A/N: Yay! People like me; they really like me! Thanks to all my great reviewers. They always rock my socks! By the way, if you have any ideas that you would like to see in this story just send them with your review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and the Mr. Dr. Professor thing is from Spongebob Squarepants.

Harry Potter is Insane?

Yesterday, a worried looking Harry Potter was pulled out of the fireplace into a glass room with a distinguished Dr. Grey, a leading specialist in many insane cases. However, it seems that Potter wasn't there to be helped; he was there to help! Grey had had a troubled childhood as a boy and Potter seem to have sense that as he tried to help the Doctor. It seems that Grey was too troubled for Potter and was moved to St. Mungo's where he is currently receiving treatment.

Harry and Ron laughed as they read the little blurb in the newspaper and Hermione seemed to be trying to hold back laughter. Harry was grinning so evilly you would think he was the devil himself. "That will teach them for trying to treat him. Honestly, I'm not insane!" Harry chuckled.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "So that's why you put peanuts in your coke every single time you drink it."

"Hey, you try it and you'll see it's not insanity but heaven!"

Hedwig suddenly appeared leaving the three teens very confused. "How the heck did you get in here without opening a window?" asked a bemused Ron. Hedwig bit him hard as she held out her leg for Harry to take the letter. Hermione and Harry read it as Ron yelped in pain.

"No, not again," moaned Harry as he gave the letter over to Ron and he read:

Dear Harry,

It seems that your antics yesterday caused quite a stir in the Ministry. They want to have you back to study you further. You will be seeing Mr. Dr. Professor Ralph (that's his title and last name unbelievably). We will be picking you up at the same time as yesterday.


"Mr. Potter, come immediately!" called a familiar voice by now, McGonagall. Harry groaned even more as he looked back at his friends who weren't any help whatsoever. Ron was still crying about the bite Hedwig gave him and this time Hermione was rolling on the floor laughing at the two pathetic boys she called her friends.

The walk to McGonagall's office was silent. She opened the door for the two of them and had Harry go in first. She looked around the hallway outside her office, closed the door, and whispered to him, "Try not to make him cry Potter." Just as Harry stepped into the fireplace (pre-flooed of course), he swore he saw McGonagall take out her notebook and purse again. He made a mental note to ask her about that when he came back.

When he got to the Ministry, this time there were only a few reporters so he made his way to the room by himself. This time he sat down in the chair with no one in front of him. He looked around and found Dumbledore and Fudge where they were before. He was about to ask him where the doctor was when a man came in with a look that said I'm-Too-Good-For-You-So-You-Had-Better-Have-A-Reason-For-Intruding-On-My-Special-Time-With-Myself. "I am Mr. Dr. Professor Ralph. I'm letting you know that I do not have any 'daddy issues' so therefore you will not ask me about my childhood and I will proceed to ask you about yours. Is that clear?" He sat himself down after wiping off the already clean seat.

Harry rolled his eyes. Honestly, he thought he was here because they thought he was insane, not stupid. Then his awful plan came to mind and he did his evil laugh in his head before saying, "No."

Ralph looked up; "Excuse me?"


"What is it that I just said that is unclear to you?"


"That was not a yes or no question."


Ralph cleared his throat. Nobody had told him the boy was going to be like this. "Okay," he started, "In your childhood, did your aunt and uncle love you?"


"Did you want them to love you?"




"Are you going to keep saying no even with questions that aren't yes or no questions to begin with?"


"Then I suggest you start now."


Ralph groaned and went outside the glass room for a second. He went up to Fudge and said, "You've given me a mentally retarded boy."

Dumbledore smiled, "I can assure you there is nothing wrong with Harry physically seeing as he does well on all of his tests. In fact, his scores are better then yours if I seem to recall correctly."

Ralph ignored Dumbledore and turned once again to the Minister, "Whatever you're paying me for this, I want double."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. This boy is not speaking at all and I will not tolerate that with my current pay."

"Fine, get in there!" Ralph turned and walked into the room with his head held high. He went back into his seat and began rummaging through his folder. Harry looked on in interest wondering how the Mr. Dr. Professor was going to try to get him to say something other then no. Ralph turned to Harry and said, "Inkblots, I'm sure you know how that works. When I take out an inkblot you say the thing that comes to mind." He showed Harry one that looked like ice cream.


One that looked like a dog. He said, "No."

One that looked like a sailboat. He said, "No."

One that looked like an inkblot. He said, "No."

Ralph was breathing in and out of his nose so hard stuff starting to come out of it and none of it looked pretty. "Potter," he said, "Is the only word in your whole vocabulary, no?"

Harry thought for a moment before saying, "No."

"Then say another word besides no."


"Please," asked the Mr. Dr. Professor almost begging him to.


Ralph stood up and started pulling out hair. Then, seeing Harry still sitting there innocently, he ran over and started to choke him. Aurors came in at once and pulled Ralph kicking and screaming out of the room. Fudge and Dumbledore came in, one calmer then the other as you can imagine. Fudge looked ready to try choking Harry himself as he said, "What the hell is wrong with you boy?"

Harry thought for another moment and said, "No."

Fudge stormed out of the room (again) as Dumbledore and Harry slowly made their way to the fireplace. Once in Dumbledore's office, Harry saw the teachers assembled yet again. Just as Dumbledore arrived, McGonagall asked him, "Did you make him cry?"

Harry shook his head, "Nope, but he did start to choke me."

McGonagall was proud of Harry, very proud, but she just said, "Fifty points to Gryffindor now go to the Common Room. I'm sure Mr. Weasly and Mrs. Granger will want to hear about it." The teacher waited until Harry closed the door and McGonagall started to laugh as she got her money. Since only Dumbledore, Flitwick, and she bet that Ralph would try to choke him, they got twenty-five galleons each!

Harry recapped the entire scene to Ron and Hermione as soon as he got into the Common Room. This time Harry and Ron managed to stay in their seats, but poor Hermione fell off her chair. She hit the floor with a loud thump and immediately, Ron stopped laughing to help her up and blushed while doing so. In the lull that followed, Harry said aloud, "I really do think McGonagall is making money off of us."

Ron nodded his ascent but Hermione asked, "Do you think she would?" The boys raised her eyebrows and she sighed. They did do things that would make for very interesting bets.

A/N: Again, I get good reviews, and then I'll know I have start writing again!