Disclaimer: I do not own the Inuyasha characters (they are owned by Rumiko Takahashi) and this song, Always, is owned by BoA and SM Entertainment, BoA's Korean recording company.
Summary: Promises are meant to be broken, as is her heart. Kagome is broken by Inuyasha, her boyfriend. So now what? Is this the end of their relationship? AU ONESHOT
Author's Note: This is a song by BoA on one of her Korean singles. It's a nice song (English translations on here though) and if you get the chance, listen to this song because it's really nice.
… A L W A Y S …
By The Atlantis Princess
The rain was pouring down, heavy and hard, darkening the cold afternoon with heavy clouds and strong winds. Wasn't it so stereotypical of a break up scene? The winds roaring past your ears as you run through the crowded streets full of unfamiliar faces staring you down, the tears (or is it rain?) that streaks down your cheeks, and the never ending rain that falls as though even the heavens above pity you.
Kagome Higurashi dodged between the crowded streets of people with their black umbrellas. They all resembled each other with dark coats, dark umbrellas and their faces hidden behind a wall of blank emotions. They didn't want to be weak, they didn't want to show the pain that life seemed to show. The teenaged girl stood out from the crowd as tears leaked from her eyes.
"It can't be true," she whispered, her heart breaking again. "He promised he would never hurt me."
Promises are meant to be broken though, aren't they? We promise so many things in life and we think that everything will be OK then. But it can't and will never be OK.
Kagome couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand standing in that crowd of people who pitied her for being so weak. So willing to let herself get hurt. Kagome ducked into an alley and sank to the ground. Her body slumped against the wall as the tears fell from her eyes and falling onto her already drenched school uniform.
Days, months, years, centuries seemed to go by as Kagome sat there, her silent tears pouring out of her heart. The people walked by ignoring the broken girl. Maybe it was better that way. And still the rain fell.
Kagome pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face into her cold body. She was freezing but she couldn't go home right now. What if he was looking for her and was waiting for her at her house right now? She wasn't ready to face him, and if she did see him, what could she say? Nothing.
Those were the only sounds Kagome could make through the sound of the rain falling against the ground or the people walking by her. The footsteps were fast and they almost ran by her. Then they stopped and the pace became slowed. Then they stopped for the last time. Kagome could feel the gaze of eyes on her and she looked up. Inuyasha looked down at her through his violet eyes, his black hair clinging to his wet face.
"H-hi," he stammered nervously.
Does he know what's wrong? Why I'm here? Why we're here right now?
Kagome didn't know how to reply, but even if she did know, she wouldn't have replied. She would have been afraid to say something that she would never mean.
Inuyasha sighed, giving up on waiting for her reply, and held his hand out. Kagome took it, almost by instinct, and Inuyasha pulled her up. He let go of her hand too early before Kagome could regain her balance and she fell into Inuyasha. Realising what happened, Kagome hastily pushed herself off Inuyasha. She made her way to the street, to get away from Inuyasha, and to go home. Inuyasha reached out and took Kagome's hand and pulled her back into his chest.
Kagome's eyes widened in shock at his sudden move, her hands placed on his chest and his arms pulling her into his warm body. She felt the tears that she thought were all gone fall again and she let out a soft cry as she buried her face into Inuyasha's shirt.
"It's alright," Inuyasha said quietly stroking Kagome's back and pulling her closer towards him. "It's going to be alright Kagome."
The two stayed their, embraced, for eternity. I wish we could be like this, together, always, Kagome silently prayed as she pushed Inuyasha away from her.
"It'd be better if you go comfort Kikyo, not me," Kagome said turning around and walking off. Not running, but walking. I won't run from my problems anymore.
"Wait, Kagome!" Inuyasha called as the girl began disappearing into the crowds.
You were so cold.
I will try to forget you. I will try...
Always quiet, never had anything to say.
You...You can't even say something that will break my heart.
Inuyasha stood there as Kagome's figure faded into the sea of people. No… not like this, his mind screamed as his feet tore from the place where they stood. He ran through the crowd and saw Kagome walking into a park.
Inuyasha stood across the park and looked up at the sky. The rain had stopped and he looked up at the dark clouds. The sun was trying it's hardest to peek through the ominous clouds, but it was fighting a losing battle.
Maybe his relationship with Kagome was a losing battle.
Inuyasha shook his head of his thoughts and ran into the park. The lights were on giving it a calm feeling. The ground was wet but the light was reflected off the tiny droplets sticking to the grass. The scent of wet grass clung to the stale air and the only sounds one could here were the water droplets falling from the canopy of leaves above or the humming of the lights.
