A/N: Death Eater's make me laugh. Just imagine them trapped in one room together. Oh, you can't? Let me do it for you…
Disclaimer: I own nothing... especially not Harry Potter
A Day with the Death Eaters
Severus Snape opened the door to the hideout of the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters to find the room already full of people. Wordlessly, he stepped inside and pulled off his mask, quietly surveying the people in the room. Many of the Dark Lord's followers were scattered throughout the room, doing various things.
Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange were sprawled out on the couch together, Rodolphus braiding his wife's hair and chatting to her animatedly. Severus rolled his eyes. Antonin Dolohov, accompanied by Rabastan Lestrange and Travers, were playing some video game that was hooked up to the stolen big screen television. The location, being very secret, was run off a magic generator, for the Dark Lord could not be bothered with high-maintenance things such as candles. Ergo, the place had electricity, or, at least, magical electricity that was completely untraceable and isolated.
Severus continued to look about, his hood casting a shadow over his eyes. Nobody took notice of him. Mulciber was sleeping at the end of the couch the Lestrange couple were on, his bowler pulled over his eyes. Jugson emerged from the bathroom, tightening his belt on his thin waist and heading for the food storage. Food, Severus noted bitterly, just seemed to run through the man. He was a bottomless pit of sorts. Just like Avery, who was currently watching Rabastan play Super Mario Brothers against Dolohov while Travers yelled worthless advice at them both.
And then, of course, there was the pockmarked Augustus Rockwood, who was playing a quiet game of Poker with Peter Pettigrew, who was sniveling and losing quite badly. Rookwood threw down his cards with a smug expression and Pettigrew reluctantly handed over the sack of coins. Severus had a distinct feeling that Pettigrew had been bullied into the game. Walden Macnair watched without much interest as he sharpened his giant axe on his leg. Severus eyed Rookwood through narrowed eyes, taking in his greasy appearance and sleazy behavior. Where the famous pockmarks on Augustus' face had come from, Severus didn't know. He had a feeling that those marks didn't come from acne, and he also knew asking about it might be the last thing he ever did.
The room was rather smoky, as many of the Death Eaters were known to smoke. In fact, Macnair had a cigarette dangling from his mouth as he worked and Rookwood had one idly smoking between his long fingers as he gloated over his victory.
Rodolphus looked up from his tedious work and saw Severus standing in the doorway like a shadow.
"Severus! What's the scoop?" he said loudly, and everything stopped.
Video games, card games, axe-sharpening, braiding and gloating stopped. Severus slowly pulled off his hood, confused.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Severus snapped.
"Why we're all locked up in here, of course," Rookwood said in his oily, smug voice, following his words with a shot of whiskey.
"How am I supposed to know?"
"Avery said you would –"
Everyone turned from Severus to Avery, who held up his hands defensively.
"Hey now, don't even go there," Avery said. "I just assumed he'd know because he's, well, because he's him."
All eyes went back to Severus, who looked distinctly annoyed.
"Well I don't know," Severus snapped. "Where is the Dark Lord? I wish to speak with him."
At this, Bellatrix stood, looking very dignified. Rodolphus sighed and leaned his face on his hand. Dolohov and Rabastan went back to playing Mario and Macnair put his axe down to take the cards Rookwood had begun dealing. Apparently, Bellatrix was about to deliver a spiel, something she did quite often.
"Who are we, humble followers, to ask of the Dark Lord's whereabouts?" Bellatrix said loudly, causing Mulciber to awaken abruptly. "The Dark Lord has a reason for everything. He does not need to tell us why he summons us. We have been instructed not to leave this room until he arrives, and we will not go. We need not know more until the Dark Lord chooses to release his plans."
Severus rolled his eyes, his lip curling.
"Yes, yes Bellatrix, calm yourself. I meant nothing by it," Severus said with a dismissive wave of his hand.
Rodolphus took this moment to pull Bellatrix back down on the couch and handed her a glass. She took it and drank deeply from it, then coughed.
"What is this, Roddy?" Bellatrix asked, making a face that had revulsion etched all over it.
"Sleeping drought, to make you shut up," Rodolphus replied simply, grinning.
Bellatrix opened her mouth to yell, but her eyelids fluttered and the next moment, she was asleep. Several of the Death Eaters laughed and Severus smirked appreciatively. Just then, the door opened, thrusting an unappreciative Severus into the wall, and Lucius Malfoy strode in with Draco at his heels. Lucius was carrying a large box and Draco was carrying his father's snake cane and looking distinctly irate.
