Author's note: It's the moment that some of you have been waiting for. And gosh. It took long.
Rated for cussing. A lot of it, damnit.
"It is amazing what you can learn from a door."
"Hmm. Is it."
"It is, indeed, Doctor Watson."
"Brilliantly deduced, Holmes!"
"As always not without your assistance, Doctor."
"Ah, but without your wondrous skills, detective, we would never know what we could learn from door...which is...?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson! It's so simple!"
"Shut up, Holmes, you're a jackass."
"And you're an idiot, 'DOCTOR' Watson."
Wilson shoved House sideways, very softly, and House, overreacting for the sake of the drama, pretended to fall into the wall, mocking a drawn-out death, "Moriarty!" He yelled loudly, "I shall get my revenge!" When Wilson ignored this and kept on walking, House stood up, sighing, and followed, limping sadly.
Cameron, Chase, and Foreman, a few steps behind the oncologist and diagnostician, gave each other the all too common look that clearly implied that House and Wilson were loony birds. Because they were.
"What...what are you...doing?" Cameron asked House, catching up to him.
"Uh, walking, duh."
"Are you really all that dense?" He turned and faced Chase and Foreman at this statement, too, and then snorted and caught up to Wilson.
"Yes, House, we all really are that dense and did not realize in any sense whatsoever that you and Wilson were pretending to be Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson in a mocking fashion because we all are incredible idiots and know nothing about anything." Foreman rambled off and ignored the looks he received, continuing, "Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"Actually, yes, Black Ranger." House replied happily.
Foreman slapped his head to his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose, following his therapist's orders to a T. 'breathe in...breath out...breath...imagine House being murdered slowly and painfully with an sharp, pretty ice pick...breath out...'
Cameron hung behind with Chase and Foreman, while Wilson and House discussed something apparently very important. They couldn't tell, the two older doctors were talking quieter and with an air of suspiciousness about them. Of course, it could be a ploy for attention.
"We need to do some Power Ranger-ing!" Chase exclaimed.
"I don't think that's a verb, Chase." Cameron admonished.
"I JUST MADE IT ONE, CAMERON. GET OVER IT."
She rolled her eyes and then faced Foreman.
"fuckoff." He mumbled noncommittally and she frowned, with her head down. Aww. Sad Cameron time.
Chase to the rescue! "Come on, Cameron, cheer up. I think House'll be the first to go down." Chase said, grinning.
She smiled, also, and giggled.
Foreman sneered. "Shutthegoddamnhellup." He muttered at them, repeating his earlier act of breathing carefully and picturing dead coworkers impaled with sharp, shiny objects like knives and ice picks...
She could smell House's fear.
Wait, that was Chase's fear.
And then, that was House's arrogance. The overwhelming stench of pure confidence.
Queen Bansheera snarled and shoved open a door, not expecting a team of Power Rangers but she just wanted to shove something. Like a nurse. But the nurses had fled, the cowardly little Chase-esque girls. Seriously, though. Who wouldn't? Hell was going to break loose and the nurses needed to look good while it happened.
"Final showdown! Final showdown!" The Red Ranger began to chant, thinking that the chant would be taken up by the rest of the team.
"Fine, be funsuckers." He grumbled, and then shouted. "FUNSUCKING BASTARDS!" as obnoxiously as he could, and that's very obnoxious.
"Be quiet, House." The Blue Ranger scolded, being logical.
"Nyaah." House whined, but proceeded to yell, "FUNSUCKERS!"
It was the yelling that made Queen Bansheera notice what hallway they were in.
And it was House chanting 'final showdown!' louder and louder that made her find them.
Admittedly, it was Cameron's fault that Cuddy fell down.
Mainly because Cameron threw the elephant at her...ANYWAY. House kept on shouting and Wilson and Chase had reluctantly taken up the chant with him. Cameron, after chucking Linda, ducked behind Foreman, who looked slightly indignant to be used as a human shield yet very special to be noticed.
Chase took the time to notice that foreman was being used as a shield and point this out, laughing, which earned him a shove from Foreman. Cameron squealed and hugged close to the ground. There was stuff flying about their heads.
Nurses flooded from rooms carrying--well, something dangerous and throwable, maybe. Who cares. They were throwing them--with horrible aim-- but one connected with Wilson, so he picked it up and threw it back at the nurses.
Chase ducked down to ground, too, now noticing the erratic flying objects. "damndamndamnbuggerdamn." he cussed.
"Exactly what I was thinking." Foreman said, and ducked down with them.