Inuyasha began walking through the park, ignoring the way the wind blew at him, making him colder than he originally was. He had a feeling that Kagome was somewhere near one of the tallest, and not to mention oldest, tree in the park. It was sort of 'their' place where they had spent many hours, days, sitting under the tree and talking, whether rain or shine.
Inuyasha's pace sped to a jog until he reached the majestic tree. And just as he predicted, Kagome was sitting under the tree looking up at its tall branches as they stretched to the sky.
"Thought you might be here," Inuyasha said between shorts gasps of air. Kagome looked up startled. "Mind if I sit down?" he continued looking at the wet patch of grass next to her.
Kagome didn't reply and Inuyasha heaved another sigh before sitting down. They both sat there, Kagome inching away slowly, staring at the slightly darkened park surrounding them.
I can't explain things to her. She's already been hurt and my words won't turn her world to sunshine happy days. So what can I do but sit here and stay by her side for now?
I will not say "forgive me" or "I am sorry".
Whatever I do, whatever I say,
You won't come back to me either way.
"You don't have to stay here," Kagome said looking away from Inuyasha. It was amazing how rational she seemed now that the rain had stopped pouring. If the heavens had stopped pitying her, then it was time to stand up and face the horrible truth: Inuyasha didn't love her anymore and it was she that had won his heart. "You can go to Kikyo."
She could feel Inuyasha stiffen beside her. He was guilty, that was why he was staying by her side, wasn't it?
Inuyasha stiffened at Kagome's words. She didn't understand. Oh kami, she didn't understand! This was no guilt trip. What had happened with Kikyo were a simple hug and a kiss on the cheek. There was nothing more between the ex-couple now but friendship. Kikyo had broken up with her boyfriend and had been seeking comfort. It wasn't that the two had gotten back together. But what Kagome saw was the last straw. She had been wary of their relationship from their beginning. Kikyo was beautiful compared to Kagome, and not to mention smarter and stronger. Kikyo and Inuyasha maintained their friendship by going out together and talking on the phone a lot. When Kagome found out, she was upset. Kikyo's relationship threatened to destroy Inuyasha's happiness with Kagome. And it did…
"Kagome, it's not like that," Inuyasha began but his voice trailed off. What else was he supposed to say?
"It's not like what Inuyasha?" Kagome blurted out turning away from Inuyasha. "It's not me you love anymore, is it? I saw you kissing Kikyo. I saw you with Kikyo. You two used to love each other. What? Did you pity me? Is that why you decided to go out with me? Because I look like Kikyo!"
Inuyasha hesitated before he could answer. Maybe it was because she looked like Kikyo and he didn't like the fact that Kikyo had left him for another guy. But then he found out that Kagome was nothing like Kikyo. Sometimes Kikyo was distant and she was very quiet, but Kagome was loud and always let people know what she was thinking and feeling, granted that it got her into trouble several times. Kagome was Kagome and she was always going to be different from Kikyo and everyone.
Inuyasha opened his mouth to tell her she was wrong, but no words could come out. The words would forever be in Inuyasha's mind as he watched Kagome break in front of him.
It's not like that Kagome! You're wrong! I only see you, not Kikyo. You're so different from everyone and that's why I love you.
There isn't even little hope.
I already told you, you already know.
I love you, although it is useless, I love you.
Kagome stood up; her back turned from Inuyasha, and her head down low hiding the pain in her eyes.
"I," Kagome started her voice clear and strong. "I thought you were different from the other guys I've been with. And I thought you might have been the guy I would have gladly spent the rest of my life with. You told me how much you loved me all the time… but now I see that it was all a lie. Kikyo wouldn't take you so you want for second best and you found me. It hurts to know that I was oblivious to all of your lies and acts."
"Stop Kagome! You're wrong," Inuyasha said finally finding his voice.
Kagome ignored him. "Go with Kikyo, be happy with her. Because even though you don't love me anymore, I want you to be happy. Even though you've hurt me so much that… I still want you to be happy."
"W-what are you saying Kagome? You… we can't be breaking up…"
Kagome scoffed sadly. "We already were Inuyasha. I don't think there ever was an us. It was always you and Kikyo, never Inuyasha and Kagome, right?"
