Um, la? (Something only bandies/chorus people from my high school would understand. Which is sad, because I was neither.)

So...this is a bit...long...Eheheh...Yep...So...Hiroshima is really hot...and yet almsot everyone wears longs sleeves and pants, and LAYERS! ;-; Why? (I don't, obviously...)

FANfiction is FUN! O.o

Subject: Frustration and Fangirling


I know that it's only been a couple of months since Sasuke moved here, but somehow, I thought that as soon as he got here everything would fall into place. Weird, Naruto's usually the blindly optimistic one. (And yes, because you keep asking for details, it has always been that way. In every life, Naruto's been the optimist, I've been the realist, and Sasuke's been the pessimist.)

As you can guess, I'm frustrated with the lack of progress between Sasuke and Naruto. Yes, they've become good friends--as evidenced by the fact that all they do is argue and tease, and yet one won't go anywhere without the other. But still, THAT'S IT! We're halfway through the school year, and there've been no hints of romance! And trust me, I'm definitely looking.

We're juniors in high school; we're supposed to be hormonal, darnit! But NO, I have to be stuck matchmaking the two most stubbornly sexless boys on the planet. I honestly don't think anything romantic has ever even popped into Naruto's mind. Seriously! He never understands what's going on when girls--and even some guys!--hit on him, and porn…Well…That'll take some explaining.

Okay, well, you know that my friends are easy-going about things like that. I mean, Hillary, and the rest of us girls don't start squealing 'pervert' every time one of the guys makes a dirty joke. Heck, I've made more than a few myself, and so has Tanya. Hillary and Cat are a little shy, but, like I said, don't mind the jokes. Haha, Yasmine said once that she makes them all the time, but if she made them in front of us 'kids,' she'd feel like a pedophile. My point is: we're not exactly prudes, even if we're not perverts.

So, to begin my story: Kevin thought that, since we're teenagers, we should watch a porn at least once. (I happen to know that he has an entire collection, and I'm using it to blackmail him into buying me lunch once a week so that I keep it from Hillary. She already knows about the entire thing, of course, and was, in fact, the one who told me where to look. Hah!) Sean and Cat were a bit iffy, but finally, everyone agreed to try it at least once, just for kicks. So, Kevin brought it over, and we watched it at Hillary's cabin one weekend when her parents were away on business.

There we were, giggling at the movie--minus Nick and Teresa, because gods know he'd never let us corrupt his little sister like that, and minus Gabriel, who's still too young--and I glanced over at Naruto, expecting him to be laughing, too. It was really weird; he wasn't paying attention to the screen at all; he seemed more interested in our reactions. Do you know how creepy it is to look at your friend while you're watching a dirty movie and find him staring at you with a smirk and a raised eyebrow?

I swear, I'm surrounded by freaks.

Now, that was last year, before Sasuke got here, so I don't know how he'd react for sure, but I can imagine. Think about it:

He hates the idea of anyone seeing what he's thinking/ feeling, so he'd never giggle nervously with the rest of us. I can imagine him sitting to the side, and staring into a dark corner trying to ignore what was happening. Because the room was dark, Sasuke would have felt safe in letting a bit of his blush show.

(And as long as I'm imagining this…) Every once in a while, his eyes would be drawn back to the group, back to--dun-dun-DUN!--Naruto! His one true love! Then, their eyes would meet; they'd forget the rest of us were there, and they'd….

(Side note: I have to say, Sean and Tanya left as soon as the movie was over. Together. We didn't see Kevin or Hillary for the rest of the night either.)

Okay, okay, I'm in a crazy mood, I admit it. But seriously! Hormonal teenage boys who are always together, always touching each other (during fights), and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! I just want to slap both of them upside the head. Or lock them in a closet.

Geez, this makes me sound like a pervert who only wants to see two hot guys get it on. Oops, did I just describe you, Isa? Haha! Really, I bet you regret getting me into yaoi anime by now, huh? I wonder what Naruto would say if he knew? Eh, he'd probably grin and call me kinky. Hm…I wonder what Lao would do? He was with us when we watched the porno, but that was a silly group thing we did for fun…I wonder what he'd think about watching one with me alone sometime?

Geh, there's another place where nothing's happened! I know that I told him to wait for me--though I still don't think he quite understood that I wasn't actually rejecting him. Not that he's given up! But now, with nothing happening between Sasuke and Naruto--who will totally be the uke, thank-you-very-much!--I'm getting frustrated about my love life, as well.

