Hello, darling readers! Thanks to all of you who reviewed on the famed Night of Updates! I really love getting your feedback (I'm such a praise-whore, lol).
SO I've brought you another chapter! This one is kind of sad, I'll admit, but I actually really like how it turned out, even though I got depressed as I wrote it, haha.
Now go read it! I think you'll like it. And then when you're done reading it, review and tell me your thoughts!
Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, it wouldn't be cancelled and I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, now, would I?
(A/N): Snow Patrol is my fave band right now, so that's why I've enlisted their wonderful songs to help me tell me story again. :-D check out their new album, "Eyes Open", as well as "Final Straw" (my two faves of their albums), because they are both awesome and you will instantly fall in love with their music like I did. :-D
This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time
-Chocolate, Snow Patrol
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask for the final time, stopping any forward motion by putting my hand on Jinx's shoulder. "It's not too late to go home."
She stares at the door for a moment, allowing me to slow her down before turning to face me.
With a sigh and a look of sad determination, she nods.
"Yeah. I do. Well, I don't want to," she says, as if part of her is trying to talk her out of doing this, and the other part is telling her to see it through. Finally she makes up her mind, and her face returns to its solemn, forced calm. "But I have to. I need the closure."
And, just like that, I back off the argument. She's right; she needs to do this. If she ever wants to move on, to continue on the right path, she needs to do this. Who am I to tell her no?
The security guards at either side of us nod and push open the door, guns ready.
"Remember, don't do anything to upset the rest of them. They get pretty rowdy when they see capes walking around," the armed guard to my left reminds us as he walks solemnly through door, leading us through the main entrance of the Star City Penitentiary.
Jinx nods as we skip security and pass straight through to the many halls and doors leading towards the cell block. The third of three doors and holding areas opens, and as soon as we step into the hall of cells, I see Jinx shudder. She crosses her arms over her chest as we walk through it, as if preparing to protect herself.
So instead, I reach up and unwind her arms, taking her hand in mind and squeezing it comfortingly. Jinx puts her every effort into flashing me a smile, but there's no hiding the worry and apprehension in her bright pink eyes. This place holds the worst memories of her life.
"You okay?" I whisper, making my voice only audible to her amidst the calls and jeers of the inmates, all of them here for life.
She gulps and nods, but walks on with determination, keeping her gaze focused on the door at the end of the hall, refusing the inmates the satisfaction of knowing she is nervous.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," she says with a well-faked confidence. She squeezes my hand back and I know through that special bond of ours that she can handle this.
The inmates decidedly quiet down as we walk by, having realized that neither of us are afraid of them. The intimidation gone, we are able to make it to the end of the hall without many disturbances. Once we reach the end, the guy on my left advances to the special door, pulls off his glove, and sticks his fingers into the print taker, meanwhile staring into retinal scanner. Once he's passed both exams, a small keyboard with only numbers emerges from the wall, and he punches in his own code, forcing the door to open with a click.
His partner, who is standing behind us with his gun raised pokes me in the back to get me moving. On a normal day, I'd stare him down for that, as I don't like to be poked, but I instead save my energy for Jinx. She's going to need all the confidence she can get.
"They're right through here. I'll escort you in," the guard in front of us says, holding the massively heavy door (which, unsurprisingly, leads to another heavy door) open for the rest of us.
"No, thanks, I'd like to be alone with them, if you don't mind," Jinx says in a calm voice that I'm sure she had difficulty mastering. The guards look unconvinced and are just about to talk her out of it when I cut in.
"Gents," I say in my smoothest, respect-my-authority-'cause-I'm-a-Titan-(and more importantly, friends with Raven) voice. "As long as they're behind bars we'll be perfectly fine."
The one behind me flashes the other a complex look, and they both heave sighs. "Alright. But we'll be watching from the balcony. General policy," they explain.
"Thanks," I tell them, and they turn up to a small, kind of unnoticeable flight of stairs just to our right.
They disappear up them and reappear moments later, looking through what I'm going to assume is a very thick, bulletproof plexi-glass window.
Just as I'm about to lead Jinx into the smaller, better-lit, Extra-Super-Maximum Security cell block that was opened to accommodate the Penitentiary's newest inmates, she turns to me, her hand still in mine.
"Actually, Kid Flash, I really meant it when I said that I need to do this alone," she says gently. "Not that I don't want you there!" Jinx reassures me upon seeing the crestfallen look on my adorable face, "It's just something that I have to do on my own."
