Note: If you haven't read the books (several times) you may not know that Legolas was sent to Rivendell as a messenger to tell Elrond that Gollum had escaped the dungeons of Mirkwood. Now you know.

Legolas' Very Elegant and Well-Manicured Journal

Day One

Boring meeting today. Dad blabbering on about escaped prisoner. Whenever he asks a question I just nod and say "Mmm."

Day Two

Apparently have agreed to take a message to Rivendell. Have no memory of it but whatever.

Day Five

On the road to Rivendell. It's very boring and dirty. I think there's crud under one of my fingernails.

Day Ten

I finally arrived at Rivendell. Got dirt out from under fingernail and ate decent meal for once. Arwen quite cute but I hear Aragorn beat me to her. Darn humans.

Day Eleven

Another boring meeting. Was distracted by more dirt under fingernail and accidentally agreed to go on some quest thing. Must pay more attention at meetings!

Day Twelve

Aragorn is also on the quest. Bugger. Also will be accompanied by dwarf, self-important wizard, smelly human, and a bunch of midgets. I've decided I hate Rivendell, especially Elrond. Smug git always wearing circlets and reminding me of Matrix.

Day Thirteen

Quest is very dirty and boring. My pen is running out of ink so I won't write for awhile.

Day Fifteen

Clouds of little birdies flew by today. Gandalf quite distraught. Maybe he's got some kind of phobia?

Day Sixteen

Wading around in snow up to our butts is apparently preferable to having birds flying over our heads. Stupid humans.

Day Seventeen

Gandalf seems to think the midget's opinion is move valuable than that of people who've actually been through the Gap of Rohan. Now we're going under the mountain. Joy.

Day Eighteen

Discovered a tangle was forming in my hair. Quickly picked it out with my fingers; now all is flawless again.

Day Nineteen

Mountain dirty and boring, plus filled with dead dwarves. Gimli is so stupid.


Gandalf lost again. Idiot must be going senile.

Day Twenty

Were attacked by trolls today. Now I have some grime on my nose. When I tried to rub it off it just smeared. What am I going to do?

P.S. Oh yeah, Gandalf died.

Day Twenty-Three

Reached Lothlorien today. All very clean and peaceful; Galadriel is pretty and nice, so I won't point out that her hair has been out of style since like the Second Age.

Day Twenty-nine

Aragorn whining about how we have to press on. Galadriel gave me a cute new bow. (I think she was actually flirting with me, but the hair is such a turn-off; I just pretended to examine the bow and ignored her).

Day Thirty-one

We've been traveling down the river in these stupid boats all day. Humidity is actually causing my hair to curl. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. It's very annoying; clouds my vision whenever I look east.

Day Thirty-two

Told Aragorn about that shadow/threat thing today, was hoping he'd have some Tylenol or something. He was looking in his knapsack for Aspirin, but then ran off to look for Frodo.


Boromir dead, midgets missing, Aragorn dirty. I killed loads of Orcs and got blood on my shoe. Tried to scrub it off with shampoo but that isn't working. What is to become of me?