Lao is absolutely sweet to me, but I can't help but wish he'd, I don't know, be a little more forceful about things. Whoa, that didn't come out right. I'm not saying I want him to become all macho, or to molest me or anything. But, even though he was the one to ask me out, and he professes his love at least once a month, I still feel like I'll end up doing more of the work.

I know, I know, it's weird! I told him to back off for a while and now I'm upset that he did. He's just so much of a gentleman that I almost wish he WOULD grope me or something, just to prove that he's actually interested in the physical side of a relationship. Ugh, no matter how I say this, I can't explain it well.

Okay, here's an example: We were all hanging around one night, and somehow or another, Lao and I ended up alone behind the slide. It was a perfect spot for one of those push-her-up-against-the-wall-and-kiss-her scenes from a fan fiction. (Another vice you introduced me to!) Heck, I was already leaning against the stairs, no one was watching, and he was standing right in front of me. It was a gibbous moon, so it was pretty bright, and it was so totally romantic!

He leaned in, closer and closer. I could feel my heart pounding, but even stronger than that were the warm-fuzzies taking over my body. And then….He kissed my cheek and picked a twig out of my hair.

The moron.

I honestly almost cried. It's not like I've ever hidden that I like him back, even if I refused to officially be his girlfriend for now. I don't know if he's just that innocent or naïve or what, but I'm NOT! I, too, am a hormonal teenager, and just because I already know who I'm going to spend my life with, it does not mean that I want to wait forever to have him!

I've never told you this right out, but yes, in most of my lives I do end up marrying the incarnations of Lao. It's not the whole 'soul mates' thing that Sasuke and Naruto have, but it's true love all the same. If it were the 'soul mates' thing, then maybe things would have been different in some of those lives. I said that I married him--or was with him--'most' of the time. I can't remember all the details of any of the lives, and most of the time, they come to me in flashes of images in my dreams, sort of like movies.

I've dreamt those dreams for as long as I can remember, but they only started making real sense a couple of years ago when I first saw Sasuke with his family on TV. His father was donating some money to some cause, and the rest of the family made a cameo on the nightly news. I guess it must have been an important cause. Anyway, I saw him, and it all just came together in my head, the past, the present, and what I wanted to do for the future.

Like I said, I don't know all the details, but I know the endings, Sasuke's and Naruto's and mine. They die, and I live my entire life with their voices in the back of my mind. Some of my lives were happy, some were horrible, and most were both. I didn't often survive until old age, and, in fact, more than once I died with my boys.

When I did survive until old age, it was because they'd saved me. When I got married, it was through them that I met my love for that lifetime--almost always Lao, but sometimes other people if Lao's incarnation wasn't around. When I had children, they had the names of my sister, my brother, my friend, whoever Naruto and Sasuke were to me at that time.

It might sound freaky, but I do have favorites. I can remember about ten lives, but the stories of most are incomplete. I'll tell you the story of one that I can recall well.

Once upon a time, there was an old healer woman. She had no family, but everyone in the village loved her, so she was never lonely. One day, while gathering herbs, she found two small children--a brother and a sister--crying in the woods. Their family had been attacked by thieves, and the two children had barely escaped with their lives. So, being a kindly woman, the healer took them home and raised them as her own.

The children grew up happy and cheerful, playing with the neighboring children as well as with the son of the local lord, and it wasn't long before the girl was taking over as the village healer. The boy, who'd always been a bit restless, kissed his sister and adoptive mother goodbye and took to traveling. Time passed, and the healer died. The girl, though, wasn't lonely, because like her predecessor, she was loved by everyone in the village, including the son of the blacksmith, who she loved in return.

In the winter before they were to be married, the brother returned. He came in during a snowstorm, and the girl barely recognized him. He had grown, and was now a strong fighter for hire. However, he remained a kindhearted boy, and often worked for poor villages, clearing their roads of highwaymen and thieves. If they couldn't pay, then he simply asked for a night's lodging and food before moving on.

When they'd been young, the two had often played with the local lord's son; he was their closest companion. He was arrogant and cold, but they could tell that he adored them as much as they adored him. While the fighter-boy was visiting his sister, he came into contact with their old friend once more. The two fought and teased each other, as they always had, but now there was something different to it, the girl could tell.

The lord's son was engaged to a neighboring lord's daughter, of course, even though they were only sixteen. She was sweet, and quiet, and madly in love with another lordling she'd met at court. But, because that lord was not quite as rich as their lord, their lordling friend had no choice. He had to uphold his family's honor and marry the girl he did not love and who did not love him.

However, the fates seemed to be as against this marriage as the bride and groom, for when he was traveling to visit her, his party was attacked by bandits. The lordling was thrown from his horse, and died a few days later. Everyone in the village mourned, and even the bride mourned, for though she loved another, she'd counted the lordling as a friend. But no one was as pained as the fighter-boy, for he felt that he'd failed his friend.

