A/N: Okay! I had planned to do this since January and started on it but got caught up in other fics and projects O.o Anyway, this whole fic is to poke fun at Shadow's game. It's not meant to bring anyone or any of the characters down.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters blah blah. Sega or Sonic Team, please hire me lol
--Shadow the Hedgehog Parody Chapter One: Westopolis
As the sun began its decent to the west, its faint, yet soothing warmth, basked the world below. Perched on a cliff spaciously adjacent from the sight, Shadow the Hedgehog stood contemplating while taking in the view. He had been so deep in thought that he didn't realize the thickness of the day's paper wrapping itself around his legs before it was whisked away into the wind.
'Shadow the Hedgehog…' he thought to himself, ignoring the paper blowing around him. 'Why does that name haunt me…? It's the only thing I can remember. And that gruesome image…'
Shadow and some blonde chick ran frantically hand and hand down a long corridor. They seemed to be fleeing from something or someone.
And within the blink of an eye, a loud shot tore through the air and struck its target, and then all Shadow saw was the limp frame of the girl fall to the floor. She whispered something to him, then the next thing he knew, they were separated and he was ejected into space.
After the memory subsided, Shadow slowly rubbed his temples and looked towards the sky as if it would sympathize with him and his loss.
'…That girl…just who was she.. and why did we separate? Could something ever link us together again?"
At that moment the floating newspaper returned and flew right into his face.
'THE 50 YEAR RETURN OF THE BLACK COMET!' it read in all caps.
Aggravated, and completely being oblivious to its subliminal message, he grabbed it away and tossed it, only for it to come right back and stick to his face for a good three seconds. Swearing incoherently because of the paper practically going into his mouth, he pulled it off again and this time tore it straight down its middle. "Stupid human creation!" he snapped, then paused as he witnessed the once warm and soft surroundings malformed into a dark and irregular hue.
Swirling black clouds engulfed the now red sky and from its ashen depths, magnitudes of multiple creatures literally fell from the sky and swiftly began an onslaught against whatever lifeform other than themselves that got in their way.
This resulted in the humans engaging these 'black creatures' for no apparent or prepared reason, other than the presumed fact that the humans were quick to act to their planet being invaded.---supposedly.
Thus, a mindless war broke out on the streets of Westopolis that day, and peering down at it, as if being pinpointed of being in the middle of it all, Shadow shook his head and turned away from the sight. "Pathetic humans. I don't have time to stay here and watch this."
"Shadow…" a distant and deep wavering voice called to him. Stopping immediately in his steps, Shadow dared a look behind him.
And the moment his decision was made, a swirling mass of a form materialized before him and persuasively called his name.
In pure and utter confusion of what was going on and how this creature knew him, Shadow gave an awkward expression but stepped forward. "Who are you?"
Once the figure completely made itself known, one of its lengthy hands extended towards Shadow then curled into a fist. "Find the seven Chaos Emeralds and bring them to me, as promised!"
"What?" Shadow questioned raising an eyebrow. "What are you talking about and where did you come from?" As if directly on cue, another newspaper flew smack into his face again with the words BLACK COMET in blurred print from nearly sticking to his eyes. Completely ignoring the possible hint of a message the paper held, he growled and yanked it away from him, but before he could ask how the creature knew his name, it departed and Shadow found himself alone atop the cliff.
Distraught, confused, and a bit dazed from all the chaos, he took it upon himself to find the answers and took off into the city.
Out of nowhere, but from a presumably high up location, Shadow soon found himself airborne while free-falling face first into the city below. Murmuring something about a 'promised time', he leisurely collected rings and dodged aimless photon blasts.
Nearing the ground, he gracefully landed on his feet and looked around. The streets were in shambles and raging destruction was everywhere. Soldiers were firing at these silver and red creatures, while they punished the humans with their giant blocky arms.
Standing there in shock for a few moments, Shadow shook his head in disbelief and started making his way into the city when a large blast smacked a GUN soldier back—making him drop his weapon.
