"Eek, a tiger," Rumi said, as we stumbled into a small clearing, a mere depression really, where a cat the size of Jerusalem was gleefully gnawing away on the skull of a deer.

Rumi had expressed my sentiments exactly, but I would be damned if I was going to let my last words be "Eek, a tiger".

"Hey Josh," I said, poking the Messiah hard in the ribs. With a grunt and an almighty smite to the head, he flopped over and looked me in the eye, cocking one eyebrow as if to ask "whatthefuckdoyouwantBiff?"

"Do you remember the tiger with Rumi?"

"Who?"

"You know, Rumi. We saved his daughter from that bitch Kali." Josh furrowed his brow and shook his head.

"Who?"

"HE LIVED IN A FUCKING PIT!" I screamed in frustration, throwing my hands up. Grinning, Josh nodded.

"Yeah, I know. I was just messing with you."

Let it be written that Levi bar Alphaeus ish Nazareth had one hell of a right hook.

"Did you seriously just hit me? Jeez, you're sprinting towards hell."

"Okay, the tiger, dammit. You remember?"

"I think you knocked my brain out through my ears."

"THE TIGER, JOSH!" I cried, shaking his shoulders. He nodded, pressing his fingers to his temples.

"What about him... erm, it?"

"I was just thinking: why didn't it pounce the second we appeared? I mean, if I was a tiger, I'd have kicked our asses within a millisecond."

"Biff, if you were a tiger, you wouldn't have wasted your time on two scrawny brown guys."

"Three."

"Two."

"You, me, and Rumi. Three."

"No. You, Rumi and the Messiah. Big difference." Fighting the urge to cold cock Josh for the second time that evening, I sighed and lay back down, returning to my silent counting of the stars, wishing that Matthew was around so that I could ask what came after nine hundred and ninety nine.

"Biff?" Josh asked, his voice distant. I grunted in response. "Were you scared of the tiger?"

"No," I lied, remembering how the urine had pooled in my sandals as I made eye contact with the huge cat.

"You're a liar," Josh said, his voice alight with a smile.

"Yeah and you're the Son of God. Aren't we a pair?"

"Biff?"

"What, Joshua?"

"I was scared."

"Now who's the liar?"