The Gang Gets Together For Some Good Ole Drinking.
don't know? I don't own Naruto or some quotes you may notice as familar.
A/N - Please read this with no seriousness attached. There is a lot of character bashing, so no flames if it is about that.
"Hey," Naruto said. "You better believe it!"
Thats how it continued for the rest of the night. Sakura stared as Lee, who had finally went to rehab, was asking a question equivalent to the meaning of life.
"My youth is slow...Believe what, young, fighting ninja?"
"Just believe it!" Naruto said, clearly not knowing why he said that all the time.
Sakura sighed. This was the worst night of her life. She was at a bar, alone with idiots. "Gah! Am I so useless that I can't even be part of the plot anymore?" She wailed.
"You better believe it!" Naruto said out of habit, not wanting to drink any more liqour. One more shot and he would love his bunnies.
Then, all of a sudden, appears...
"WHAT THE -?" They all cried in unison. Itachi was skipping in with Sasuke.
"Brother, look its my best friends!" Sasuke shouted, and twirled. "Look Naruto! Wheeeee! I braided my little ninja forehead protector thingy. YEAH!" Sasuke posed a nice guy pose.
"Sasuke!" Lee zealously cried. "You are so full of Youthfullness!"
"Well, duh. Thats only because I made up with Itachi. Even though he killed off all our family and mentally tortured me - he painted my nails black! So, now we are over that whole 'I hate you thing.'"
"Aw. Brother, come give me a hug!" Itachi said with a squeal. The two embraced as Naruto just stared. He was quite jealous.
"Bunnahs!" He cried, as he chugged a bottle.
Sakura just stared, her eye twitching like it did all the time. 'Hm...maybe my eyetwitching isn't as attractive as I thought it was.' She thought, and then the whole room just let out another - "OH MY GOD!"
Gaara had walked in wearing a dress and set down. He began to drink and Itachi walked up to him.
"You know Gaara, since you have given me a great deal on eyeliner, I would just like to say I know a moisturizer that would work wonders on your skin!"
Gaara's nonexistent eyebrows were arched in interest, as he said a 'Oh, do go on.'
As the two continued to trade tips out of COSMO, Sasuke looked forlorn. "Brother..." He sniffled and slowly patted Naruto's head.
"Come Naruto, lets go back to the apartment. I want to show you what my Brother has taught me." Sasuke said, grinning.
"Okah dokay!" Naruto said with a grin.
The two left, their placement of hands making all yaoi fans shout 'Hurrah!'.
Gaara was done talking to Itachi and decided that he would buy some Avon from him ONLY if he got 5 off.
Lee was twitching as he tried to not drink.
"Must...not...can not...YOUTH help me!" He sobbed and curled up into a ball.
Sakura was trying not to die when she told Gaara she wasn't interested.
And Itachi was painting his nails an even darker shade of black.
Well, it got pretty boring so Kakashi entered with his new book - "How to be A Fly, White, Ghetto, Wanna-be-Gangsta ninja" book in tow.
"Word up. Holla to ya mother, G-Unit!" He nodded towards Gai, as he walked in with his afro. He never got rid of it, only now the mustache was gone.
"My youthfulness will beat you in this contest, RIVAL!" He coughed and then just began to lean back. "Just lean back...lean back...lean back." Until he leaned to far back and fell.
Chouji walked in and grinned. "GUYS! Hey, I'm on a diet! I'm going to become skinny and finally become...skinny!"
Shikamaru followed with Temari, Ino and Tenten clinging to him. His hands were already twitching. "Heehee..." He grinned.
"What a pimp." Kakashi sighed.
"Tru' dat, m'brotha. Tru' dat." Gai followed the sigh with his own.
Poor Chouji now knew that now one cared and decided to get drunk and gain more weight.
"Is it just me, or are all the people drunk before they actually come in here?" Sakura asked to no one. But no one cared...because she was Sakura.
"Must not drink..." Lee sighed dramatically. "Must...can't..."
"Tenten, you must go." Shikamaru stated bluntly.
"Because you have no last name. And because you are not filled with mystery, it shows that no one ever cared to give you a last name. Now go."
"Oh...okay." She giggled and left.
"He's so fly..." Kakashi said with envy.
"Word." Gai-sensei replied, not giving up. You see, Gai didn't need alcohol. He was naturally drunk all the time.
Shino walked in and cackled. "YES! THEY ARE ALL DRUNK! NOW NO ONE WILL EVER REMEMBER ME TAKING HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING PHOTOS!"
"Uh...I'm not drunk." Sakura chimed in.
"Shut up. No one cares about you." Shino replied and began to pull out disposables.
Gaara was sitting on top of a piano and serenading random people.
"L is for the way you look at me..." He sang, as he posed seductively for Shino.
"Everyone is gay." Sakura sighed.
"Did some say my name...dawg?" Gai asked.
Sakura sighed again and didn't know what to do.
Then again...no one cared.
"Hinata...I told you. Hips can't lie because they can't talk." Kiba sighed as they walked into the bar. Poor Kiba knew it was wrong of him to do it. He wanted to turn back but Hinata already was sitting down.
"Ki-Kiba-kun. They can so." Hinata nodded shly yet persistently.