I'm…not sure that I'm comfortable enough with this to let her go through with it without me there, but again, it's her choice. So instead of being the overprotective boyfriend that I really want to be right now, I refrain and let her kiss me on the cheek and squeeze my hand.
"Alright," I tell her. Even I can hear the skepticism in my voice. "But if they try anything, I'm beating their asses into submission, okay?"
"By all means," Jinx smiles and nods, then kisses me again, deeper and longer, as if this will be the last time she'll be able to do it in a while. "Thanks," she says, and she pushes open the next set of doors that lead into the main room as I reluctantly take the same stairs as the guards and watch as Jinx, entirely unprotected and very nervous, confronts her past from a small, sheltered, safe viewing booth.
Alright. I can do this. Just…walk. Take a good step forward! There you go! Now another, and another!
I can't believe I'm doing this.
Aww, crap. I'm actually doing this.
"Hey, what are you doing here, you traitor!" comes Gizmo's annoyingly high-pitched, and slightly muffled, voice as he presses his face against the four-inch-thick plexi-glass, looking angry and betrayed as he pounds his small fists against his holding cell.
"Hey, Gizmo, I--" I begin, approaching the cell, but I'm cut off.
"Don't talk to me, you stupid little poop-sniffing, scum-sucking hypocritical fart box!" he yells back, pounding more furiously than ever but getting no where by it.
He's been stripped of all his fancy toys, and is left with nothing but his suit and goggles. All the holsters sewn into his pant legs that were used for remote controls and special wire taps are empty, and now his only companion is his over-sized head.
I take a step back; I've never seen Gizmo so angry. But then I remember that he's powerless here, and I don't mind rubbing it in his face for a while, after what he and the HIVE Five did to me in that alley before Kid Flash found me and changed my life.
"Yeah, well, I can talk all I want, and you can't do anything about it!" I snap, hoping that my voice hasn't lost its edge. "You're stuck in there!"
"So? I can still ignore you!" he retorts, but to no effect. I can almost feel the evil grin coming onto my face.
"I'd like to see you try to escape"—I drop my voice to a deadly whisper—"my singing."
A look of pure terror like I've never seen appears on Gizmo's face, and he shrinks back into his cell. "You wouldn't."
"Oh yes, I would," I respond evilly, and he covers his ears and curls up into a ball as I inhale and shut my eyes, preparing to let my vocal chords go crazy.
But before I get the chance, he stands up again and says, "Please, no! Don't! Stop it!", and I close my mouth again. Then I try to regain that sharpness he's so used to hearing from me.
"Fine," I tell him coldly. "I just came here to…finish it. I'm on the good side now," I inform him, "and I'm happy there. This friendship…the HIVE Five is done."
And with that I walk off to the next cell, where Mammoth begins to growl at me. Doesn't say anything, just growls and walks back a few steps before charging the plexi-glass, trying to break free. I can only look at him, trying to break down his cell, trying to charge me, trying to kill me for finally doing something with my life.
…And I've never felt sadder in my life than when I see the look of blind rage on his face.
It hits me right then and there. Mammoth doesn't care that I've traded sides; hell, deep down, he's probably a little, tiny bit proud of me.
No, Mammoth hates me right now because I couldn't take him with me. And as sad as that makes me, I know that his trying to be a being a hero wouldn't work out. He's got brute strength and an animal's killer instincts. Instincts that he can't rise above, that he'll never be able to master. I can imagine Wally referencing Lennie from Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men.
"Strength like his can't always be controlled," he'd tell me, "but at the same time, are you even sure he wants to control it?"
And I'd answer, "No, probably not" and be done with it.
I don't want to look at him anymore, so I keep walking, past the giant container with Billy Numerouses one through twenty-two, all lying haphazardously on the floor, snoring loudly.
I can't bring myself to smile. As much as I resent him for attacking me so willingly like he did a while back, it makes me kind of sad to see him (and his clones) cramped up like that.
So I keep walking past him, and stop in front of Kyd Wykkyyd's (or however you pronounce his name? I never understood the point of spelling a name so weirdly) holding cell.
When I first see him, he is sitting at the far right corner, his knees tucked up to his chest, his head leaning against the wall. Then with a swish of his cape, he reappears right at the other side of the glass (being unable to disappear outside of the cell), his hidden eyes definitively locked on mine, his face expressionless and blank.
We stare at each other for a few minutes, and I try to keep my thoughts straight.
I've heard countless people saying that "The eyes are the windows to your soul." And I've never really believed it until now. Maybe that's because I've never taken the time to get to know Kyd Wykkyyd, and maybe because I was always afraid to see what his eyes would tell me.