"Rangers!" House called, from ahead of them. Queen Bansheera and the Red Ranger were at a face off. The Blue Ranger was tossing things at nurses, randomly, shouting things like, 'die!' or 'blue ranger power!' and 'super Battilizer mode!' apparently to no effect, but the nurses were going down anyway, complaining of broken nails, frizzy hair, and fainting spells. But Blue Ranger was getting over his head, as he called, "Pink, Yellow, Black, help me!"
The aforementioned Pink, Yellow, and Black rangers shared a look. 'Aw damn.'
They rushed forward, Cameron stumbling over Chase and Foreman stumbling over Chase stumbling over Cameron stumbling over Chase. Oh dear.
"Damnit, Foreman! Get off my leg!"
"Then get off my stomach, Cameron!"
"If Chase could get off my hair!"
"Sorry, Cameron. Now get off me!"
It was a pile of ducklings trying to get up. And not managing to.
The Red Ranger and Queen Bansheera merely stared at each other.
The Red Ranger lifted his cane in the air, waving it around and saying, "You wouldn't fight a cripple, would you?" and after a pause where she just glared at him, answered his own question, "Of course you would."
It was getting slightly unnerving.
After another few minutes of this, House decided it was very unnerving. But as the Red Ranger, he could not fail his team, although his team was failing him.
The Blue Ranger had managed to take down all the nurses and now he went about poking them and asking them if they were okay, like the kind caring and annoying person he is.
The Pink Ranger was lying on the floor while The Yellow Ranger and the Black Ranger were screaming at each other above him. He figured there was really no point in getting up; Foreman would just shove him back down. Foreman and Cameron were fighting about something; rangers and hats and Texas. Chase sighed and wondered sadly if his hair still looked pretty. On reflection, he frowned, realizing it was probably really bad looking right now. When Foreman stomped his foot down dangerously too close to Chase, he scooted away and to a wall. Safe, safe walls. Aaargh. The Pink Ranger, well, he did not like this final showdown stuff. Mainly because he was not good at it. Many others would protest it was on a long list of things that he wasn't good at, but he would protest at their protestation that HEY, WHO'S GOT THE COOLEST HAIR AGAIN? And then they would fall silent, submitting to his wonderful hair. Also, he was a good doctor...kind of. He'd only had someone die on him, like, once or twice. Three times? Shut up. It was accident. Not his fault. Ignore everything you've heard. He was framed. It was the FBI, they hated him. The government. Because he was Australian. Not British. Why did House hold that belief, that he was British? Chase wasn't. And he knew that. Because he remembers, when he was growing up, kangaroos. KANGAROOS. Sometimes Chase just felt like yelling that at House. KANGAROOS, HOUSE. THERE WERE KANGAROOS IN MY BACKYARD. I'M NOT BRITISH. I'M AUSTRALIAN, YOU BASTARD. Sometimes he wondered why he didn't.
So, lying on the floor amidst Cameron and Foreman fighting, Wilson prodding nurses to check if they were alive (but upset, they'd broken nails! Chase took a second to sympathize.), House and Cuddy staring, Chase sat up and yelled at House, "KANGAROOS, HOUSE. THERE WERE KANGAROOS IN MY BACKYARD. I'M NOT BRITISH; I'M AUSTRALIAN, YOU BASTARD."
House turned away from Queen Bansheera to glare at Chase. "There were kangaroos in your backyard? That would explain what the hell is wrong with you."
"No, it wouldn't!" Cameron, turning to him, shouted.
"I don't care." House said, and turned back to Cuddy.
Chase sighed again. Well that helped. He should have gotten the job with the cute doctor with the nice hair; not the smart doctor he thought he might learn something from. God. He could have his ditzy blonde moments, sometimes. Some people would protest that he had a lot of ditzy blonde moments. He would tell them to bugger the hell off. Despite being a girly pretty-boy, he was smart and confident and how could Cameron not like him? He liked Cameron. Maybe she didn't like him because of the Pink Ranger thing...no, she didn't like him before that. Damn. Maybe she was jealous of his hair, because, hey...who wasn't?
House commanded, "Power Rangers! Unite!"
If it wasn't painfully obvious that this team of Rangers could not take orders before, it was now.
Wilson lurked about the nurses, feeling guilty about knocking them over. They cussed mildly at him, so he moved on to more nurses.
Chase lay dejectedly on the floor, pondering why nobody liked him.
Foreman and Cameron had given up fighting and were now discussing why nobody liked Chase.
