A short one shot that might graduate into a two-shot, if it is so deemed worthy by the readers. Tell me whatchya think!

KAKAIRU YAOI! (lets here a 'Hells yes!')

Nice, Firm, and Perky

A pillow is more comforting in a state of sleepiness than even brandy in a state of sorrow. Kakashi heaved a contented sigh, cuddling into Iruka's pillow like it were Iruka himself. There was no telling where the button nosed teacher was at that moment, but Kakashi's weary bones were not up for looking. He wanted to lie, to sleep, to lull in a restful paradise.

"Aaarg! You're getting blood all over my pillow!"

Kakashi jerked awake like he'd been stabbed in the head. "Whan't sleepin'!" he muttered, hands flailing in a disoriented daze.

"You're bleeding out the head!" Iruka roared, no longer staring at his pillow, but instead fixated on the jounin's head. The silver hair, usually so perky and bright, was sagging to the left in a blood soaked bow. The red looked so morbid against the white locks, Iruka shivered at the sight. "Kakashi!" he murmured, kneeling down and cupping the side of his lover's face. "Have you even checked in with Hokage?" he murmured, eyes full of fear and horror. "You-you haven't been treated at all, and- you're head is split open!"

"S'fine. Fell off a little rock."

"You fell off a little rock? How far?"

"Ummm… about 125 feet. S'okay though, the water caught me. And this bolder beneath the water made sure I didn't go to far down and drown." he slurred, weaving back and forth at the effort of staying upright. "I'n… uuwaah… I'n gonna sleeeep noooww…" he flopped sideways and tried to curl around the pillow again.

Pillow! Oh! Oh so good!

"Kakashi you're bleeding out your head!" Iruka insisted, pulling one limp and boneless arm on the exhausted body. When no response rewarded his efforts, he huffed and went to the near by first aid kit, having used it recently on Naruto (of all people). He pulled out sterilization, a gauze pad, and the gauze to go with it, silently praising the med classes he'd taken.

Making quick work of Kakashi's head, he leaned down and heaved the jounin over his shoulder. The motion was surprisingly easy considering he usually didn't go around carrying fully grown men wherever he went.

"Where we goin'?" Kakashi slurred, acting as a rag doll over his boyfriend's shoulder and allowing such torment to continue.

"Book store."



"Icha Icha? Are you going to buy it? I have no moneeey…"

"I'll buy you the entire series over again."

"I have three sets. I just need the new one."



Iruka stepped into the doctors office, the night shift glancing up curiously. "He needs a doctor right now." Iruka stated firmly, meaning, no questions are going to be asked, because you will be busy bringing me a doctor.

The little nurse behind the counter scampered off and towards the back. No sooner had she disappeared, did Tsunade come down the hall brushing her hands of sterilizing powders.

"I was wondering when he'd make it back. Looks like the bastard's still alive. Right?" She grabbed a handful of Kakashi's hair and lifted his head to look into the two uncovered eyes.

"Porn?" Kakashi inquired hopefully.

"Sure. You're the strip show though. Start unclothing him." She thumbed to a room.

Iruka held himself back from batting Tsunade's offending hand from Kakashi's head. How dare she pull his hair… only he was allowed to do that!

With no words necessary, he tramped off to the designated room and carefully laid the dazed and confused pervert on the table. Not without getting his ass groped first.

Iruka nearly dropped him on the bed, scowling, "Dammit Kakashi, you've got a serious head wound… and all you can think about is porn, isn't it?"

Kakashi giggled drunkenly, "Mmmhmhmhmhm… Iruka's ass is nice and firm and perky."

Iruka began excusing the Hatake from his clothing, careful to keep any wounds as immobile as possible. "My ass my be nice and firm and perky, but your head is gross, bloody, and broken." He grumped. "I can't believe you came home first." he groused, mostly to himself, but the jounin was listening.

A sudden wave of consciousness swept Kakashi's stupid smile from his face. His eyes regarded Iruka lovingly. "Home is where the heart is, and Iruka-sensei holds my heart." he murmured fondly, one disoriented hand coming up to the side of Iruka's head. He guided the tan face down to meet his own pallid lips, pressing a soft kiss in between them.

"Eh-hem." Tsunade cleared her throat obtrusively.

Iruka ignored her. After all, she'd pulled Kakashi's hair.

He leaned up finally, nuzzling the wounded man's cheek affectionately. "I'll have something nice for you when you get home." he promised.

Kakashi's drunken smile was back. "Porn?"

Iruka scowled. "Gawd your thick."

Tsunade gave the two a quizzical glance, "Is that the only word he knows?"

"He responds well to nice, firm, and perky." Iruka stated flatly.

"Iruka's ass!" Kakashi supplied brightly, eyes lighting up in glee.

Iruka didn't even have to time to blush, for he rolled his eyes and exited the room. "Make him better, Tsunade, so I can kick his ass later."

"Sure thing, Iruka-sensei." The endowed woman grinned a feral smirk, "You're a dog, Kakashi."

Kakashi shifted on the bed and smiled to himself, "I live for it." he tucked his hands behind his head and bounced his foot impatiently. "Lets go, Iruka promised me porn, and he never breaks a promise."


Previously called 'Home in Red', but was changed to Nice, Firm, and Perky because several people actually suggested it, not just one.

I got the idea from this because I went surfing yesterday, and the guy I went surfing with got his head cracked open by his surf board. I was on a wave so I didn't even see him. But he started walking back and I followed and he was all bleeding out the back of the head. I refrained from flipping out. Yeah. He got two stitches and refused to let me drive his jeep because I'm new to stick shift. So he was driving and bleeding out the head. It was traumatizing. For me.

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