I agreed to pose as her and kiss you in revenge for paying boys to kiss a donkey dressed like her. Now that I have dessert... I WANT THE MAIN COURSE!"

As May Kanker kisses Eddy alot, he screams in fear while he sees that he is being viewed by the real Nazz who shouts at him, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT YOU CREEP!" Then the donkey dressed like Nazz then brays but it translates as, "Serves you right you disgusting cretin! Umm what's with the sheep?" Then a Sheep is there and then bleats but it translates as, "You don't want to know what that baaaaaad boy did to me!"

Double D then shows up and shares his popcorn with Nazz and says to her, "I hope he never commits such a horrible scam like that one ever again, nor exploits you for such horrid reasons... Ed what are you doing?" Ed continues to flirt with the donkey, still thinking it's Nazz but the donkey kicks Ed and says, "Hello light!" as he falls asleep.


Double D and Ed were shocked upon remembering the horrid "donkey incident" and Ed asks, "I kissed a donkey?" Grim then replies as he opens the cages, "Wow... you really are the real deal then, mon Eddy has issues!" Ryoko Kimono then says to May Kanker, "remind me that if I ever see him again, I'm going to slap him around for doing something so horrid! Plus it reminds me of a Kevin Smith movie the author likes so much!"

As Grim and the two Eds got Ryoko, May, and Fred down from the cages, they feel a small tremor. All of a sudden, they see four panels rise up from the floor, they reveal themselves to be shaped like playing cards but with arms and legs. They are the size of Bo-bobo character Don Patch. The playing card like creatures then reveal their eyes and symbols (red diamond, red heart, black club, black spade) They pulls out their swords and the black spade then says to them, "So lady Eris was right, you all plan to invade the castle and recover your friends... well you're no match for the might of... THE CARDIANS!"

Soon, Grim, Ed, Ryoko, Fred, Dracula, Double D, and May laugh hysterically at the four warriors and spade asks them, "Just what is so funny knaves? Is it the sound of my voice? Is it because I call Eris a lady?"

Ryoko then says, "Not exactly... first off Eris isn't your boss but that brat Dora. And second... THE NAME IS ALREADY TAKEN!" May continues, "Yeah, The monsters from "Sailor Moon R" are called "Cardians" and the Sentai-like Time Shifters from "Flint the Time Detectives" are also called Cardians."

Spade then looks shocked, then talks to Diamond, Club, and Heart. Soon enough, Club and Diamond put on football helmets while Heart and Spade put on baseball caps. They raise their swords as Spade yells his battle cry, "CARDinals... ATTACK!" Then the four charge at Ed but then May shows up and squeezes Fred Fredburger, causing him to fart them away.

Heart then says, "I say, that is really rude, Club fight for my honor!" Club then charges towards Dracula but then Dracula turns into a bat, making Club miss and hit a wall. Diamond then grabs May and says, "Don't move or this wench suffer thy blade!"

Club then pounces on Ed and shouts, "52 FIST BARRAGE!" Then he rapidly punches Ed in the head 52 times but it has no effect.

Then all of a sudden a apparition rises from a puddle. Grim sees this and says, "Oh no... I hoped I wouldn't run into her!" Then it turns out to be Miss Hanako and she cheerfully says to everyone "HOWDY HO!"

Diamond then laughs a bit only to be blasted away by a blast of water from Hanako's hands. Then she blasts more water at the four.

Double D then says to Hanako, "Wow, glad to see you again and at a good time too!"

But then another figure rises from the water. The Queen from the black puddle arrives as well.

Hanako then looks at her and the Queen looks back. Grim shivers and says, "Oh I should've known, those two have water powers, putting those two together would be disaterous."

Hanako says to the Queen, "I heard about you... you big bully! Leave my friends alone and live in peace like us good monsters!" The Queen replies, "Never! I want revenge on my cousin and his idiot friends! Oh and Card guys I brewed this up for you!"

The Queen throws a black water balloon at the Cardinals and the evil energy results in them fusioning into a powerful jester like beast with four card symbols on it's chest and is carrying a scythe which also has card symbols.

