-1Disclaimer and WARNING: NO OWN INUYASHA & CO. This is just my own attempt at humor…I expect few of you to do more than snicker occasionally. This is pretty much for my own entertainment. XD The rating is for non-descriptive innuendo and blatant references.
A/N: This is my attempt at curing my writers block which has been plaguing me in the writing of 'His Past, Her Present, Their Future.' So, to try and alleviate the annoying pause in my creativity, I started thinking of this last night. XD
Just a one-shot to entertain myself, and there will probably be a second one at some point….as this will not be able to cover ALL the plot bunnies most of us are so used to. THAT IS NOT TO INSULT ANYONE! I use some of these, and actually find myself enjoying some stories that include a NUMBER of these…its just the ones that have NO redeeming originality and terrible grammar to boot that I writhe in anguish over.
Anyway, enjoy Katie's twisted humor. ;) (( )) real notes from me…
EDIT: Stupid FF and MM don't allow brackets OR asteriks…the punks. So in my first upload, this was horrifying looking. Made it all more clear with - - s to show action.
Also, ( ) is just me poking fun at authors, (( )) is me REALLY talking. And 'Keelahlah' was a purposeful misspelling. :P
When Plot Bunnies…ATTACK!
KAGOME: InuYasha and Kikyou were talking about a plot to kill me and having sex in the forest! OMG! WHY! I mean, until this point in the series, about episode 70 or so, he has a hard time even hugging someone, but now this! AHH! -stumbling along, towards the bone-eaters well-
(()&$$)(&$ THIS IS A SCENE CHANGE! BECAUSE I, THE AUTHOR, FIND YOU TO BE TOO STUPID TO BE ABLE TO JUST READ AND BE ABLE TO TELL BY MY WRITING THAT THIS IS NO LONGER IN THE SAME PLACE, SO THEREFORE I MUST INFORM YOU OF EVERY CHANGE AND LABEL IT SPECIFICALLY! $#r#)
SESSHOUMARU: -somewhere nearby- Hmm, I smell something…that smells like sakura blossoms and jasmine and tiger lily and roses and honeysuckle and gardenia and hydrangeas and daffodils and violets and sunflowers and moonflowers and those little white flowers that grow in clovers and…-inhales to catch his breath- Now I must see where it came from!
& ANOTHER SCENE CHANGE, NOW KAGOME AGAIN IN THE FOREST NEARBY TO SEXXOUMARU'S TEH HOTNESS! (&(&
KAGOME: Wahh! Stupid InuYasha, why? Because I love him, and now I am the most suicidal depressed emo person of them all! I will just go home! Or try to kill him, because suddenly I am nowhere near as loyal as I was before and will believe instantly anything I see! Or maybe I'll just go off on my own, though since this all takes place only so far as the author has seen on Cartoon Network I am still an annoying weak little girl with a slight ability to aim! -wails some more, still running in the right direction, surprisingly-
-Sesshoumaru appears and the two stand staring at one another for several minutes, while we hear their thoughts that include physical attractions between the two and wondering why they couldn't stop staring-
KAGOME: AHH! Sesshoumaru! Damn!
SESSOUMARU: Wench of InuYasha!
KAGOME: Hey! Don't call me that, you stupid pompous jerk!
SESSHOUMARU: I will not kill you for that because I find you attractive…I mean, filthy human!
KAGOME: Hey, you're hot, wanna make out?
SESSHOUMARU: Yeah, alright.
-makeout session between the two-
SESSHOUMARU: HEY! You are disgusting, why would I kiss you? (Now I, the author, insert myself pointlessly to giggle)
KAGOME: Yeah, and I'm supposed to be heartbroken! Double damn!
SESSHOUMARU: I should kill you…but I will not. Instead, I will take you to my castle where you will take care of my ward Rin and teach her to read and write, because I have been spying on you for months now and am secretly obsessed and know you can read and write! I mean, filthy human scum!
KAGOME: Ahh! I am helpless!
SESSHOUMARU: I know.
KAGOME: Triple damn! Please, I would rather die, or something similar because InuYasha is an ass!
SESSHOUMARU: -thinking- Hmm…now I feel I must take care of her! -out loud- You will come with me! -hoists her over his shoulder and flys into the sky, 10 minutes away to his castle-
)($(( SCENE CHANGE AGAIN, STUPID $&()$&&
KAGOME: I now awaken in a room I've never seen, but wow is it perfect and beautiful! And there's a little girl! Cute!
RIN: You're Rin's new mom, right?
KAGOME: I'm only 15 years old and have never met you before, but sure!
-the two dally and go pick flowers, then Sesshoumaru shows up-
KAGOME: Uhh…you have pretty hair.
SESSHOUMARU: Yes, yes I do.
KAGOME: I still love InuYasha, I think? I am doubting myself while in your speldorific presence.
SESSHOUMARU: Then I shall make you forget him!
-both suddenly appear in his bedroom, major making out occurs-
KAGOME: But you hate humans!