Seeing the situation as a risk free opportunity, Shadow smirked curtly and dashed over to the soldier, but stopped midway. Pausing, he looked to his right to behold a street sign.
Then he thought for a moment.
"Hmmmmmmmmm. Instant annihilation or continuous humiliation…? Such decisions…"
At that moment, a blue spiky blur came rushing upto Shadow, greeting him with familiarity. "Hey Shadow! Have you seen—"
"Quiet!" Shadow snapped back. "I'm deciding…"
"Huh?" Sonic questioned, in complete misunderstanding. "I don't get it. Anyway, let's go! We don't have time to stand here and think!"
"Sorry, I'm not you…"
Feeling like they were getting nowhere, Sonic groaned and pretended to sulk. "Whatever man, let's go!"
With a 'hmph', Shadow agreed and tore the street sign out the ground. "Just don't get in my way!"
Sonic laughed at this, as they started running down the sloped concrete. "Yeah? Just what could YOU do to me!"
Growing irritated by Sonic's upbeat personality, Shadow swung the sign low and clipped Sonic up in a split millisecond.
"Whoop!" Sonic exclaimed, quickly catching himself then laughed again. "Very funny!"
Shadow scoffed. "I thought so too."
Sonic smirked mischievously at Shadow's comment, then returned his attention to what was in front of him and suddenly came to a halt. "Whoooa hold it! Look Shadow!"
Shadow followed suit and looked in the direction Sonic pointed. One of the creatures was pounding on a soldier, then grabbed ahold of a weapon of its own.
"It's another one of those BLACK CREATURES!" Sonic exclaimed.
Giving him an odd look, Shadow glanced towards the creature, then to himself, then to Sonic. "Are you BLIND!" Shadow vociferated, causing Sonic to jump.
"Yikes what is it Shadow!"
Throwing down his sign, Shadow stepped upto Sonic. "Look at me. I'M black. See? That alien lifeform over there is clearly SILVER. Just because it came from an unknown place and its beating up on human soldiers, don't make a stereotype out of things and life-forms you don't understand!"
Sonic was taken aback. "S-sorry Shadow. I didn't know you felt so strongly about that. Look! There's another one and it's beating up an officer!"
To that Shadow said nothing and shook his head. "Come on."
"I never thought I'd say this but, wait for me!" Sonic called, and took off behind him.
After heading a little ways, Sonic pointed to an encased Chaos Emerald. "Look Shadow! It's a chaos emerald!"
"I can see that, but what's it doing out here in the complete middle of nowhere?"
Sonic shrugged. "Don't ask me!"
Not bothering to argue, Shadow dodged a few bullets from the soldiers and attacks from the aliens, rammed into the soldiers and collected the emerald.
"Hey!" Sonic shouted "They're on our side!"
"Did you not see that! NOT IF THEY KEEP SHOOTIN' AT ME, THEY AREN'T!" Shadow roared, hopping on a spring that launched him upto a higher platform.
And there, a floating starfish-looking thing with a giant eye in the middle of it greeted him. Blinking twice, a low and deep wavering voice emitted from it. "It's about time, you made it here. From now on, my eye will be watching---"
But it didn't get a chance to finish. Shadow had already ran past it and proceeded to crash into both human and alien alike.
Seeing this, the floating starfish-thingy with the large eye in the middle shook with aggravation and shouted in a booming voice: "DO NOT AT-TACK OUR SOLIDAAUUHS!"
But of course, its threat fell on deaf ears.
"'S'cuse me!" Sonic called, running past the eye, causing it to spin and fly around aimlessly.
When he finally caught upto Shadow, he wondered why he stopped attacking the 'silver' creatures. "Hey Shadow, I wondered why you stopped attacking the 'silver' creatures?"
Shadow glared at him as he kicked a soldier down. "Because I felt like it. These pitiful humans have terrible aim and keep hitting me!"
"That's because you keep jumping in their way!"
"Blame the camera!"
Scoffing, Shadow eyed Sonic sternly, then turned to his left as the shiny glimmer of a car caught his eye.
