Hello! i haven't slept for 24 hours at least, and it's seven in the morning. Somehow, I got this. shrugs Who knows right? The song is Fine Again by Seether. This isn't really a song fic, I don't think. It's probably going to be in two parts. Maybe, maybe three. My last one majorly sucked, I know. Um, that was also sleep induced. They usually are.
Also! Warnings: YAOI/SHOUNEN-AI/SLASH, whatever you want to call it, it here. It will be here majorly in the next one too. language. Naru-chan swears alright? i like me swear words! I loosened it a bit though. Also, OOC-ness, probably. Naruto is what i like to picture him as an insomniac on robbitusin and really not so stupid, okay? he's a ditz, if you ask me, not stupid. Biiiig difference. (I would know lol) and, I'm kinda worried about the Sakura thing. I'm making her clingy and annoying, or maybe, bitchy, some might call it. It just fit. If you want me to pair her with someone else, i will. Cause, I don't hate her, i just love naru-chan.
And, i spent like and hour and a half lookin at cold medicine and side effects and stuff... TIRING! But i'm not so sure on some stuff. so yeah.
"text"- song lyrics
text- regular text. duh.
Start part one: Robitussin
"It seems like every day's the same
and I'm left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there's no color to behold
They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I'm dying here"
Of course, no one expects the demon burden on the village to make it anywhere. I was given something, they say, that is me. I never decided this, after all, this village made me who I am. Right? That's what's logical. People usually can say, that labels and conformists are just for fake people. Tell me, how do you know who you are? Are you not just pieces of everyone else, just fragments pieced together by those with the power? That's what it all comes down to.
The prostitute on the street corner feels dirty, no? She feels weak. She carries other people's shame. She carries a label; she's exactly what people can stand against. But look, you know how she got where she is? She was always being what everyone wanted, being a toy to what they could spend their selfish desires on. Not just sex, no it never started with that.
It was success.
Then people told her what to do, who she was.
She took their burdens.
They destroyed what she had, and made what they wanted.
Whether she wanted this or not.
But she grew up. And look at her now, being exactly what is the ultimate low. She is doing exactly what she grew up to be. The used.
Now look at me. What do you see? Happy, yearning for attention, dieing to be Hokage blonde?
You are looking. Not seeing.
All you see is a mask, and no one wants to see past it. No one wants to take the time to try to heal me. Not even when I can't heal myself. You know why?
People are selfish. This Village, it is the very essence of people's weakness. Of their hate. Of everything that makes me who I am.
Or, at least, the exterior.
Because in the end, I am not but a used ghost to this village.
How can I solve this? What can I possibly do, possibly say to a village that would make them see this? Make them see the dark that is their light? Possibly see that black and white are not but balance, but to control us?
Nothing. So, all I do? Live in this Hell? Just, take it? What do you suggest to a weak whore of burden, who can't even heal himself in time of total self masked destruction do to right all of humanity's wrongs?
Not a god damn thing. All I can do is close. After all, if I am not fine, I can make no one fall with me that somehow cared. In some way…
"And I am aware now of how
everything's gonna be fine one day
Too late, I'm in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well"
"And today the sun rose." I whispered to myself, staring out the dirty window, my voice and lips cracked from morning and lack of sleep. I didn't recognize my own voice. "Would you just see… tomorrow is just the yesterdays that no one will allow you?" It just flew into my head, and I blanked for a moment, just letting the rush of emotion drain as much as possible. "Uh…" I groaned my heavy eyelids still wouldn't grant me sleep. "Isn't that like a song or somethin'?" My voice faded in and out, and my jaw ached like it did whenever someone would tell me something I knew would lead to me saying something I would regret. "Oh man…"
I knew I shouldn't have tried so much cold medicine to make me sleep… I stared at the half empty bottle of Robitussin lying next to my bed. Damn.
Only a few teaspoons my ass.
"Oh, Sakura," I just looked up at her, and I just felt this deep realization, It's just, Sakura. It was just like that. "Huh."