SESSHOUMARU: No, not anymore!
SESSHOUMARU: Uhh…no reason other than you're here!
-sex scene here, in which Kagome had multiple orgasms ((Am I the only girl who can't have them so close together and needs a break in between? Sheesh!)) and in the end they climax together as Sesshoumaru inexplicably bites Kagome!-
KAGOME: -after, while resting- Oh, crap, you bit me!
SESSHOUMARU: That means you are my mate forever! Now you will live as long as I, and perhaps even turn into a demon yourself!
KAGOME: Uhh…then why is it so wrong for a human and a demon to be together?
SESSHOUMARU: Hell if I know.
KAGOME: But yay!
(#()&() ANOTHER SCENE CHANGE ()&$(&$
SHIPPOU: I MISS MY MOTHER, even though since this is only in the middle of the series, I've only known her a few months, our relationship is hardly evolved, and I have never called her as such, I miss her!
MIROKU: -cops another feel- But Sango, I love you!
KEELALAH (another insertion by the author in order to ask if I have spelled this correctly, since I have never used the internet in my life to look up the information I seek, though I obviously have it since I post this story online!): Mew.
INUYASHA: Kee…whatever her name is, is right! We have to go save her! Because I was under a spell by Kikyou and now I must go back to Kagome! Because I am actually in love with her!
MIROKU: Yes. -cops a feel, gets hit- We shall go!
()#&(#()& SCEEEENNNNEEEE CHANGERRRRR (&(&$)&
()&&(& OMG BACK TO THE BUNNIES…I MEAN COUPLE! &()&()&
KAGOME: -just done having more sex- Wow.
KAGOME: We need to defeat Naraku, because he is evil!
KAGOME: Wow, this is the most insightful and deep conversation I've had in my life, and coupled with having sex with you, I think I must be in love! Screw InuYasha, though I thought I loved him yesterday, now I no longer do!
SESSHOUMARU: Yeah! Me too! Suddenly, I am full of emotion and love and chatter, and want nothing more than to prance you around! Because…I can!
KAGOME: Sure! Hey, let me restore your arm, though I am hardly powerful enough to shoot arrows!
SESSHOUMARU: Sweet! Go for it!
KAGOME: -light show, concentration- Yay! I did it!
SESSHOUMARU: Good, now lets have sex again.
)(&$()&&$ SCENE CHANGERRRR #()IR#(R&(#&R
KIKYOU: How did InuYasha escape my secret hold over him!
NARAKU: I don't know, but lets have sex…because their doing it! -points at Kanna's mirror-
KIKYOU: Yeah, sure.
!)!((!&( OMG, GUESS! ()&(&(&
-Inu-Tachi arrives at Sesshoumaru's castle-
INUYASHA: LET KAGOME GO, BASTARD!
INUYASHA: Why, you!
-obligatory fight scene here-
SANGO: I missed you, Kagome!
KAGOME: Me too!
-hugging and tearful reunion takes place until Kagome gets annoyed with the fighting brothers-
KAGOME: InuYasha…spaghetti. ((If you know where I got that from…then you rock. XD Props goes to he who makes those.))
INUYASHA: But wait…why!
KAGOME: Because you and Kikyou want to kill me! And I love Sesshoumaru!
INUYASHA: But I was under a spell!
KAGOME: Really? That's great! Now I don't hate you!
INUYASHA: Yeah, yay!
RANDOM PERSON: (who is not the author in coolness personification, and not a blatant self-insert, no sirrie) Hey.
INUYASHA: OMG…I am in love! Nevermind that I could never give up on Kikyou while I was with Kagome…now I will make commitment to this person I just saw!
-they embrace after exchanging names and discovering mutual attraction…which means they're in love-
KAGOME: We all must fight Naraku together!
SESSHOUMARU: Yes. But first…
-training montage, leading to sexual tension between the two and more lemons-
$$ SCENE CHANGER YET AGAIN )&)(&)&
-group is walking through the forest-
KAGOME: -insert random Japanese sentence, terribly translated because I, the author, got it from another fanfic, who got it from a cheesy online instant translator!-
SHIPPOU: Mama, you smell funny.
INUYASHA: Yeah, you do!
-light show, bright, wow, yippee…-
-light fades to show Kagome all demon like….which means her boobs are bigger, she's taller, and likely has streaks in her hair-
KAGOME: Wow…I am the legendary/prophesized/forgotten/last-of-my-kind InuYoukai-miko-tenchi-kami! I was in danger so I was sent to my time, which isn't my time!
NARAKU: Kukuku, I will kill you now.
KAGOME: No you wont! -light show, Naraku is instantly defeated-
ALL: HOORAH! Now lets all go with out convenient partners and make BABIES!
Or IS IT!
So concludes my wonderful time killer. No, it wasn't funny, but it served its purpose. XD
Next time: A wish on the jewel and children!
EDIT REMARKS: Thank you for all my reviews so far, and I will, in the next couple of weeks, make a second one.. I am glad my humor was not imited to me, after all. beams