Title: Those Who Rarely Speak Have Secrets

Author: Backlash Symphony

Music: "Ryuusei Shooting Star" by Tia

Summary: Jiraiya narrowly missed the fist aimed for his face. "I swear, Tsunade!" he defended. "It wasn't me!" Tsunade growled, diving after him. "Oh really?" she spat, pinning his squirming body on the hard forest floor beneath him, fist looming threateningly above him. "Then who else? Orochimaru?" Jiraiya nodded his head rapidly only to find her fist in his face. Orochimaru smiled.

Extra: This is a one-shot dedicated to A Writer Wannabee for guessing the correct Naruto character in another one of my one-shots, My Dark Haired Lover.

Disclaimer: I do not own "Ryuusei Shooting Star" by Tia and I especially do not own Naruto, for if I did, the show would be called "Sakura".


Orochimaru was a genius, a genius that comes once in a decade. Although his features were strikingly similar to those of a serpent, what with his paper-white skin that contrasted sharply with his scorching amber eyes, his mind was one that would never be matched; at least for another decade, anyway. He was attentive and thoughtful, curious and perceptive, clever and cunning, talented. He was almost always silent, constantly pondering life and the reasons for death and survival. He held a fascination with the complexities of the human body and an even further obsession with the development and intricacies of the human brain.

His mind was the effect of hundreds of seasoned men fit into the body of a twelve year old, if not somewhat effeminate, boy. Although, this reason was mostly due to the fact that he was born and raised during a time of war and tragedy, where shinobi had to be at the top of their class in order to survive. The one thing that terrified the otherwise impassive child was the thought of dying. He knew well enough that everyone died eventually, and he knew better than to indulge himself in fantasies of immortality which were just that, fantasies.

He also knew better than to allow himself to give in to the effects of puberty in its physical progression, such effects he rather wished he wouldn't fall victim to. He was better than all of the other shinobi his age and even some of the chuunins and jounins. He prided himself with that knowledge and had foolishly hoped he wouldn't have to go through the embarrassment of puberty. Sadly, however, he couldn't find a way around it and no medical book he studied could provide him with a sufficient answer, but he did know how to pretend and fool others into thinking he hadn't been hit with the worst portion of growing up.

"What'd you say no-chest!" Jiraiya belted out no more than ten feet in front of Orochimaru who was sitting quite comfortably reading a scroll in the shade beneath a tree.

"I am NOT, you panty-stealing perverted loser!" Tsunade screeched, holding a fist in the air as a warning for Jiraiya.

Orochimaru took a look out of the corner of his eye to see his teammates with their foreheads pressed together, barking out insults left and right. He knew that in exactly five seconds Tsunade would tackle Jiraiya to the ground and pound him so hard into the ground he'd literally have a full body imprint in the dirt.

"I told you that wasn't me!" he denied.

True to Orochimaru's thoughts, exactly five moments later Tsunade was throwing her fists into Jiraiya in every place she could find that would make him hurt. He sighed, shaking his head lightly and returning back to his scroll and his thoughts.

Another thing he hated about puberty was that it made him equal to Jiraiya, something he couldn't stand. He was better than Jiraiya in and at everything and he refused to allow a loser like him to actually get as close as to being his equal. Jiraiya was a pervert, and a very skilled one at that. If word got out that he had allowed puberty to effect him in a way that resembled Jiraiya's methods his entire reputation would be shot. No, he refused to become like Jiraiya, although he knew no one would believe it unless they caught him in the act, and even then they would probably think it was Jiraiya using a Henge Jutsu. Still, the questioning he would get would be incredibly annoying.

However, he did need to give Jiraiya his credit sometimes, and last night had been one of them.


Golden eyes peeked out from behind a red and blue scroll, swiftly taking in the surrounding area. Orochimaru saw with much satisfaction that he was, indeed, alone at the campsite. He knew Sarutobi-sensei was out scouting the area for enemy shinobi. Tsunade was pampering herself in a hot springs about a mile southwest of their campsite. Having known that much, Jiraiya was quick to pretend to go somewhere else so he could detour back to spy on Tsunade. Orochimaru sighed at that thought. He knew Sarutobi-sensei wouldn't actually spy on one of his students, but he was a pervert like Jiraiya and people tended to wonder when they noticed glances that were strangely different from the ones they received, say, people like Orochimaru.

He brushed those thoughts aside before calmly setting his scroll down and stretching, looking once again from the corners of his eyes for anyone who could be hiding and waiting for him. When he was absolutely positive no one was there, he cautiously stepped over to Tsunade's tent, mentally thanking the fact that she left the flap open, showing him her pack. He silently slid to the floor right outside the tent and hurriedly untied the pack.

With the original image of the pack burned into his memory, he sifted through extra clothes and weapons and to the bottom of the bag where his fingers brushed across the specific material he was looking for. He wrapped his fingers around it and slowly dragged it from the bag before inspecting it. In his hand he held the one thing that would completely destroy his reputation.

Tsunade's underwear.

Orochimaru smiled softly to himself, holding the lacy material between his thumb and forefinger. He took a few steps back before standing completely and then made a move to turn around. What he saw nearly made him drop his prize to the ground. Standing in front of him with wide eyes and an even wider smile was none other than the master pervert himself, Jiraiya. Orochimaru was frozen in his place for two reasons.