After all, wasn't it his job to rid the roads of bandits?

So, the night that the lordling died, the fighter-boy rode out by himself to get revenge. His sister didn't know; she only discovered the next morning that he was gone. She and her blacksmith ran all the way to the area where the bandits had been seen, only to find them all wiped out. They searched for her brother, knowing that even if he'd survived the bandits the winter's chill would have killed him overnight. They searched and searched, but it wasn't until days later that they found his body, sitting under the tree where she and her brother had played with the lordling as children.

They buried the two as soon as the ground thawed out, and the girl never forgot what she'd seen between them in the few short weeks they'd had together. She married her blacksmith, and they had four children, naming one after her brother and one after the lordling.

So, what do you think? I wrote it like a fairytale, because it's the only way I could figure out how to tell it. I mourned for them, in that life, but my own life was long and happy. It sounds strange to say it, but I don't mourn them anymore. I get sad and scared when thinking about what could happen to my boys this time around, but I can't make myself really grieve for the lives before. Maybe it's because I've done all my grieving while I was in those lives.

Okay, okay, back to lighter topics!

Christmas is coming up soon, and I'm hoping for something to happen then. Maybe Sasuke'll cave and get Naruto a romantic present. Or heck, I'd be content if he got him edible underwear or lube; ANYTHING to show his interest. The boxers he got Naruto for his birthday don't count, since they had fat old women on them. Who knew Sasuke had a sense of humor?

Then again, he did let us dress him up as the inventor kid from the Goonies for Halloween. I think he just liked the trench coat. Oh yeah, and Hillary finally emailed me the pictures from then, so if you want to see them, I'll be posting them on my blog.

Naruto's idea for the entire group going as 80s movies characters was great! I might be good at strategy games, but he's brilliant at coming up with silly but cool ideas. Plus, he was pretty hot as the Karate Kid, and seeing Sean as Mr. Miyagi was just priceless! XD And you have to check out the picture of Kevin, Hillary, Lao, and me as the Ghostbusters! (With Nick and Teresa as the two side characters with the glasses…) The others went as the other Goonies characters, but only Sasuke's costume looked like anything but normal--albeit tacky--clothes.

Anyway, I was talking about Christmas, wasn't I? Geez, considering how much we talk on IM, you'd think my emails would be shorter, huh?

Iruka is having a big Christmas Eve party this year. It's going to be all of the normal gang, and our parents, and some people from the School. I'm planning on hanging up a whole bunch of mistletoe, including a few sprigs in the area around Naruto's bedroom doorway. What? A girl can hope, can't she? (Hm, maybe I'll hang some around another secluded area and lead Lao over…)

So, yeah, I'll talk to you later! Finish your finals fast, so that you can come on IM more! I end up talking way too much in emails!



Geez, that was a lot to take in! I doubt I could give you any tips about romance that you haven't already thought of, so I won't even bother talking about that. As your friend, anyway.

Finals were fine, thanks for asking. --; I did really well in my psych final, an actual hundred percent! I've always done decently in school, but getting a hundred on a final…Well, I guess it's a good thing that I'm studying psychology! It suits me really well.

On that note, I have to say, as someone who's studying people and how they deal with their emotions…Don't be too hard on the guys. They've both dealt with all sorts of rejection in their lives. It's not something that just goes away, even if you do find your soul mate. Help them where you can, but don't push them into anything they're not ready for!

As for you and Lao…I've never actually had to deal with a guy being too 'nice,' so I don't know what to tell you. He's a really physical guy, right? I mean, with all that working out and training he does? (Geez, I wish I was surrounded by guys like Lao and your boys!) So, the best advice I can suggest is, instead of sitting him down and starting an awkward conversation that probably won't clear anything up, take action. In other words, seduce him. Then, give me details on how you did it, because darn it if my love life isn't dead.

Seriously, I'm a hot girl; I'm smart and only nasty for a few days every month. (Well, only THAT kind of nasty. ) Yet, here I am, working my butt of in school and at my family's flower shop. Like I told you, I'll be transferring to a school near you next fall to study botany, so I guess it wouldn't make sense to get a boyfriend now. But, how weird is it that my closest friend is two years younger than me and thousands of miles away? I have a few people I'm friendly with here, but there's no one I'm going to miss.

It's more than a little pathetic.

Well, now that I've given you advice and moped, I'm going to bed. I have one more final tomorrow, and I'm not looking forward to it. I like science, but Chemistry at 8AM? Ugh.