Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. I only
wish I could do this for a living.
Warning: No warnings this time. Can you believe I wrote a
story with no sex? I can't. Well, there
is a little hint of it.
AN: Caterchipiller suggested I write something from Seifer's
point of view. So I tried. I'm not sure I like the result. What do you think? Please R&R
I leaned on
my elbow watching Quistis sleep. I
guessed she was dreaming from her murmurs and restless movements. Hyne knows she's had enough experience in
life to give her nightmares, some of it probably even my fault. But I hoped she was dreaming something good.
closer to Quistis than I'd ever been with anyone. I'd gotten lots of attention from girls and never had a problem
finding someone to share a few hours with.
But I didn't care about any of them and hadn't ever shared even half the
passion with anyone that Quistis and I had experienced last night. I'd had years of practice in controlling my
emotions, denying them mostly. I learned
early that emotions make you weak.
Quistis was the only one who could ever make me lose it. Maybe because she was the only one I
couldn't manipulate. Usually she'd made
me angry, but now I was fighting back something less familiar. I wanted to tell her I'd missed her, that
even in those days of foggy confusion, when I barely even remembered who I was
for the hatred that burned a red glow around everything, I thought of her.
didn't know what it meant and I sure as hell couldn't explain it to her. Quistis wasn't exactly emotional, herself,
and probably wouldn't appreciate some sentimental declaration of…
something. She'd probably think I was
lying. Quistis had a different kind of
pride than what kept Squall from ignoring me or made Zell lose his temper. She couldn't bear the thought of being
laughed at or made fun of. And
believing someone when they were lying was such an unthinkable risk she'd
rather disbelieve the truth.
meant for anything to happen last night.
I didn't have any reason to think she was interested. But when she caught me just out of the
shower and I could see desire in her eyes, I couldn't stop myself. After months of confusion and hatred and
months after that of guilt and even more confusion, lust had seemed so
simple. I think maybe I wanted to go
back to the first night we spent together, go back to the person I was then and
wasn't simple now. What the hell was I
going to say when she woke up? Maybe if
things hadn't happened the way they had we would've stayed together. Maybe.
Fuck, I probably would've found some other way to screw things up for
myself. What the hell did I know about
relationships? The idea of Quistis as
my girlfriend was a joke. Guys
like Zell have girlfriends, girls they look at with dreams of some idealistic
future. Maybe they even love each
other, the couples I'd see sneaking into the secret room at night. At least they think they do. But love's just a word they use for
obsession. Maybe love doesn't even exist.
Almasy is not one of those guys who has any interest in having a
girlfriend. I don't want to play the
childish guessing games with immature girls who pretend they don't want what
they want and act like the world's coming to an end if anything goes
wrong. Quistis sure as hell wasn't like
that. She might not have been quite as
aggressive that first night if she hadn't had so much to drink, but she never
would have acted coy or flirted shyly to try and get me to hit on her. She was honest.
sure at first. I was worried that she'd
wake up sober, hungover and regretting the night before. Maybe she'd even blame it all on me. But even after a year I remembered perfectly
her smile as she woke and saw me next to her, and the mischievous look in her
eyes when she led me to the shower.
That morning we lost ourselves in each other again and I felt like
nothing else existed. I'd been angry at
my rejection from SeeD the day before; angry at myself for failing again. But when Quistis, always so cool and
controlled, had to lean on me to stand, her eyes closed, moaning my name, I
thought if I could do something that good, I could do anything. I left her room later that morning
determined to make up for all my failures.
That lasted about two hours before I found out about Timber and
proceeded to ruin everything.
nothing to deserve what this woman had given to me last night. I knew better than to think I could ever do
anything good enough.
I felt a
soft hand on my chest and Quistis' body against my side as she rolled over
against me. Part of me wanted to leave
now, before I fucked up again. But I
wrapped my arms around her, my body content for the moment simply to feel her
skin against mine.
you thinking about so hard?" she asked groggily.
hoping she'd let it go.
regretting last night, I hope." She
said it casually, but her body was tense.
She was actually worried. I
wondered whether she was just concerned or might be unsure I wanted her.
her reassuringly. "Not at all."
up on one elbow and her breast brushed against my chest. I was not only not regretting last
night, if we didn't get up soon I was going to want a repeat this morning.
guarded as ever. Nice to know some
things haven't changed, at least." She
sighed. "I've probably destroyed any
semblance of… professional objectivity."
I chuckled and saw her blush.
"But I am here to help. I can't
do that unless you talk to me."
away from her and sat up, looking for some nearby clothes.
I looked at
her and grinned. Her eyes were only
half open and her hair was a tangled mess.
I suddenly felt better than I had in as long as I could remember.
worry, Instructor. I'm just going to get
our clothes. Otherwise talking is the
last thing I'll want to do."
in as many minutes. Not bad. She smiled, worry temporarily gone from her
eyes. I had no idea how long this peace
would last, but I wouldn't worry about that now. I kissed her softly then rose from the bed. After I tossed her clothes to her I pulled
on a pair of pants and a tee shirt.
As I sat
down on the edge of the bed Quistis suddenly laughed.
know what I'm going to tell everyone.
'Well, he's generous and considerate in bed, so I'm sure he'll be
say I mind you spreading it around that I'm good in bed."
you can attract some of those shallow little SeeD cadets who fawn all over
something in her voice, but I wasn't sure what it was. I kinda hoped it was jealousy, but I was
just flattering myself. I couldn't
think of anything to say, so I just let it go.
you thinking about earlier?"
hoping you'd forget about that."
"I have a
job to do, you know."
I closed my
eyes. A fucking job. She'd said it lightly, but how the hell
could I know she didn't mean that? Her
I was like a fucking fool thinking about a future with Quistis, even thinking
about love, for Hyne's sake, when the only feelings she'd shown for me
were lust and affection.
one of your fucking projects."
I felt her
hand on my shoulder and jerked away.
didn't mean it like that."
voice, so concerned, suddenly sounded patronizing.
"What? Seifer, please—"
look at her. "I'm not something you can
fix and I'm not one of your dear students.
So just leave me alone."
I went into
the bathroom and left her sitting there.
I heard her leave moments later, hoping and dreading that she'd come
back, but she didn't. Maybe coming back
here was a mistake.