Note from the Author: Ummm… hello everyone… I'm sorry I just sort of disappeared off the map for a while there. I think I sort of lost my drive to continue writing fanfiction. However, with the Titan's movie coming up soon, I've felt compelled to get back in the game a bit and try to finish 'Chasing Mirrors.' This said, I'm going to remove my hiatus status but don't expect quick posts. Because I'm sill kind of getting back into the plot and whatnot. This one shot is just my way at trying my hand at things again and seeing if I'm still a half-decent writer. I don't mean to advertise or anything, but I've been on fictionpress for a short while now and am working on a story there. If anyone is interested, my penname there is xxstarfly.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans nor any other material with a previous copy-write
In the Embrace of Illusion
I am naïve. I admit this without a second thought and without questioning those who have deemed me so. I am naïve because I choose to believe in dreams and allow myself to be captivated by the simple wonders of this planet.
I am compelled to ask if being 'naïve' is a crime. I want to know if I am expected to change and become hardened against the pretty things in life. I certainly hope not. I hope with all my heart that this is not so because I have already tasted that path of living and it is bitter and reeks with discontentment.
However, if being naïve is not a crime and I am not expected change as I am coming to believe I am, I must wonder why I am being punished. I must wonder why, as I stare into the inky blackness of the bay's lethargic waters, I am forced to ask such unsettling questions of myself. Questions I ought to know the answer to very well.
…What is the difference between a knight in shining armor and a liar with a pretty face?
I stare pensively into my rippling reflection on the ebony mirror teasing at the rocks supporting me and reaching out fingers of watery obsidian to lap at my feet. My thoughts are strange and unusual of me, but I entertain them none the less. My head is tilted inquisitively to the side as I regard my reflection… my twin… staring back at me.
The large jewel that is the moon gleams palely down at me and the stars seem a bit lackluster through the window of the bay waters. My auburn tresses are tugged at by a whisper of breeze, and I remember his teasing hands… pulling at a lock of my hair in an attempt to recapture my attention.
I close my green eyes and let a soft, sedate sigh escape my lips. I am at peace and only my flitting thoughts are here to disturb me.
What is the difference between a knight in shining armor and a liar with a pretty face?
Perhaps it is a bit coincidental that he decides to make his appearance now that I have come to this displeasing conclusion. I can hear him tapping at the buttons on the key pad that sends the doors to the tower hissing shut with a metallic clang. I have not looked to confirm that it is really him and not some other that comes out to speak with me tonight.
I know. I do not have to see. I hear him picking his way down the rocks towards me, and he stops when he has come to stand just behind my relaxed figure. I indulge in the small prickle of satisfaction that rises up my spine, knowing that I have drawn him out here.
I am such a silly girl. Still, this brings a small smile to my lips and I tilt back my head so that I can see him peering over me when my eyes reopen. "Greetings," I mew comfortably, the smile still playing at the corners of my mouth.
"What are you up to?" is his reply and I laugh slightly. Faintly.
"I have no idea. I suppose I am simply enjoying the night," I muse… though I find myself lifting an eyebrow at my own response. I am much more fond of the day. He knows this.
"Mind if I join you?" he asks with a lopsided grin. I know that blue eyes are studying me behind that apathetic mask. I nod, and he takes a seat beside me. "You've been coming out here a lot, recently," he comments. I nod. I am only vaguely surprised to find that he had been watching me these past few evenings. Always one to keep close eye on the team, I suppose.
But then, I have found that he has always had the tendency to make it a point to keep track of where I am. I consider this and my surprise quickly evaporates. "Yes… I have been out here a bit more often than usual," I reply slowly. I absently wonder why. I am reminded of my questioning mind and my slowly fading illusions.
I have been out here to try and salvage them, I think. However, tonight I have lost one illusion for good. I glance at him as he sits beside me and regard his profile. The messy mop of tousled black locks, the high cheekbones and strong chin. He has grown up quite a bit since we first met. I would like to think that I have as well.
"And what brings you out here tonight?" I inquire softly. Robin shrugs.
"I thought I'd keep you company is all," he says. A lie. A lie and a pretty face beside me, at that. But he doesn't always lie. He is not my prince charming.
"You were concerned," I correct with an amused grin. "You were concerned until you came out and saw that I am not upset at all at which point you decided to stay out of curiosity," I continue matter-of-factly. He releases a bark of laughter to the night and the soft sea breeze steals it away. I should have liked to keep it.
