A/N: I am bored. 'Nuff said.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, would these cracked stories be on FANFICTION right now? xP

Summary: 'Okay Sasuke, I'm going to teach you everything I know about girls.'

The Talk
Part One

Sasuke couldn't sleep. Why?

Because he couldn't help but feel a wee bit uncomfortable. Why?

Because there was something on top of him, and it was rather heavy. I wonder what it could be, hm?

Opening his eyes, he was met with blue azure eyes staring back at him.

Oh, it was just the boogie man sexually harassing him. He closed his eyes again.

...Wait, since when did the boogie man have blue eyes? And since when did he believe in the boogie man?

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!"

BAM!

"Geez, Sasuke, hit a guy for trying to wake you up!"

POW!

"Dobe! It's three in the morning!"

He blinked. "Really? I could've sworn it was seven a.m." He gasped dramatically. "He lied to me!"

"What?"

"The goldfish!"

Sasuke stared at him.

"I know! Isn't it unbelievable! I always thought goldfish told the truth."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!"

"Why was I here again? Oh yea! Do you have ramen?"

A vein popped. "You woke me up, sexually harassing me, in three in the morning for something as stupid as filling your overly fat stomach?"

"Hey! I resent that! The window hit my ass, making me fall on you, okay!"

He really needed to remember to lock that window.

"AND I"M NOT FAT!" Slow, ne?

"You really are...an idiot."

Instead of throwing an insult, Naruto broke out in a grin. A very creepy grin at that. Hell, even Sasuke was scared.

"You like Sakura, huh?"

"What?" His face turned bright pink.

"Ha! I knew it! Hahahahahaha!"

"…"

"You want to confess your love to her."

"…"

"And then marry her."

"…"

"And get it on with her."

WAM!

Ignoring the brain cell damage to his head, he put an arm around Sasuke's shoulder.

"So Sasuke, since you like Sakura and both of you are my best friends. I'm willing to offer my services."

He wouldn't...

"Okay, Sasuke, I'm going to teach you everything I know about girls."

Shit.


Haha! Cliffhanger! No, it's not over. The second half of the talk is the next (and last) chapter. Yay! I'll leave you in your imagination as I finish up the second chapter. -wink wink nudge nudge-

Review and tell me if this is as crazy as I think it will be.