Senior Citizens

Author: El Queso de Melicioso

Series: Teen Titans

Genre(s): Humor/Parody

Rated: T – for mild language and higher levels of comedy than is allowed on Barney.

A/N: If you become scared after you read this, I won't blame you. I'm experiencing insomnia and feel the need to… do… something! How dare you judge me, you halfwit hacks! Okay… don't know where that came from. Anyways, this'll be in 3rd person POV unless otherwise stated. Enjoy… or else!

The Titans were taking their first day off in nearly two weeks. Terra suggested that they all go to the beach. Robin, Cyborg, Star and BB all agreed instantly. Raven, however, was a bit resistant.

Beast Boy had told her that if she didn't go, he'd handcuff himself to her bed. She just kept insisting that "You(BB) just want me to go so you can see me in my bathing suit!"

To this Beast Boy just responded "That's not the… only… reason!"

Eventually, they were able to convince her to come and they were on their way… out the door to the beach on the island!

They had been at the beach for quite awhile. Robin and Star were playfully splashing each other in the water. Raven was reading one of her books. Cyborg was working at the grill. BB and Terra were making a sand castle which was quickly beginning to resemble a more of a mud… pile.

Suddenly, BB shot up into a standing position and began to sniff the air.

"Oh, don't get started about the meat!" Cyborg nearly shouted. "I've been cooking for nearly ten minutes now!"

Beast Boy just continued to sniff the air frantically… then stopped abruptly, his face suddenly a much paler shade of green.

All the others obviously noticed this and immediately entered defensive positions, looking nervously in all directions.

Finally, Raven asked "What are we looking for?"

"Senior citizens…" was all Beast Boy said, only becoming paler.

"What about 'em?" Terra asked, still being new to some of BB's… insanity.

Everybody else instantly dropped their stances, sighing and returning to what they had been doing.

"He does this thing where, whenever he smells old people nearby, he assumes that they're driving" Raven said matter-of-factly.

"And… what does that have to do with anything?" Terra asked, still looking confused.

Sighing exasperatedly, Raven said "He has this phobia of old people behind the wheel of a car."

"That I can understand, but…" Terra said, turning to pear at BB with the last word. "… this is just crazy."

"Yes" Raven said bluntly. "Welcome to the team."

"They're… coming…" Beast Boy said, sounding as if he was in pain as he pointed off in the distance.

Terra, finding it somewhat difficult not to look where somebody's pointing, followed BB's index finger until she saw… a car… on the island… coming straight for them!

"Uh… guys…" Terra began, feeling slightly awkward.

"Don't tell me he's got you in on this" Cyborg said, sighing in defeat.

"Uh… you might wanna take a look at this…"

Everybody turned to look in the direction that Terra had indicated. Raven was so shocked by what she saw that she dropped her book, Cyborg dropped his spatula, and Robin dropped Starfire… don't ask.

"Is that…" began Raven.

"… a car…" Cyborg continued.

"… being driven by…" Robin just continued as well.

"… senior citizens" Beast Boy moaned, grabbing Terra and Raven's hands as he made a mad run for the tower. Robin grabbed Star and Cyborg grabbed his meat and they all followed after the panicking changeling.

Upon entering the tower, they all sighed in relief, having escaped the senior citizens.

"How…" Robin tried to ask, but Beast Boy just used his one line to reply.

"Senior… citizens…"

Suddenly, the sound of an engine werring to life caught all the Titans' attention.

They turned around slowly to find… a car in the center of their living room. They could finally see the occupants of the car. It was being driven by an extremely elderly man and his wife was in the passenger seat.

All the Titans screamed and ran for the door to the hallway. BB, still pulling Terra and Raven with him, made it to the top of the small flight of stairs. Robin carried Starfire up the steps bridal style. Cyborg started up the stiars, but dropped a hamburger down the stairs.

"Baby!" he shouted as he ran back down the steps for it.

"Cyborg! NO!" Terra shouted, pulling herself free from Beast Boy's grip. She ran to get him, but was grabbed again and pulled forcefully into the hall. When the common room was out of view, the sound of tires screeching, Cyborg screaming, and something falling hard to the ground could be heard.

"NOOOOOO!" Terra shouted, breaking free from Beast Boy's grasp once more. This time, a hand was placed lightly on her shoulder, causing her to look back.

"He's gone" Raven said, seeming close to tears herself. "All we can do for him is survive."

With a nod, Terra rejoined the group and they started down the hall.

"So, what do we do now, friends?" Starfire asked, now walking on her own.

"Shouldn't we be safe now?" Robin asked. "I mean, the only way into this hall from the common room is through those…"

He couldn't finish, as he found a pair of headlights training on him.

"Where are we?" the old lady in the car asked, sounding agitated.

"Wal-mart should be just around this corner" the elderly man replied.

All of the teenagers screamed at the top of their lungs. They began to run as fast as they could. Suddenly, Starfire tripped over a loose wire and fell to the ground.

Robin spun around in horror. "Starfire!" he shouted, running to help her up.

