Dib coughed up some dirt and dusted off his overcoat. "Shut up Zim. All you did was beat me at dodgeball."
"Hey, Zim beat Dib," a random kid yelled.
"Let's all laugh at Dib for being such a crazy looser!" someone else yelled.
There was a chorus of "yeah!" in agreement and every kid in Dib's class and a few who weren't began to jeer and tease him. They insulted his head, his lunch, his glasses, and just about everything else they could think of. Zim stood there looking confident and gloating and Dib took the abuse from his peers. Thankfully the bell rang a few minutes later and the children abandoned the jeering to run to class.
Zim doubled his pace to catch up with Dib. "So, pathetic huuuu-man, how does it feel to be bested in your pathetic earth sport by me, the almighty Zim?"
"Dude," Dib said with a sigh. "It's just a game."
"A GAME?" Zim asked in an outrageously loud voice so that several people turned, startled to look at them. "This was no mere game, stink-face," Zim said, grinning horribly. "This was another battle in which I ZIIIM! Came forth victorious. You just don't want to admit it, that's all."
"Uh huh," Dib said slowly. "Because dodgeball is the most hardcore of battle grounds. Nothing says 'ultimate defeat' like getting whacked in the head with a foam ball."
"Well, it is a rather large head," Zim told him, narrowing his eyes. "Thusly, it makes for a good target."
"I was being sarcastic," Dib told him. "Besides, when you can best me when it matters and take over the world, then I'll admit defeat."
Zim snorted. "The time will be near when I take over your pathetic earth and claim it for the almighty Irken empire."
"And until then we have a geometry test in room 307," Dib said with snort. "Oh, and, I'm still taller then you," he laughed and ducked down the hall before Zim could smack him over the head with something.
"HEY! THAT WAS LOW YOU STUPID WORM BABY!" Zim yelled after Dib who was still cackling as he ran to his locker. Several students turned to gaze at Zim who was seething at Dib and mumble about his strange use of insults. Zim blinked and turned towards them, holding up his hands in a non-threatening gesture. "I umm… well… I'm normal," he said with a forced grin. "Yeup, totally normal. Just like you," he laughed nervously.
The students shrugged and went back to their mad rush to whatever class they had next. If he claimed he was normal, well… who was to judge?
Zim gave a sigh of relief and undid his locker combination to retrieve his next class' books. They were near the end of their second year of high school. It had been years since Zim had come to the planet and he was no closer to taking it over then he had been on day one. To make matters worse, Dib and everyone else had grown taller while he remained roughly the height of a twelve year old. While Dib was nearing six feet, he remained at about four feet, ten inches in height. This was demeaning because not only was he short, but he was older then any human in the school. By Earth years AND Irken years. Dib was now sixteen years old, which made him nineteen in Irken years and roughly 197 and a half in Earth years. But oh no, Dib had to go and grow taller then him. The jerk.
The bell rang for the next class and Zim squeaked as he shut the door on his hand in panic. The geometry teacher was not known for being kind to latecomers and he had already pushed her buttons earlier that week for ranting loudly in class about how normal he was. He reached the interior of the class just as the bell finished ringing and he gave a small sigh of relief. His reign of doom would have to wait until after he showed up Dib in Geometry, again.
"We are the Vertians!" a loud voice proclaimed. "We come from the planet of Verti and we are an almighty race of conquerors!"
Robin looked at the large, purple skinned man in front of him. He was tall, possibly about seven feet, and he had on think armor and wore several guns and what he guessed were weapons around his waist. His eyes were small, yellow and piggy looking in his large face and he wore a permanent sneer that showed ivory colored teeth. As frightening as he looked, this wasn't what raised Robin's blood pressure to critical, it was the giant armada of space ships behind him.
Robin gritted his teeth and fought to remain calm. "Earth is a backwater planet in the middle of nowhere. Not only that but we're under several peace contracts and allied with larger planets. You won't gain anything but a headache from trying to conquer Earth."
The Vertian's sneer grew larger and what sounded like a chuckle came up from his throat. "You belittle me, child," he said dangerously. "We do not care about such trivial things as promises and pieces of paper that mean nothing. We will take over this planet and we will do it because we want to."
"Is there anything we can do to resolve this matter peacefully?" a troubled Starfire asked. She floated up next to Robin and looked at the large screen that the Vertian's head was currently plastered on.
There was a full blown laugh that sounded like a dog dying. "Peace?" he asked. "One does not ask the almighty Warlord Jenjiba for peace! You get down on your knees and beg for mercy like the little flies you are and I may ponder your fate for a few seconds before I lay waste to this terrible eyesore."
"Listen, Warlord Jenjiba…" Robin started but the alien on the screen was interrupted by a scout of some kind coming up to him and handing him a piece of paper and saying something softly.
Jenjiba's eyes lit up as he read the paper and his sneer vanished. He looked eager, in a terrifying way as his eyes skimmed over the report that was handed to him. "Well, well, well…" he murmured. "Perhaps… perhaps I will consider relinquishing your planet for the time being IF you agree to do something for me first."