Kyd..I feel like I should be sorry, but I'm not. I'm not sorry that I turned my life around. I'm not sorry that I left you behind. I know you want what I have, that stability. But if you want it you're going to have to find it for yourself.
And the only thoughts that I can really understand to come from himcontain the only, however slight, emotion I've ever seen coming from him.
It's a simple word but it accomplishes more than any great measure of writing ever has. Alright. He doesn't resent my decision, he (although he'd never admit it) admires me for it.
And then I nod my head and teleports back to his corner as I come to the last leg of my visit.
This one is going to be hard. This is the real reason why I'm here. He's the only one who can give me that closure, but I'm not entirely sure I can do it.
Because, to be honest, he is the only real friend I had (before I met Kid Flash, that is). I know how he feels about me, how he's always felt about me, but he's never acted on it, because he also knew that I don't reciprocate those feelings. I respect him for that; most guys don't have that kind of self-control.
I come to a stop in front of his cell. He stands up and walks over to get a better view of me through the plexi-glass. I notice that his helmet's been taken away, and that his eyes are deep green in colour. He looks a little worse for the wear, but also stronger; I can only assume that he took the lead in my absence.
He looks me directly in the eye and I go light-headed for a moment. This will be harder than I thought.
"Long time, no see, Jinx," SeeMore replies, his voice tinged with a content surprise.
There's a long uncomfortable pause. I don't like uncomfortable pauses, so I look at Jinx instead, and decide that she's gotten prettier since I last saw her in France.
"So…how are you?" she asks me like she's worried I'll snap or something.
"Same as ever," I tell her honestly. Being in jail doesn't scare me anymore. I'm used to it by now. "Are you okay? Are you still…with him?" I didn't think I'd ask that, I told myself that if I ever saw her again, I wouldn't ask her that. But I can't help it.
She waits a minute and then nods her head slowly, and I feel like Kid Flash just punched me a hundred times in the stomach again. Kid Flash always wins. I hate him for winning Jinx, too.
"Oh," I say like I'm stupid or something.
"He's really a good guy, SeeMore," she insists, her voice pleading with me to understand. I get it, I really do. But I don't want to understand anymore. Why does it always have to be me who has to understand?
"I get it," I tell her. She's about to say something else, but I don't let her. "No, really, I get it."
And then she closes her mouth again and looks at me.
"They took your helmet," she says so quiet that I can barely hear her through the glass.
I nod. "Yeah. Just plain old Seymour, now. But then, that's what I've always been to you, right?" It comes out sounding meaner than I wanted it too. Jinx looks sad.
"SeeMore," she says. I look away. "SeeMore, I really am sorry. You know that, right?"
I don't want to look at her pretty face anymore. It makes me depressed.
"You don't have to be sorry," I tell her, still not looking at her. "You could come back. You can be friends with that loser and still be the old Jinx, couldn't you?"
When I look up again, she frowns. "Don't call him that, you would like him if this were a different situation," she says. "And I can't be the old me. Not anymore. Not after all you guys…the HIVE put me through. I just can't."
After all that we put her through? Is she kidding me? I've always looked out for her! She never knew it but I always told the guys to listen to her so that she wouldn't be mad at us anymore. I wanted her to be happy with us, so she would stay with me—with the HIVE Five. I knew she was meant for bigger and better stuff, but I didn't want her to go.
"But why not?" I ask her.
"Because I've finally found someone who loves me!" she almost yells. I can see a tear falling down her cheek. I wince when she says the word 'loves'. She makes it sound like Pretty Boy Kid Flash is the only one who loves her. "I've found a way to make things work for me!"
"That's not good enough!" I yell at her, but I instantly wish I hadn't. "I—" I pause for a minute and she looks at me, another tear rolling down her cheek. Then I lower my voice. "I could have made things work for you."
She wipes her eyes and shakes her head. "I wish you could, SeeMore," she says quietly, "But you know you couldn't. Only he—only Kid Flash could have helped me with that. I've never been satisfied with the HIVE, and you know that."
I nod. I do know that. But it doesn't mean that I have to be okay with it.
"I know." I wish I had my mask back. I don't want Jinx to see me cry. But because some loser guard took it from me when we were arrested in France, I don't have any powers, and I don't have anything to hide my face. But I'm stronger now, so I won't let myself cry in front of her. "I know."
"Will you ever stop hating me for that?" she asks me. She stares right at me with her pretty pink eyes, beautiful bright eyes like even I've never seen before.
I sigh. "Jinx, I could never hate you," I tell her, and I mean it. She knows I mean it, too.
"Good," she says. "Because I don't know if I could live with that."