Sonic saw the car too and scratched his spiky head. "What's a nice jeep like this one doing out here in the middle of nowhere? It probably belongs to someone at GUN—but why only bring one of them? All the soldiers—that you attacked—couldn't have all fit in this tiny thing!"
"Who cares! I'm driving!" Shadow claimed, leaping in the driver's seat.
Watching him, Sonic stood near the back end of the vehicle. "Shadow, do you even know what you're doing or how to drive?"
As if to answer his question, Shadow threw the car into reverse and slammed on the gas, ultimately hitting Sonic.
"OUCH!" Sonic yelped, his whole body starting to flicker. "Watch it!" he cried, running up near the front of the car.
"Oops…" Shadow muttered, then a grin crept across his lips as an idea came to mind. And once Sonic had stopped flickering, Shadow floored the gas and ran into Sonic again, this time the 'right' way.
"OUCH!" Sonic cried and once again, began to flicker. Shadow chuckled as he could see right through Sonic everytime this happened.
"This is fun…"
Several minutes of Sonic torture later…
Shadow and Sonic had finally reached a goal ring, but Sonic warned him.
"I'm warning you Shadow!"
"Warning me of what?" he asked dryly.
"Uh...that we've still got some more numbers to go!"
"Numbers? You actually pay attention to the number count?"
"Uh YEAH. It's I dunno…KINDA important!"
Shadow chuckled. "Calm down. Can't you take a joke?"
Sonic shook his head, with a big grin on his face. "Not from you!"
They both shared a small laugh as they traveled over a speed ramp that launched them into the air.
Free-falling, between skyscrapers, the two of them dodged a series of laser attacks as well as a circling helicopter's blades.
"Hey there's a key!" Sonic exclaimed as he dropped past it.
"So grab it"
"I would, only I don't know what it's for, so I'll just forget about it for now." he decided.
Shadow sighed. "Why do I get the feeling we needed that key for something…and that we passed it already?"
Sonic shrugged. "Who knows! You'll be trekking through this city again! But somehow, I get the feeling that you aren't missing much…"
After finishing off the a few more of the soldiers, there was only one left.
Sonic tossed Shadow a strange look. "You know, if you really wanted to do this, I didn't have to come with you."
"You chose to follow me. I didn't ask you."
"Ohh excuse me! I was looking' out for you man!"
Shadow sighed and shook his head. "Suit yourself. I'm not going to argue." Then he paused and looked towards the sky. "…Haven't seen Rouge lately. She usually patrols the nights like this…with there being a full moon and all…"
Sonic shrugged. "So, why don't you ask her out?"
Not entirely hearing Sonic's words, Shadow responded to what he thought he heard. "I don't know… She doesn't like me in that way, does—" he abruptly stopped, realizing what he was saying and sharply turned away from Sonic. "Don't…don't ask me such things."
"Heey, you were the one thinking about her! Don't make your embarrassment MY fault!" Sonic added with a smirk.
The two of them stood there with their attention on the other and elsewhere, as the only remaining soldier walked back and forth between two crates as if no one was there and an airborne alien continued to circle above their heads.
Finally breaking the silence, Shadow turned to Sonic and opened his mouth to speak, but held his words as four signs dropped out of nowhere, hovering over Sonic's head.
The one furthest to the right read "Go this way if you want to be GOOD!"
The one in the middle read: "Go this way if you just don't care…"
One beneath it read: "Go THIS way if you want to quit."
And the one furthest to the left read: "Go THIS way if you want to be BAD (ps. Rouge is this way)"
Seeing that, which the last parts seem to be written in her handwriting, Shadow looked to Sonic with a sly grin and dashed into the last soldier.
"Noooo!" Sonic cried, then shrugged. "I watched you the whole time you were attacking GUN anyway, so WHATEVER! See ya around!"
And with that, he leapt off the broken street and into another level.
Feeling right proud of himself, Shadow stood there with a grin for a few moments, then proceeded to head towards the direction of the left sign.
Then he remembered something "Damn. I forgot to get my useless key from that hedgehog. Oh well.""Well Done, Shadow…"