Every Time We Touch
A.N Hey all. Well this story was wrote as part of a challenge for another board I belong to. Its a one shot and I hope you all enjoy it. Just a small warning it does contain a sex scene so if you're not comfortable reading them then I suggest you don't continue with this one. Let me know what you think.
She stood at the kitchen window staring out unseeingly at the almost dark backyard. She heard the door open and knew without being told that it was him. He came to stand behind her his hands resting on her hips as he pulled her back against his body.
"I missed you last night," he said quietly his lips close to her ear.
She smiled slightly at his words trying to ignore the pain in her chest that these same words caused.
His teeth tugged lightly at her earlobe. "Didn't you miss me?" he asked seeking reassurance she was unable to give.
She tried to pull away from him but his arms slid around her waist tightening his hold on her.
"What's wrong Peyton?" he asked but she didn't answer instead moving her own hands to cover his and tipping her head back to rest on his shoulder allowing his lips to find her neck.
He bit lightly at the pulse point in her neck and she felt a shiver run through her body. Gathering every ounce of internal strength she held she once again tried to pull away from him. This time he let her go his eyes boring holes into her back as she crossed the room wringing her hands in nervous anticipation of what was to come.
Taking a deep breath she turned to look at him regretting the decision almost instantly as soon as she met his eyes, those blue eyes of his that she had lost herself in so many times during the previous two months. Every emotion he ever felt could be found in those eyes if one ever took the time to look. She searched his eyes looking for some sign that he was feeling what she was feeling, that he understood that this had to end but all she saw was confusion. He didn't understand her fear.
She tried to speak but no sound escaped her parted lips, instead she was left staring helplessly at him. Finally he seemed to sense that something was amiss and he walked to her pulling her into his arms gently tucking her face into the crook of his neck, his hands rubbing soothing circles on her back.
"Peyton tell me what's wrong," he begged her, the material of her t-shirt sliding up as his cool hands met her bare skin.
"Come on Peyton you know you can tell me anything. You've always been able to share your secrets with me.
For a moment she struggled to breathe past the lump in her throat that had risen as she acknowledged the truth in his words but this was different, this was something that she had been putting off telling him for days, weeks even. This was something that she had never wanted to tell him but time had run out for them, she could no longer make excuses to herself. She had to tell him and she had to do it now before everything was ruined.
She pulled back from him staring up into his face for a moment. She moistened her lips nervously with her tongue trying to will the words from her mouth but still she didn't speak.
He brushed a lock of hair back from her forehead. "You can tell me anything," he reiterated. "I love you."
Hearing his soft proclamation was the last straw and almost without knowing what she was doing her mouth opened once more and the words that she had been planning for weeks came spilling from her lips.
"I can't see you anymore. We have to end this."
She heard his breath hitch and watched his eyes as she spoke and saw the shock register there for a moment before being replaced by a sadness so exquisite that she almost wished she could take her words back. She knew though that she couldn't do that, she had to remain strong even when her every instinct was screaming at her to do otherwise.
He shook his head in denial of her words. "No," he refuted, "Why would you say that Peyton? Tell me," he said with an air of desperation. "Why?"
"Lucas you must have known that this day would come. I've known it since that night on the beach. Do you remember when you came to me, you told me that it was just going to be the two of us this summer and for just a fleeting second I let that thought comfort me but even then Luke I knew that it wasn't going to last, that eventually everyone would come back and normalcy would return. I don't even know why I let myself pretend for the last month that it could be any other way but I did."
She was lying then and she knew that he was just as aware of it as she was. They both knew why they had allowed themselves to pretend the way they had, why they had hidden from everything that reminded them of their real lives. They both needed to forget and being together had allowed them to do that. She had been trying to run from all the pain and anguish the last six months had brought into her life but even more than that she had been running from the good times, from the happy memories that had for just a little while kept her demons at bay. It had hurt too much to think about what she had lost.
For a moment she allowed herself to think of Jake and Jenny and was surprised when their pictures in her mind failed to conjure up the longing and wistfulness they once had. She focused her eyes once again on Luke and knew the reason for this stood right in front of her. Whatever it was she had felt for Jake paled in comparison to what she had always felt for Lucas and what she probably always would. She had spent so long trying to bury those feelings but it was inevitable that eventually they would show themselves again. What she had been unprepared for though was the force with which they had consumed her it was like there was a hole inside of her that only his presence could fill.
