Author's Note: Okay, so I'm new to this section of the fanfic board here, so hiya! I wrote this story before season three aired, right after New Years. Hope you all like it. It's ridiculous I know, and wouldn't ever happen on the show (especially now)but I had to write it anyway. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with "The L Word."
A Day in The Life
"Come here, come here baby girl!" Tina Kennard said sweetly, bending on one knee and opening her arms to grab her two-year-old daughter Angelica, who was running naked through the house sopping wet and covered in suds.
Bette Porter, Tina's life partner, emerged from the bathroom annoyed, a towel hanging from her clenched fist. "How is it that you can get her to wash herself but I can't get her to sit in the bath for two minutes?"
"It's all about patience Bette. Angie knows that when you give her a bath, you rush her. Isn't that right sweetie?" Tina said half-laughing as she took the towel from Bette and wrapped it around Angelica, who nodded and lay her head on Tina's chest. "Not everyone can take the three minute power showers you do."
Bette shook her head and started back for the bathroom. "Yeah well, if more of us tried we wouldn't have such a high water bi--" Bette was cut short as she slid on a tiny puddle of water and slammed into the wall, making a picture fall.
Tina had to stifle a huge laugh, knowing full-well that it was going to piss her wife off even more. Angelica giggled, watching as her other "mommy" struggled to find her footing and then flinched that sweet child flinch when Bette shouted out, "God DAMN IT!"
Tina shielded Angelica's ear with one hand and pressed her other ear against her chest. "Bette!" She whispered firmly through clenched teeth. Bette finally stabilized herself, straightening out her pajama t-shirt, takinga few deep breaths.
Running a hand through her long, wavy black hair, she shook her head, sighed and moved toward Tina and Angelica. "I'm sorry. It's just...I don't know. I feel--I feel like she listens to you more and that I can't--"
Tina walks over to Bette and places her arm around her waist. "Hey now Mama Porter, don't get all mopey on me." Tina knew it irked Bette to be called, "Mama Porter" but in this case, Bette just smirked. "You're doing a great job. You just get frustrated so easily. This is the reason why you decided to take a couple weeks off remember? To de-stress?"
Bette sighed and planted a quick kiss on Tina's lips. "I'm sorry." Then, she grabbed Angelica's little hand. Angelica looked at Bette apprehensively, as if she were afraid that Bette was going to yell at her. "I'm sorry honey. You forgive mommy?"
Angelica nodded slowly, sucking on her thumb. Bette ran her hand softly across Angelica's cheek and kissed the top of her head. Tina smiled and kissed Bette on the lips before saying, "Okay, Mommy #2 is soaking wet and Angie is getting cold, let's go get dressed! Mommy's gotta run!"
Bette nodded and gave Tina's free hand a loving squeeze before they separated. "I'm gonna make breakfast, pancakes sound okay?" She asked to Tina's retreating form.
"Pancakes sound great Mom!" A voice called from beyond the front door. Bette turned to see Alice Pieszecki and her girlfriend Dana Fairbanks standing outside. She rolled her eyes, shaking her head and smiling as the girls let themselves in. Then, she turned toward the kitchen.
"Hey Bette." Dana greeted as they made their way to the kitchen.
"Alice, Dana, aren't you guys a little early? You don't have to baby sit until tonight." Bette said, taking out the pans and all the fixings for pancakes.
"Yeah well, Uncle Dana and I decided that we wanted Angie for the whole day, ya know, to give you guys the day to ya know f--"
"Alice!" Dana said, wide-eyed, not only because Alice had called her, "Uncle Dana" but also because Alice had to be so crude.
Bette just smiled as she mixed the pancake batter. She was happy that Alice and Dana had decided to get back together this past year. They were good together. In fact, they were great together.
"What Dane? It's true! Look, as much as it pains and frightens me to say it, when you have a kid, the sex life kinda goes caput--"
"How would you possibly know that Al?" Dana asked.
"Oh that is ridiculous." Bette said at the exact same time as Dana asked her question.
"Oh yeah?" Alice said, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows behind her dark-rimmed glasses. "When's the last time you and Tina got it on?"
Bette stopped stirring the batter and before she had a chance to answer, Alice put her hands up in the air. "No, see, if you have to think about it, it's been too long."
"Well what about you and Da--"
"An hour ago."
Bette did a double take at Alice and then rested her wide eyes on Dana, whose beet red face was hiding beneath her hands. Alice put a comforting hand on Bette's shoulder. "Don't worry, all couples with children, homo and hetero, go through this. It's okay."