"What do you want runt?" she snapped at me and ground her teeth not even really looking at me; obviously she couldn't get her eyes off Sasuke. Sasuke… I turned my head to look at him, and I felt this wispy feeling, and I'm just frowning slightly, wondering why my brain is feeling so light again. This was supposed to stop with the Benadryl… thought I was going to get addicted to the damn stuff though…
I found that it was a lot harder to grin this mourning, and I wondered if I was slipping a little. Well obviously I have always been out of it in some way, but not like I will just suddenly be stared at instead of glares. I did manage it though. I mean, this was Sakura. Like she gave shit about me right now. Then I turned and once my face was out of site I let it melt off like always. I leaned heavily on the side of the wooden rail as how my physical form was practically dead. What the fuck? I'm literally exhausted, but not tired? Screw the side effects, I'm taking Benadryl later…
A few minutes past. Then an hour…then two. We where running on three here.
I could still hear Sakura behind me, grinding her teeth, and then glaring seemed to set more in my general direction. "Son of a…" I mumbled. My brain felt like it was screaming. I didn't even think about what I was doing. I just turned avoiding Sasuke's eyes, to Sakura I just glared. She blinked. "Stop looking at me." My voice seemed dead like my body felt. I slumped against the rail and put my head into my knees, into a sitting position, and wrapped my hands around my legs. Oh shit…
"What's wrong dobe?" both Sakura and I turned to look at him, Sakura more surprised than me. Obviously he wouldn't even talk to her earlier. He was frowning, and I felt like he was trying to see in me. Oh man…
I coughed. "Uh," cue grin, "just a cold Sasuke-teme." Oh man, oh man…stop looking at me like that! "Why you ask?" He didn't move at all, but opened his mouth to speak.
"I feel the dream in me expire
and there's no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
'cause I can't seem to get this through
You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here"
"Sorry I'm late." Oh, thank you, Kakashi, my savior!
Sakura blinked again. Then as if she was rebooted, she turned still looking slightly surprised, "You're late!"
"Uh…yeah…" I wonder. When does he really think of these excuses?
"Just saw a very handsome person in need of my assistance…" Does he?
Sakura ignored this, as did I, in my insomniac induced sort of state. It clicked about five minutes later and then I understood why Sasuke blinked, and then sort of have the shadow of a smirk flick across his face as he turned away. "Huh." Well aren't I just the chatterbox this morning? Get you're act together…
"What the hell are we doing?" I voiced my thoughts as we entered the forest, for I had been only semi-conscious during his little speech after his excuse.
"Training dobe." Sasuke's monotone voice grunted in front of me. Wow, he's almost talking more than me huh?
"I wasn't asking you Sasuke-teme." I heard myself say, my tone said he got a rise out of me, and I was only half sure my face mirrored it. Whate'er… I used every bit of my insomniac-will to keep my feet from grounding too loudly on the ground.
I half dragged, half drifted over to the front of our little group, and Sasuke's eyes glided over to mine quickly, and I almost stopped walking when he looked at me. Sasuke looked…
Just like that, I could see his mask slip back on. "Dobe." Sasuke…
Then, just like that, we where there. Training grounds. "My mind was still reeling slightly over Sasuke…
"Alright, Sasuke, Naruto." Hm? I turned and felt a wave of dizziness slip over me.
"Eh…" Sasuke frowned slightly, and his eyes had a mix of the almost worried look again and I smirked a little at the Sasuke in front of me…Oh Sasuke…Sasuke, Sasuke…
"What's wrong Sasu-chan?" I blinked my wide eyes at him and at the same time, his eyes widened. I stepped closer and his onyx eyes filled my thoughts…"Scared?"
And then nothing.
"And I'm not scared now.
I must assure you,
you're never gonna get away
And I'm not scared now.
And I'm not scared now. No…"
End Part One…
Reviews are chicken and Dumpling soup for my soul! Um, yes. First part a rant that i also rant, connected to little Naru-chan, then normal day. Insomniacs UNITE!