The Lament

Lament…a song or poem expressing grief or mourning…definition courtesy of Wikipedia.

She was gone. I was still in shock. It had been over a week ago. A random shooting in a convenience store. The wrong place at the wrong time, that's what they said. I said it was fate. Cruel, unfair it might be, but fate nonetheless. Why? Because she was my friend.

Seems like just yesterday


You were a part of me


I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong.

I had done my best to put up a strong wall. To block out the pain and torment of my past, the agony of my own existence. I spent years building up a mask of hardness, a cold mask that no one would penetrate. No one would break that barrier of false strength. No one…except for her.

Your arms around me tight


Everything, it felt so right


Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong


Now I can't breathe


No, I can't sleep


I'm barely hanging on

She had torn down my blockades, ripped down my most potent walls. She had looked past the monster, seen the crying child within. She had seen what no one else had seen, what no one else was supposed to see. And she hadn't pushed me away. She had comforted me.

Here I am, once again


I'm torn into pieces


Can't deny it, can't pretend


Just thought you were the one


Broken up, deep inside


But you won't get to see the tears I cry


Behind these hazel eyes

Sure, the others all were suspicious of me. They accepted me, but there was always an air that they didn't like me. I pretended not to let it get to me, but it did. It hurt. I had done nothing wrong…okay, I had, but that was in the past. I was whole now, a different man. I changed in many ways, all for the better. And no one cared except for her. Téa…

I told you everything


Opened up and let you in


You made me feel alright


For once in my life

I emerge from my thoughts, and focus on the minister's words. I hated him. He read off a speech that he had done a million times. Téa was a good person, she gave all and asked nothing in return, blah blah. Like he knew. He was playing a game, you know. He has the speech, it's just fill-in-the-blanks with her name. I knew her, we knew her. All of us. Why don't we talk about what a person she was, of how she had done her best to make each of our lives better? Especially mine…

Now all that's left of me


Is what I pretend to be


So together, but so broken up inside


'Cause I can't breathe


No, I can't sleep


I'm barely hangin' on

That was all a week ago, and here I stand in the graveyard, looking down at her grave. Téa Anne Gardner, age 16. The epitaph reads The Angel Among Us. I have no idea who commissioned the tomb stone, but it suited her. Damn her though, that…angel. She took my hand, let me believe I wasn't alone. And then she died. And surprise, surprise, I'm alone again. I'm always alone, why can't I just accept that?

Here I am, once again


I'm torn into pieces


Can't deny it, can't pretend


Just thought you were the one


Broken up, deep inside


But you won't get to see the tears I cry


Behind these hazel eyes

No…no! I won't let her! I drop to my knees and furiously dig in the soil below her stone. She isn't dead, she can't be. She said she'd be my friend, that she'd be there for me! I won't let her leave. I can't…it's raining, and my hands are caked with mud. My fingertips are scratched from digging so close and brushing her stone. I've dug a small pit a few inches deep when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

Swallow me then spit me out


For hating you, I blame myself


Seeing you it kills me now


No, I don't cry on the outside


Anymore...

"Let her go." They order. "We miss her, we all do. But she's gone." I snarl and spin, slamming my fist into his jaw.

"Don't say that!" I screech, loud enough to wake the dead around us.
"She can't be…she isn't dead, she said she'd help me!" I turn back and keep digging. I have to see it. That accursed coffin, I have to see her once more. She can't be dead. A ruse, that's all it was. She was alive somewhere, this was just a ruse. Yes, she was alive, she was!

Here I am, once again


I'm torn into pieces


Can't deny it, can't pretend


Just thought you were the one


Broken up, deep inside


But you won't get to see the tears I cry


Behind these hazel eyes

I dig a foot down before I give up. The rain streaks down my face, mingling with the tears. I'm not strong enough, I'm never strong enough. I throw my hands over her tombstone and wail to the world, letting my mask fall into the pit below and shatter above her grave.

"Téa…don't leave me!" I sob, begging her to return. I know he's still behind me, but I don't care. "Don't leave me…" I slid down the stone until I'm lying sprawled on the ground, crying to the gods to bring her back. Bring her back…I need her. I need her…

The strain gives out, and I go limp. I can't take it. They all leave, everyone who cares for me leaves in one way or the other…why? Why, damn it, why do I have to be alone? I cry my heart to the angel buried below. I need you, I care for you, hell, I think I love you…come back to me.

"Téa…come back." I whisper. I try again, but she doesn't answer. I keep saying it. I stay there for god knows how long. I feel the rain let up, the sun on my back. A day? Maybe 2? I'm hungry, and my voice is hoarse. I don't care, I'll get her back. I'll get her back…I have to…

Here I am, once again


I'm torn into pieces


Can't deny it, can't pretend


Just thought you were the one


Broken up, deep inside


But you won't get to see the tears I cry


Behind these hazel eyes

"Téa…" I plead, feeling my strength slip away. Emotional drain, physical? God I'm tired…how long have I been here? Who knows, not me…I'm beyond knowing, not that it matters. The darkness claims me as my vision blurs, my head swirling as I fall…and fall…

"Come…back…" I whisper. "Téa…come…ba…" I never finish as my eyes close for the last time…

I never name the mysterious mourner here, and I want it that way? Who's lament do you think this is, hm? Really, tell me. But don't ask who it really is, for you shall get no answers…just like our sad friend above…