"Why'd you ask if you already knew?" he asks with a shake of his head. I chew on my lower lip. I do not know why I asked. Perhaps I had hoped to hear it from his own mouth. But I know that his admission to the fact that I had hit upon the true reason is the closest I will get to actually hearing him voice that he was concerned about me.
"Why did you lie?" I finally reply, combating question with question. His reply almost irritates me, but I am too lazily at peace this night to allow myself to become aggravated to any extent of the imagination.
"You already know the answer to that," he responds. I pout, just to let him know that I had wanted a better answer. He chuckles at my expression an taps me under the chin lightly with his index finger. "Come on… smiles only, please," he jokes. I indulge him and grin.
"I have been thinking lately," I say after a few minutes of perfectly comfortable silence. He gives a small nod that tells me to continue. This is, after all, what he had hoped to get out of me. Robin is always concerned when he thinks I am thinking too much. I am not sure why, but I think he realizes that if I think too much… that naivety that I myself am fond of keeping will fade away. I believe that idea makes him unhappy.
He likes to think that I am not unreasonable in all of my whimsical ideas because this means there is still a small amount of room for him to dream as well. "I have come to realize that Terran fairytales are quite the bundle of lies…" I proceed. This has caught his full attention because he knows very well that I am a great advocate of the 'happily ever after' theory.
"Well… they're fiction, sure, but lies?" he asks, and I think he is trying to keep suspiciousness from his voice. I believe he is wondering which of the others has convinced me of this idea. I giggle slightly.
"Yes. I have come to the conclusion… on my own… that these fairytales detail princes who are absolutely absurd," I declare. He gives me a look that I cannot identify. It is very strange and borders between skepticism in my true conviction about this topic and being disturbed that I have thought these tales out to this extent.
"Star… of course they're absurd. There's no such thing as a 'perfect' guy. There's no real knight in shining armor but… it's nothing to get upset about. That doesn't mean there aren't still good guys out there," he says carefully. I give him a blank look.
"Who says I am upset about it? I have simply come to the conclusion that a knight in shining armor is truly nothing but a bundle of lies with pretty ribbon," I say. "Of course there are still wonderful young men out in the world. There is a whole galaxy of them to choose from," I add with a laugh. I do not know if he likes the idea that I have brought in the idea of an entire galaxy of perfectly suitable men.
I know why, and I have been noticing it more of late. With the Brotherhood of Evil defeated, it seems as if crime has been relatively slow and the city has reached a whole new level of stability. Robin has been able to concentrate on other things besides crime-fighting. This is good for him and I am certainly not going to complain that he has been able to spend considerably more time with me.
"In fact… I do not believe I should ever want a knight in shining armor. Perhaps a knight… but not one so perfect that he is made of nothing but attractive untruths," I say quietly. He looks out at the bay and sighs.
"Even if that leaves you with someone who's just trying to be the valiant knight but not quite making it?" he asks. I nod firmly. "He'll have made so many mistakes along the way, though," he persists. I shrug.
"It makes him all the more real," I say. He shakes his head as if unsure that he can believe I have decided on this. Perhaps I have always struck him as too enthralled with the beautiful illusions of the world. I wish it were not so. I wish he had seen that I have always pursued one knight and one alone.
"And what if said knight wasn't always the best friend and hadn't always treated you the way you deserved?" he asks, and he is not even trying to push out the tinges of guilt I hear in his voice. Robin has always dwelt in the past much too much.
"I would simply ask that he try his best in the future. That is all I can ask," I say.
"And if he has already messed up every chance given to him before but is hoping that now that he's ready, you'll let him try again?" he continued. I sigh and it is marred with giggles.
"I would tell him to stop asking me questions and simply accept that he has been accepted… and is loved," I reply. The lopsided smile he has become so known for is teasing the corners of his lips.
"…And if that knight stopped asking questions… and told you he wanted to kiss you… would you let him?"
"Of course," I say. I sever my final tie to fantasies about some charming prince for a lover and let those thoughts drift eagerly away on the soft bay breezes. I step from the embrace of illusion and into that of what is real and sitting right beside me.
And I realize that I will have to apologize for lying later when Robin and I are not quite so preoccupied because I did not give him, my knight, a chance to kiss me. I am a silly girl and did not want to wait. So I kissed him. My knight… no shining armor, and just perfect.
Author's Note: It's short... sorry... but um... like I said, this is just my way of saying that I'm attempting to come back because frankly, I hate leaving CM hanging like Idid. So... hello again. Any comments or criticism are greatly appreciated.
Love, Princess Starfire of Tamaran