Title: NaruIno in 30 Kisses.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does, so you might want to garrote him for screwing up a perfectly good manga with fanservice and plot degradation (if there is still any left).
Rating: PG13 to R, in later chapters.
Note: Done this for 30kisses LJ community. Chapters will be produced randomly. Don't expect me to update this on constant basis. But enjoy nonetheless; it's a crucial element in reading.
Theme #18 : "Ano sa" (Hey, you know…) - Injustice, According To Inuzuka Kiba
"I still don't understand how Naruto did it!"
Hyuuga Neji looked up from the mission report in his hand, frown artistically in place as he glared at one Inuzuka Kiba. That was the third time that the uncouth boor had opened his mouth and spewed complete nonsense in the short span ten minutes since they arrived at Ichiraku. The first and second was about Kiba's (understandably) lack of luck in wooing girls (prompted by a rather careless remark from Lee earlier, whom pink-haired girlfriend was nowhere within sight), and Neji had no doubt whatsoever that the subject still remained the same. The Hyuuga had had just about enough. Kiba's social life had nothing to do with him. He just wanted to finish correcting the disaster that was their mission report (thanks to Kiba's outstanding talent in being unintelligible) and go home to further angst and harass the Main House members. He had even been looking forward to properly antagonize Hinata that evening.
Neji's lack of humanity was perfectly understandable. Old habits die hard, after all.
The Hyuuga counted to ten (as well as in backward order) and turned back to the report, pen poised over dog-eared papers as if he had heard nothing. "You misspelled 'spleen', Inuzuka. There're two 'e's in 'spleen'."
Neji wondered why he even allowed Kiba to write the mission report in the first place. Must've been his masochistic side acting up again.
"Whatever, man." Kiba waved the comment aside, his eyes fixed at something other than the messily-scrawled report in Neji's hand, which was filled with crossed and replaced words in red. The ramen stand was crowded, especially since it was lunch hour. Neji wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. Kiba was not cooperating. The Inuzuka frowned and suddenly burst out the next second, "Dammit! Do they have to act all lovey dovey like that?"
Irritated, Neji narrowed his eyes and glanced over his shoulder, trying to see what had aggravated Kiba so much.
His milky-white eyes narrowed some more at the sight that greeted him.
Across the small establishment were Uzumaki Naruto and Yamanaka Ino, seated comfortably next to each other and were too absorbed in their conversation to notice the existence of everyone else. Apparently, Ino just dropped a teasing kiss on her swooning boyfriend's lips. Naruto was donning what Neji had deemed 'the lovesick-puppy' look and was shamelessly ogling at Ino like he had never seen a pretty face before. The nature of their relationship was not something that Neji know nothing about, as he was one of the few that had the opportunity to see Naruto, the glorified 'Orange Demon' of Konoha and Godaime's potential successor, being bossed around by a mere young woman with killer curves and long, to-die-for pair of legs. Admittedly, the young woman in question was dangerous in her own (crazy/insane/special) ways, but Neji preferred to ignore that tiny bit of fact. Uzumaki Naruto, who had beaten him into humility, was whipped. Neji found it to be extremely ironic and funny.
He smirked at his incensed (temporary) team mate. "Inuzuka, you're depraved."
It brought the desired effect, which was to get Kiba's attention back to him. "The Hell did you mean?"
"Get a bath, maybe girls will like you more. Then you won't lament on Uzumaki's luck in maintaining a relationship," the long-haired youth retorted smoothly. He ignored the increasing amount of veins that were throbbing on Kiba's forehead and added, "Though I don't think that'll help much."
"I do not smell, pansy freak!"
Neji snorted and allowed the insult to pass. It was too early to kill anybody. "Of course." It was obviously meant to be taken as the complete opposite. Neji even sniffed conspicuously as an added effect.
It was admirable, really, the amount of self-control that Kiba had accumulated through the years of being a loyal, hardworking shinobi of Konoha. Which amounted to approximately nothing. Neji found himself blinking right at Kiba's face, all fierce eyes and bared teeth/fangs. "Listen here, you queen! Let's get outta here and your fuckin' whiny ass is mine!"
Neji stared at the man before him. "… I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not gay."
Kiba, as expected, spluttered like he had just downed a bottle of molten lava and backed away hastily. The colour on his face matched his facial triangles. "I didn't mean it that way, pervert!"
