Title: Needs and Wants
Author: Lady Remus (formerly known as ecco1983)
Pairings: Remus Lupin/Harry Potter
Summary: Harry is coming to terms with Sirius' death and Remus is there to help.
Warnings: homosexual activity PLEASE READ AND TAKE NOTE: Harry is 16- in England (where the Harry Potter series is set) 16 is the age of sexual consent so in England, this is not underage sex. However, if 16 is underage where you are living and you are uncomfortable with underage sex, then please don't read.
Disclaimer: The original characters come from the mind of J K Rowling. I don't own them and I'm certainly not making any profit from this.
Notes: The main body of the story was influenced by a piece of art And the last part with Harry finding himself in bed with Remus was influenced byanother piece of art
Dedication:To my friend, Joshua who took the time and trouble to beat this. Thanks babes!
Review: Yes please
Sirius is dead .
As Harry tossed and turned in his bed, the same thought swam around his head. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. And it's all your... Harry pulled the pillow over his head, trying to block out the tormenting voice screaming in his brain. Ever since he had left Hogwarts for the summer holidays, the memories of that terrible night had haunted him.
His friends, Hermione and Ron, had spent time with him in Grimmauld Place trying to talk some sense into him, but their efforts were in vain. Eventually, he had shouted at them both and they had finally given up.
"Piss off, will you? JUST… PISS… OFF!" Harry had screamed.
Ron and Hermione had held onto each other and cowered in fear in the corner as Harry had angrily smashed items, broken glass dancing on the floor. As he stood there amongst the mess he had created, he saw Hermione in tears, holding onto Ron as tight as she could, and Ron had held her back in comfort and fear.
"I don't need you anymore. Just GO AWAY!"
Still holding onto each other, his friends had scampered from the room and immediately began to pack. Later, Harry had sat at the top of the stairs and watched as Remus Lupin had held them before they left the house. He could still hear what Remus had told them.
"Please help him," Hermione had said whilst holding onto Remus. "We can't cope anymore."
Remus replied, "It's okay, I understand. I'll do my best, I promise."
And then, after one final hug, Ron and Hermione had left Grimmauld Place. After he had shut the door, Remus had stared at him in silence. Harry stared back at him, feeling nothing other than anger and apathy. After what seemed to be an eternity, Remus had shook his head sadly and made his way into the kitchen.
It had not been Harry's best birthday. He was sixteen today, and in one day, he had lost the two best friends he had ever made. But in that moment, he did not care about anyone in that moment. He just wanted to be alone. And now Harry was alone. Well almost. Remus was now in the room next to his own and was probably sleeping safe and sound.
Of course he would be Harry thought. After all, he acts like he has not got a care in the world. He doesn't care that Sirius is dead. Shows what a friend he was.
Harry sat up violently, blocking his ears with his hands, trying vigorously to shut out the thoughts in his head. As he opened his eyes, he saw the framed picture standing on his bedside table. It was a photo of Sirius that Harry had taken when he had visited Grimmauld Place the previous Christmas. Sirius was smiling genuinely and it was staring at that, that cheeky and heart-warming smile, that only made the angry thoughts scream louder in his head.
Sirius is dead! Sirius is DEAD! SIRIUS IS DEAD AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
"NOOOOOO!" Harry screamed with all the anger and hate built up inside him. He picked up the picture and threw it across the room, watching as it collided with the stone fireplace and clattered to the ground, the glass still intact. Harry leapt out of bed and went over to the fireplace and picked up a nearly rusty fire poker. With the poker in his hands, he hit the picture glass again and again until he crushed the glass into incredibly small pieces. At the last, he threw his own spectacles to the ground and smashed them repeatedly with the poker.
When there was nothing left to smash, he dropped the poker and moved across to the end of his bed, ignoring the broken pieces of glass that he stepped on. Exhausted and drained, he collapsed to the ground and stared at the broken glass that shone with the glowing fire in the fireplace. He watched the fire dance before him. Too tired to fight anymore, he finally succumbed to his thoughts.