She had fought so hard against allowing those feelings to rise to the surface again but she had been no more successful than she would have been had she tried to build a house from chopsticks or fly to the moon. Loving Lucas was as much a part of her as her drawing was but she knew they couldn't continue to be together and no matter how much it hurt her she was going to stay away from him after today. She just had to somehow make him understand this.
She grabbed his hand pressing her palm to his and interlacing her fingers with his. She stared at their hands that seemed to fit so perfectly together her attention so intense that she almost didn't hear him when he finally spoke again.
"Peyton I know you and I know why you're panicking now but you and I belong together and she will understand that Peyton. It may take some time but she'll see us together and she'll see how perfectly we fit and she'll understand."
She wished more than anything that she could just accept his words and stay within the circle of his arms forever but she knew she couldn't do that.
"Lucas I lost her once before I can't take the chance of that happening again. She's my best friend in the world Luke and she's in love with you. Her happiness is more important to me than anything."
"Even me?" he asked quietly even though he knew the answer.
She felt her eyes filling with tears as he placed his index finger under her chin raising her face so that she was once again looking into his eyes.
"What about your own happiness Peyton? I want you to close your eyes and forget about Brooke and everyone and everything else and tell me what makes you happy. What is it that brings a smile to your face when you wake up in the morning? What are you thinking about when you get that dreamy look on your face sometimes after we make love? What makes your heart beat the way it is now?" he asked as he moved his hand to cover her breast.
"You," she answered so softly that it was barely more than a breath of wind against his face.
She felt his hand leave her breast and come around to cup her head as his lips descended upon hers. He kissed her softly at first and she groaned lightly encouraging him to deepen the kiss. She felt his tongue slip inside her mouth and welcomed the invasion for a seemingly endless moment before finally wrenching herself away from him.
"No Luke we can't do this."
"Then tell me how to stop Peyton. How do I be around you and not kiss you when every part of me is screaming for me to do it."
She pushed at his chest trying to create some distance between their bodies unable to think clearly with him so close to her. His lips were at her neck now and she pushed him again, harder this time causing him to stumble backwards for a moment.
"I don't want her Peyton; I want you, why don't you understand that? I love you Peyton."
She felt her hand rise almost of its own accord delivering a stinging slap to his face. He simply stared at her for a moment before repeating his words more forcefully, "I love you Peyton."
Her hand flew towards his already reddened cheek again but he was too quick for her this time grabbing her wrist and halting its movement. She struggled against him and he twisted her arm behind her back bringing her body into closer contact with his.
"I love you," he said it again and she wished she could block the sound from her mind as it echoed there repeatedly.
"Don't," she told him. "Don't say that. Brooke loves you and you love her too. You're just not thinking straight at the moment."
"Of course I care about Brooke but not the way I care about you. You're everything to me Peyton."
"It doesn't matter," she said shaking her head in stubborn denial of his words.
"So what exactly do you expect me to do Peyton? Just forget about you and this summer? I can't do that Peyton and I won't." For the first time a hint of anger crept into his voice.
"You have to," she said stubbornly.
"I don't have to do any damn thing. I'm the one who decides who I love Peyton. You don't get to tell me who I should love especially when I know that you love me too. Why are you throwing away our chance to be together and happy? Answer me that. Why can't you just let yourself be happy?"
He stopped for a moment trying to capture his breath again his heart beating wildly in his chest. He knew the doctor had told him that he should try to avoid stress but he couldn't avoid this. This was not something he could just walk away from because if he did, he would lose her and no matter what he couldn't do that. She was the most important thing in his world at the moment. For the past two months it had been the two of them against the world. As much as he had tried to deny it he had known that things wouldn't have been able to go on the way they had, he had known that things would change but not like this. He had thought that when Brooke returned they would deal with her together and make her understand but it seemed that Peyton had never intended to do that. She wanted to simply give what they had up and apparently she didn't think he should have a choice in it.
He stared into her eyes trying to think of a way to make her understand, to try and make her realise how much they belonged together but words failed him.