Robin's eyes narrowed. He knew what to expect from his type. A Warlord never gave up so easily, not unless something big was going on. "What?" he asked suspiciously.
"Have you heard of the Irken Empire?" Jenjiba asked simply.
"No…" Robin said slowly. "I…"
"I have," Starfire cut him off. The Titans turned to look at her and was shocked to see her shaking in anger. "They are the race of conquerors that strive to take over the universe by destroying entire planets and doing absolutely nothing with them except making them into parking structure planets are they not?"
"Well then, there is someone on your pathetic planet who knows a bit. That is correct girl, and they are our mortal enemies," Jenjiba stroked his chin. "It appears that there is an Irken Invader on your planet. We have just intercepted a message from him to his leaders. Undoubtedly he had the latest Irken technology and would be able to detect our ships coming into the atmosphere in a second but if you caught this Invader and brought him to us, I give you my word as a conqueror that we will leave your planet alone."
"What do you want with him?" Cyborg asked.
"Irkens are cyborgs, dependent on the technology on their backs to keep them alive. If I had an Irken I could use that technology to figure out their weaknesses and maybe a way to destroy them. They are powerful creatures though, so they are not to be taken lightly," Jenjiba nodded. "I am a tactician, I figure out the path that gives me the most and I feel that the chance of destroying the Irken Empire would be more profitable then taking over your planet. I am a ruthless warrior but I am no liar and I have my pride. Do we have a deal?" his yellow eyes narrowed.
Robin held up his hand. "This is an interplanetary thing…" he started.
"Robin, dude!" Beastboy protested. "What are you doing? He's got a freaking army ready to destroy our planet!"
"I believe we should take his offer as well," Starfire said coolly.
"I vote to stay out of it," Cyborg said quickly. "We have no business messing around in other races' business."
"I agree with Cyborg," Raven said quietly. "The less we get involved in interplanetary dealings the better."
Robin frowned. "It appears my team is at an impasse. Can I respectfully ask for a day or two to think it over before we get into something so big?"
Jenjiba grinned. "You are a polite little brat," he said, showing his large teeth. "Very well, young warrior. Since you apparently have more manners then the rest of your race combined, I will give you the time you request. However, at the end of two days, I will require an answer."
"Thank you," Robin said stiffly and the screen went blank. He turned to Starfire and frowned. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.
"Our planet and our neighboring planet have both had Irken invaders land on it. We managed to oust him but our neighbors didn't fare so well. They were destroyed and wiped out before we could send help," Starfire hissed. "They are ruthless cyborgs with no emotion and built for war. I rarely wish the demise of a race, but if I were to ever feel such a hatred, this would be it."
"Star, that guy's not much better," Cyborg pointed out calmly.
"I know," Starfire sighed. "But I believe that the Irkens are worse."
"How about we find this Irken and find out for ourselves," Raven suggested.
"Good idea. We can all decide for ourselves and see if it's bad enough to do this. I don't want to jump into an inter-galaxy war so quickly just yet," Robin said, rubbing the back of his head.
"I agree," Starfire said quietly. "I am sorry that I said such terrible things. I was just upset."
Robin put a hand on her shoulder in an effort to cheer her up. "Hey, it's all right. Everyone can be upset for some reason or another." Starfire gave Robin a wan smile in return for his efforts.
"So, let's go find this terrible person and see what we've got here," Cyborg suggested.
"And that's when I threw the chicken," Zim finished. "But then Dib-stink-face had to come and RUIN my AWESOME plan of DOOOOM by unplugging my power source!" Zim took in several deep breaths. He gazed up at the screen where two incredibly bored looking Tallest were zoning out. "My Tallest?" he asked.
A small dribble of drool fell out of Tallest Purple's mouth.
"My taaaallleesssttt…" Zim sang. Neither one said anything so Zim tried again. "My Tallest? My TALLEST! MY TAAAALLLEEESSSTT!" he yelled. "MY…" he began but Tallest Red snapped out of his stupor.
"Oh, oh, Zim?" he asked dazedly and brought his wits about him. He elbowed Purple who looked just about ready to slip into a coma.
"Yes. So, that's how my almost PERFECT incredibly awesome plan of DOOOM almost happened but not really," Zim said proudly. "So?"
"That was…" Red said slowly. "Ummm… different. Did the explanation really have to take 4 hours though? I mean," he laughed, "I was trying to see if you would stop for breath but it seems that I lost count of the time."
"Well, it was incredibly cool. I can see why the time would fly by so quickly," Zim said in a pseudo-modest voice.
"We're ummm…" Red tried to think of an excuse.
"We don't like you Zim!" Purple yelled. "Stop calling!" and the screen went blank.
Zim stood there for a few minutes, unblinking and then smiled. "Well, that went well. Perhaps my next plan will show them how incredibly awesome I can be and prove to them that I am capable of taking over this PATHETIC dirtball of a planet. Think they were impressed?" he asked the house computer.
"Sure," the computer answered, giving the answer he knew his master wanted to hear. Even if he said no, Zim would pretend he heard it as 'yes' so why even bother?
Zim glowed with pleasure and stepped away from the monitors. "Very well then. Computer, take me to the top floor."