"What have you got there, Lucius?" Mulciber asked, straightening his bowler and rubbing his eyes. "And what's wrong with young Malfoy here?"
"Ignore him, he's just angry because I leant out his computer," Lucius said tersely, and Draco clenched his jaw. "I was supposed to have a Starcraft competition with a certain blood-traitor today, but, considering the circumstances, I will have to have it here while we wait for the Dark Lord."
"Yes. It's a Muggle contraption. In fact, it is the only Muggle contraption worth knowing about."
"Besides a Super Nintendo," Rabastan said in a low voice, not tearing his eyes away from the screen as he competed against Dolohov.
"Yes, about that," Lucius said slowly, walking over to the nearby desk and placing the box on it.
He stepped a few paces over to the stolen television and pulled the Super Nintendo cords from the front. The screen went black and Rabastan gave a loud growl. Dolohov jumped up and grabbed Lucius by the throat.
"I was winning, you idiot!" He yelled, throttling Lucius.
Lucius grabbed his cane from his angry son and gave Dolohov a sharp rap on the head with it. Dolohov yelped and let go of Lucius, who dusted his robes off in a dignified manner.
"I need the screen," Lucius said calmly.
He pulled his wand from the cane and pointed it at the box. A computer, minus the screen, came out and assembled itself on the desk in front of the television. The wire rose up and snaked over the rug, securing itself in the wall-socket. Several other wires plugged themselves in where the Super Nintendo had been hooked up. While everybody was watching Lucius assemble the computer, a contraption none of them, minus the Malfoys, had seen before, Peter stole away from Rookwood and Macnair, who were shouting at each other. Severus leaned against the nearest wall, bored, as Draco went over and sat in the corner. For the rest of the time, Draco did not speak to anybody.
Finally, after much cursing and fiddling around, the screen came on and Lucius sat down at the desk. He began playing Starcraft against somebody with the username ArthurtheRed. Travers and Dolohov seemed to forget their anger and were shouting suggestions at Lucius, who was rather terrible at the game.
"… No, don't do that! Build a Nexus, for crying out loud!"
"Look out, he's rushing you with his Marines."
"Crush the slimy blood-traitor, why don't you?"
"I would do much better if you'd all just SHUT UP!"
Meanwhile, Macnair and Rookwood had broken into a fistfight over their card game and Rookwood was pinned against the wall by his neck by one of Macnair's massive hands. Severus did nothing, for he was merely annoyed by the waste of time. Mulciber had fallen asleep again. Rodolphus was laughing manically as Lucius' Probes were getting picked off by the opposition's Marines and SCV's. Bellatrix suddenly woke up and began yelling at Rodolphus for giving her a sleeping draught, but quickly forgot about it when he silenced her with a kiss. Jugson and Peter were having a firewhiskey-chugging contest. The last one standing would be the winner.
Soon enough, chaos was blossoming all over the room. The sounds of Avery, Lucius, Dolohov and Rabastan yelling over one another was growing louder and louder. Mulciber awoke yet again and told off Rodolphus and Bellatrix for being publicly affectionate in front of him. Rookwood received a crotch-full of Macnair's knee and bit his attacker hard in the hand before falling to the floor in the fetal position. Peter passed out and Jugson began doing a very drunken victory dance. He slipped sideways and crashed into the desk, knocking over the computer and ruining Lucius' game. The four gamers attacked him at once. Draco got up and disappeared into the kitchen, walking by the hulking mass of Macnair, who was cradling a bloody hand while Rookwood stood and put a hot cigarette on Macnair's neck.
Suddenly the door flew open, smashing into Severus for the second time and knocking his breath out. He crawled out from behind the door, rubbing his hooked nose in agitation, and opened his mouth to yell at the person in the doorway. He instantly bit back his comment, however, when he saw that it was the Dark Lord himself.
The reaction was instant. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stood to acknowledge their leader.
"My Lord, what has caused your delay?" Bellatrix asked, dropping to her knees and crawling across the floor to kiss the hem of Voldemort's robes.
"A false alarm," Voldemort said curtly. "I was suspicious of a conspiracy with Order spies, but it turned out to be a mere misunderstanding. A mere misunderstanding involving…"
Voldemort reached into his cloak and pulled out a pair of graying underpants. Severus recoiled and paled. Those underpants were far too familiar…
A/N: Sorry for the randomness, but I had to work in the old underpants in there somewhere. Oh yes, and I also apologize for cutting out a handful of other DE's; I couldn't fit them in.