Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or Naruto but I wished I did...

Full summary: AU Why can't Uchiha Sasuke just ask Haruno Sakura to be his girlfriend normally? Oh yeah, maybe it's because he's the hottest, arrogant, perverted playboy and jerk on the universe! SasuSaku NaruHina ShikaIno NejiTen


xx...jEaLoUsy iS a nuIsaNce...xx


The mall:

''Omg Neji-kun!'' screamed Sakura as she swiftly rushed towards her unconscious boyfriend. They were in the mall and Neji didn't want to be spotted in the dress department so he waited outside.

NO way was the great Hyuuga Neji going into a dress store...

He should've gone...

''Speak to me Neji-kun!'' yelled Sakura who was now trying to slap him awake.

''It's no use he won't wake up for a day or two'' said a new voice.

Sakura whipped around to meet the biggest, hottest, perverted playboy on the universe...Uchiha Sasuke.

(Cue fan girl screams)

''What happened to him!'' screamed Sakura pointing at Neji who was being stepped on by various people walking by.

''He got hit several times with a broom by a shopkeeper because he stole some doughnuts'' said Sasuke calmly.

''I told Neji to eat before we came but NOOOOOOOOO!'' said Sakura rolling her eyes.

''So what are you going to do now?'' inquired Sasuke curiously.

''I have no idea...'' responded Sakura lamely. The pink-haired girl sighed inwardly and gave Sasuke a creepy, suspicious glare. ''Hey, where's that creepy girlfriend of yours? You know...the fan girl?'' asked Sakura while trying to lift Neji up.

''She's not my girlfriend...I'm currently single'' he mumbled.

''Yeah right! Next you're going to say I'm pretty...'' said Sakura sarcastically.

''I do think you're pretty...'' began Sasuke.

Sakura lifted an elegant brow, confused at his statement.

''Pretty ugly.'' he finished with his trademark smirk.

''I AM NOT UGLY YOU PLAYER!'' screamed Sakura pointing a threatening finger at the smirking Uchiha.

''Calm down...you're not that ugly. That girl you mentioned earlier was just another idiotic fan girl. I told her I'd be her boyfriend so she'd leave me alone'' snapped Sasuke as he casually slipped his hands into his pockets and sneered.

''Let me guess you're dumping her today'' said Sakura.

''You catch on quick'' he muttered.

''You know...I don't get you! You date a girl and then you dump them like they're garbage! Don't you even care about their feelings? You probably dumped what, 10000 girls in one day! Did you actually even have a serious relationship?'' asked Sakura out of breath.

''No, who cares about their feelings and you dated a lot of guys!'' countered Sasuke arrogantly.

''That's because they mysteriously get knocked out like Neji-kun whenever I'm not around! Sometimes I think someone kicked their butts and threaten them to dump me or something it's not my fault!''

SILENCE

''How did she know that?'' thought Sasuke freaked out at her speech.

''Inconsiderate jerk'' whispered Sakura under her breath.

''Loser'' muttered the Uchiha.

''WHAT DID YOU SAY?'' they both screamed at the same time.

''SHUT UP!'' screamed the Doughnut guy appearing out of no where with a broom.

''Hey Doughnut dude! You knocked out my boyfriend! Now who's going to say I look pretty and comfort me when I trip over nothing?'' screamed Sakura pointing at Neji.

''I never knocked him out! If I saw a guy as ugly as him I would've remembered!'' screamed the man waving his deadly broom in the air frantically.

''Don't you dare call Neji-kun ugly!'' yelled Sakura dragging Neji out of the mall by his foot.

''I like this Doughnut guy, he thinks just like me! He just called Neji ugly...Wait, Neji's hot? In what reality?'' asked Sasuke smirking teasingly at the enraged Sakura.

''Jerks! I'll sue you one day Doughnut man! We will meet again!'' screamed Sakura shaking an angry fist.

''Miss I'm over here'' exclaimed the man. Sakura abruptly turned around and blushed from embarrassment and shame.

''Sorry about that...I need more practice...'' she mumbled. Sasuke sighed; exhilarated as he watched the pink-haired girl drag Neji across the mall unaware that he was being stepped on.

''Haruno!'' called Sasuke. ''I'll help you with Hyuuga but ONLY because he's my rival and I'm doing this out of pity'' he said calmly, avoiding her as she approached.

''Thanks Sasuke'' she whispered softly. She flashed him one of her best smiles which would make any guy faint. Sasuke promptly turned around so she couldn't see his expression.

''Come on I don't have all day'' he grunted as he started walking to the parking lot.


Parking lot:

''Okay just a little farther!'' said Sakura struggling. ''Man, Neji you need to lose some weight!'' whispered Sakura to herself as she dropped Neji beside Sasuke's car, exhausted.

''Okay get into the car I'll take it from here'' said Sasuke monotonously.

''Sure'' said Sakura panting, as she got into the front seat of his car. Sakura heard a ''thump'' and watched as Sasuke sat down in the driver's seat beside her.

''Um Sasuke, where's Neji?'' asked Sakura confused since he wasn't in the back seat.

''In the trunk'' he answered as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

''But he'll suffocate!'' screamed Sakura.

''The trunk's open''

''But the police will get us!'' screamed Sakura pulling her hair in frustration.

''Hn'' replied Sasuke as he started the car.

''Help I'm sitting beside a maniac!'' screamed Sakura pounding furiously on the window. Sasuke rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed as he countinued driving.


Outside Sakura's house:

''Thanks Sasuke...I don't know why the police didn't arrest us for leaving the trunk open though...'' said Sakura. She stared from Sasuke's expressionless face to the trunk of his car.

''Um…Sasuke the trunk is closed...'' said Sakura.

''Yeah, I just closed it'' said Sasuke monotonously.

''Oh...'' Sakura didn't want to question him anymore because she knew he wouldn't answer. ''Hope Neji-kun doesn't suffocate in there…Oh well, not my problem!'' thought Sakura happily. ''Well good night, thanks again! I think...'' mummbled Sakura nervously before entering her house.

When Sasuke heard the door close behind her he smirked.

''Night'' he whispered. He then got back into his car and drove off...

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In a mysterious place:

Whatever happened to Neji?

The following will answer you're question...

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In Sasuke's car...

''Heh, I never said which trunk I put Hyuuga in'' thought Sasuke evilly, smirking inwardly.

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In a mysterious place:

Poor Neji...who was the unlucky stranger?

Naruto.

What did Naruto do when he found Neji's body in his open trunk?

Nothing. He didn't even notice...

What happened to Naruto when the police noticed a body in his open trunk?

They didn't care because they were busy eating doughnuts…

Will Sakura ever sue the doughnut man?

Maybe, once she gets a lawyer.

What happened to Neji in the end?

Who knows.

Yes, that is the story behind the great Hyuuga Neji…

What if it was Shikamaru?

Tune in next time and find out...

(Cues dramatic music and evil laugh)

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A/N: Lol next time I'll be Shikamaru and then Gaara maybe? I got no idea...Oh well tune in next time. Be aware they're not in school anymore they're all friends out of school.