The others back away while Ryoko then says, "Whoa, I know they were uncool in the beginning but their fusion... is pretty cool.

The Cardbeast then raises his scythe and attempts to slash the others but Grim blocks it with his scythe. The Cardbeast then shouts, "ROYAL FLUSHER!" Then fires 52 cards at Grim's face. The Queen then uses a water blast and blasts Ed out of the window while he holds on for life. May Kanker and Dracula try to pull him up.

Then the Queen of the Black Puddle resumes her fight with Miss Hanako.

Grim then thinks to himself, "Darn it, she knew I planned to fusion with Ed. I guess I'll have to fusion with someone I haven't fusioned with yet...

Double D: Nah!

Fred Fredburger: No way!

Ryoko Kimono: Got it!

I shall fusion... with a Kimono!"

Grim then pulls out his scythe and zaps Ryoko, turning her into a jawbreaker, Ryoko as a jawbreaker enters Grim's mouth and then Grim suddenly glows golden and screaming as he and Ryoko become one...

Grim and Ryoko become apparently... her namesake Ryoko Hakubi from "Tenchi Muyo". She appears as her 17 year old self but in a red and black space outfit. Grim-Ryoko then smirks and falls through a floor. Cardbeast then looks to his left and right then he sees two Grim-Ryokos. Cardbeast sweatdrops and the two Grim-Ryokos summon ghost like demons to pound the Cardbeast.

The two Grim-Ryokos reform and then uses the three gems on her hand to create a light-scythe and she says, "You know... I dunno what to say for a finishing move... eh forget it!" She just slashes Cardbeast in half with the light-scythe, then it explodes into 52 playing cards and the wind blows the cards away.

Then Grim-Ryoko sees Hanako overpower the Queen of the Black Puddle with her water powers. The Queen then smiles and says, "Hi Cousin... Bye Cousin!" Then she runs off and jumps into a puddle.

Hanako then sees the fusion and says, "Oh right, I forgot you could do that!" Grim-Ryoko then says, "You know this form is pretty cool, it brings out the wild side in me, I might have to fusion like this more often!"

Double D then asks Grim-Ryoko, "Umm Grim, now long does this fusion last?" Grim-Ryoko then says, "Well it looks like it lasts for 3 hours and since I used a half hour I only have 2 and a half hours in this form... at least it's cool since it possessed alot of sci-fi ish powers and all. Now let's regroup and get to Dora or else the world will end!

Hanako then says, "Actually guys, I brought another person with me, she wants to help you guys despite not being around in the past. Then coming out of a puddle is a ghostly bubble and as it pops, they see a familiar young english girl. Ed hugs he and shouts, "EDWINA! Did you get me something?"

Edwina giggles and says, "I'm happy to see you two Ed! Anyway after the fiasco Dora caused I went through some shaman training and I ended up fusioning with my parents, brother and cousin Melody, that's right all four ghosts are posessing my body and the results are giving me super strength, making wiser decisions, having my father's fencing skills, and having cousin Melody's musical talents.

Ed then asks, "So using your Shaman powers to gain abilities from spirits... makes you a mary sue?" Edwina and Ed end up laughing together. Hanako then says, "Friend Edwina, I sense that the others are going to have a battle of epic proportions, we must go now!"

And so as Grim-Ryoko, Ed, Edd, Dracula, Fred Fredburger, May Kanker and Hanako find another passage way to the main room, the strange checkerboard room is having alot of tension happening, Nice Eris with Celeste in her arms, Grim, Eddy, Edna, Velma Green, Hikari Kimono, Kasumi Kimono, Jeff the Spider, Lizzie, Hoss Delgado and Squidhat are about to enter a fight with Dora's powerful henchmen Emma-chan, Marie Kanker, Lee Kanker, Electronica, "Other Edna", and Eddy's older brother, and they wear black and purple uniforms similar to the ones Underfist wears. Eddy's older brother then says to Eddy, "So you finally made it here "Pipsqueak"..."