Sirius was dead and it WAS all his fault! Why did he have to be so stupid and be taken in by Voldemort's tricks? If he had not been so quick and thoughtless, Sirius would still be here and Harry would not be so alone anymore. Why did he let himself do something so reckless and stupid? Why? Why? Why? And with that question ringing in his head, he began to cry.
Remus' dark and dreamless sleep was interrupted by the sound of broken glass. He could hear the repeated sounds of breaking glass coming from the next room and he immediately became concerned for Harry. He threw on his worn out dressing gown and picked up his wand. He ran out of the room and hurried down to Harry's room. He frantically opened the door and immediately gasped at what he saw: Harry curled up in a ball, shaking and crying.
"Harry?" he whispered. He moved slowly towards his ex-student until he was so close he could see the mess that Harry had made. His heart became heavy and close to breaking as the glass in the flames shone into his eyes. He stepped over Harry and knelt down beside him. "Harry?"
Harry turned over at the sound of his name and his body tensed up. Remus sighed and kept his patience. He knew he had to keep calm in this situation.
He put the wand in his gown pocket and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Please talk to me. You know you can always talk to me."
Harry mumbled, "Leave me alone."
Remus sighed, "Harry, don't do this."
Harry's voice became bitter. "Well, how do you expect me to act? Make a song and dance over Sirius' grave?" He added with a scoff. "If he was buried, that is. But he's not. HE'S GONE! As if he wasn't even here."
Remus closed his eyes and kept to a cool manner. "Harry, there's nothing wrong with mourning, but this is not the way to do it."
Harry laughed sarcastically, "And what would you know? You walk around as if it never happened, without a care in the world or as if you don't feel pain or sorrow. And you were supposed to be his best friend. Ha! Some friend!"
Remus roughly grabbed hold of Harry's shoulder and threw his back to the floor. Harry tried to move away, but Remus sat on his chest and grabbed hold of his wrists. Harry tried to fight back, but he was overpowered. He never realised how strong Remus was.
"Let me go!" Harry shouted.
"NO!" Remus screamed so loud that Harry blinked in shock. He had never seen this mild-mannered man so angry before, and he was suddenly afraid. "Now you listen! Don't you ever, EVER say that I know nothing about pain. I feel pain every single month when I transform into a werewolf. Also, you forget that I lost James and Lily to Voldemort, and then I lost my friend Peter when I thought that Sirius had killed him. In one night--ONE FUCKING NIGHT--my whole world shattered. And now I have lost my best friend all over again. So don't you dare assume that I don't care or feel pain because I do!
There was a long and tense silence in the air. Remus remained on Harry's chest, and he still held onto his wrists. Eventually, his breathing returned to normal and the only sounds in the room were that of fire dancing on wood.
Still gazing up at Remus' eyes full of sadness, Harry spoke. "You have a funny way of showing it." His voice was calm but it still showed bitterness.
"That's because I'm older than you. Over the years, I have been able to control my grief and hurt. In that one night I lost everything that meant anything to me, and I had to learn to cope with my anger and grief alone." He let go of Harry's wrists and watched as his wrists relaxed on his chest. Remus expected the young man to try and fight back, but instead, he was submissive and listened to every word that Remus said with tears in his eyes. The lycanthrope reached out to stroke Harry's cheek. "I know exactly what you're going through. You don't have to fight this on your own. Let me help you."
It was then that Harry finally broke. He burst into tears and covered his face to hide the shame. Remus slowly got off his chest and sat beside Harry. With one leg bent and resting on the floor, Remus gently gathered Harry in his arms and brought him close to his chest. Remus used his other leg to rest against Harry's back for support. Harry held onto Remus' tattered dressing gown and buried his head in his chest, which was lined with soft brown hair, and sobbed his heart out, all the sadness, anger and guilt from the past few weeks.
"That's it." Remus encouraged softly, "Let it all out."
Harry sobbed, "I don't understand. Why are you standing by me, being so kind after the way I have been?"
"It doesn't matter."
"But I've been so mean! Even to my two best friends."