Bette did her best to plaster on that charming smile. "Thanks Alice. It's great to know we're not alone."
Alice gave Bette a slap on the shoulder before taking a seat at the kitchen table next to her still mortified girlfriend. Dana finally dropped her hands from her face and tried desperately to change the subject. "Hey Bette, you know that you still have the Christmas lights on your roof, right?"
Bette nodded, exhaling loudly. "Tina's supposed to take them down. She keeps forgetting."
Suddenly, Angelica in a cute little sun dress and Tina in her jogging outfit emerged. "Hey guys! Aren't you early?"
"They've come for breakfast." Bette muttered.
"Hey there rascal! Come here and give your Aunty Alice a big ole kiss!" Alice said, bending down and outstretching her arms as a very excited Angelica flew into them.
"Hey, how come she gets to wear a sundress and I don't?" Dana whined as Tina took the seat opposite her.
"Well, Dane, Angie here is two and can't help but wear what her mommies give her. You on the other hand..." Alice stopped when she felt the icy-cold glares she got from both Tina and Dana.
"Hey Tina, are you ever going to take the lights down?" Bette asked, a little more than irritated.
"Oh shit I forgot."
"Calm down babe, I'll do it."
"Yeah? When? It's three weeks past New Year's. Are you waiting for the next holiday go-round?"
Both Alice and Dana looked at each other uncomfortably, Alice shaking Angelica on her knee.
"Well if it's bothering you so much, why don't you just take them down?"
"Because I put them up and you said you would. Do I have to do everything for you? Am I suddenly raising two children?"
Alice tried to lighten the mood in the only way she could...with off-beat humor. "Ya know, they are multi-colored, right Dane?"
Dana nodded her head nervously.
"Just leave them up. It'll be a symbol of your gay pride. A rainbow-lit lesbian proud house. That would be cool."
"Nice idea Alice, but the neighborhood already knows we're a lesbian couple." Bette said and then turned to Tina and said, "All this is telling them is that we're lazy."
Abruptly pushing her chair backwards and standing up, Tina huffed, "Ya know what? Forget the damn run, I'll take the lights down right now."
Realizing that she may have pushed Tina too far, Bette tried to fix her mistake, but not by apologizing. "What about breakfast?"
"I'm not hungry." Tina said, and then stormed out of the kitchen and toward the back door.
"T...Tina--" Bette started, but the slamming back door was the only reply she received.
Both Alice and Dana winced when the door made contact with the frame. "Way to go, Uncle Dane." Alice said, letting Angelica slide off her knee.
"What'd I do?" Dana asked defensively.
"Let me refresh...'Hey Bette, you know that you still have the Christmas lights on your roof, right?' Ring a bell?" Alice said crossing her arms and Dana's head retracted into her shoulders.
"Sorry." She said weakly at Bette, who just waved it off.
"It's okay. I'll talk to her later." Bette turned around with the fresh batch of pancakes. "Okay, get 'em while they're hot I suppose."
As Bette placed the plate down on the table, she could hear the metal clanking of the twenty foot ladder being dragged along the driveway and the violent mutter of Tina cursing everything and anything...including Bette.
Bette picked Angelica up and placed her in her high chair. Then she looked at Alice and Dana, "Hey, do you guys think you could feed her while I take a shower?"
"Oh yeah." Both women said at once.
"We got it covered." Alice said.
"On top of it." Dana added.
Bette just nodded and smirked, until she heard Tina stomping around on the roof, bringing a frown back to her face.
"Uh oh Angie!" Alice said in mock-terror. "There's an angry elephant on the roof!" Angelica's eyes went wide and a big grin covered her face.
"Oh that's nice Al. I'm telling Tina you said that."
"You wouldn't dare--"
"Try me." Dana said, smiling.
Bette just shook her head and headed for the bathroom.
Bette slipped on a comfortable plain white cotton t-shirt and some tight fitting denim jeans and was reaching for her sneakers when she heard a loud thump and then silence. 'Tina she must be done. You're in for it now Porter,' she thought miserably. Maybe Alice and Dana taking Angelica for the day wasn't such a bad idea. Bette figured she'd make it up to Tina somehow. Maybe a second shower with her wife would suffice.
Bette slipped on her sneakers and walked out into the hallway and then to the living room, stopping in the kitchen to see the mess that nobody bothered to clean. "Nice guys." She muttered to herself, and then walked to the living room.