Inuyasha stopped himself. What was he supposed to say? Would she even listen to him? No, it was too late to reconcile. Inuyasha felt tears prick his eyes as he realised that he was about to lose the one good thing in his life: Kagome. Inuyasha looked away, afraid Kagome would see the tears in his eyes. He understood what she meant. She was letting him go, and she wanted to be let. She wanted to be with someone, someone who would love her and be everything that he wasn't to her. Be her pole to lean on when things were bad, to be there through tears and laughter.
Would lying to her make her happy? Would telling her everything she said was true make her happier? Or sadder? She deserved better. She deserved someone who would be there for her and not cause her pain anymore.
"You're right Kagome," Inuyasha found himself saying. "It was never you, it was always Kikyo."
Now, after you opened the door and left
I won't be able to see you anymore.
I will stand up first.
I don't want to be left alone anymore.
I can't stand it.
Tears brimmed at Kagome's eyes as her hands flew to her mouth to muffle her gasp. She hadn't even believed her own words but now Inuyasha was telling her it was true. She knew he was lying; his voice was hollow and it held no truth. He was doing this because she wanted him to say it. She wanted a reason to let go so she wouldn't be alone anymore. Should she be grateful?
Thank you. "I guess there isn't an us anymore…"
"Yeah," Inuyasha said, his voice cracking slightly.
This can't be happening! This can't be! Kagome, please, stay. Don't go. I love you and if you leave then I will… there wouldn't be a me without you to complete me. Please…
Inuyasha stood up and moved next to Kagome. They stood there, heads bowed, avoiding each other's gaze.
"What are you going to do now? What are we supposed to do?" Kagome asked nervously. "You're the one I always went to the movies with; you were the one who came over to help me with my homework."
"I can still be that person if you want," Inuyasha said quietly. "We can still be friends."
Just like you and Kikyo were? Kagome almost blurted out. If she said yes, would Inuyasha's next girlfriend go through the pain she was going through? How could she do that to someone? How can you be just friends with the man you are in love with and watch him fall in love with someone else? Was it even possible?
It would be nice though, to be able to see Inuyasha. But the pain would be unbearable. He would be happy with Kikyo, but she would be alone. And I don't want to be alone, Kagome's mind whispered.
"Maybe," Kagome said quietly. "It'd be nice to see you every now and then but… but we have to move on Inuyasha. You're going to go back to Kikyo and I will move on. Wouldn't it be for the better if we just stop seeing each other besides from at school?"
No, of course not, Kagome said silently shaking her head. You're part of my life. You leaving isn't something that can be taken away so suddenly. You're my support and you're there for laughter to tears. So how will I survive without you? How can I live my days without you?
"I-if that's what you want."
"It's what you and I both want."
There isn't even little hope.
I already told you, you already know.
I love you,
Although it is useless.
Once, just once,
Even a day is okay.
The words I couldn't say, the love we couldn't do,
I think I will be able to give it to you.
I love you.
Kagome couldn't stand it anymore. She had to get out of there. Without another word or look, Kagome turned and ran. Inuyasha turned around to watch as Kagome ran.
"Kagome… I love you," he whispered as she ran, the tears flowing down her cheeks.
Kagome had arrived home, soaking wet and crying. She ignored her mother's question and ran to her room crying softly into her pillow.
"What have I done?" she sobbed. "Inuyasha, I'm so sorry. I love you… but I can't do this if you still love Kikyo."
"Kagome?" Kagome looked up and saw her mother standing there with a concerned look. "What happened?"
Kagome felt a wave of pain and sadness flow from her heart as more tears flowed from her eyes. She wanted to tell her mother what had happened, but saying it would make it seem real. And she would have to ultimately accept that she and Inuyasha were over.
To live is to be the greatest fight. Life itself is a struggle and we all struggle through it day by day trying to make it enjoyable and a smooth ride. Kagome struggled through everyday with a smile on her face pretending everything was alright. But everyday after school, Kagome went out of her way to the park with the old tree she had nicknamed the Goshinboku with Inuyasha. And she would wait there for two hours everyday and do a bit of her homework and just sit there and think.
And she did that everyday.
Occasionally, very occasionally,
If you remember me
I will stay here so you can find me easily.
Inuyasha would see Kagome everyday and it killed him to see her with a smile that never reached her eyes. He was always watching her, and he knew where she went after school everyday. He saw her sitting under the tree as though she was waiting for him. And everyday he would watch her. He could never let her know that he was there watching her.
And their little routine continued everyday. He, the silent watcher, and she, the faithful ex-girlfriend. And maybe they were happy that way.
I am thankful you are here.
I was happy, so happy I was crazy.
I loved you, I loved you.
So, even though I will be in greater pain...