"Hey Kiba, you want some crack?" Shino asked him, as he walked cooly over to the pair.
"Naw...not today. My allergies are acting up." Kiba sneezed on cue and shrugged. "Maybe next week."
"Damn...Now who do I give it to." Shino muttered and looked around. "Hey Lee!"
"Can't...must...not...SPANDEX...YOUTH." He moaned. "OH! THE - Oh hi Shino."
"You want something to increase your youth?" He asked supicously, he slowly opened his jacket. Lee gasped. Shino wore spandex, too!
"Sure thing..." He grabbed the white substance and snorted it. "GO GO POWER RANGERS!" He jumped up and began to role around and acted out poorly done martial arts. "I AM THE CHAMPION OF JUSTICE!"
Shino just cackled and closed his coat before anyone knew his secret.
"On behalf of the moon, I will PUNISH YOU!" Lee spun and pointed at Orochimaru.
"You can punish me anytime." He winked and Lee shrugged. He was use to it.
Kabuto silently wept and changed his glasses for the dark, plastic frames. "Why? Why won't he notice me? Am I not emo enough...or gay enough for him?" Kabuto ran away and cried.
Sakura was about to comment but I decided to delete it.
"Kiba...Kiba...You are so beautiful..TO ME!" Hinata grinned as she drank more. Okay, so maybe he encouraged it. It wasn't like he wasn't drinking. Because, hell, he was.
"Hinata...You take my lungs away!" Kiba batted his eyelashes shyly at her.
"KIBA! Look its a fish!"
"A fish? Where? LETS EAT IT!"
Poor Kisame walked in, looking around for Itachi. "What the fuck? Itachi, don't you inhale that nail polish! I wouldn't want you to be known as the 'Michael Jackson' ninja in Konoha, as well."
"Hehee." Giggle Hinata as she glomped Kisame. "Look a fish!"
"What the -?" Kisame looked down and blinked. "I'm not a fish, I am a walking, talking human shark...man...ninja-thingy!"
"I AM ITACHI! THE BURNINATOR!" Itachi giggled as he began to burn things, starting with his nail polish.
"Oh my fu-" Kisame was cut off by a Kiba looking quite angry.
"Get your shitty hands off of her!" Kiba dove in and began to gnaw at the shark man's shin.
"Here boy." Hinata whistled and pat his head when he came over to her. Shino was expecting him to start humping Hinata's leg, but that moon wasn't there. "Good boy." She smiled down at him.
"Itachi, we must go out and ninja into the night."
"Alllrighty than!" Itachi linked arms with Kisame and left.
"Remember fish are friends, not food!"
Lee looked positively high. Shino was doing a cackling contest with Orochimaru.
"Fufufufufu!" The snake sennin cried.
"OHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Shino cackled.
"Oooooh!" The two-dollar whores said in unison as Shikamaru let out a whistle.
"You got served, fool." Kakashi said with all his whiteness.
"Word up...or is word down. CRACKALACKIN'!" Gai desperately tried to keep up.
"Crack? Where?" Lee popped up, and looked around. "Crack...SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!"
Kiba stared...luckily his drunkiness had subsided and he now looked at a clinging Hinata. She was...gulp...clinging to him. She pressed up against him in the most inappropriate places.
"Kiba..." She sighed and looked up at him.
"AH! Ah...Hinata. You need to go home. Lets go!" He squeaked, feeling a cold shower would do wonders right now.
"Okay..." She blinked and smacked his butt. "Lets go!"
But then Kiba passed out ontop of Hinata who was mircalcously back to her old self.
"A-A-ano? Kiba-kun?" She said, blushing like the red toaster Neji had bought. He was quite happy it made toast to be the shape of kunais. Kiba tried to gain consciousness but couldn't and laid there...his face buried in her stomach. She scooted up to the nearest tree, and didn't want to disturb his slumber.
Seeing Lee leave singing 'Sliver Bells' to himself, she decided not to ask for help.
Instead she stayed there with Kiba's brown mane on her lap. She fiddled with his hair as she suddenly had the urge for fish. She blinked, but shrugged it off.
And from that day on many ninjas were featured on Oprah, Dr.Phil, and Jerry Springer.
All was good, because Shino was happy selling crack.
Gaara and Itachi killed Mary Kay and took over her business.
Naruto found out why the word 'uke' was part of Sasuke's name.
Lee had become a crack addict, and had to go into rehab once again.
Chouji became the next spoke's person for Weight Watchers.
Shikamaru was still a pimp, and eventually let Tenten back in. Her last name is 'Make Me A Sandwich, Ho'; She thought it was Swedish.
Kakashi eventually was shot, but he's a ninja so it didn't matter.
Gai was eventually...well. He stayed the same.
Sakura got hit by a bus, but then again, no one cares.
Orochimaru ended up becoming a mime, after being shunned and horribly served.
Kabuto was part of an emo band.
Kiba and Hinata got drunk every night, and both confessed their love. Not that this matters, because none of them remembered it.
And so concludes "Just A Few Drinks";
As the person who wrote it, I would like to thank all reviewers. Just make sure to check up on this once and a while - I might add more when I get past my writer's block.