"Oh? And here I thought that's the reason why you never have a girlfriend," Neji commented, taunting the flustered Inuzuka. This was much, much better than harassing Hinata. "Rest assured, Inuzuka, your secret is safe with me."
"I'm not gay!" insisted Kiba, turning a darker shade of red than Neji had first thought humanly impossible. He looked ready to combust, come to think of it.
The Hyuuga prodigy merely nodded in mock understanding. "I'm sure half of Konoha appreciates what you're telling them right now."
True enough, much to Kiba's horror, his exclamation regarding his sexual preference had drawn the crowd's attention to the two. The establishment had fallen into some sort of amusement-induced silence, and smirking eyes were fixed on both of them. Including Naruto and Ino's respectively. Kiba also caught sight of his friends and comrades in the mass of people; Kurenai-sensei, Asuma-sensei, Shino, and Hinata were there, among others.
Kiba felt like dying. Or just fade away. Disappear.
Akamaru barked relentlessly at his owner, apparently discomforted by the sporadic twitches of Kiba's hands.
"Oi, Kiba!" Naruto's mischievous voice rang sharply and clearly above the silence. He looked like he was having a hard time containing his mirth. Kiba felt like skewering the blond idiot with chopsticks. "You datin' Neji now?"
And he finished the question with a loud, hearty guffaw, joined a second later by everyone, including Hinata.
Kiba wanted to die.
"Uzumaki," Neji coolly raised an eyebrow, his face scrunched up in delicate disgust. "You are insulting my taste."
Naruto waved a hand dismissively as he continued to laugh his kidneys out. When his fit of diabolical laughter was somehow abated (thanks to the admonishing whack to the head from a giggling Ino), the blond said, in between bouts of chortles, "I think you two makes a beautiful couple. Really."
Kiba finally regained a semblance of sane coherence (despite still looking kind of catatonic) and hollered at Naruto, "Shutup and die!"
"Your spouse is cruel, Neji," Naruto pouted, feigning a look of deep hurt.
Neji had the elegance to not snort at the remark. Hyuugas didn't do snorts. "He's not my spouse."
Before Naruto could gurgle out another smart-ass comment, he was unceremoniously yanked down onto his seat by Ino, who had the decency to know that an annoyed Neji was a not-to-mess-with Neji. Working with the angsty Hyuuga prodigy had provided her with sufficient amount of experience in interpreting Neji's admittedly limited facial expressions. Neji was currently using the 'say-another-word-and-I'm-gonna-pull-out-your-spine-from-your-nose-and-shove-it-up-where-the-sun-doesn't-shine' look. The Yamanaka swallowed back an amused grin and offered an apologetic smile at Neji instead. Kiba was still hyperventilating. "I'm sure you have better taste than flea-ridden dog boy over there, Neji-san. You know how easily my idiot can jump into conclusions."
"Hey, I'm not anyone's idiot!" Why did everyone say that!
"I do not have fleas, bitch!" Why did everyone say that!
Naruto slowly turned to Kiba. "What did you just called my girlfriend, gasbag?"
If Kiba even had one ounce of survival instinct, he would've recognized the flashing signs of danger everywhere, but as it was, the Inuzuka was too busy being pissed off to actually stop and think about what he just said. Or was going to say. "What? Finally gone deaf from all the yellin' you did?"
It was really not a pretty sight when one ninja went after another, especially since it promised immense property damage and many a sad day for the insurance companies.
Ino sighed; trying to drag Naruto out of his fight to defend her so-called honour (not that she was not flattered, but really now…) was as tiresome as trying to force Shikamaru to complete paperwork. The effort would be futile.
Neji remained impassively un-amused, and was once again crossing words after words with his red pen.
"Hey, you know, they're gonna go on this forever," Ino started, as she manoeuvred her way around the ruckus caused by Naruto and Kiba's fight and paused at the table that Neji occupied. "Wanna accompany me to this new restaurant up north? Chouji said that they make the best soba around."
"Of course," Neji nodded in acquiescence, gathering up the mission report and his back pack. "As soon as I send this over the mission desk."
The blonde woman smiled as chaos, in the form of two young men with mass hormonal overload, wrecked havoc around her.
Life was good.
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