A disc formed under Zim's feet and transported him to the top floor of the house where Gir and Minimoose were waiting expectantly. Zim raised a non existent eyebrow at the two robots. "What?" he asked.
"Candy!" Gir screamed.
"What?" Zim asked.
"I wants the candeh!" Gir squealed. "Please?"
"No," Zim said flatly.
"Awwww…" Gir pouted for one second before looking back up at Zim. "Please?"
"No," Zim told him again. "We're not getting candy."
"Awww, but mastah, I wants the candeh. It tastes goooooood…" Gir gave Zim a silly grin.
"Gir, candy is off limits until I get the Voot Cruiser fixed. Last time I gave you chocolate you went nuts and ran into the control panel and made us crash. IT WAS ANNOYING!" Zim yelled at Gir in an overly exaggerated way.
Gir merely blinked once then grinned again. "CANDEH!"
Zim sighed, then he got a brilliant idea. Although, all of his ideas were brilliant, but this one was amazingly brilliant. "If I get you candy, and tell you to stay up here while I fix the Voot cruiser, do you promise to stay up here?"
Gir looked around. "Wha?"
"Gir, listen to ME! YOUR MASTER!" Zim yelled. "Will you stay." He said slowly. "Up, here! If I go get you candy."
Gir seemed to ponder this decision very thoughtfully for all of two seconds before nodding his head quickly. "Okay!" he agreed.
"Fine then, get into your costume Gir and we'll go get candy," Zim sighed and trotted over to put on his own disguise.
"Well, it's reported that there's an alien in this town," Robin said. "I'm not sure how accurate these claims are, but it's something at least."
"Claims by who?" Cyborg asked.
"A kid, who has appeared in several places claiming that another kid is an alien," Robin replied.
"Maybe he's just crazy," Beast Boy suggested.
"Maybe," Robin agreed. "But we need a starting place."
Then, right in front of them as if in a badly timed fanfic, Zim came out of the candy shop across the street with an upright walking Gir and a floating, purple Minimoose over his head.
"No way…" Cyborg said slowly.
"Dude, who is he kidding with a disguise like that!" Beast Boy asked. "He's green!"
"Last time I checked, so were you," Raven said pointedly.
"Well ummm… he has no ears!" Beast Boy said, pointing to his own and wiggling them. "And he's got a floating moose!"
"Well… he certainly not normal," Robin said slowly. "Let's check this out from afar for now."
Starfire nodded. "Yes, it would be unwise to jump into something so rashly. If he is an Irken then we need to be careful, if he is not then we can not make any false accusations."
"Exactly," Robin said. "For now, let's use a bug and see what we can find out."
"Way ahead of ya," Cyborg said with a grin and fired a tiny bug that landed on Minimoose's butt. Cyborg winced and sighed. "Oh well," he said.
"Now?" Gir asked.
"No," Zim hissed. "Wait until we get back to the house. Human dogs don't eat chocolate!"
Cyborg's eyebrows shot up. "I think we have our guy. And dog's don't walk on two legs either," he muttered.
"Awww…" Gir sounded forlorn. He even waited a whole five seconds before asking, "Now?"
"No, Gir…" Zim said in an obviously annoyed voice.
Gir was silent for possibly twenty seconds. "Now?"
"GIR!" Zim barked.
There was a short paused. "Weeelllll?" Gir asked.
"No. Not. Until. We. Get. Home. Understand?" Zim asked.
"Yeup!" Gir said happily. Half a block later, "Now?"
Cyborg started to laugh as Zim's frustrated yell could be heard thanks to the bug. "This is the terrifying guy that's part of an emotionless, demonic race of cyborgs bent on taking over the universe?" he asked dubiously.
Starfire frowned. "He's not acting like any Irken I've seen," she said softly. "Maybe he isn't the right person."
"Nnnnooowwww?" Gir asked.
"Gir! I said you could have candy when we get home so you're out of my way while I repair the Voot cruiser so I can take over this sad little planet. I did not say you could annoy me about it every step we take until we get to the house. Now shut up!" Zim yelled.
Gir continued to skip along with a vacant expression. "Mastah?" he asked.
"What, Gir?" Zim asked, his nerves obviously fraying.
"Now?" Gir asked.
"I hate you," Zim said with relish. "I really do."
"Yaaaay!" Gir cheered.
At this point, both Cyborg and Beast Boy were rolling on the ground in laughter at the silly Gir and Raven was beginning to get a headache. Robin was trying his best to not be amused by the comedic antics of the two and Starfire was just puzzled.
"I do not understand," she said softly. "How…"
Robin shook his head, trying in vain to hide his grin. "I don't know, Star. Let's wait a but more before passing judgement."
Hi peoples brave enough to come in and read this. This is the result of eating looooots of mini recees peanut butter cups at 1 am. Anywho, I quickly discovered that writing for both shows requires two different writing styles, so this fic is going to be one hell of an adventure. But, eh, it seems interesting enough. Oh and BTW, Zim gets no magical revelation in this fic. He is a bad guy, he stays evil. He realized a few things yes, but for the most part at the end I very much intend to have him stay a self procclaimed bad guy with evil plans.