House growled. "Rangers, you suck. Do you value your jobs or reputations in anyway? Do not underestimate; you know what I am capable of." He said this in such a formidable, menacing, threatening voice that in under a minute, the Pink, Blue, Yellow and Black Rangers had gathered around him. "Ahh, I love it underlings obey me." He exhaled happily and then faced Cuddy again. Miraculously, some nurses--the more resilient ones, hung around Cuddy. One of them being nurse Brenda, who had her arms crossed and had a glare that could challenge Cuddy's--not like it would, because, you know, she's a nurse.
"Final showdown!" House yelled, and then, in a very dramatic and climactic move, he lifted his cane and put the tip of it in the center on Cuddy's chest and pushed her over.
Cussing loudly, Queen Bansheera rose and started shouting more obscenities at him.
House, ignoring her, turned to his team and made an 'uh-oh' face. They made 'what the hell do you think you're doing' faces and he shrugged apologetically, saying quietly, "Well, I thought it'd work."
"--fucking hats!" Cuddy finished, breathless, her face red.
"I think the hats are very stylish." Wilson spoke up, slightly hesitant, smiling.
Cuddy turned her glare on him, and he, unfaltering, stared back. She then returned her gaze to the Red Ranger, as he seemed to be trying to attack her.
"Nothing! Nothing! Wasn't doing anything." He said, pausing and tapping his cane to a beat only he, apparently, could hear. It was the same with the voices.
"Uh. POWER RANGERS, ZORD UP!" He screamed.
The Rangers whispered amongst themselves and House threw up his hands in the air hopelessly. "We're doomed."
"Yes, you are." Queen Bansheera insisted.
"No, we're not."
"Yes, you are."
"YOU SO ARE."
"YOU'RE SO STUPID."
"I KNOW I AM BUT WHAT ARE YOU!"
"SMARTER THEN YOU!"
"NUH UH...Rangers, attack!"
The Pink, Black, and Yellow Rangers stumbled around while the Blue Ranger started throwing things at Brenda, who dodged them and threw things back. Once the younger rangers got hold of what was going on, they started throwing things at the other nurses.
Queen Bansheera and the Red Ranger were fighting now. Red Ranger was using his cane as a sword type thing, while Queen Bansheera had an actual sword. Okay, not actually. It was a wooden one which she magically pulled out of thing air, like magic. She and House were fencing, and yelling things at each other. Cuddy was yelling insults; House was naming household objects and capitals of the Pacific Northwest states.
Boxes congregated around nurses and tripped them, and accidentally tripped Rangers like the Pink and Yellow Ranger. They attempted to apologize but failed because, well, they have no voice boxes. GET IT?
It was chaos; flying objects and insults and fighting doctors and nurses and boxes and, strangely enough, a pink elephant.
Chase and Cameron were fighting back. Literally watching each other's backs. And they were doing quite well for themselves; neither of them had passed out, fainted, messed up any hair, broke a nail, decided this was unethical, or died. Yet.
Foreman had gained an ally in the fluffy elephant named Linda and was not running away from her, but only because Linda had saved his life a few times. JUST. A. FEW. TIMES. Not making a big deal of it. Or anything. Because. You know. Eric Foreman could hold his own in a fight...with some slight assistance from a fluffy pink elephant named Linda. BUT USUALLY he did not need said assistance because...well, he's black. That's threatening enough, he figured.
Wilson and Brenda were having a sort-of fist fight; and needless to say Brenda was winning. But Wilson was overcoming her, because after hitting him enough times (not that hard, mind, she IS a nurse), she began to tire out and Wilson, damaged but with strength, began to start winning. Hopefully he would keep on trying to win. Incidentally, in all the commotion, his hair remained perfect. This was good enough for him.
And now back to House and Cuddy. It started off with Cuddy winning but House soon started winning and kept on winning, shouting 'Boise' and 'Olympia', 'toaster' and 'microwave'. Cuddy shouted things that should not be repeated.
Wilson laughed maniacally. "Haha! Triumph, Brenda!" He nudged the downed evil nurse and coughed. Laughing manically took a toll on one's voice and he was not in the habit of doing it often. The boxes gathered around Brenda, to dissuade her from trying to regain dignity, and if to say, 'ha! evil nurse Brenda just got beat by the girly, prissy oncologist!' This was, incidentally, what the other doctors would be saying, too, except they would be probably exempting the words 'girly' for 'faggy' and 'prissy' for 'snobby SOB'. But the point is. That Wilson beat nurse Brenda. The name 'Wilson' would now command respect from others for about two days, which sucked because today was a Friday and he got Saturday off and he worked on Sunday but all the cool doctors got Sunday off. This made him sad. But not sad enough to make him not enjoy this moment. And besides, he would remember, which means he could have something to brag to everyone--specifically House-- about. But something told him House'd something bigger to brag about...