I couldn't live with that, either.
There's a long moment of silence, where all you can hear is Mammoth banging against the walls of his cell.
Jinx breaks our gaze to look over to him and sighs sadly. She's stopped crying, but I'm worried that I might start.
"You could change," she says suddenly. She still wants us to be friends, and I do too, more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. "You could come to the good side."
"Do you remember the days when this was the good side?" I ask her, and I know that she understands what I'm talking about. She sighs again.
"Yeah. I remember that. But people change, SeeMore."
"I know that better than anyone, Jinx," I tell her. I've never seen anyone change as much as Jinx has. It makes me really sad. She was perfect just the way she was, when she was still leader of the HIVE Five.
There's another long pause, and she knows that it's time for her to go. She looks back up to the observation booth and nods to that stupid Kid Flash, who gives her a cheesy thumbs-up and then disappears in a haze of red. Dumb pretty boy. Why does he always win and I always lose?
I know I only have a minute to say it, but I don't know if I can get the words out.
"Jinx, I…" I start, but then she looks at me and I lose my nerve a little. "…you know we'll find a way to get out of here."
"I know. And you know that I'll be right here waiting to stop you when you do." It's my turn to nod.
"I'll look forward to it," I tell her, and I try my very best to smile for her, one last time.
Then that stupid, stupid Kid Flash shows up next to her and says, "Jinx, I think we'd better get going."
She looks at him and says a quiet "okay". I don't want to see it happen, but it does, even though they try to hide it. Kid Flash grabs her hand and holds it tight, like I've always wanted to do. He gets to hold her and touch her like I've always wanted to but never could. I'm allowed to hate him for it.
"Until we meet again, SeeMore," Jinx says quietly to me, and I nod my head and can feel my eyes starting to tear up.
Say it now, SeeMore! My instinct tells me, but I just can't. Not while that dumb little Pretty Boy is holding her hand, is holding the hand that should be in mine.
She turns and leaves, with Kid Flash walking away with her. But I pound on the glass a little, only so that Kid Flash can hear me, and he stops. Jinx doesn't notice and keeps walking past the other cells and towards the door.
I know I'll always hate myself for doing this, for admitting this. Kid Flash stands on the other side of the glass, looking me right in the eyes, and I notice how good-looking he is, how powerful he is, how great he is, how much he really loves her. It's not fair, but I have to do it anyway.
"Take care of her for me," I whisper through the glass so Jinx won't hear. She hates people worrying about her.
And then Kid Flash does something that makes me hate him even more. He nods his head with all that stupid red hair, still looking me right in the eyes, and says all nice and sincere, "I promise."
Kid Flash promised a villain a favor. That he can even do something like that makes me hate him even more.
Then we look at each other for a second longer, and he goes to catch up with Jinx, taking hold of her hand again and wrapping one arm around her shoulder. I watch them walk away, and once they're out of sight, I let myself crawl back into the corner of my cell and cry.
I love you, Jinx, was what I wanted to say to her. But I couldn't. Because she loves Kid Flash. It's not fair. Why can't it ever be me? Why can't I ever win?
…Because I love her enough to let her go. And maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to deal with that one day.
I remember once when we first met at the HIVE Academy. She went out to the soccer field when no one was around and just lay down in the middle of it, thinking. I was just walking around the campus when I saw her, and I didn't know her that well, but I had a class with her, so I asked if I could sit down with her and she said okay. And we talked for a while about homework and our professors and classes and our powers, and I asked her a question.
"If you could see anything in the world, what would you do?" I asked her, because I wondered what other people would do if they had my powers.
Then she thought about it for a minute, still looking straight up at the sky, and said, "I'd learn to close my eyes."
So that's what I do. I close my eyes, and as I do, a bunch of quiet tears keep falling down my cheeks, even though I promised myself they wouldn't.
Oh, tear...lol. I must admit I got very sad when I wrote this, and believe it or not, this is the first and final draft! Im so proud. lol. did you like it? i thought that it'd be nice to see a different side of SeeMore, and here's my take on that. i worried some that it was kind of OC and corny, but who knows? Because we never saw much of SeeMore at all, who knows what he's like? This is how I think he is, and if you disagree, then you disagree. this ficlet would have probably been waaaaay better had we gotten to know SeeMore some more before the show was cancelled, so I would have a better insight, but oh well. Just another reason to blame Cartoon Network, lol.
So now review and tell me what you thought! Constructive crits are always appreciated. Next chapter coming soon!
With infinite fondness and cherry pies,
Cara the SuperDuperHulaHooper