Alice and Dana were making-out wildly in front of Spongebob and Angelica was standing on the couch, looking out the front window at something.
"Great, guys." Bette said, making both Alice and Dana jump. They parted immediately. Dana wiped her lips as Alice fixed her hair. She immediately spotted Angelica.
"What? It's not like we lost her or anything."
Bette ignored Alice and called out to Angelica. "Hey baby, what are you looking at?"
Bette's heart fluttered as she tried to register what her daughter had just said. She walked for the couch, her stomach tying in knots as she watched Angelica point outside toward the ground. Dana and Alice exchanged puzzled glances as they got up from the chair they were sitting on, following behind Bette.
Bette was about three feet from Angelica when she suddenly put a hand over her mouth and bolted for the front door. "Jesus Christ!"
Dana was next and she did the same as Bette, only shouting "Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit!"
Alice grabbed Angelica, looking out the window and muttering, "Fuck" as she watched Bette race to Tina, who was lying completely still on the grass in their front yard, a thick, tangled pile of Christmas lights a few feet away. A thin line of lights right by the ladder still dangled from the roof. She heard a small whimper escape Angelica's mouth. She jiggled the girl a little, whispering, "its okay, Mommy's okay," in her ear.
Bette was the first to reach Tina, dropping to her knees and crawling to her wife, tears already spilling down her cheeks. Tina just lay there with her eyes wide open, but she wasn't moving. She didn't even look like she was breathing. "Jesus, Tina. Tina are you okay? Tina!"
"Okay, Bette, don't move her! She could have a broken her...something! Just don't move her!" Dana shouted, panicking.
Tina moved her eyes to Bette, who put a hand on her cheek. "Bette" she whispered, shocked and breathless.
"T. Baby, are you okay?"
"Quick Tina, how many fingers am I holding up!" Dana shouted, bending over Tina and shoving three fingers in her face.
Alice watched from the porch, her heart thumping in her chest. She didn't want to bring Angelica any closer, in case Tina was hurt badly.
"Tina, speak to us!" Bette said, choking back a sob.
Tina looked from Bette to Dana, who was still holding the fingers in her face and she...burst into laughter. Both Bette and Dana jumped back and then Bette moved forward, looking over Tina wildly as she continued to laugh until tears were streaming down her face. "Fucking hell" she managed to gasp between her hysterical laughs, rolling on her side and then propping herself up.
"T?" Bette said, confused, scared, and relieved at the same time. Tina laughing meant that she wasn't hurt too badly, Bette hoped.
"It's a concussion, it's a concussion." Dana said, throwing her hands up and then letting them fall and slap against the sides of her legs. She then turned to Alice and said, "Al, it's a concussion!"
Alice nodded, and then whispered to Angelica, "See, Mommy's fine. She's laughing. Ha-ha! Mommy's okay."
As Tina sat up, her laughter finally subsiding, Bette put a hand on her back and stomach. "Are you okay? Is anything broken?"
"Oh I broke something all right." Tina said, and then looked up.
"What? What is it?" Bette asked Tina in a panic, looking her over.
"A few shingles and the drainpipe!" Tina said, and started laughing hysterically all over again. She fell back again, holding her stomach as she shook with laughter.
"So you're okay? You didn't hurt anything?"
Tina looked at Bette, her laughter dying down again. "I'm okay." She whispered with a smile. "It took the wind outta me, but I feel good. I'm sure something's going to hurt tomorrow, but I feel great now."
Bette stood up and Tina stretched out her arm. "Help me up huh?" She said with a slight chuckle.
Bette took one arm and Dana grabbed the other and together they pulled Tina to her feet. She wobbled a little at first, making Bette worry all over again, but soon she was steady and walking inside.
Angelica sat on Tina's midsection, playing patty-cake with her mother, who was stretched out on the couch. Alice and Dana sat on the couch across from them, leaning on one another, smiling. Bette walked in a handed two aspirin and a glass of water to her wife and then sat down on the floor by her head.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"
Tina nodded. "I'm fine Bette, I swear."
"I'm just afraid that something unexpected is going to show up...like a blood clot on your skull or a slow leaking organ or something."
"Oh, that's a great thing to say in front of our daughter." Tina said, grabbing her little girl's tiny hands and shaking them. Angelica put her forehead to Tina's as they laughed. "It's okay Bette. I'm fine. I promise."