"Robin" she said weakly. "I'm so scared. I cannot find the unbridled joy of flight."

"It'll be alright, Star" said Robin, forcing an obviously false smile. "We'll make it out of this, I promise."

"Oh, friend Robin" Star said, placing her hand on Robin's cheek. She pulled his face down to hers and pressed her lips against his own.

When they broke apart, they just stared at eachother then Star started laughing quietly.

"What's so funny?" Robin asked, laughing lightly too.

"I finally understand the earthly consept of love… and now irony…"

The sound of the engine nearing finally became too much. Beast Boy, Raven and Terra began to back around the corner. "Ya' comin' man?" Beast Boy asked Robin as the fearless leader stood, drawing his staff.

Robin turned to face the remaining members of his team and began to smile lightly. "I'm so proud of you all" he said, his voice breaking. "This will be my last order… Titans… go!" He had shouted that last word with more vigor than ever before as he walked around Star's body, entering a defensive stance.

The three remaining Titans turned to run around the corner, Raven only stopping briefly to smile at Robin. He nodded solemnly in reply and she rounded the corner.

Robin looked down at Starfire who was fading quickly. She looked up at Robin, her eyes closing slowly. "Dearest swing away…"

With a nod, Robin returned his attention to the approaching motor vehicle…

Just as the others were out of sight, the sound of metal clashing metal was heard. All was silent for but a moment. Then, there were two screams with thuds to accompany and the three new that they were the only ones left.

They all ran down the hall as fast as they could, shouting to each other in hopes of formulating a plan.

"What do we do now?" Raven asked.

"We should find somewhere to hide!" Terra shouted in response.

Suddenly, Beast Boy stopped and in a portion of hallway with multiple doors. "We should be able to find somewhere in one of these rooms!"

He ran to the first door and opened it to find a pair of headlights shining in his face. With a scream, he slammed the door.

Raven opened another room and found the emergency exit stairs. "Guys, we can escape to the roof from here!"

The other two followed her through the door and up a flight of stairs. But, before they were able to continue, Raven blocked their path. "I'll look up ahead… to see if it's safe."

"Raven, you can't!" Beast Boy exclaimed, grabbing her hands.

"I have to…" she said, trying to no avail to retrieve her hands.

"I'll do it" Terra said, suddenly looking just as determined as Raven.

"But…" the others tried to argue.

"I've betrayed you… all of you far too many times" said Terra, taking their hands into hers. "I have to do this… to redeem myself…"

And with that, she released their hands and dashed up a couple flights of stairs. She seemed to be making it just fine… when their was a screech fo tires, a scream, and a thud.

Looking terrified at each other, Beast Boy and Raven ran out the door on their current floor.

"My room's on this floor!" Raven shouted excitedly.

"Don't you get it?" Beast Boy muttered quietly. '"You can't hide from them. You can't fight them. All you can do is… die…"

"None of that!" Raven shouted, grabbing his hands and dragging him to her room.

When they entered, Raven slammed the door shut behind them. "I recently cast a spell on my room, making it impossible for any unwanted guests to enter."

Beast Boy looked at Raven in amazement. "Then… we're safe?"

"I don't know" Raven responded, sitting down on her bed.

Beast Boy came over and sat next to her. "Ya' know what?"


"I'm still a virgin" Beast Boy said. Noticing Raven's incredulous expression, he continued "I don't wanna die a virgin."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that" Raven said firmly. Then, hit by an unfamiliar emotion. "But, we could take care of that… just in case…"

The two looked at each other. Beast Boy examined Raven's violet eyes and Raven his green ones. Suddenly, their lips were pressed together, as they fell backwards upon the bed.

Beast Boy grinned at Raven and said "Now you know why I'm called 'Beast Boy.'"

"Was it good for you?" Raven asked, smiling serenely.

"It was wo-"


The two looked up from their position to see a familiar pair of headlights glowing upon their nude bodies.

"I saw eternity the other night" Beast Boy said in an oddly calm tone.

"Like a ring of great ring of pure and endless light" Raven continued.

"Where are we?" the elderly woman asked her husband.

"Wait! This isn't the Wal-mart parking lot!" the elderly man shouted.

"I knew we should've asked for directions!" the elderly woman shouted back.

"All was calm…" Beast Boy continued further.

Then, they finished together "…as it was bright…" and they pressed their lips together one last time…

Slade stepped softly onto the roof of the tower just in time to hear a pair of screams followed by an equally spaced pair of thuds. With a shrug, he approached the doors to get into the tower from the roof.

He opened the door slowly just to be blinded…

…by a…

…pair of…


The End

A/N: Okay, what did you think of that. In all honesty, I think it was my best work. I usually am pretty good at the plainly bizarre. Please, R+R. I really wanna know what you thought.

P.S. If you're going to review, I want actual it to have some actual content. For example, I'd like to know EXACTLY what you did and/or didn't like about the fic. I seriously do not appreciate reviews that don't have any actual point to them!


The Cheese!