I walked in a daze feeling nothing but overwhelminig sadness. I had hit Ponyboy, I hurt one of the people most dearest to me. He hates me, and I couldnt blame him. ''Darry, what are you doing?'' Soda asked. I didnt answer, I didntknow how.
Darry sure was acting strange nowadays. I know he misses Pony, but I know he's safe. My brother was smart, he uses his head more than Darry gave him credit for. I missed him something awful, the gangs not the same without him.
Him and Johnny were so quiet we never really thought that if they were not there it'd have this much affect on us. But the gangs quiet now that there gone, even Steve misses them.
Without him argueing with Pony he dosent have much to talk about, and he dosent goof around with me that much either. Two-Bits remarks werent said that much, and we'd seen less and less of his smile too. Now thats enough to even make me stop smiling, Two-Bits always so happy I thought nothing could get him down. Dally's even in a worse mood then usual without having Johnny at his side, but I know he knows where he is. No matter how stupid I am I can read people better than anyone I know. Its been four days since Pony ranaway and Darry has been moping around here and more tense than usual.
When he's at work I know he's been working harder than ever, as if he thinks that if he works harder Pony'll come home. I can tell when I give him his usual back rubs, he's sore and tense everywhere. Right now he was sitting on Pony and I's bed, holding Pony's pillow.
I sat beside him, I wasnt use to seeing my brother so sad, he hardly ever shows his emotions so freely, most of the times I have to watch him closely to be able to tell what mood he's in. Now it wasnt so hard. I missed Pony, and I wish he and Johnny was here to make everything go back to normal.
I felt something warm slide done my cheeks, and realived I was crying. Darry looked my way and I wiped them off, I hated being the emotional one in the family. But I couldnt help it. ''C'mere little buddy'', and before I could move he pulled me close to him and we both started bawling. I couldnt even remember a time he cried, nonetheless this hard.
The next day I tried to carry three bundles of roofing up with me, it hurt like hell. But I needed to preoccupie myself with something, otherwise I'd be thinking about Ponyboy. But it didnt really help. I started to think about his smile, he had dimples like Soda, but not as noticable.
What if I would never see that smile again? His hair, oh how good his hair smelled! He didnt put as much grease as the other guys did, he didnt need to. At night when he slept sometimes I would come in his room and smell his hair, then he would wake up and smile that gorgeouse smile, and I would climb into his bed and scoop him up in my arms and sleep with him. That was when he wasfive and had admired me, always asking if he would ever be as tall as me. I wonder if he would ever let me do that now? Last night I had the strangest dream, that I did that and he kissed my cheek. I kissed his cheek back, and then he kissed my forehead. I kissed his forehead back also, and then he kissed me on the lips innocently as if he did this all the time. I was to stunned for words, and when I opened my mouth to say something he did it again. Then soon we were making out on his bed, and then I woke up. I kept on thinking about the dream a t work, maybe it means something?
Could I have feelings for Pony like that, other than brotherly? It was getting dark around 7 o'clock, I had to ask for more hours, I thought sarcastically. Ive been working since 5 am, and I felt like a living zombie. My legs wanted to snap, my back was going to callapse. But I kept working, I couldnt stop when there were bills to pay. Another hour went by miserably slow, and I felt if I climbed up another step I would die. ''HEY DARRY!'' a co-worker called below me.
''What?'' I gasped, I couldnt waist my energy on yelling.
''PHONE FOR YOU!'' He yelled back. I climbed down the ladder, if thats Soda saying to come bail him out for something stupid I'll faint.
"Hello?" I said once I got to the phone.
"Darry? Its Soda". Of coarse its Soda, who else would it be?
"What Soda?'' I wasnt in the best mood.
"Ponys in the hospital, we need to come get him" What! "Darry, are you still there?"
"I'll be right there Soda, wait in front of the DX for me". I hung up, we'er getting Pony back!
When we reached the hospital Soda busted all the doors open and ran towards the waiting room. He leaped through those doors and had Pony in a bear hug.
I examind my brother, he had lost so much weight it was scary. I couldnt imagined all he'd been through because of me, and then I thought what if I would of los t him? Nothing would be the same without my baby brother, I'd hate myself and be forced to go on living for Soda. Then as soon as Soda would move I'd kill myself, it'd be for everyones own good. I bet he hates me, I thought as I watched Soda and him hug . He parted from Soda and looked at me, probably thinking on a way to kill me in my sleep. He wouldnt have to though, I'd let him kill me right now.
"Ponyboy..." I said, my voice was so dry right now. My vision blurred, how long have I been crying? I turned away, afraid and expecting him to yell how much he hates me and how this is all my fault.
"Darry!" he screamed, and the next thing I know he was hugging me. I hugged him back, shocked that he didnt push me away. "Darry", he began, "Im sorry..."
I pushed his hair back and tried my best to control myself, but failed miserably. "Oh, Pony, I thought we lost you...like we did Mom and Dad..."
I cant believe my brother forgave me. He apoligized, when he did nothing wrong. I didnt deserve him as a brother, and for that I will always love him. Hopefully not more than I should.
Should I continue?Slash in later updates.Please review,and dont go to hard on me,this is my first fic.