Title: Z is for Zelenka
Author: Starrylizard
Rating: kiddy-friendly, gen
Summary: Z unveils some new toys

Notes: Written for Spygate. This was originally part of my fic, A new Enemy Rises, but I couldn't seem to make it fit right, so I turned it into its own ficlet.


There was a rumour that the many one-letter codenames employed within the science department were really just McKay's sly way of making up for the fact that he could never remember the names of his staff. Unfortunately, he seemed to have just as much trouble remembering which letter represented which staff member and so if the rumour was true, then sadly his plan hadn't really worked.

Dr Zelenka, or as they mostly referred to him at the Cooperative, Z, was a gadget king. The skinny man that met the pair of agents was dressed in his usual blue skivvy and white lab coat. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and pointed an index finger their way as he chattered to them in a thick accent.

"Ah. Weir and Sheppard; I have something special for you this time. Very, very special. Yes...and this time please be not breaking them, eh."

He wandered over to a nearby lab bench and patiently explained the new goodies to the agents, occasionally slapping an eager hand away from them until he could finish.

First, came Agent Weir's new shoe bombs, or 'Shebangs' as she liked to call them. "See you simply hold like this," said the little man, "…and then twist like so and throw before count of three." With this, he threw the small sphere into the see-through, but bomb-proof, room that they were standing next too and the three watched as the small sphere exploded brightly in front of the dummy target.

"We have also made some alternatives for you, yes. They now come in flash-bang, smoke grenade and…" He indicated the somewhat charred dummy in the room. "…the usual small explosive type."

Elizabeth smiled. Explosions of any kind just never got old for her, but the little Czech was already moving on to another area of the lab, waving an arm to indicate that the agents should follow.

"Come, come. I think I have something you will like very much."

The slightly singsong tone that the man's voice took on as he said this made the agents smile, as they happily followed the scientist. If Z was that excited about a new toy, then it was definitely worth taking a look …and they weren't disappointed in the least.

Within the next room sat a sleek black BMW sports car, the shiny new vehicle turning around gently on a rotating platform. Sheppard stood and stared, his mouth having dropped slightly open, apparently mesmerized by the car.

"Ah, I see you like," stated Z, giving them a moment to take in the car's full beauty, before beginning his explanation of its features.

"The PJ 100 sports car has all the usual features: homing beacon, fire retardant materials, automatic license plate rewriting capacity, voice activation and remote control, air bags, electronic windows and so on. Also has full weapons system featuring homing missiles, machine gun, flame thrower, laser cutter and rear grenade launcher."

As he spoke, Z pressed several buttons on a remote and the car displayed several of the weapons systems.

"The car may also convert for water and underwater travel, though steering is still little bit touchy," he admitted, "but probably no problem for crazy agents such as yourselves."

Sheppard whistled appreciatively. "We don't deserve you Z," he stated, patting the man absently on the shoulder, while his eyes remained trained on the car.

"Ah, you probably don't, but I have not shown you the best feature yet." The Czech was positively beaming at them now. He shifted his glasses nervously back onto his nose, before hitting another button on the control…and the car vanished, causing both Weir and Sheppard to let out a small gasp. "We call it 'stealth technology'." The man was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, as he happily watched the response his new creation was getting.

"McKay insisted on naming it 'StealthCar1', but…" Dr Z looked around carefully checking for any presence of his superior, "the man has no imagination." He sighed expressively, before gracing the agents with a conspiratorial wink.

Sheppard nodded in agreement with the scientist. "That man should never name anything." He then turned to Agent Weir, a wicked grin turning up the corners of his mouth. "So shall we test out our new toy?"