Remus cradled Harry in his arms, "They'll be okay. They'll forgive you. They care about you. They just couldn't cope. They didn't know how to reach you. They just couldn't understand what you were going through."
"But why are you standing me after what I did? After I killed Sirius?"
Remus soothed, "Oh, you didn't kill Sirius."
"Yes I did!" Harry screamed, looking into Remus' eyes. "If I hadn't been so stupid and reckless, he would still be here. Don't you understand? I KILLED HIM!"
Remus held Harry tighter, feeling a tiny amount of relief. He realised what had just happened. Harry had opened his heart and revealed the source of his anger and sorrow. A barrier had been broken, and now Remus was at the core of the young man's troubles.
Remus took hold of Harry's chin and stared into those all-too familiar eyes. The eyes of Lily. He said softly, "You didn't kill Sirius."
Remus insisted, "No. It was not your fault. Voldemort knew and exploited your weaknesses. He knew you would do anything for Sirius."
"Listen to me. Do you really think that once we found out that you were in trouble that Sirius would not act as rashly as you did? He thought the world of you, Harry, and he has gladly risked his life to help you over the last two years."
"But why? Why would he take such a risk? He should have stayed here."
Remus sighed, "Harry, there's something you should know. Sirius was very depressed. He was full of life when he first left Azkaban and you believed he was innocent. It made him happy and gave him hope. But, over this past year, he was deeply depressed. He tried his hardest to hide it from everyone. Hell, I only found out the truth when he confessed it to me the night before he died. When he found out you were in trouble, the thought of going out there and risking it all for you brought some life back into him. If I knew Sirius as much as I should, he would have wanted to die in a blaze of glory, because he believed he would never get pardoned."
"What?" Harry was finding it hard to take this all in.
"He thought he would have to be in hiding all his life. He would rather have died doing something rather than waiting in the shadows. I also know that he could not have people to be sad. And that is why I seem like I'm not in grief. I am grieving every day for him, but I know he would not want you or me to be wallowing in self-pity. He would want you to move on and not let his death be in vain."
"But he should be here. He should be pardoned and free. It's not fair."
"Life isn't fair, Harry, but it is when unfair things happen to us and those around us that we appreciate what we've got."
There was another silence as they held onto each other. Harry had stopped crying now, but he still held onto Remus' nightgown and cuddled close to him. Remus was exhausted from being waken in the middle of the night, but his mental energy was now drained.
But it was worth it, He thought. It was all worth it if it helps Harry become a stronger person.
He looked over his shoulder and saw the shattered picture. He looked beyond the broken glass and saw Sirius' now sad and hurt face.
Harry looked up into Remus' direction. With fresh tears in his eyes, he whispered, "What have I done?"
Remus smiled at Harry. "Nothing that a bit of magic can't fix."
"I'm so sorry."
"It's alright, Harry."
Harry sighed, "So what happens now?"
"Well, first, I'm going to put you into bed, and then I'll fix up this mess here. And in the morning, I suggest you write a letter to Ron and Hermione saying that you are sorry, and that you will see them again soon. And then I'm going to help you through this. For the next few weeks, it's just going to be you and me. But first, it's time for bed."
Harry cuddled against the lycanthrope tighter and whimpered, "Please don't leave me tonight."
Remus looked at the vulnerable young man and he suddenly felt nervous, "Harry, I…"
Harry looked up at his former teacher and put a finger to his lips. He gazed at his face which looked as worn as his dressing gown. He remembered the first time he had seen that face--a time that had seemed to be a long time ago. He remembered how close he had been to his teacher, so close that Harry had developed a teenage crush on the older man, a crush that had never died. Remus had been more than just his favourite Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher--he had become a friend that he could count on.
Feeling an erection in his trousers, Harry stroked Remus' lips gently. "Please don't leave me tonight. I need you here with me."
Remus took hold of Harry's hand and moved it away from his lips. He stared into Harry's eyes that were full of need. He could feel the young man's erection resting against his chest.
This is wrong, Remus thought. This is wrong.