He could see steely determination in her eyes and while he hated what had put it there he couldn't help but admit grudging respect for her. She felt so strongly about not wanting to hurt Brooke again. What she didn't realise though was that he was equally as determined not to give up on what they had.
Her voice brought him out of his thoughts as she spoke again. "Look Luke you can't change my mind about this. So please don't make this harder than it has to be."
He felt his attitude towards her soften for a moment. This was obviously really hard for her to do but her next words banished that instantly.
"I know you'll be happy with Brooke again and you'll forget all about these last couple of months. I know you will."
His face hardened and she rushed into speech again regretting her choice of words almost as soon as she had finished speaking them.
"I know it's not going to be easy but we'll both move on. I'll get over you the same way I got over Nathan and Jake. It's not going to be easy for me either Luke but this is what's best for everyone." His snort of disbelief halted her speech for a moment and she looked at him forcing herself to drag her gaze away from him as she saw the anger simmering in his eyes. Stammering she began speaking again, "Eventually I'll meet someone else and I'll fall in love with them," she said as much trying to convince herself as she was him.
For a moment he reared back from her a look of intense pain flashing through his eyes and she reached a gentle hand towards his face wanting to soothe away the hurt from his features. He flinched away from her hand though and she felt an almost physical pain at his reaction.
"You're comparing this…what we have to what you had with Nathan and Jake?" he asked incredulously. "I can't believe you," he said his eyes now flashing with suppressed anger.
He was no longer touching her but for the first time ever she felt a slight sliver of fear as she looked at him.
She backed away cursing herself for her own stupidity. "I just don't want to hurt Brooke," she offered up lamely.
"What but it's ok to hurt me? To make me feel like I mean no more to you than Nathan did? God Peyton why don't you just rip out my heart."
She shrunk back against the wall as he stalked towards her. "You want me to believe that I'm nothing more to you than they were?" he asked but his voice was now quiet almost menacing "Then prove it," he demanded.
"Tell me that you don't feel any different when I touch you like this than you did with Nathan," he demanded stroking his hand down her back to cup her buttock and pulling her in to his body letting her feel his arousal. She gasped as his other hand slid under the material of her t-shirt, his fingertips dragging over her ribs and sending shivers down her spine.
"Tell me it's the same," he dared her.
She remained mute unable to deny the truth in his words. No one had ever been able to make her feel the way he could.
"Stop," she said but the words came out as little more than a breathless plea instead of the command she had intended.
"Make me," he said in that same tone almost mocking her, knowing that she wanted this as much as he did, knowing that her skin was crying out for his touch.
His hand travelled further up finding her breasts bra-less much to his satisfaction, he flicked her nipple with his thumb causing her to cry out at the sensation.
She knew she had to make him stop but she didn't know how to. Every instinct inside of her was screaming out to let him kiss her senseless, to let him possess her as only he could but she was terrified at the same time, terrified that if she gave into him and allowed this to happen one last time that she might not be able to turn him away.
"Let go of me," she begged. "I don't want this."
"Don't you?" he challenged her looking down at her hands that were now bunched in his shirt, that simple action making a lie of every word she spoke.
Untangling her fingers from the material she shoved at him again stalking across the room trying to get some distance between them, knowing she couldn't think with him so close.
"You can feel it too Peyton. You can feel that fire…that electricity that sparks between us every time we touch."
"So what," she said rounding on him her face suddenly filled with fury. "That's just sex. How is it any different to the sex you have with her or are you going to try and tell me that you don't enjoy it with her because I know for a fact that's a lie?"
He glared at her for a moment, "and how exactly do you know that?" he asked his voice shaking with suppressed rage.
"Girls talk," she said shrugging nonchalantly.
"Well then maybe we should give the two of you something to really talk about," he said coming towards her again and grabbing her shoulders roughly before claiming her lips with his own. He poured every ounce of his pent up anger and frustration into the kiss ravaging her mouth, his tongue tangling with hers in a duel of wills.
As he kissed her his hands went again to the hem of her t-shirt lifting it up over her torso but not breaking the kiss to remove it completely. His hands found her breasts kneading them roughly and he heard her groan low in her throat. He didn't know for sure whether it was from pain or pleasure and in that moment he didn't care.
