Alright, this is one of my two strip poker fics. It's twin is a Star Ocean 3 one, except the positions are (sort of) reversed. I know there are probobly eight million strip poker fics out there, but I honestly got this idea from KousukeAsazuki's yummy Spiral fic. Go read it, now.

Anyways, I was half-asleep and thinking about all of the fics I have read, and as I was thinking about that one, I suddenly wondered what would happen if Krad proposed a game of strip poker to Dark. Without further ado, the crack-tastic result.

Once again, horrible formatting means a -- before every line that starts a new paragraph. Same with line breaks.


--Dark softly padded through the museum, careful not to get caught. He had to steal another painting tonight. Emiko already had quite a few paintings, and Dark didn't see why she needed another one. He was starting to doubt that any of these artworks were magical and wondered if he was simply decorating her house. Either way, all he could do was steal them. Better safe than sorry, he figured.

--He snuck into the room the painting was in, and was about to reach out and take it when he saw a white feather float by him. "Krad," he growled, and whipped around.

--"Hello again, Dark," came the smooth reply. Krad was leaning up against a wall, still wearing that complex robe. Dark wondered if he ever washed it. "I see you are going to take that painting," he said rather obviously.

--"Yeah, and you're going to try to stop me," Dark replied matter-of-factly.

--"No, not really." Dark stared at Krad, who seemed to be staring at something on the ceiling. "I only request that we play a simple game first. If you win, you may take the painting and leave."

--Dark hesitated, and decided to just go with it. "And if you win...?"

--"The same." An evil look suddenly crossed Krad's face. "But I get to do something first."

--Dark gulped. "Do what first?"

--"You'll have to play the game to find out."

--"...fine." Dark figured Krad couldn't have anything too bad planned.

--"Good." Krad walked over to where Dark was, and sat down. "Come, sit." Dark sat in front of him. Krad pulled out a deck of cards and started shuffling.

--Dark couldn't contain his curiosity any longer. "So, what game are we playing?."

--Krad looked positively smug. "Strip poker. Oh, and shoes and socks don't count, so you might as well take them off now." Dark noticed Krad was already barefoot.

--A chill went down Dark's spine as he took off his shoes and socks. Great, he thought to himself. What have I gotten myself into...

--Krad delt the cards, and Dark's heart lept. He had two eights and two fives, along with a jack. He discarded the jack, and got back a three. Oh well, he thought happily. Two pair is still a pretty good hand. Krad was frowning at his cards, even after the discard. "Ha! Two pair!" Dark showed his cards. "What do you have?"

--Krad mumbled something, and revealed an ace-high hand. Dark snickered, but Krad looked unfazed. A horrible thought struck Dark as Krad reached for his shoulder, and it was confirmed when Krad unbuckled something and a little flap of cloth came off. Shit! Dark thought, scared. I forgot to say that his robe could only count for one piece of clothing! He took a deep breath, and tried to calm himself. Okay. I'm pretty much screwed, he thought darkly. It'll take like forty hands for me to win before that robe is off. Not that I want it off, but I prefer it to the alternative. Another thought hit Dark. Lets see, what am I wearing... crud. I only have on pants, half of a shirt, the cape, and boxers. That's four. Dark felt like crying.

--"Well, Dark, it looks like you have realized just how one-sided this game will be." Dark felt like smacking Krad.

--"You underestimate my luck, Krad." Dark didn't feel nearly as confident as his words sounded. "Just deal."

--Surprisingly, Dark's luck did hold out. Ten hands later, Dark had only lost his cape, while there was a large pile of white cloth next to Krad. Despite that, Krad's robe didn't look the least bit smaller. On the eleventh hand, Dark's luck seemed to have gotten bored and left. "Ugh..." he said quietly. He had absolutely nothing. Even worse was the fact that Krad seemed very happy. He had a right to be: when they showed their hands, Krad had a full house. Dark still had nothing.

--"Go on, Dark," Krad teased. "Don't be shy." Dark glared at him and shrugged off the wide strip of cloth Emiko had called a shirt. The next hand was delt, and Dark's heart sank even more as he saw he had nothing again. This hand ended in much the same way as the last, and Dark pulled off his pants.

--His luck seemingly returned, and he won the next few hands. Krad's robe was noticeably smaller, and Dark thought he might actually have a chance of winning. The next hand was dealt, and Dark noticed he was only a card away from a straight flush. He discarded one card, and was happily surprised when he got the card he wanted. Yes! he thought excitedly. There's no way he can beat this! "Straight flush!" Dark proclaimed as he threw down his hand. He looked smugly at Krad, and realized something was wrong. Krad should have looked upset, but he looked excited. Why... the only hand that can beat that is...

--"Royal flush," he proclaimed, laying down his hand. Dark stared at the five cards before him; never had he hated the heart symbol so much. "Hearts, as well. How appropriate." Krad looked at Dark expectantly, and Dark grudgingly turned around and pulled off his boxers.

--"You win, Krad. Now can I take the painting and go?" Dark turned around when there was no answer, which turned out to be a big mistake.

--Dark had never seen something with that many layers ripped off that quickly, nor had he seen Krad move that fast. "Not so fast," Krad whispered, now on top of Dark. "I said I get to do something first."

--Dark's eyes widened, and fell on the pile of fabric that nearly reached the ceiling. He dimly wondered how many hours it took Krad to put that thing on in the morning.