And yet he lowered his hand to Harry's pyjama bottom and began to stroke his hard cock though the fabric. Harry gasped and began to writhe in Remus' arms as they stared into each other's eyes. The werewolf pulled down the pyjama bottoms until Harry's cock was free from the fabric. As he wrapped his hand around Harry's erection, Remus placed one hand lovingly on Harry's soft bottom. The older man did not know whether this was right or not, but as he gazed at Harry's exposed and beautiful body and at his green eyes full of need, he realised that he did not care. This felt right, and as he felt his own cock become hard, he also knew that they both needed each other.
As he fondled Harry's bottom, he began to rub his cock with his long and slender fingers. Harry thrashed at the soft and arousing touching whilst keeping a fixed gaze on Remus' soulful eyes. He gasped and moaned as he clenched the gown tighter. Hearing Harry moan at his touch aroused Remus even more, and he succumbed to the moment. He covered Harry's mouth with his own and kissed him passionately. Harry returned the kiss with as much passion and need as the werewolf's. The young man moaned and his body tensed up sexually as Remus rubbed his cock faster and harder. Remus raised his free hand to his mouth and licked his longest finger. He slowly inserted into Harry's anus. The young man screamed at the invasion, but he did not want Remus to stop. He needed pleasure, and he wanted the older man to give it to him.
As the lycanthrope impaled Harry's anus, he brushed against his prostrate, and Harry screamed passionately as the sensations flowed through his body. "Yes! Oh god, yes! More!" Feeling the young man in his arms becoming very sexually tensed, Remus continued to tease Harry's spot again and again. He stopped rubbing Harry's cock, and the young man would have moaned at the loss if he was not being constantly excited by the stimulation he was receiving in his bottom.
Harry released his grip on Remus' nightgown and fell, his body arched backwards, enjoying the feelings that were flowing through him. Staring at the young, soft and slightly toned body exposed to him, Remus leaned forward and lapped at Harry's erect nipples. As he struggled more, the werewolf removed his finger from Harry's anus. The young man responded with a pining moan.
"Relax," Remus whispered, "It's going to get better."
He cupped Harry's balls and began to stroke them with his thumb. He raised his other hand and licked two of his fingers. He reached down to the young man's bottom and began to stroke the rim of his anus. As Harry gasped at the arousing touch, Remus slid his two wet fingers inside him and began to stroke his prostrate.
"Oh yes! That's soooooo good!" Harry cried out.
Remus began to scissor his fingers inside Harry, who almost screamed at the feeling of his muscles being stretched.
"Oh yes!" he screamed, "Yes! Yes!"
Remus whispered as he licked Harry's hot chest. "You want more?"
"Your cock…" Harry pleaded, "I want your cock inside me…please."
Hearing his ex-student plead for more brought Remus' cock to full attention. He removed his fingers from Harry's bottom and stood up with the young man in his surprisingly strong arms. He moved over to the bed, carefully stepping over the broken glass, and placed Harry on the bed. As he gently placed Harry's head on the soft pillow, the young man reached up and tried to pull down the nightgown from Remus' shoulders.
The werewolf chuckled and stroked Harry's messy hair. "A little impatient, aren't we?"
He stood upright and removed the gown from his shoulders, feeling a cool breeze brush over his hot and slightly sweaty skin. He removed his sleeping shorts and climbed into the bed. He climbed on top of Harry and began to worship his body with his hands and tongue. He touched Harry all over whilst kissing and licking his face. He could hear Harry moan as their erections rubbed together, the friction almost causing the student to come.
Remus knelt up on the bed and gently turned Harry over and placed a pillow under the young man's aching erection. He spread Harry's bottom cheeks and licked around his virginal entrance. Harry moaned, gripping the bed sheets under him. Remus reached over the bed and picked up his nightgown. He removed his wand from the pocket and held it over his erection. He whispered a few words as the wand hovered over his cock. Instantly, it was lubricated. Dropping the wand on top of his gown, he began to stroke Harry's spine, and he smiled as the young moaned and shivered at the touch.
Remus whispered, "Are you sure this is what you want? If you don't, we can stop now."
Harry shook his head, "I want this. I want you inside me…please."