"That's right. She's Teflon Tina. Tough as nails. Woman of steel. Iron Maiden--" Alice said, winking.
"Okay Al, we get it." Dana said.
"Thanks Dr. Dana." Alice retorted. "So Tina how's your 'concussion?'"
Dana shook her head. "I'm sorry. I panicked."
"It's okay Dana; you were worried, like me." Bette comforted and then looked at Alice. "Where were you?"
"I was taking care of your little chickadee over there." Alice said. "I was sure you wouldn't want her to see her nearly flattened mother, would you?"
"Alice!" Tina scolded and Alice laughed.
Both Alice and Dana stood. "All right, well is little miss Angie ready to go?
"Oh no forget it guys. You don't have to baby sit. We're probably not going to go out to dinner." Bette said, but Alice put her hand up.
"Come on Bette. Dane and I promised to watch the kid so we're gonna watch the kid!"
"And I promise it won't be like last time." Dana said, and winced when Alice elbowed her in the side.
Bette and Tina exchanged a puzzled glance. "Like last time?" Tina said. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to be good.
Alice sent an icy glare to Dana, who put her head down. Both women remained silent. Bette stood up and crossed her arms, sending both girls the signal that one of them had better start talking or it was going to get loud in here.
Alice put her hands up in defense. "Okay, okay! Now don't lose your mind...but last time we baby sat...Angie kind of found her way into my toy chest--"
"Jesus Christ Alice!" Bette shouted and Tina stifled a laugh. She looked at Angelica and made a funny face, making the girl giggle.
"But-but I put a lock on it now a-and I put it in the back of my closet so there's no way she'll get in there again." Alice said, backing away and grabbing the folded up carriage by the door. Bette shook her head and tapped her foot in fury.
Dana grabbed the diaper bag and said, "Come on kiddo. Ready for some fun!"
"Okay, gimme a kiss." Tina said and Angelica gave her a peck on the lips. "Be good for Aunt Alice and Aunt Dana, okay?"
Dana lifted Angelica off Tina. "Oh she's just an angel isn't she? Come on, say goodbye to Mommies!"
Angelica gave Bette a kiss on the lips. "Bye baby. Be good."
Angelica waved at Bette and Tina as Alice opened the door and Dana stepped out. "I promise she won't get in there--" Alice began, but was cut off by Bette's glare. "Bye." She said quickly before shutting the door and running to the car, dragging the carriage behind her.
Bette watched them go before turning back to Tina, who had pulled herself into an upright position on the couch. "Are you sure you're okay T?"
"For the millionth time Bette, I'm fine. I would tell you if anything hurt, I swear."
Bette sat down next to Tina and grabbed her hand. "I was just so afraid that you really hurt yourself. What happened?"
"I don't know really. One minute, I was yanking the lights off the roof and the next thing I know, I'm rolling...and off I went. It was so weird. I literally saw stars when I hit the grass, like in cartoons. It knocked the wind right outta me."
"When I saw you just lying there, my heart stopped beating. I didn't know what to do." Bette barely whispered, more tears forming in her eyes. "I don't know what I would do if you were--"
"Hey, hey." Tina soothed, wiping a falling tear away from Bette's face. "It's okay. I'm okay. As a matter of fact, I have to get back up there and get the rest of the lights--," Tina said, getting up, but Bette grabs her hand and stops her.
"Fuck the lights. I'm so sorry I yelled at you about them in the first place."
"No it's not. I shouldn't treat you like a child; it's not fair to you." Bette said, standing up and taking Tina's other hand in her own. "I know that I'm stressed out and that I took time off to stop, but I'm finding it very difficult."
"I know you are." Tina soothed, kissing Bette on the lips softly. "Let's...see...if...we can...release...some of...that...tension." She said devilishly between short kisses, taking Bette by the hand and starting to lead her toward the bedroom.
"No T. I'm not sure you're up to it."
"Oh, I'm up to it, believe me." Tina said, pulling Bette harder.
"Bette, we aren't treating me like a child, remember?" Tina said and pulled Bette closer so she could whisper with hot breaths in her ear. "But I have been a very, very bad girl."
Bette smiled, her eyes twinkling. "Oh really? What do you think we should do about that?"
Tina's eyes widened and she smiled maniacally as she pulled Bette into the bedroom. From behind the door, the muffled sounds off wicked laughter could be heard.
"When's the last time we've had the chance to--" Tina asked.
"If we have to think about it...way too long." Bette answered.