1. He had just been caught for the very first time and by the boy who he always beat, the loser that couldn't even tell when an enemy was behind him even if they were yelling at him.

2. If Jiraiya was back and completely healthy looking, no bruises or cuts anywhere, then that meant Tsunade had finished bathing and would be back soon.

He swore in his mind and rolled his eyes as Jiraiya started to jump up and down. He pointed a finger at Orochimaru.

"Oh this is the greatest day of my entire life!" he shouted. "I've finally caught you being a hypocrite, and especially on the topic I perform best!"

"Shut up, loser," Orochimaru said in a calm voice that didn't match how he felt inside.

He had to do something and he had to do something fast before Tsunade got back. However, before he could say something else, Jiraiya reached forward and snatched the underwear right from his hand and started waving it around in the air. Orochimaru almost made a move on reflex to snatch it back as Jiraiya continued prancing around, waving the underwear around like a flag.

"So you really are human, then!" he yelled, falling onto the ground, clutching the black cloth tightly to his chest as he rolled around laughing. "Tsunade's underwear! Tsunade's underwear!" he said joyously, laughing at the fact that he finally caught Orochimaru doing something like that.

Orochimaru didn't know whether or not he should be disappointed that he couldn't beat Jiraiya up for taking away something he needed at that moment or if he should be kissing Tsunade for arriving back from her bath at the exact moment his annoying teammate started bragging that he had Tsunade's underwear. Regardless, he didn't have much time to do anything as he stood behind a rolling Jiraiya who was still clutching onto her underwear and announcing it at the top of his lungs. She was already tossing her things to the ground, making a lot of noise, and stomping angrily towards Jiraiya.

"Jiraiya you pervert!" she screamed, instantly causing said teammate to stop rolling around and jump to his feet, ducking just in time to avoid a hit from Tsunade.

Orochimaru stepped away from the two, finding safety at the fire he had set up to read by. Jiraiya looked down at the material in his fingers with wide eyes full of terror. He stepped back again and raised a hand to point at Orochimaru. Jiraiya narrowly missed the fist aimed for his face.

"I swear, Tsunade!" he defended. "It wasn't me!"

Tsunade growled, diving after him.

"Oh really?" she spat, pinning his squirming body on the hard forest floor beneath him, fist looming threateningly above him. "Then who else? Orochimaru?"

Jiraiya nodded his head rapidly only to find her fist in his face. Orochimaru smiled. Tsunade thoroughly pummeled Jiraiya not only for attempting to steal her beloved underwear, that he had discovered long ago were being saved for him in the event that he realized he had feelings for her, but for blaming the theft on her "beloved Orochimaru" who withheld a snort of amusement. He settled back onto his log to pick up where he left off on his reading.

A few minutes later and Tsunade cautiously approached Orochimaru, sitting down next to him, fingers twidling together.

"I apologize for Jiraiya," she began softly, though her words were laced with hatred. "I know you wouldn't do something like steal my underwear..."

Orochimaru looked away from his scroll, though not looking at her either, but more at the fire that was blazing and crackling in front of them. With Jiraiya out cold a ways away from them and Sarutobi-sensei still scouting, he felt safe with his words.

"It's good to know that you've at least got good taste," he said softly, though amused.

Tsunade blushed and stammered for a few moments before Orochimaru met her gaze. She was silenced immediately.

"Thanks, I guess," she muttered quietly, finally finding the ability to form words once again.

He nodded and went back to his scroll. Tsunade, who didn't want to leave his side quite yet, moved her body closer, though carefully, until she was pressed against his side, and then she leaned over and began to read from what she could see on the scroll. Orochimaru didn't say anything, for which Tsunade was pleased, but immediately panicked when the arm she was resting on moved. She straightened herself away from him only to have his body shift towards her. His arm shot out to wrap around her waist, pulling her to rest against him. The tips of his fingers settled against her thigh and she blushed a deep red, unsure of anything he was doing.

She felt the vibrations of his body as he chuckled and she smiled softly, leaning more comfortably into him. His head turned and he put his lips next to her ear.

"And what if I really was the one who took your underwear?" he whispered, feeling her relax and laugh softly.

"I know you wouldn't."

Orochimaru grinned before resuming his reading, holding Tsunade to him. He'd given her enough choices, he'd had Jiraiya blame him, and since no one would believe Jiraiya and she couldn't even think that he was capable of such a thing, his secret was safe.

End Flashback

Orochimaru smirked to himself. His secret was safe and Jiraiya was pissed that he got in trouble. Orochimaru now knew, however, that he could steal her panties whenever he wanted to because she'd instantly blame Jiraiya. And come on, since when is seeing Jiraiya get beat to a pulp by a girl not entertaining?


Ahehehe...Alright, I attempted to be funny but apparently I'm not as good as I thought when it comes to humor. Yeah, so this one-shot was dedicated to A Writer Wannabee for guessing correctly on my other one-shot, My Dark Haired Lover. Congrats again and I hope you enjoyed it! Till later!

Backlash Symphony