He broke away from her bending his head to suck at the already swollen nipple of her left breast continuing to knead her right with his other hand. His teeth scraped against the sensitive bud of flesh and he felt her hands in his hair urging him closer her refusal of moments before seemingly forgotten.
His left hand slid down over her ribcage finding the button on her jeans and with a quick flick of his wrist undoing it. Almost immediately he slid his hand inside her panties stroking against the soft curls surrounding her core.
She reached behind her blindly searching for something to grip onto for support, her hand coming into almost immediate contact with the kitchen table. She stumbled backwards a few steps until she felt the hard wood pressing into the back of her thighs.
Leaning against the table she reached her hand out unconsciously searching for the evidence of his want for her, needing to touch him and give him the pleasure he was giving her.
She found the bulge of his arousal straining against the thin denim of his jeans and stroked her fingers against him momentarily and listened to him moan at her action. He thrust against her hand as she cupped him before raising her hand to free him of the confines of the material.
His cock sprang free as she pushed down his jeans and boxer shorts and she wrapped her hand around his shaft sliding it back and forth and creating the friction he craved. She heard him moan again and quickened the tempo slightly. In response she felt his finger slip inside of her and she buried her head in his shoulder biting him through his shirt.
She tipped her head back revelling in the sensations he was creating in her body. Her free hand came up to his head again, clutching a handful of hair she pulled his head away from her breast guiding his mouth to hers needing to feel his tongue invade her mouth once more.
Removing her hand from his shaft she went to work on the buttons of his shirt opening them hastily spreading her hands over the heated skin of his chest. She pushed the shirt from his shoulders as he broke the kiss dragging in laboured breaths. She took the opportunity to press her lips to his chest, kissing the hair roughened skin with open mouthed passion.
Taking the initiative she moved bringing him with her so that he now found himself resting against the table. She pushed him backwards until he lay on the table and pulled his jeans further down his legs. For the briefest of moments Brooke's smiling face flashed before her eyes but she determinedly pushed it aside. Was it so wrong to want just one more time with him? It wasn't like he and Brooke were even officially dating at the moment. It wasn't betraying her, was it?
She removed her own jeans and climbed onto the table, her knees resting either side of his body. He slid his hands up under the t-shirt that had fallen down again hiding her body from him again. "Take it off," he urged her. She smiled before doing as he requested revelling in the way his eyes sparked with passion at the sight.
Neither of them said a word as she impaled herself on his hard thrusting cock, their moans filling the room as she began to move in a rhythm that needed no guidance from him.
He rocked his hips faster and faster gritting his teeth against the rising passion that threatened to overwhelm him but kept his eyes open watching her as she leaned back running her hands over her breasts.
He could feel his climax building inside of him and wished that there was some way he could prolong it, make this moment go on forever but knew that was impossible as the inevitable explosion consumed him.
He watched her as she shuddered, her lips parting in a scream of fulfilment before she collapsed on top of him both of them spent for the moment.
Hours later he awoke reaching for her body in the bed next to him but found it empty. He opened his eyes immediately locating her sitting beside the bed obviously deep in thought.
"Come back to bed," he urged her.
She looked at him surprised to see him awake and shook her head gently. "I can't."
She took a deep breath before continuing. "Nothing's changed Luke. We can't do this. You have to go."
"I'm not going anywhere," he stated forcefully before grimacing as he looked at her bedside clock. "Shit I have to go to the airport," he told her, "My mom's plane is landing in a few hours and I promised her I'd pick her up from the airport."
She seemed almost relieved at his proclamation and he couldn't hide the hurt that he felt at her words. "Come with me?" he asked her, "So we can talk."
"No Luke, I have to stay here. It's over," she said simply.
"Peyton please," he begged her.
"No," she repeated more forcefully. "You better get going you don't want to be late to meet your mom."
"Fine," he said, "I'm going but we are going to talk more about this later."
She shrugged her shoulders at his words and he was struck by how forlorn she seemed in that moment. She had obviously made up her mind and there was nothing he could say that would change it.
He got up from the bed and walked to where she sat dipping his head to kiss her quickly before he walked out of the room naked, going to the kitchen to collect his clothes. She heard the door close a moment later and for the first time allowed the tears to fall.