Because the Red Ranger had conquered over Queen Bansheera, queen of all that is evil and dangerous weapon eyes and scaring male secretaries and female secretaries alike. He stood over her, lopsided, with his cane pointed at her throat. As if it could cause her any harm whatsoever to her neck. But, uh, moving on. They were both breathing heavy, and Cameron and Foreman and Chase had finished fighting nurses, and Wilson, after laughing at Brenda again, joined them around House, with Linda and a few boxes.
House glanced around at his team, seeming slightly confused.
"Uh." He paused, and for a moment they felt uneasy. "What now?" He whispered, and truthfully, they had no idea either.
Wilson also shrugged, clueless.
"Okay!" House looked down at Cuddy, who was glaring. "We want a raise. Each of us wants a raise. And I want less clinic duty hours; in fact, no, no clinic duty at all."
Cuddy stared at him in shock; nay, bewilderment. "Raises and less clinic?" She said, in a weak voice.
"Is there an echo? NO CLINIC, actually."
"Yeah!" Wilson supported him, also a bit confused but excited; he'd just beaten Brenda.
"And, er, we get to wear the hats?" Chase added tentatively. "And make the nurses leave me alone." He continued.
Cuddy blinked. "Fine..?" She looked confused and then asked, "What this was this all about? No clinic?"
House shook his head, laughing. "Nah. I was just bored. And I look sexy in a hat."
Turning, he left and his confused but happy team followed him.
"How anti-climactic." Someone noted. Must've been Chase, because no one cared.
"Haha. NO CLINIC." House laughed manically. He was very good at it.
He and Wilson were at lunch, eating in his office to avoid other doctors who had taken to looking at them funny. Was it the hats? Yes, it was the hats. The relentless hats.
"Hmm. Very cool." Wilson mused and ate a chip.
"Yeah, we've got to be Power Rangers more often."
"With real Zords."
"And those motorbikes."
"Vroom vroom bikes."
"No motorbike for Chase."
"Would it be possible to find a motorbike in pink?"
"Okay, problem solved."
"We'll need a new enemy."
"Well you already officially defeated Cuddy."
"She'll have to take some time to gain strength, find allies..."
"We can gain strength and find allies, too."
"No we can't."
"Everybody hates us."
"Well that should make it easy for her."
"We have Foreman."
"And Chase and Cameron..?."
"I don't think we should consider those as plusses."
"That's why I'm the Blue Ranger."
"Hands up if you feel like you should've taken another job with another doctor." Chase said, and his hand and Foreman's shot up in the air. Cameron frowned slightly but happily and ate another Cheeto.
"I think that was fun." She said, and tossed a Cheeto at Chase.
He ducked. "Whatever, Yellow Ranger."
"Aw, come on. You know you loved it."
"...if I wasn't the Pink Ranger."
"Maybe you'll get a promotion." She mocked him, giggling, and threw another Cheeto. It landed in his hair. He grimaced and shook it out.
"Black Ranger...pshaw. Then again, anything's better then the Pink Ranger." Foreman grinned, and did a spot-on imitation of Chase flipping his hair.
"I'd rather be Silver. Maybe I can be Green. Or..." Chase shrugged and trailed off.
"Pink suits you." Cameron decided. Chase rolled his eyes.
"Can't believe he's forcing us to wear the hats." Foreman grumbled.
"I like them." Cameron piped up, touching the brim of hers cheerily.
"Oh come on. We're outcasts. We're eating lunch in empty storage room, for God's sake."
"You mean 'the base'?" Chase remarked.
"Yep, and after lunch, we can go Ranger up."
They collapsed in fits of laughter surrounded by the all-knowing boxes, who reflected on the past experiences and foretold the future of more adventures. They wish they could divulge their secrets but...wait for it...they don't have any fucking mouths.
No seriously, guys, it's the end…FOR NOW.
Not joking…OR AM I?
Get over it; it's the end, finish, no more…OR IS IT!
YEAH. IT IS.
AN: Kaythen. Review.
Just review, for god's sake.
I need a Powerade...and cake. Gosh. CAKE.
I WILL TELL YOU MY DREAM FOR THIS FIC: (that's in bold so you'll notice it) I want it to be in MORE THEN ONE C2. That's why they're called C2s. Haha. No, seriously, though, I was so excited when it was put into a C2, I was dancing. If you love me...