The werewolf gently spread Harry's bottom cheeks and entered him very slowly. Harry immediately screamed as he felt his virginity being taken in one slow thrust.
"Shhhh, baby." Remus soothed, "Relax. The pain will not last long."
And he was right. As Remus leaned forward and began to kiss the back of the young man's neck, the pain around Harry's anus passed quickly, and he could only feel Remus' long and thick cock fill him.
"Oh yes…that's nice." Harry moaned.
Remus took hold of Harry's hips and began to move slowly inside Harry, taking in the heat and tightness of his anus. His thrusts were at first slow and gentle, enjoying Harry's tightness gripping his rock hard erection. He soothed the young man by gently kissing and licking the back of Harry's neck and in time, Harry became accustomed to the invasion inside him. The young man began to thrust his bottom back onto Remus' cock.
"More…I want more…please."
At the sound of Harry's pleading, Remus gripped onto the young man's hips harder and began to move faster and harder inside him until the room was full of loud moans and passionate screams. Harry gripped the sheets tighter, feeling the intense pleasure and pain from the invasion of Remus' cock in him, as well as his trapped cock that was unable to come.
Harry reached over to grab his trapped erection, but Remus grabbed his wrist and pinned it onto the bed along with his other wrist.
"No, no, no." Remus teased, "You're not going to come yet."
Harry began to scream louder from his growing need to come and this aroused Remus more. He began to drive into Harry hard until both of their bodies were sexually tensed. And yet neither of them wanted it to stop--the tension was delicious. When Remus could no longer deny his own need to climax, he reached under Harry and rubbed the tip of his cock as fast and as hard as he was fucking the young man.
After a few hard strokes, Harry came on the pillow with a loud moan and relaxed his body. As he saw stars in front of him, his body contracted from his orgasm which sent Remus over the edge. The werewolf came inside Harry with an animalistic scream and he collapsed onto Harry's back.
They lay in silence, feeling the warmth the sex had brought onto them. Neither of them had no idea how long they lay there, and they also did not know what to say. Eventually, Remus began to kiss the back of Harry's neck and down his spine, licking up the sweat. He carefully stood up from the bed and picked up his wand. Harry watched as Remus picked up the broken picture and whispered a charm and the picture was normal. Remus gazed at the picture and fingered the glass watching as Sirius' sad face returned to normal and he was now smiling the all too-familiar cheeky smile.
Remus whispered, "I'll look after him. I promise."
He replaced the poker into its rightful place. He knelt down by Harry's broken spectacles, and after a few whispered words, the glasses were fixed again. He picked up the spectacles and placed them on the bedside table along with the picture. He looked at Harry and smiled softly at him. He knelt down and stroked his messy hair.
He asked, "Are you alright?"
Harry nodded with a smile, "I'm sorry about earlier."
Remus stroked Harry's hair gently, "I told you. It's okay."
Harry sat up and threw the stained pillow off the bed. He held out his arms, and Remus immediately accepted the warm welcome and held onto Harry. They kissed each other, and they did not care when Remus pinned Harry onto the bed and their erections had returned.
Harry woke up the next morning feeling warm, sweaty and sticky. As his brain woke up, he began to remember the day before: screaming at Ron and Hermione to go away, the guilt of Sirius' death overcoming him, the fight with Remus and then consenting for Remus to take his virginity. They had sex twice before they fell asleep in each other's arms.
Harry watched his sleeping ex-teacher and brushed some of the messy fringe from the older man's face. He had no idea what made him let Remus take his virginity, but he did not care. After all, his crush on the older man had never faded, and he had always been close to the werewolf. Other than Sirius, he had seen Remus as a link to his past.
He had no idea what would develop from last night, or if anything would develop. All that mattered was that that Remus was by his side and always would be there to help him with his grief. He had a feeling that with Remus' help, he will become a stronger person in the end. He assumed his sleeping position, making spoons with the older man, and wrapped one of Remus' arms around himself. As he closed his eyes to sleep a little longer, he held onto Remus and nuzzled against him, feeling safe and at peace. And for the first time in what seemed to be a long time, he smiled.