Hours later she sat in the same position, the motivation to move eluding her. She heard her cell phone ring and considered ignoring it. She picked it up looking at the caller I.D a myriad of emotions erupting inside of her as she saw Brooke's name.
She answered it trying to force an air of cheerfulness into her tone. "Hey stranger," she greeted her friend.
"Hi bestest friend," Brooke squealed into the phone and Peyton couldn't help the small smile that rose to her lips at Brooke's words.
"So how is it being back in Tree Hill?" Peyton asked her.
"It's so weird," Brooke gushed, "You'll never guess who I saw at the airport. Lucas was there to collect his mom," she rushed on not giving Peyton a chance to answer. "Oh God P Sawyer I made such a fool of myself. He was standing there holding flowers and I thought he was there to see me. I felt like such a fool when Karen walked up. But it was so good to see him again."
Although Peyton responded with all the appropriate words she would never be able to remember later just what it was she said.
"Anyway," Brooke said, "I want to hear all about your summer. You must have some juicy stories to share. I've barely been able to get anything out of you over the phone every time I've called. But now I'm back and you can't keep your secrets anymore. So what do you say we meet for a coffee and you can dish all the dirt I've missed out on?"
"Um I might actually take a rain check Brooke. How about we catch up tomorrow? I'm sure you have lots of unpacking and stuff to do," she said her eyes locking onto a paintbrush resting on her bedside table.
"Ok," Brooke huffed with mock disappointment, "But we are definitely catching up tomorrow. You can fill me in on whether there are any skanky girls I need to chase away from Lucas." She laughed as she said it but Peyton's heart clenched at her words.
She needed no other assurance that she had made the right decision. She hung up the phone and stood picking up the paintbrush and rifling through her art supplies till she found the red paint she needed.
She walked to the wall and dipped the brush into the paint. She heard the door open downstairs but ignored it as she began to form the number six on the wall. She heard him enter but didn't acknowledge him.
"Bout time," he said.
She turned to look at him quickly wondering what had prompted his choice of words.
"Well I knew you couldn't go an entire summer without doing something in here."
She put the brush down unsure of how she should act. He was acting so normally as if nothing had even happened. She decided to take her lead from his behaviour, "Whatever," she said placing her hand on her hip deliberately trying to keep the mood light between them.
"You don't know me," she told him.
"Oh I think I do," he told her.
She heard the inflection in his tone and took it as the sign she needed. Maybe she was being naïve but she took the way he said it to mean that he was going to do as she had asked and not pursue a relationship with her.
She threw her arms around him hugging him unable to hold back the smile. She felt his arms come around her and immediately regretted her actions. She didn't want to give him false hope. She pulled back from him and felt the tension surrounding them and knew she needed to diffuse the situation.
"Ok so check it out Tom Sawyer," she said picking up a paint brush and pointing it at him. "If you're lucky I might let you help me and if you're really lucky I might even let you pay to help me."
She watched him pretend to gasp in amazement and felt relieved that the playful tone had returned to their interaction.
"Whaddaya say?" she asked him.
She saw his eyes go to her sketch on the wall, the one that showed her, Brooke and Lucas all pointing rifles at her heart, the heart that she had shown in one small gesture to belong solely to Lucas. His number three just like he wore on his jersey emblazoned there. She wondered what he thought seeing it; whether it caused a pang inside of him the way it did her.
"Brooke's home," he said with no real inflection in his words. She kept her attention focused on the sketch remembering how it had felt seeing him and Brooke be together the last time and how it had felt sneaking around behind her best friend's back. She couldn't do it again.
The smile he had worn moments before was gone. "Went to the airport to get my mom this morning and poof there was Brooke."
"Poof," she asked.
He nodded, "Poof."
"Hmm," she said wondering if she should tell him that she already knew, that Brooke had already called her. "What are we going to tell her?" she asked praying that he would agree that Brooke could never know what had happened between them but at the same time terrified that he might refuse.
He remained silent for a moment, his only movement the blinking of his eyes as he mulled over his answer. Finally he heaved a sigh and shrugged his shoulders, "Nothing," he said patting her on the shoulder and walking out of the room. She knew she should feel relieved in that moment but nothing could be further from the truth. She had lost him; this time surely it was forever.